lara1235 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 He messaged me this 9 days after we broke up with me. When we broke up he had told me to reach out if I wanted to talk, but I just didn't contact him. Yesterday, we had this conversation. Him: Hi. Would it be possible to talk today? Me: What would you like to talk about? HIm: (all within the span of 2 hours because I wasn't answering) Honestly, some things on my mind. But also I don't want us to completely fall off the eart from each other. If you don't want to talk or see me I'd understand though. Him: Sorry, should I leave you alone? Him: I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I bothered you when you didn't want to hear from me. Let me know if/when you do want to. What do you guys think this means? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 He wants to relieve his own guilt. That's ALL he wants to do... aside from possibly keeping you on the backburner as a Plan B option. This isn't a first step in reconciling, which is all I assume you're interested in. In your shoes, I'd send him a one-line text letting him know you're taking some time without contact so you can move on.... then wish him the best and thank him for understanding. Then block him everywhere!! Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 tell him to leave you alone and then, as ruby has said, block and delete him everywhere. He's alleviating guilt, nothing else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Just because he's the one who ended it, doesn't mean he doesn't feel bad too. He wants to stop feeling bad. He misses the good times. It doesn't mean he wants to get back together. You have to decide what will help YOU the most in the long run: hearing him out one more time or walking away. NC is a great healing tool but not everybody can go hard core from the get go. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Yeah, he genuinely likes you and I'm sure he misses you. But in the end, you're broken up for a reason, and that's not going away. You don't owe him that conversation. It's up to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
tylerj Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Everyone else has answered it clearly. I'm sorry you're in that situation; however rest assured if he did want to get back together he would tell you that. Anything less than an explicit form of contact stating that is nothing you should concern yourself with. Right now, you need to work on no contact and moving on from this relationship. That is the current situation, the current reality for you. It will be horrible and you will go through a number of stages of grief. Don't cling to things that aren't there - try to accept it and let go. And come back here for advice. Almost all of us here have gone through something similar, some more recently than others. Use this place to talk about your emotions, use your friends and family. Don't contact him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 What do you guys think this means? It means you are placing way too much emphasis/importance on your EX's words and actions. You need to think about YOU now, not him. NC and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lara1235 Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Thank you all so much. Also, I'm trying to avoid this, but I might run into him on Saturday at my friend's apartment who he lives with (we're trying to avoid having to be there, but we might be). If he tries to initiate a conversation with me, what's the best thing to say to him? I don't want to be outright rude because he does have a couple face/boobs pictures of me that I stupidly took but I also want to show him no pity and not get involved in discussing the relationship. He's very ethical in his own way and always got permission to screenshot snapchats I sent him, and I have sexts from him and a couple goofy shirtless pictures, but I'm worried he'll send my picture to med schools or something like that since I'm applying this year. Am I being paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 "I don't think it's a good idea for us to talk, we both need to move on form our relationship and talking about it is going to hold me back from that" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Polite is always the way to go. A favorite line of mine was always something along the lines of I know you are hurting & want to talk but right now talking to you & being around me hurts me. If you ever cared about me you will respect that I can't do this right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 "I need some time without contact so I can move on. I wish you the best -- and thanks for understanding." Throwing in a smiley face is always nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Hmmm....I sense a tone of regret in his text. Link to post Share on other sites
tylerj Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Hmmm....I sense a tone of regret in his text. Possibly. But if he really does regret it, he can say 'I want you back'. Anything else than a definitive comment is not good enough. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tone Loc Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Means absolutely nothing. This is the only text that means anything: "I'm sincerely sorry for everything that happened between us and the mistakes I made. I regret the break up. I want to get back with you, this time I'm going to make every effort to commit to you fully and make the relationship work. I've thought about this for a long time and I'm certain this is what I want. I hope you can forgive me and give me one last chance to prove to you that I can be a better partner and make you happy." Something along these lines. That's the only sort of communication that means anything, it's the only thing you should ever consider responding to after a break up (and even then, you don't have to respond, depending on the circumstances of the relationship and the break up, you may choose to refuse any attempts at reconciliation). Anything else: IGNORE. Because everything else is breadcrumbs. Unless he comes back begging and pleading and crying for another chance, don't waste a single minute talking or responding to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lara1235 Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Yes, thank you all again, I think you're right. This seems like a wishy washy attempt to see what I'm up to and if I still care, maybe to rehash the relationship, possibly blame more **** on me, and then debate whether to get back together, and he'd probably dump me again if we did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 If I were a betting person, I'd say he wants to relieve his guilt by seeing where he stands with you. That text was a feeler. He was testing the waters to see if you would give him a positive response. I think he's trying to check up on you to see if you're okay more than likely, but it's a really self-serving thing to do. It's more about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lara1235 Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 If I were a betting person, I'd say he wants to relieve his guilt by seeing where he stands with you. That text was a feeler. He was testing the waters to see if you would give him a positive response. I think he's trying to check up on you to see if you're okay more than likely, but it's a really self-serving thing to do. It's more about him. From his online activity he's been up late and hasn't been sleeping a ton and he also has some depression and issues, so do you think he's maybe wondering if he still "has" me and that I still miss and care about him or something? When we broke up I told him he meant a lot to me and I would miss him, and he responded the same. Maybe there's some guilt in there for hurting me, I"m not sure. But I'm starting to think he's doing worse than I am because i feel a lot better after a week of crying and processing. The messages also seemed a bit emotionally manipulative to get me to feel sorry for him and respond or something and be like... oh nooo you're not an idiot, you're not bothering me, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Either: Testing the waters because he's having second thoughts Missing having you in his life Wants to relieve some guilt perhaps Could be a combination of all of the above. Can totally see why this has thrown you, I'd feel the same way. Unless he makes it clear that he's made a huge mistake and wants you back, I'd either ignore his messages or politely tell him you aren't ready to be friends yet. Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I think he means what he said, he doesn't want to be with you anymore, but doesn't want to lose you from his life for good. Although he probably sees nothing wrong with this, if you are hurting, it is a bad idea for you. I would decline his offer, and let him know you're only really interested in being in his life as a significant other (assuming you want him back) and can't do friendship right now. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 He wants to relieve his own guilt. That's ALL he wants to do... aside from possibly keeping you on the backburner as a Plan B option. This isn't a first step in reconciling, which is all I assume you're interested in. In your shoes, I'd send him a one-line text letting him know you're taking some time without contact so you can move on.... then wish him the best and thank him for understanding. Then block him everywhere!! Here's a guide that will help you: www.breakuprecoveryguide.com I don't think it's all to relieve his guilt. I think he misses your friendship, company and conversation and is hoping to get it back. However, it doesn't mean he wants to be anything more than friends. If you can't handle just being friends, then best to do 'no contact' and read the guide above. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lara1235 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Abcdefghijkl Edited May 28, 2015 by lara1235 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts