How long until your ex came back for reconciliation?

[kturner16]

And did you work it out with them? How did everything turn out?

 

I love hearing people's stories about this.

 

Thanks, xo

[quattrob]

Usually its when you dont care anymore that they come back (if they do that is).

 

TC i know you are hoping that that your ex would come back and you've been thinking alot about him since you've been creating these kinds of topics.. But realize nothing you do will make him want to come back and best thing for you is move on. Just my 2c.

[Lizrd3000]

And did you work it out with them? How did everything turn out?

 

I love hearing people's stories about this.

 

Thanks, xo

 

 

first break up it took 1.5 months, with something like 1 month full NC. She told me she wanted to meet up as friends, i told her i needed to think about it, after 2 days i told her OK. We met up, had some fun as friends, she constantly hugged me though, so i assumed she wanted something more. which she did. We had sex, she cried she missed me and i told her to try again. She was unsure at first, but then I told her that we can make it work.

 

Relationship before reconcillation was 6 months, and after reconcillation it lasted 1.5 years. Now we broke up again, and I dont think id take her back anymore. But im 1 week in full NC. I do hope she comes back begging, so i can tell her "you disrespected me, do you think i want a relationship with someone like that?" So i can get some of my pride back tha was lost during the relationship.

 

I wrote this on my phone, sorry for any mistakes or vaguely written context!

[na49]

She came back after 6 months.

 

She broke up with me again after 2 years.

[HowMightI-live]

She came back (the last time) after 2 months. We dated for another 5 months and then she ended it for good after that. And its been 8 months now.

[Lizrd3000]

Reconcillations, often thought of as something that isn't worthwhile, because you'll PROBABLY break up again, can be a good thing. But you shouldn't ''hope'' for one.

 

 

If I didn't reconcile with my now once again ex-girlfriend, I would've never been able to put my big boy pants on and tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. Because the pain and hurt she put me through during the relationship really forced me to become stronger, and give less ****s here and there.

 

 

I'm just talking from experience. I remember when I got back together with my ex, people told me I was foolish and just putting off the pain. Which was true to some extent, but you're not just standing still as you move back into that relationship.

 

 

Reconcillations can be a good thing, but it's bad when you keep wishing for one instead of moving on. You shouldn't waste so much time in something that's so unsure, and painfull too. Invest time in yourself, good things come around as you do good things. Your ex or maybe (probably) something/someone better.

 

 

I don't know why I'm even saying this, or posting it in this thread. I just felt like doing it. Probably had a few too many drinks tonight with some colleagues after work!

[foolinlove79]

Anywhere from 4 weeks to 4 months. On and off. Broken up 5 or 6 times. Ive lost count. Just broken up again after about 12 months. He doesnt seem to be able to stick it out for more then 12 months

[aloneinaz]

With my last ex=

 

1st time- 2 weeks and we went about 6 months

2nd time- 1 month and we lasted 2 weeks

3rd time- 12 days and we lasted 3 more rocky months

 

She then ended it again. I was done. Finished. Stick a fork in it. I vanished. Blocked her on everything and she never heard a word from me again..

 

To me she was dead and I knew I'd never hear from her again. I healed, started dating and met my now 20 month GF and found happiness.

 

To the other posters point, she reappeared 6 months after breaking up with me with horrible dumpers remorse. I was with my current GF when she reappeared. I told her NO THANKS to any chance of getting back together though she tried off/on for the next two months.

 

Regulars here no I'm not a proponent of reconciliations. Clearly with this experience and hours of reading about break ups after she dumped me, most experts say the same.

[soulforge]

I had one ex just ring me out of the blue.. around 1 year after we broke up.. she sounded quite desperate.. probably got dumped by her boyfriend and decided she might try her luck with me..

 

I listened to her for 5mins, told her i needed to get off the phone and i will call you back shortly.. but i never bothered to ring her... she miss called me around 5 times..

 

 

Another ex dumped me 5 days before Christmas.. she was a very toxic woman and made my life a living hell.. i was madly in love with her, and let her get away with treating me like crap..

 

Anyhow 4 or 5 months after dumping me, she desprately started hunting me down.. loads of emails, 3 hand written letters to my house..

 

She even got her daughter to write to me.. emotional black mail.. she tried her best to get back with me for atleast 8 months...

 

But i kept 100% no contact, and cut her out of my life..

 

 

There have been two girlfriends who never came back.. so please don't give yourself false hope..

 

If its meant to be.. he or she will come back, but it can take months

[y2k]

Just a thought here.

 

On the internet, people make it seem like getting back with an ex is the worst thing possible, and that it never works.

 

In real life, I know of so many people who broke up and got back together at some point, who lasted a LONG time (think 5-10 years, marriage, etc).

 

The reason you're not going to get many success stories on the internet is because the majority of the people writing on the internet are ones who only have negative experiences. Those who are successful don't have the same internet presence, because they don't need to post their stories and question online. So take what you read here with a grain of salt.

 

Better yourself in every way, don't contact her, and when she does contact you again, try to chit chat a bit and go out with her and have fun. Unless she has found a great looking fun guy with a better economic future than you, than more likely you'll get a shot.

[erklat]

I went back twice with two different women. First time after 27 and second after 19 months.

 

Both times I was declined. I wasn't sincere either. Both times was after

hard patches in life came and I missed how I was feeling when it was

fine and dandy in their arms.

[Cailinsona]

Ten months until he returned.

 

That was ten months ago.

 

Going well so far....

[Ruby65]

I had a successful reconciliation. I was the dumper. It took many many months of complete NC before I went back to my ex.

 

We were separated for almost a year, both dated other people, before I decided to go back to him. We were married the following year and stayed together a very long time -- so I consider that a successful reconciliation.

 

 

The reason you're not going to get many success stories on the internet is because the majority of the people writing on the internet are ones who only have negative experiences. Those who are successful don't have the same internet presence, because they don't need to post their stories and question online. So take what you read here with a grain of salt.

 

I post here and had a happy reconciliation that lasted 18+ years!

 

I think the majority of people posting online are people with exes who *fell out of love*... or who met someone else.... who just *lost feelings*.... but who are trying to get them to stay in their lives as Plan B safety nets.

 

And they're confused -- they don't know how to handle it, so they come online for advice. Their exes are dropping breadcrumbs -- so they post asking "what does this mean?"

 

Dumpers who have moved on emotionally by the time they break up are more likely to send confusing mixed messages.

 

These are *not* the dumpers who are more likely to come back, in my opinion.

 

That's why you see so much advice saying "move on," "cut contact," etc.

[soulforge]

I had a successful reconciliation. I was the dumper. It took many many months of complete NC before I went back to my ex.

 

We were separated for almost a year, both dated other people, before I decided to go back to him. We were married the following year and stayed together a very long time -- so I consider that a successful reconciliation.

 

 

 

 

I post here and had a happy reconciliation that lasted 18+ years!

 

I think the majority of people posting online are people with exes who *fell out of love*... or who met someone else.... who just *lost feelings*.... but who are trying to get them to stay in their lives as Plan B safety nets.

 

And they're confused -- they don't know how to handle it, so they come online for advice. Their exes are dropping breadcrumbs -- so they post asking "what does this mean?"

 

Dumpers who have moved on emotionally by the time they break up are more likely to send confusing mixed messages.

 

These are *not* the dumpers who are more likely to come back, in my opinion.

 

That's why you see so much advice saying "move on," "cut contact," etc.

 

 

What if feelings where not lost, but an argument caused the break up? What are the chances of reconciliation ?

[Ruby65]

What if feelings where not lost, but an argument caused the break up? What are the chances of reconciliation ?

 

Honestly, from looking at your situation -- only a 4 month relationship, fighting, a feeling of walking on eggshells -- I really don't think this bodes well for the future.

 

The first several months of a relationship are supposed to be the Honeymoon Phase, right? If you're having so many problems after just 4 months together, I think you're just incompatible.

[Jonp219]

Hey, I think you should just forget about her for now. I know, I know easier said than done right? Yup, if anyone can understand that, it's me. However you're actually in a win-win situation if you try your best to move on.

 

1) You move on from this pain at an accelerated rate and make room for a NEW relationship.

2) If she does contact you, you will be in a better position to speak to each other. Whether it be to reconcile or to start a friendship.

 

So either way, for the sake of your sanity, you're going to have to make a valid effort to move on from this relationship.

[elaine567]

The truth is that dumpers, have usually thought long and hard before they do the dumping, so whilst it may be a bolt from the blue for the dumpee, the dumper will have been thinking of leaving for months or weeks before hand.

For the dumper it may actually be a big relief to split up and although it may be upsetting for them to pull the plug completely - they do not ever want to go back.

As long as there is no huge traumatic event that caused the split, like physical abuse or cheating, the dumper is often happy to be friends with the dumpee, BUT that doesn't mean they want to reconcile, they most often just want to be friends.

Being friends with the dumper, for the dumpee is difficult and upsetting, and that is why it is usually advocated for the dumpee to cut contact.

Being friends with the dumper, whilst they move on to their next relationship or discuss their dating game plan, is torture.

[ExpatInItaly]

I've never gotten back with an ex with whom I had a serious relationship. By the time those ended, those were really over.

 

One man I had an on-off relationship came sniffing around a few weeks after the final split. We didn't reconcile at all.

[Ruby65]

The truth is that dumpers, have usually thought long and hard before they do the dumping, so whilst it may be a bolt from the blue for the dumpee, the dumper will have been thinking of leaving for months or weeks before hand.

For the dumper it may actually be a big relief to split up and although it may be upsetting for them to pull the plug completely - they do not ever want to go back.

As long as there is no huge traumatic event that caused the split, like physical abuse or cheating, the dumper is often happy to be friends with the dumpee, BUT that doesn't mean they want to reconcile, they most often just want to be friends.

Being friends with the dumper, for the dumpee is difficult and upsetting, and that is why it is usually advocated for the dumpee to cut contact.

Being friends with the dumper, whilst they move on to their next relationship or discuss their dating game plan, is torture.

 

^ So agree with this. I was still in love with the person I dumped, and the idea of being friends with him afterwards, even just staying in contact with him, was inconceivable -- it would've hurt too much!

 

I do think many dumpers use trying to stay "friends" after the breakup to set up the dumpee as a *possible Plan B* -- so I don't think most dumpers are looking for actual true friendship, and usually once they've found their next relationship the "friendship" ends.... or they do the slow fade away once they're used to being single again.

 

For the dumpee, they settle for "friends" thinking it'll lead to reconciliation. So it's not really a true friendship on either side.

[Meli22]

One ex came back after 8 months. I was over him by this point. He tried for 2 years though!

 

Most recent ex, technically I was the dumper but felt "forced" kind of. He had been drifting for months and complaining about our spark, but he'd completely given up. Couldn't even kiss me anymore. Actually admitted that he didn't have it in him to be affectionate. Why? Who knows. This lasted for about 4 months and he was shocked and upset when I suggested a break up talk

 

 

3 weeks later he "realised" what he'd lost and came back. Fair enough I thought, I'll give it a second chance. Within a week he turned completely cold again, and even started blaming his shift of feelings on me. I was too angry at this point and I broke up with him, again. It's been 2 months now since that messy break up and no contact. According to a mutual friend he'd been really upset and very confused about everything. That doesn't phase me though, I feel he took me for granted and questioned our rship once things got routine. It did get boring but I always believe rships take work and effort from both sides. It's so easy to become comfortable and bored, it's what you choose to do about it. I would always suggest doing new things and going places on our days off so that spark wouldn't fizzle out, he on the other hand preferred to watch movies all day and not leave the house (not all the time, just a lot of the time) so it's no wonder our spark died. And at a time when it was crucial to possibly saving us, still nothing was done.

 

So yeah that's my experience I think a lot of dumpers do come back. In my case I am the dumper although I don't consider myself as a "dumper", I didn't want to do it. I have no plans to reconcile or reach out for a number of reasons.

[soulforge]

Honestly, from looking at your situation -- only a 4 month relationship, fighting, a feeling of walking on eggshells -- I really don't think this bodes well for the future.

 

The first several months of a relationship are supposed to be the Honeymoon Phase, right? If you're having so many problems after just 4 months together, I think you're just incompatible.

 

On some ways we was compatible, and in others there was problems.. she had a slightly cocky and rude attitude sometimes..

 

She used to say some annoying things sometimes, maybe she wanted to be in control of the relationship???

 

Some things she said to me..

 

 

01. When we first met, she kept calling me small.. i am 5ft7.. not exactly tall, but i workout alot, so have big arms and chest etc.. she used to call me small or tiny.. this used to annoy me alot

 

02. She told me, that i should be the boss in the bedroom.. but she should be the boss in the relationship.. i kind of laughed it off

 

03. She used keep going on about me having mild OCD.. i like things tidy in my house

 

 

04. She used to remind me how lucky i am, because she gives me oral sex.. like i should be really grateful to her?? Lol

 

 

05. She used to keep reminding me, that the nicer i am to her.. the better the sex will be? Wtf

 

 

06. She once said, she isn't going to give me sex regular.. i,m getting too much

 

 

07. and she used to complain alot lol

 

 

Not exactly major red flags... but boy she was sometimes annoying!!

[Jonp219]

On some ways we was compatible, and in others there was problems.. she had a slightly cocky and rude attitude sometimes..

 

She used to say some annoying things sometimes, maybe she wanted to be in control of the relationship???

 

Some things she said to me..

 

 

01. When we first met, she kept calling me small.. i am 5ft7.. not exactly tall, but i workout alot, so have big arms and chest etc.. she used to call me small or tiny.. this used to annoy me alot

 

02. She told me, that i should be the boss in the bedroom.. but she should be the boss in the relationship.. i kind of laughed it off

 

03. She used keep going on about me having mild OCD.. i like things tidy in my house

 

 

04. She used to remind me how lucky i am, because she gives me oral sex.. like i should be really grateful to her?? Lol

 

 

05. She used to keep reminding me, that the nicer i am to her.. the better the sex will be? Wtf

 

 

06. She once said, she isn't going to give me sex regular.. i,m getting too much

 

 

07. and she used to complain alot lol

 

 

Not exactly major red flags... but boy she was sometimes annoying!!

 

She sounds annoying and VERY young.

[soulforge]

She sounds annoying and VERY young.

 

No my friend she was 37 years old... so not exactly young!

 

I think maybe she was abit of a game player, or she wanted to asert control in the relationship..

[newmoon]

one year to the day. it was almost as though he'd marked it on a calendar. he sent an email to my work address - because he had been blocked on my private stuff. it went unanswered and i refused all attempts at contact that he sporadically makes.

[soulforge]

Hey, I think you should just forget about her for now. I know, I know easier said than done right? Yup, if anyone can understand that, it's me. However you're actually in a win-win situation if you try your best to move on.

 

1) You move on from this pain at an accelerated rate and make room for a NEW relationship.

2) If she does contact you, you will be in a better position to speak to each other. Whether it be to reconcile or to start a friendship.

 

So either way, for the sake of your sanity, you're going to have to make a valid effort to move on from this relationship.

 

I know what u mean here.. i am trying my best to move on.. each day is getting a little easier..

 

As for a win win situation? It was me who officially ended it, but i clearly explained to her why.. i was the only one trying to sort things out, where as she would just drop communication and make no effort..

 

Don't get me wrong, it was not all bad.. There was fantastic times too!

 

the only option i have is to either reach out to her & see if she wants to reconcile, or move on... and maybe one day she will realise i was a good guy... and she may reach out to me.. but its rare for the dumpee to reach out

 

One could say it was a mutual break up, as she made no effort to resolve the argument.

 

 

If i reach out to her, it could be very risky.. she could reject me, or tell me she is involved with someone... plus the balance of power would be completely all hers and things could get alot worse from me..

 

I have a date on Tuesday i,m hoping it goes well