GF dumped me, now blaming me

[TZilla11]

Last Monday I broke up with my GF of a year and a half. She suggested we take a break so she can "branch out and not be tied down" (aka be a slut), but I don't do breaks so I just ended with her on the spot. It was an amicable breakup, no fight or anything, I was very cool and calm about everything, and her last words to me were "I love you", and I said it back to her cause I meant it. She wanted to stay friends, but I refused because I'd never move on and it would only hurt more. I initiated NC right away to move on.

 

The week goes on, I'm starting to feel better about things and move on, and I get a text from her saying "hey". Figure its just a test to see if I'm true to my no friend words, so I don't respond. Two days later she sends "hey" again, and once again I ignore it.

 

Come Monday, she sends me another message saying "are you ever going to respond to my texts". I thought long and hard about not responding to it, but at the end of the day I caved in and sent her "This is what you wanted and no contact is simply how I move on". She tells me that if I truly loved her, I would've fought for her after the breakup. She said I never cared about her or loved her, that I just let her go like she was nothing. I couldn't believe she said that, I did everything for her, I tried to be the best partner I could've been and this is how she saw things? Why would I fight for someone who left me, I have some dignity and self respect.

 

I respond to her that I'm simply respecting your wishes, you wanted to be free, I will not fight against your wishes. She tells me what if I still want you, I tell her if she does then its her turn to fight. She says that she won't because I'm the one who let her go, I repeated my words again that its her turn to fight, she left me, not the other way around. She says I never loved her, and at this point I was pretty angered so I told her that she doesn't know what love is and I think those words hurt her deep down.

 

I sent her a message saying that she wanted the breakup, not me, I'm respecting her wishes and fighting for her would be demeaning to me, and also very selfish of me. She asks me should that matter if I truly love someone, and I stood my ground, I told her yes it does matter, because if theres something I walk away from this with, its going to be my own dignity, and told her that if she wants me back in her life, she's going to have to fight for it since she willingly left my life, she never responded.

 

I'm honestly in shock, those words that I never loved her hurt, I did everything for her and she throws it all away. I wanted this breakup to end amicably with no one getting hurt, and things were on the right track until Wednesday. Its as if she doesn't get the point that I'm not the one who dumped her, she dumped me, I will not fight for someone who dumped me.

 

Why is she doing this? Is it because she misses me and wants me back, and finally realizes that her actions have consequences?

[kasop]

Its a power struggle to her. She doesnt want to be the one thats dumped. I let my ex back into my life after a mutual break up and she dumped me right away. It only feeds her ego. Stick to no contact. She is the dumpee in this case and the dumpee will say anything to move you. Stand by your decision and keep to nc. Blocker her on everything if ahe wont leave you alone.

[GoBlue]

The two of you are expressing the very same need in different ways. She told you that she wanted to break-up and not be "tied down" but to still stay "friends." Your response was to go NC to "protect" your own heart because you really did care for her. After she got a taste of life without you, she reconsidered her decision and wanted to probe for a response. She needed to know that she mattered to you even if she made the decision to walk away because she really did care for you. Her way of "protecting" her own heart was to accuse you of never "having loved her." You are both doing the same exact thing in two different ways.

 

The real question is, do the two of you want to be together in a loving and committed relationship or not? If you do, and if she does, telling each other to "fight" for one another is just posturing. It's going to get you nowhere. Humble, open and honest communication is the key to real relationship. I hope both of you find what you are looking for. Blessings!

[darkmoon]

i think she must have talked to a friend who does not know your side of the story, the ensuing - if you loved me you would fight for me - melodrama tells me that, it is attention grabbing, but just walk away

[TZilla11]

The two of you are expressing the very same need in different ways. She told you that she wanted to break-up and not be "tied down" but to still stay "friends." Your response was to go NC to "protect" your own heart because you really did care for her. After she got a taste of life without you, she reconsidered her decision and wanted to probe for a response. She needed to know that she mattered to you even if she made the decision to walk away because she really did care for you. Her way of "protecting" her own heart was to accuse you of never "having loved her." You are both doing the same exact thing in two different ways.

 

The real question is, do the two of you want to be together in a loving and committed relationship or not? If you do, and if she does, telling each other to "fight" for one another is just posturing. It's going to get you nowhere. Humble, open and honest communication is the key to real relationship. I hope both of you find what you are looking for. Blessings!

 

I do still want her, but I have a big ego and refuse to fight for her considering shes the one who broke up with me. She'd have all the power in the relationship, and I can't live with myself knowing that I lost my dignity.

[StrangerThanFiction]

The bottom line is that she left you to go see what else was out there and didn't find anything "better". Her wanting to remain friends after the BU was so she could keep you on the backburner for this exact scenario. Her turning it all around and trying to say that you didn't love her enough to fight to stay in the relationship is a bunch of manipulative BS she's the one who obviously didn't "love you enough" to stay with you instead of wanting to go out and play the field. You deserve someone who wants to be with you instead of someone that appears to be on the lookout for what she considers an upgrade. Huge kudos to you for sticking to your guns and principles by not letting her silly guilt trip change your stance. Mad props, dude. That shows a lot of strength and self respect. Hold onto that. There's a woman out there who will actually deserve your effort to fight for the relationship.

[mightycpa]

Well, I guess she's not as great as you thought she was, is she?

 

You engaged far too much in this back and forth. The proper way to make your point is short and sweet, in one salvo. Something like:

 

You should have fought for me.

 

Oh yeah? That's just silly. I don't want to convince you to like me. You either want to be with me or not, but 100% of that decision has to come from you. You wanted a break? You got one. You let me know when you change your mind, and we'll see where we are then. Until that day, I need space and plenty of it.

 

Now, both of you are bogged down by pride, and that's not going to get either of you anywhere.

[SycamoreCircle]

Sticky-icky-gada-boo-boo. Who blew the true Jew through the stew?

 

Words mean nothing. Actions. What do her actions tell you? That's all you need to listen to.

 

Personally, I think if you'd broken down and started begging her not to end things, she'd be in bed with Chad Worthington right now. Chad is, of course, why all this is going down. But Chad didn't return her call yesterday, so she's going to Plan B. All the actions of an incomplete, immature, young woman who really needs to be alone and figure herself out before dragging some poor slob along in a relationship.

 

Sticky-boo-boo.

[drallafi]

Sticky-icky-gada-boo-boo. Who blew the true Jew through the stew?

 

Words mean nothing. Actions. What do her actions tell you? That's all you need to listen to.

 

Personally, I think if you'd broken down and started begging her not to end things, she'd be in bed with Chad Worthington right now. Chad is, of course, why all this is going down. But Chad didn't return her call yesterday, so she's going to Plan B. All the actions of an incomplete, immature, young woman who really needs to be alone and figure herself out before dragging some poor slob along in a relationship.

 

Sticky-boo-boo.

 

Nailed it.

 

OP, you did good.

[hunk]

OP you handled this like a boss. Delete her number, if she messages you again tell her to **** off in exactly those words. She's basically told you she wants to sleep with other people and is now spinning it on you as if you've somehow done something wrong by not talking to her. She sounds immature, idiotic and obsessed with drama. She's freaking out because she feels you're slipping out of her grasp. Cut this stupid girl out of your life, don't be afraid to be firm with her. She doesn't care about your relationship at all, this is all some ridiculous power trip for her. The sooner you forget about her the better, this is embarrassing for you. I would be laughing at her and completely messing with her if I was in your position, this is just sad.

[Haerts]

OP, you pretty much just described my current relationship. We're together, but I'm exactly like you and my boyfriend exactly like your girlfriend. I'm sure if I tried to break up with him right now, he would beg me to stay, doesn't matter what the reasons are. However, if he ever break up with me, I'm definitely not going to do that; and it's not because I don't love him, but rather 'cause I refuse to fight for someone who's giving up on me and it doesn't matter who they are (friend, family member, w/e).

 

Don't look back, stick to no contact and carry on. You want to go back to your relationship and she probably does too, after realizing the world without you sucks. I kinda agree with GoBlue on this; both saying that one needs to fight for the other won't get you anywhere. Love shouldn't be a game. On another note, I think it's above that; I think it's about how she didn't care about your feelings when she went ahead and did that. I think it's about how immature and dramatic she's showing you she is. I think it's about realizing that you definitely need someone better.

[DexterLS]

Kudos to you, my man.

 

I wish I was as strong as you and had a little self-respect not to "fight" for my cheating ex. Seriously, one of the biggest mistakes of my life but then, it was my first breakup.

 

[Starks]

that "you shoulda fought for me" **** makes me sick. You're trying to respect a grown ass human beings decision and in Return you get that horse ****. Not to mention that if you DO "fight for her" you'll be laughed at for being a stalker and not taking a hint.

 

 

Walk away from this insecure drama queen.

[sandylee1]

Her ego can't get over the fact that you didn't grovel. Well done you.

 

Block her number. You don't need her immature nonsense. She looked for better, but she got zilch. Don't engage in further conversation with her.

 

I like you wil never beg anyone if they dump me. I will not be placed on the subs bench in case a player gets injured. Stick with your principles. Begging comes over as needy and weak. Most women don't like weak men. You suddenly became so much more attractive to her by holding your head up.

 

She probably feels like a fool for dumping you.

[Chi townD]

Dude, this chick is delusional. This isn't a romance novel or the Notebook. This is life! And in life, hard decisions are made that have hard consequences. She's just making excuses to try and put the blame on you for the demise of the relationship. You never loved me, you didn't even try to fight for me...blah...blah...me...me..me...

 

 

 

 

Dude, you see it and I see it. Stick to NC and you'll be okay.

Edited May 29, 2015 by Chi townD

[lolablue17]

Yes, maybe she wants you back, No maybe she's not, yes\no\yes\no....maybe!

 

But one thing for sure - She wants to hurt you bad. She suggested the break, maybe as her way to communicate. You took it to a place she may haven't meant.

 

Then you did the most disgusting selfish ugly thing you could have done - You've moved on. You weren't devastated, you weren't broken... Can you understand how hurtful this is?

 

So now she is determined to fix the problem by making you miserable. If you want her to be happy, you must have lots of tears, you must come to her and beg, you must agree to be humiliated to watch her hanging with other guys... Then she will be happy.

[TZilla11]

She messaged me again today saying "I want to go on vacation with you". A little back story to this - prior to breakup, we were supposed to go to the Dominican Republic for a week next month, but clearly those plans fell through once we broke up.

 

I simply responded "No, thats not a good idea right now", she said "If you really insist", to which I responded "Right now I do" and haven't said anything since.

 

So weird.

[Kevin_D]

I think you should stop responding to her messages. Trust me, she knows that she can get you back if she really wants to. Why? Because you hinted that you might take her back if she fights for you.

 

But does she fight for you? Nope. She doesn't want you back, at least not at the moment. She's scared of losing you completely. She wants you as a safety net.

 

I realise that this is very hard to understand at the moment. I was in your shoes myself and I'm still hurting. But think of it this way... Have you ever had a female friend who flirted with you and you couldn't care less... Until she fell in love with another dude and stopped flirting with you?

 

I've experienced this myself. It's funny, because I really wanted my friend to be happy. But yet I sometimes did those silly little tests to see if she still cared about me.

 

You need to realise that this is all about her. Every time you respond, you're basically saying "Please come up with another offer". She's still controlling you.

[bubbaganoosh]

She messaged me again today saying "I want to go on vacation with you". A little back story to this - prior to breakup, we were supposed to go to the Dominican Republic for a week next month, but clearly those plans fell through once we broke up.

 

I simply responded "No, thats not a good idea right now", she said "If you really insist", to which I responded "Right now I do" and haven't said anything since.

 

So weird.

 

Best thing to do is stop with the phone calls and texts. When she brought up the vacation you should have said that you were taking Mona "The Big Boobs" Shlabotnik with you.

 

Seriously the more you talk the more she's going to get under your skin and the harder it will be to move on. Stop responding to her.

[lolablue17]

She messaged me again today saying "I want to go on vacation with you". A little back story to this - prior to breakup, we were supposed to go to the Dominican Republic for a week next month, but clearly those plans fell through once we broke up.

 

I simply responded "No, thats not a good idea right now", she said "If you really insist", to which I responded "Right now I do" and haven't said anything since.

 

So weird.

 

Just remember that: You hurt her ego. She might really fight for you, and convince you that she really really regrets (I'm sure she does).

 

But the minute you say yes, you are again in her hands. Its a 50\50 gamble. I've experiences both cases. Few that dumped me, they wanted to get back just to dump me again very soon. And one who broke up with me, regretted the next day, and we are happily married now. :)

[TZilla11]

Just remember that: You hurt her ego. She might really fight for you, and convince you that she really really regrets (I'm sure she does).

 

But the minute you say yes, you are again in her hands. Its a 50\50 gamble. I've experiences both cases. Few that dumped me, they wanted to get back just to dump me again very soon. And one who broke up with me, regretted the next day, and we are happily married now. :)

 

The thing is that I really do want her back and I know she wants me back, but I want her to fight for me some more. My ego gets in the way of all this **** but I know it's the right course of action. I just really miss her and want her back again

[joseb]

The thing is that I really do want her back and I know she wants me back, but I want her to fight for me some more. My ego gets in the way of all this **** but I know it's the right course of action. I just really miss her and want her back again

 

"The week goes on, I'm starting to feel better about things and move on, and I get a text from her saying "hey"."

 

Are you really sure you want her back? Sounded like you were doing great pretty quickly when she was NC.

 

You need to stop this "fight for me" nonsense.

 

You have two choices - go NC, and stop responding to her texts. And move on.

Or meet up, have a heart to heart, explaining why you want to be with her, and let her tell you why she wants to be with you (or not). Unless you feel convinced by her then, then you need to say goodbye for good.

[lolablue17]

The thing is that I really do want her back and I know she wants me back, but I want her to fight for me some more. My ego gets in the way of all this **** but I know it's the right course of action. I just really miss her and want her back again

 

Why originally did she want the "space"?

[TZilla11]

Why originally did she want the "space"?

 

It was very out of the blue, just said "I need a break", I straight up asked her if she found someone else or cheated, she swore she didn't, but its not like she'd tell me anyway.

 

I told her I don't do breaks, theres no such thing, and said its over. She tells me that she feels she cant stay "locked in" and wants to be an "independent free spirit".

 

But break 99% of the time means theres someone else, just the fact that she wants me back after 1 week tells me that maybe it wasn't someone else, cause how could someone workout or not workout in just a week?

[Ruby65]

But break 99% of the time means theres someone else, just the fact that she wants me back after 1 week tells me that maybe it wasn't someone else, cause how could someone workout or not workout in just a week?

 

I agree.

 

Honestly reading your OP reminded me a lot of a phase I went through in my early 20's after 1-1/2 years with my then-boyfriend. I think it's possible she's just reacting to the waning of the Honeymoon Phase and looking for a way to re-ignite those early-infatuation feelings for you.

 

I think she wants to miss you.

 

I could be wrong, but that was my take on it. I don't think she really wants to break up, I think she's trying to create some drama/passion/romance with a breakup-makeup.