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Been together 3 years im 25 she's 22. Ok so a few weeks ago my gf and I broke up/ took a break. I made it clear I just had issues I wanted to figure out before we moved in together and wasn't giving up on us. We talked for a couple days and went no contact for little over a week. When I contacted her to meet I sent flowers and a letter. She agreed to meet up the next day. That day came and she backed out saying she wasn't ready and needed time to work on herself and what makes her happy. She is now moving 3 hours away to be closer to her brother and go to a new school because she flunked out. And she will let me know about us after she is settled. She says we can still talk as friends but is very distant. If I bring up us she gets mad and says we can't be friends if I keep it up. Best part is her parents/mom want her to talk to me they've messaged me trying to help. Seems like she acts the same towards them and they don't understand either, it's just not like her. I can't take it much longer I love her and want to start a life with her but idk how to fix it if we can't talk. It's currently been a day with no contact she said she'd text me if she had time so I'm gonna wait another day then send a message letting her know "I love her and don't want to push her away, ill be here when you are ready to talk, until then ill leave you alone. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused I never meant for it to go like this. I'll be here until you find what you're looking for". I just don't know what to do anymore the more I try the worse it gets. Any insight is appreciated

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I guess the only thing you can do right now is respect her decision and let her do her own thing.

 

I think it's a good idea to let her know your feelings towards her but obviously, do not pressure her for any decision before she goes. I have had to learn that the hard way!

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PegNosePete

Sorry to say, it seems like her decision is made. If she wanted to be in a relationship with you then she would have said so. She doesn't, but doesn't have the guts to say that plainly or is worried about hurting you, so she's doing this "friends" thing to try to soften the blow. Which, as you're finding out, doesn't help you in the slightest because it simply leaves you in limbo.

 

I would tell her that because of your feelings it is too painful to be friends with her, and then give her time to make her decision. If you haven't heard for a week, time to move on.

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Can I ask what the issues were that you felt needed to be worked out before you moved in together? And did she know/understand what they were?

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Been together 3 years im 25 she's 22. Ok so a few weeks ago my gf and I broke up/ took a break. I made it clear I just had issues I wanted to figure out before we moved in together and wasn't giving up on us. We talked for a couple days and went no contact for little over a week. When I contacted her to meet I sent flowers and a letter. She agreed to meet up the next day. That day came and she backed out saying she wasn't ready and needed time to work on herself and what makes her happy. She is now moving 3 hours away to be closer to her brother and go to a new school because she flunked out. And she will let me know about us after she is settled. She says we can still talk as friends but is very distant. If I bring up us she gets mad and says we can't be friends if I keep it up. Best part is her parents/mom want her to talk to me they've messaged me trying to help. Seems like she acts the same towards them and they don't understand either, it's just not like her. I can't take it much longer I love her and want to start a life with her but idk how to fix it if we can't talk. It's currently been a day with no contact she said she'd text me if she had time so I'm gonna wait another day then send a message letting her know "I love her and don't want to push her away, ill be here when you are ready to talk, until then ill leave you alone. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused I never meant for it to go like this. I'll be here until you find what you're looking for". I just don't know what to do anymore the more I try the worse it gets. Any insight is appreciated

 

 

You are being really pushy and definitely pressuring her a lot. Sending her that message would only "pressure" her and annoy her. She knows your intentions and heart so I don't think mentioning any of that in your message would make her feel any different nor would it do you any good. I know what you're trying to do, you're trying to get a good response from her and/or hoping she'll realize she wants you back etc.. but the fact is she has already decided that right now she doesn't want to be together with you.

 

 

If you keep talking and speaking things that remind her about the old relationship, she's going to get angry and annoyed. Best thing to do is if you talk to her is REALLY just be a normal friend and don't show or say things like you would as a bf. She is ANNOYED and doesn't see you that way right now so if you keep bringing things up that remind her she will just push you away.

 

 

Listen to me, I know it's really hard for you to do but you have no choice. You need to take many steps back from her and GIVE HER SPACE. That is what she requested. If you keep contacting her then you aren't listening to her. 1 or 2 days NC is not enough, you need to give her more time to cool things off and to calm down. You're working at HER pace not yours.

 

 

But at the end of the day, I would just forget about her as she has already decided that she doesn't want you. I wouldn't waste anymore time hoping for something that may or may not happen. It's not fair to you.

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When you go on a break, or take time out in a relationship, it can be tricky. You have to talk about the reasons why you feel it's necessary (and whether or not it is actually necessary), make some clear guidelines, and it has to be a mutual decision. Anything short of that will be viewed as the beginning of the end from the other person, and this is because that is the only decision that doesn't have to be mutual in a relationship.

 

That being said, it is good that you made it clear about your intentions, but did she understand and try to give you her point of view? Did she agree to the time and space? If she didn't, then you threw her for a loop, and she now believes that this foundation you guys have is crumbling under her feet. So of course she's going to seek out stable ground. You have been together for years, and were about to move in together, then suddenly you paused the whole relationship.

 

Every move in a relationship has to be a mutual decision. If this wasn't mutual, then you took some liberties in the relationship that weren't really yours to take.

 

At this point, your best bet is to respect her wishes and give her the time. Take the time yourself to think about everything that has happened, too. Why, after 3 years, did you really have to stop and think about moving in with her? Why did you feel the need to contemplate this without her?

 

Maybe it was just a mistake on your part, but maybe there's more to it that a week won't let you see. Give her the space she needs, and take the time for yourself to figure out how it got to this point.

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Dude, you are not her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't enter into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing more than a friend to her.

 

 

Dude, you have to live your life as if she's not coming back. She's moving 3 hours away. Chances are, she's not.

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Been together 3 years im 25 she's 22. Ok so a few weeks ago my gf and I broke up/ took a break. I made it clear I just had issues I wanted to figure out before we moved in together and wasn't giving up on us. We talked for a couple days and went no contact for little over a week. When I contacted her to meet I sent flowers and a letter. She agreed to meet up the next day. That day came and she backed out saying she wasn't ready and needed time to work on herself and what makes her happy. She is now moving 3 hours away to be closer to her brother and go to a new school because she flunked out. And she will let me know about us after she is settled. She says we can still talk as friends but is very distant. If I bring up us she gets mad and says we can't be friends if I keep it up. Best part is her parents/mom want her to talk to me they've messaged me trying to help. Seems like she acts the same towards them and they don't understand either, it's just not like her. I can't take it much longer I love her and want to start a life with her but idk how to fix it if we can't talk. It's currently been a day with no contact she said she'd text me if she had time so I'm gonna wait another day then send a message letting her know "I love her and don't want to push her away, ill be here when you are ready to talk, until then ill leave you alone. I'm sorry for any pain I've caused I never meant for it to go like this. I'll be here until you find what you're looking for". I just don't know what to do anymore the more I try the worse it gets. Any insight is appreciated

 

 

 

My best advice to you is to just give her her space and leave her alone. As much I know it will kill you to want to text her and see hows shes doing, I'll wait till she actually is settled in and has thought things through with the relationship. I'm a sole believer in if she truly cares and loves you she WILL come back, love is a strong emotion that it can bring us close yet sometimes push us away.

 

Go with the flow, and just wait for her to contact you but do suggest that you'll be there for her for what ever she needs. DO NOT wait for her either because she could not come back but do continue doing what you enjoy and keeping yourself happy. In a way, have faith she will come back to you.

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Im just so broken before all this we were crazy about each other and I just got nervous and wanted to make sure moving in was both in our best interest. She madly in love everyone knew it and to change so fast has me her parents basically everyone questioning her. You don't just agree tell someone if they want you back give you time to heal. Or agree to meet to talk then back out and say we can talk as friends but still ignore me.

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Im just so broken before all this we were crazy about each other and I just got nervous and wanted to make sure moving in was both in our best interest. She madly in love everyone knew it and to change so fast has me her parents basically everyone questioning her. You don't just agree tell someone if they want you back give you time to heal. Or agree to meet to talk then back out and say we can talk as friends but still ignore me.
You wanted a break? You got one. The lesson is this: if you want to keep someone, then you keep them - you don't ask for a break. If you didn't know before, I have to wonder what makes you so sure now, other than she's done with you and you're reacting to that.

 

Lots to think about.

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This is over, she's doing the fade on you because she can't bring herself to throw down the hammer and end it. I think you're going to get a text message from her saying she's sorry but she can't do it anymore and would like to remain friends. That's where my money is at. It's quite simple, if she wanted the relationship you would still be together. You asking for that break severed your connection and completely messed with the dynamic, especially after you came on so strongly afterwards with the flowers and letters etc. It's all just a mess right now and chances are she's lost those feelings for you from all of this. If I were you i'd treat this as over, block her number/social media and start your healing process. It's about self preservation now.

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Wow thats a tough one. I cringed as i read because ive made similar mistakes. The more you pull at her the more she is going to push you away. Save yourself as much pain as possible and go into nc and move on. Trust me.

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