movingforward1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) Now hear me out first, please Im 26 shes 24 Exgf of a couple years, generally positive relationship. My ex gf dumped me for fixable reasons and then later told me she may be developing feelings for an old friend of mine, so basically shes going through the grass is greener thing. Im one month into No Contact and in that time i found out that 3 months prior to the final fight, she was flirting with two other guys online (no pics were exchanged) THerefore i no longer simply want her back. Im feeling different emotions at different times right now and i want your opinions or what i should or should not be doing I want to write her a letter and sort of reveal to her all of the things she did me wrong among other disrespectful things, then tell her that im done or whatever as an attempt to get some power back? Since i did beg for one hour during the breakup. So maybe im looking simply for revenge? To make her feel bad? Maybe im looking to have her come crawling begging me back? I dont know what im feeling or what to do At least one thing is for sure: i definitely dont just want her back as my gf without her working for it. Edited May 24, 2015 by movingforward1 Link to post Share on other sites
SolidGoldTurd Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) Now hear me out first, please Im 26 shes 24 Exgf of a couple years, generally positive relationship. My ex gf dumped me for fixable reasons and then later told me she may be developing feelings for an old friend of mine, so basically shes going through the grass is greener thing. BAIL! Im one month into No Contact and in that time i found out that 3 months prior to the final fight, she was flirting with two other guys online (no pics were exchanged) BAIL! THerefore i no longer simply want her back. Im feeling different emotions at different times right now and i want your opinions or what i should or should not be doing Good, you don't want her back! I want to write her a letter and sort of reveal to her all of the things she did me wrong among other disrespectful things, then tell her that im done or whatever as an attempt to get some power back? Since i did beg for one hour during the breakup. That's a really stupid, clingy and desperate thing to do. Not contacting her ever will be enough proof you're done with her .. you won't get any power back whatsoever - it's a lost cause. You begged for an hour, making you look like a baby ... not you're thinking of sending a letter to whine some more ... are you mad? So maybe im looking simply for revenge? To make her feel bad? Maybe im looking to have her come crawling begging me back? You sound really bitter and toxic. She most likely has moved on and any attempts to make her feel bad will fall on death ears. Seeking revenge is a kid's game. I dont know what im feeling or what to do You're feeling bitterness and immaturity. Move on. At least one thing is for sure: i definitely dont just want her back as my gf without her working for it. LOL ... you can't be serious. I don't know if I can actually take all this seriously. Your ex dumped you for some reason, you hate her and want revenge and th power back so that she comes back crawling. Why would she ever want to come back to someone so bitter in the first place? You've blown it. P.S what an ironic username you have! Edited May 25, 2015 by SolidGoldTurd 4 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 It suffices to say that this is a tragically bad idea which will haunt you eternally. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Lizrd3000 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 You really don't wanna do such impulsive things when you're an emotional rollercoast passenger. You're most likely gonna regret it because: 1. You'll regret it because you won't get the response you want. or 2. You'll forgive her overtime for whatever you're angry at her for, and you'll regret saying hurtfull things to her, because really, she was a good person. But do whatever, don't drown in bitterness bro. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 You say you don't know what you are feeling or what your motivations are, so I would definitely suggest NOT sending a letter. It sounds like you are working through some confusing emotions, and your knee jerk reaction is to send a letter in some clumsy attempt to rid yourself of these emotions. I'd suggest writing the letter but not sending it. Unsent letters can be a great way to work through your feelings and to pinpoint exactly what it is that you feel. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Get some power back for what? Sounds pretty idiotic and immature if the whole purpose of your letter is for revenge and power. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SolidGoldTurd Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 You say you don't know what you are feeling or what your motivations are, so I would definitely suggest NOT sending a letter. It sounds like you are working through some confusing emotions, and your knee jerk reaction is to send a letter in some clumsy attempt to rid yourself of these emotions. I'd suggest writing the letter but not sending it. Unsent letters can be a great way to work through your feelings and to pinpoint exactly what it is that you feel. This is extremely good advice. +1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Okay so I know SolidGoldTurd's post was not meant to be funny but the 'BAIL BAIL' part got me going a bit, lol. I literally just died laughing at that post and it made my night. Anyway, I definitely agree with the others. This whole letter thing is not going to have the effect you think it will. BC's idea is great. Write a letter but don't send it. It will help you purge the intense emotions you are experiencing. Just know that this bitterness, anger, and hurt you're feeling is part of the healing process. Don't act on it. Just do things to keep yourself occupied while the thoughts/feelings pass through your system. It will probably take years to heal from this but no worries, you'll get there if you stick to no contact and do your thing. I highly recommend you do not act upon any urge to contact her as it won't solve anything and you'll be back to square one. Every time you break it, you're hitting reset on your healing situation, so if you truly want to move past this, you need to resist the urge. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 I want to write her a letter and sort of reveal to her all of the things she did me wrong among other disrespectful things, then tell her that im done or whatever as an attempt to get some power back? Since i did beg for one hour during the breakup. When ideas like that come to mind, go and lie down in a quiet room until the perceived need to do it passes. Link to post Share on other sites
Tone Loc Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) Okay this is good, this is good...get all the terrible ideas out of your system in a safe place (on here). You CAN write a detailed letter containing everything you want to tell her. By all means, write the letter, pour your heart out, get everything down on paper. Explore your emotions, get your thoughts on paper and lay it all out. But for the love of GOD, please, whatever you do...please do not send her the letter! Never send her a letter! Keep it to yourself. Don't contact her at all. It's really good you came on here, making a thread about it is infinitely better than sending her a letter or making any form of contact with her. From here, it's strict NC for you. You don't need to take any form of revenge. You don't have to argue, plead, discuss anything. The moment she decided to step out on you like that, you know what, she just exed herself out completely. She's a slut, no offence, but she is. Way too much damage has been done here, there are only two possible ways this situation can turn out: number one, you maintain strict no contact and never talk to her again, number two she reaches out to you, begs and pleads and makes a sincere apology and commits to making real changes to improve. There's no third option. No letters, no contact, no breadcrumbs, no being friends with your ex...either she comes back as a reformed, changed woman, or she's already history. So again, just to reiterate...it can be helpful and even therapeutic for you to write a long detailed letter, but you must keep it to yourself. Don't send it to her. At this stage, it's not about getting back at your ex for giving herself easily to other guys and being easy...no, you must be the bigger man and walk away with some dignity. No arguments, no discussions. It's completely over UNLESS she miraculously comes back with a sincere apology and makes real changes. Which in my experience never really happens, but there's always that one in a million chance. Don't cling on to hope, proceed with your life as if she's a stranger to you, with a view to moving forward without her. Write as many letters as you need, make a journal or a diary to log your thoughts or your experiences, this can help you to better understand your thoughts and get a grasp on what's going on in your mind. But it's for your benefit only, do not contact her at all. If she suddenly becomes a self-respecting woman and proves that she can be loyal instead of being easy, only then would you take her back, but like I said, the chance of this happening is almost zero, you're more likely to win the lottery. Edited May 25, 2015 by Tone Loc Link to post Share on other sites
Tone Loc Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 BAIL! BAIL! Good, you don't want her back! That's a really stupid, clingy and desperate thing to do. Not contacting her ever will be enough proof you're done with her .. you won't get any power back whatsoever - it's a lost cause. You begged for an hour, making you look like a baby ... not you're thinking of sending a letter to whine some more ... are you mad? You sound really bitter and toxic. She most likely has moved on and any attempts to make her feel bad will fall on death ears. Seeking revenge is a kid's game. You're feeling bitterness and immaturity. Move on. LOL ... you can't be serious. I don't know if I can actually take all this seriously. Your ex dumped you for some reason, you hate her and want revenge and th power back so that she comes back crawling. Why would she ever want to come back to someone so bitter in the first place? You've blown it. P.S what an ironic username you have! Instead of bashing or belittling people, it may help to condense your post to relevant details and practical tips. He's already down, why kick a man who's already down? Might serve you well to exercise a bit of courtesy. People on here are looking for advice, practical steps to help them deal with their situations. They don't need to be insulted or belittled, leave that for their exes. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 OP, the way i see it, you already have the power. You are now aware that she wasn't as good a person as you once thought, and you have cut her out of your life! I also spent hours begging after the breakup and to be honest, I would probably be tempted to send a letter too, I had a lot of trouble avoiding the temptation to tell my ex a piece of my mind. Now, over a year later, I wish i could take back every single word i said after he said "i guess i am breaking up with you". I regret all of it, showing him how upset, hurt, anger and screwed up i was. I still am, and still get the temptation. But just dont!!! Keep being strong, she deserves no place in your life now Link to post Share on other sites
Moley87 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Don't nothing more needed keep NC move on with your life Link to post Share on other sites
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