Living with Ex.

[Gugguy]

Hi I'm new here. I need some help - because I am going out of my mind and I think I may kill myself.

 

(This is a long story)

 

I need to give you a bit of history so that you can understand my very difficult situation.

 

I moved to a new city two years ago to study a new course. I arrived at the student house and the first person I met was my soon to become girlfriend (my Ex). She was Spanish, 29 (I was 22), beautiful, fun, and exciting. We dated very casually for about 3 months before christmas, but it was on and off, and nothing serious. I was very attracted to her, and I liked her a lot, but i had just been through a break up 6 months previously so i wasn't keen to be hurt again.

During the Christmas holidays, she started to send me a bunch of messages telling me that she was in love with me. I felt very amazed by this, quite worried and, truthfully, overjoyed by the experience. But i was cautious.

When I saw her again, a couple of weeks later, it was an explosion. She broke up with her other men (three), and we called ourselves a couple. I gave in to her love, and I was glad for it (I think it had actually been a secret wish).

For three months I was amazed, and we had a lovely lovely time. She was the house co-ordinater (responsible for the students in the house (the boss of the house)) and, to be honest, this made me feel very privileged.

Then things became difficult. She kept on telling me that i was too young. She kept on critacisening me, telling me off, getting angry with me. And she told me off for not helping her, despite the fact that I had put myself in some rather difficult social positions to try to help her job. But this didn't stop for three months.

She told me that I needed to move out of the house to save the relationship. I didn't really want to, but i wanted things to work for us. She had been very homesick, depressed, and kept on telling me that she didn't want to stay in Brighton, that she wanted to go back to Spain, and really didn't like England. I wasn't sure how to make her happy, but i really tried to be there, despite the fact that she would never open up to me. I tried very hard to be happy for her, although she would never share with me how she was feeling. At the same time she started to get very close with a friend of mine, and would cuddle with him all the time, right in front of me. I kept it cool, but it really did hurt.

I moved out, found a house close to her's and was very excited. But she didn't stay at mine. She stayed twice in total. I have to say, that moving away and into a new flat was quite scary, and I felt quite alone, and the fact that she didn't stay made me feel incredibly insecure. I became quite depressed, and she would never text me if it wasn't a reply to my own texts. In the end I became very sad, felt very hurt, and almost failed my course. I told her that i no longer wanted to be with her, and she agreed (this was after a night that i cut myself (self harmed) - not the first time I have done this - and I was seriously depressed - it had got too much.

She went back to Spain.

I nearly punched my friend for skipping with her right infant of me, in my house (he knew it was over between us).

I was very sad, felt very alone.

But when she came back, she offered to give me a job with her, and remain friends. i agreed, and started working for her. She works in the college that i study at (a small and rather intimate college).

She would help me, as I felt very sad about her not being with her, and when i saw her flirt with other men, I got angry and sad, and she would comfort me and tell me that it was all in my head.

I continued to work for her, but i asked to have a professional relationship with her, that I couldn't be friends with her anymore, because it was too painful.

We went on like this for a while. I saw her most days, and each time I saw her it hurt (the most painful summer of my life).

After a while i tried to stop seeing her. And We weren't contacting each other every often.

I started to do very well. I became very fit, I gave up smoking, i stopped all alcohol and caffeine, and I started meditating - felt great - I was most certainly at my best - ever. I saw her accidentally, one night, and she texted me and told me that i was very handsome, and that she felt something when she saw me. She then flirted with me in work, and called me handsome whilst ignoring a guy she'd obviously been having a relationship with as she continued to flirt with me (it actually felt quite good). Then she asked to meet me, and we met, we kissed. She told me that it was great kissing me again, and that she was very attracted to me. She also said that she loved me.

I waited a few days, and then asked to 'hang out' some time. She said no. I got a little angry (not much, and not badly), and we met for a beer. She then told me that she didn't want to be with me. That it couldn't work, and that she'd been wrong, and that it was over, and we couldn't hang out, and couldn't be together. I begged her back, she refused (she was kind about it - but i was very confused - I'd been quite hopeful).

A couple of days later, I got very drunk, almost started a fight and sent her some very nasty texts. This hurt me the next day. I felt awful, and then begged to be able to apologise to her. She agreed. And we hugged, and that was the last time that i saw her for a month. I stopped working for her.

 

She decided to stay, working at the college (it was a surprise, as she'd seemed so adamant on leaving). She was working at my college, and the first day of the new academic year I saw her five times.

I saw her, heard her, every day. And she was polite, but it hurt a lot. I heard a lot of stories - people kept on telling me that she was sleeping with almost every one. I would see these people and meet these people and realise that I had shaken hands and laughed with these people. Most of them were younger than me (and she'd spent so long telling me that i was too young). She even turned up to the bar I was working at! I couldn't get away from her!

I decided to ask her to be a friend, and ask that she didn't have sex with anyone I knew, and I agreed to do the same. We didn't really speak after than, but we were 'friends' again, in theory.

Then, five months later, I heard that her new boyfriend was three years younger than me. That made me angry and hurt. She was 31 at this point, and he was 20. He was apparently 'the love of her life.' I realised that this was the same cycle that three others (also much younger than her) had been through.

I broke the agreement, and started dating a girl from college who I'd been attracted to for 5 months, but didn't see because of our 'agreement.' She lived in the student house of my Ex, and I didn't care. I felt used and hurt and angry, so I did not care about the agreement, at all.

three month after, as life was seeming normal again - she asked me if she could live with me ( i had told her that my previous housemate would be leaving). I said no, nervously - but it was hard to say no. A couple of weeks later she asked me again, again she said no. And a couple of weeks after that she asked me again, and I agreed.

I said: no sex - she agreed - but, honestly, In was kinda hoping to.

Then she move in. the first night we had sex four times. The next morning we had sex twice. We continued to have sex, but only when she wanted, and she would kiss me and tell me to not try ton have sex with her, and then she would want me to force myself on her (we had a safety word), and then she would tell me. no. I told he that I loved he, became sad, and decide to date my other girl again (who knew about the fact that I was sleeping with my ex, and was sad, but thankfully stayed by my side).

Things turned sour. I felt used by her. I sad some horrid things to her (I called her a sociopath - then apologised a day later - I felt terrible) She told my friend the next day that she was scared to live with me and that she though I would hurt her 8something i would never do in a million years - and I was ashamed she could feel this (but I am not sure it was genuine - merely trying to make me look like a sociopath instead). She had very loud sex in the room next door to mine in revenge.

She found out about the girl I was sleeping with, and now its bad.

She's been having an affair with a man in the college who also works there. He has a kid and a girlfriend. I know him, and see him most days. I asked her if she was, but she said no. I got angry, because i saw her texts and they were much more then just friendly. She said that I was making it all up in my head (as she has said at other points for other things - perhaps she is right - she did study psychology and mastered in hypnotism). Then I saw them come out of my house together, and they froze for a second, and then looked normal. We had been having sex up till then. I got angry with her, and she called me crazy, and told me to "make up what I want'. Tonight her 20 year old guy (who she also broke up with because he is too young) has been giving her advice about how to deal with me.

I leave in one month.

I want to kill myself.

Is this normal?

[Satu]

Too many people having sex with people they don't love, or even know, in anything other than a very superficial sense.

 

Too many people with no boundaries.

 

You have been living in a very bad social scene.

 

Get yourself out of it at the earliest opportunity.

 

 

PS: Don't kill yourself.

[fireflywy]

Dude. This person isn't normal. If this story was a greek legend this woman would be either Circe or a siren luring men to their deaths.

 

You are 22 and this woman essentially preyed on your naivete and inexperience. As for her being a psychology major and hypnotist, whioe some would laugh at that, there ARE inflections of tone, voice, use of sex, and mannerisms that people can read and use to covertly manipulate others.

 

Mix all of that together especially if she's attractive, as well as her daliances with other men, and you find your emotional ship sailing into the rocks toward certain doom!

 

 

Like the men in those legends, make no deals with her, close your eyes and ears, and tie yourself to the mainmast until your ship moves beyond temptation, madness, and danger (aka NO MORE CONTACT and nothing harsh on yourself).

Edited May 28, 2015 by fireflywy

[Gugguy]

fireflywy - Dude, thank you. Suppose I'm not too bad then. Thanks

[Satu]

Pity you apologised after calling her a sociopath...

[fireflywy]

fireflywy - Dude, thank you. Suppose I'm not too bad then. Thanks

 

Well, think about it. Those legends of sirens, messed up vengeful goddesses, and charactes like Circe In female form arise from somewhere in human experience right?

 

Well, now you know and in knowing, you can respond the way the heroes did; I.e. I'm facing a tough mother ****ing situation against an elemental force of nature, I'm not crazy, and it isn't worth staying and fighting against.

 

Hell son, in walking away from this person, you now have an epic tale.

[Gugguy]

Well, think about it. Those legends of sirens, messed up vengeful goddesses, and charactes like Circe In female form arise from somewhere in human experience right?

 

Well, now you know and in knowing, you can respond the way the heroes did; I.e. I'm facing a tough mother ****ing situation against an elemental force of nature, I'm not crazy, and it isn't worth staying and fighting against.

 

Hell son, in walking away from this person, you now have an epic tale.

 

Ha! Am loving the ancient greek mythological simile. Yer, suppose you're right. Tie my heart up the the mast of my ship to the future, and sail past

[Satu]

Also bear in mind that if you're in a crazy situation, it can make you feel crazy.

[Gugguy]

Just one more month... Then I'm away. Still feel terribly confused and angry though. Not fun.

[Gugguy]

Also bear in mind that if you're in a crazy situation, it can make you feel crazy.

 

Yeah... sure does!