NC curiosity

[imtrying211]

I've been NC with my ex for about 3 1/2 weeks, and am doing well with it. He and I work in the same building, not in direct contact with each other, but we do see each other in passing almost daily. We don't even make eye contact, nothing. The last conversation we had ended badly, and the last thing I said to him was F U. The next day I found out he had gone back to his ex, which basically forced me to go NC. There was nothing left for me to say, nothing he'd want to hear that's for sure. Sometimes I wonder what he thinks about us basically being strangers now. I'm not talking about if he misses me, or ever thinks about me, it's more along the lines of how he perceives the NC. Does he think I hate him and want nothing to do with him? Does he not speak to me because he's giving me space, doesn't want to feel awkward? I know it doesn't really matter, but there's that small part of me that thinks what if he does want to talk, but won't approach me because of what he may be thinking that I'm feeling. What if NC ruins any chance of us ever speaking again? We were basically inseparable for over a year, it's hard to think about him being out of my life for good. I have no intentions of breaking NC, I can't do that to myself. Maybe I'm just hoping he will? I don't know. Does anyone get where I'm coming from here? Can NC be a good and a bad thing?

[Tone Loc]

I'm not sure how to answer your questions. I like this thread, even though it's very sad to read your story, I can relate in a way because I've been asking all those questions too. People will tell you that the purpose of NC is to allow you to heal, move on and stop hurting. Is it good or bad? I'm not sure. Does it ruin any chance of you two speaking ever again? I do it know. Perhaps instead if focussing on what you don't know, you should take some time to reflect on what did happen - the two of you broke up (I'm assuming he ended it, correct me if I am wrong), he chose another woman over you, he hasn't contacted you in over 3 weeks. These are the facts. Your best course of action seems to be just to carry on with this NC and work on yourself. I don't have any useful advice to give I'm afraid, I hope you can find some peace and come to terms with what has happened.

[Tone Loc]

Double post sorry

Edited May 27, 2015 by Tone Loc

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

If you don't want to break NC, then by all means don't. Since you both work in the same building, you could always just give him a nod and/or a smile next time in passing so he knows you don't hate his guts. That's what I'd do, because I worry about these types of things as well.

[StrangerThanFiction]

Forgive me if I've misunderstood, but isn't he back with his ex? Why would you even want to keep talking to him if he's with someone else already? That'd be like stabbing yourself in the foot repeatedly then dipping it in salt.

[imtrying211]

Thanks for your reply. I know they aren't really answerable questions, maybe I'm just thinking out loud. Or maybe I've moved on from analyzing the end of the relationship to analyzing the aftermath lol. I think it's tricky because we still see each other, so there's no out of sight, out of mind to do the trick. During our relationship when we would argue (which was rare), there was no screaming and yelling. We'd get a little snippy, and then basically go into silent treatment until one of us caved. That was usually me, so is he just continuing the same stubborn behavior now? Who knows. What I do know is that I'm not in a place where I can be friends with him, and I really don't know if I'll ever get there. So I guess none of it really does matter at this point. Doesn't stop me from wondering though.....

[StrangerThanFiction]

Thanks for your reply. I know they aren't really answerable questions, maybe I'm just thinking out loud. Or maybe I've moved on from analyzing the end of the relationship to analyzing the aftermath lol. I think it's tricky because we still see each other, so there's no out of sight, out of mind to do the trick. During our relationship when we would argue (which was rare), there was no screaming and yelling. We'd get a little snippy, and then basically go into silent treatment until one of us caved. That was usually me, so is he just continuing the same stubborn behavior now? Who knows. What I do know is that I'm not in a place where I can be friends with him, and I really don't know if I'll ever get there. So I guess none of it really does matter at this point. Doesn't stop me from wondering though.....

 

Yeesh, yeah, having to see him on a regular basis makes things a lot tougher, no doubt there. It could be that he's trying to wait you out now like he did while you guys were together but really, you said yourself that you're not in a place where you can be friends with him so you don't have to play his little power games anymore. You don't owe him sh*t. Hold on to your own power and let him come to you. Time to change up those old patterns.

[imtrying211]

I'm really struggling with this situation. It hurts to see him and not speak, not even make eye contact. I had taken a week off of work and was in a good place, probably from not having to see him at all. Now back at work as soon as I see him I get upset. It's like a stab to the heart each time we cross paths and pretend we don't know each other. I'm not going to lie, I am not over him and I still love him. I accept that the relationship is over and he is with someone else, but I'm having a difficult time accepting him as a stranger now. I know that NC is for me to heal, but it seems to be hurting me at the same time. I don't know if just saying hello in passing, making small talk, will help or hurt me. Right now, saying nothing is painful. I'm afraid of breaking NC and then feeling even worse.

[hunk]

I can definitely empathize here. I had to (and still do) see one of my exes frequently because we were in the same immediate friend circle, and she's my best friend's sister. It was torture and felt ridiculous just ignoring eachother. I eventually realized I would have to see her and there's nothing I could do about it, so I would just spark up small talk here and there with her, acknowledge her when necessary and carry on doing my thing. Ignoring is just ridiculous when you are literally forced to be around eachother. In your situation I think you might benefit from being the bigger person, accepting this is the situation - yes it sucks, but in order to make it tolerable for yourself, you could be the one who just waves or smiles or something the next time you pass eachother. This helped me move on aswell, because it forced me to realize she was over it, when it became no longer awkward to have these small chats. If I had continued ignoring her I would've tortured myself thinking things like "does she want me back, what's going on" etc.

 

Just some food for thought.

[imtrying211]

I can definitely empathize here. I had to (and still do) see one of my exes frequently because we were in the same immediate friend circle, and she's my best friend's sister. It was torture and felt ridiculous just ignoring eachother. I eventually realized I would have to see her and there's nothing I could do about it, so I would just spark up small talk here and there with her, acknowledge her when necessary and carry on doing my thing. Ignoring is just ridiculous when you are literally forced to be around eachother. In your situation I think you might benefit from being the bigger person, accepting this is the situation - yes it sucks, but in order to make it tolerable for yourself, you could be the one who just waves or smiles or something the next time you pass eachother. This helped me move on aswell, because it forced me to realize she was over it, when it became no longer awkward to have these small chats. If I had continued ignoring her I would've tortured myself thinking things like "does she want me back, what's going on" etc.

 

Just some food for thought.

 

 

What you said makes sense to me. I'm not looking at this as a way to get him back, just like I didn't initiate NC for that reason. I'm just looking to heal, and it almost feels like this ignoring each other thing is somehow hindering my progress. It would be so much different if I never had to see him again, but for right now that is not the case. I'm just confused on what the best route to take is. I'm almost at 30 days NC now, which feels great. I've come a long way since the initial BU, almost to the point that I forgive him, at least that's where my head is right now. My feelings/emotions still go from one extreme to another at this point, so I don't want to do something that I will regret soon after. But I guess I can always start NC over if speaking to him ends up doing more harm than good.