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Lost the love of my life. Is there hope? abrupt Breakup


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Ill give you the backstory. We met at my old job. She was 18, me 22. I was her first boyfriend. I was her first sex among first everything. Our relationship lasted almost a year. Everything was amazing. We got along great, always goofing around with eachother. She never cheated, and we were together once to three times a week. we cuddled, watched movies and shared interest. To be quite honest, i thought she was the one, simply because everything went hand in hand. We had the same personality and the same hobbies. We never had big fights, anything we got over and forgave the day of.

 

about 6 months in she broke up with me for a day. Yes, a day. She said she felt that, when we were together, it was perfect, but she didnt feel like she missed me when we were apart (we were always texting eachother goofy stuff having fun). She came back the next day, with regret. She missed being able to text me what she was doing. I told her its normal to not miss your partner all the time. Trust me she wasnt trying to cheat or anything, we were extremely close and I knew exactly how she spent her time.

 

So one week before our 1 year anniversary she comes to my house crying. She says that she doesnt want this anymore. She says she still feels the way she did 6 months ago, and wanted to end it. In shock of being dropped out of nowhere, i held her and told her everything will be ok. Later i texted her, trying to understand the situation. She said that everything was perfect, and she loves me and probably always will, and she is in pain too, but its something she had to for herself. She said she wants to experience new things. I asked her if shell ever comeback and she said no. She said it was goodbye forever.

 

This has been the most painful week of my life. How could she drop me cold turkey? we were both happy, as far a i knew. I feel as tho, the passion kind of fell, and it became monotonous hanging out. It became somewhat boring, and maybe its my fault we didnt do much. I regret not spicing up our love life and not doing more. But why did she just abandon me? why didnt she talk about her feelings? Or try to make an effort herself? I was happy and I didnt really know the severity of how she felt.

 

So my question is, will she ever come back? Shes 19 now, still young. is she just confused? bored? she was never the forever commitment type, but she was loyal. She only has like, 12 pictures on instagram and hasnt deleted the picture of us or the photos she took of things iv bought her. I'm very confused. I tried contacting her, trying to be say proper goodbyes about everything we had but no response. I blocked her on all social media and deleted her number so i could forget and give her space but its not helping. im trying to move on but its hard. She was everything to me, and as someone who has been in numerous pointless and bad relationships, i feel like i found my girl, and now iv lost my soul...

 

this was the week of our anniversary, so its only been about a week. blocked her may 18. i would also like to add that we always talked about how our kids would look, and she even showed me the promise ring she wanted. Of course, nothing was set in stone and it was typical romance jibber jabber, so im suprised by how things ended.

Edited by robotfish
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I'm not sure if she's ever coming back, and I don't think anyone else knows for sure either. However, what I will say, is that some day you will make someone very happy... either her, or someone else. I wish I could say don't worry, but I know you're hurting.

 

As far as how she could drop you cold turkey... some things are a mystery... or at least they seem like that at first... but usually eventually you can make sense of why things happen the way they do... it just takes quite some time to get to that point when your heart is broken.

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Your story is similar to mine...

 

My ex broke up with me after being together 7 months because it had faded for him. I felt it too but I was so heartbroken because I had been trying my hardest to keep it alive.

 

I haven't talked to him since and it's been about 2 months. In that time I realized while reading a lot of other posts that it is perfectly natural for the feelings to die down, and that the best relationships are built off of both parties putting in the effort to keep it alive.

 

Your ex decided to call it quits rather than talk to you about what you both could work on to make it better. And you deserve better than that.

 

I think you should just continue going strong with NC, I'm so glad I did really well with it. It's my own personal revenge. While others may post that you will never know if they're missing you or not, I personally feel that not having someone as awesome as me in their life is devastating ;) And after some time you will feel the same, I promise :)

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It's a bummer when this happens but it's not unusual for people in your age group to suddenly say "it's over".. It appears this was a sudden decision for her, she'd probably been thinking about ending it for a while now. She dropped the bomb on you which left you shocked.

 

As you stated, the relationship might of simply ran it's course. Young relationships seem to do this as you figure out what you like in people and what you don't.

 

You are both young and need to have many different relationships so you know what's a good fit for you. My Mom use to tell me 'you have to sow your oats before you settle down and get married'. I really believe this to be true.

 

It sounds like you have a good grasp on thing as far as what you need to do. Let yourself heal and get thru heart break. When you're ready, start dating again and find your next hot girl friend.

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It's a bummer when this happens but it's not unusual for people in your age group to suddenly say "it's over".. It appears this was a sudden decision for her, she'd probably been thinking about ending it for a while now. She dropped the bomb on you which left you shocked.

 

As you stated, the relationship might of simply ran it's course. Young relationships seem to do this as you figure out what you like in people and what you don't.

 

You are both young and need to have many different relationships so you know what's a good fit for you. My Mom use to tell me 'you have to sow your oats before you settle down and get married'. I really believe this to be true.

 

It sounds like you have a good grasp on thing as far as what you need to do. Let yourself heal and get thru heart break. When you're ready, start dating again and find your next hot girl friend.

 

 

But thats just it, I thought it was perfect. It was everything i ever dreamed of when i was 14 thinking of the perfect girlfriend, before i even dated my first girlfriend. Perfect in body in mind. It's hard to imagine theres something better out there. and its like pa888 said, its a shame she couldnt sit down and talk about how she felt. I'm older than her, iv dating, and I couldv done something to rekindle the flames. Me, I was happy. from experience, and simple wisdom i knew that everything will die down after a while, and im aware it probably would have ended eventually, but not like this and not this soon.

Edited by robotfish
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Currently in a similar boat as you, except I am the younger one. We also had the same age gap that you did, (me 19, him 22) and met at work and he also broke up with me a week ago. It is shockingly similar to you - he told me very randomly that he fell out of love with me. Just a month ago, the last time I saw him before the breakup (it was long distance), we had a romantic weekend spent together at his apartment and it went perfectly and he was in love with me then. We weren't a perfect couple - we had our issues but were still in love a few weeks ago. I'm still in a state of shock, but I guess feelings change quickly. I can't offer any advice or hope, I'm trying to stay as positive as possible but finding it very hard to be happy about things that I was previously. I'm hoping with time it gets better, but right now it's probably the toughest experience.

 

The only major difference for me is that we are in contact now - I broke the NC Rule (I know, I know :() yesterday and we have come to the point where we agreed on trying to be friends (which won't work) but I'm a lost cause at this point. Even though it hurts because she isn't contacting you - it's for the better because it will be a quicker healing time. If you take the "friend" route or continue regular contact with someone who doesn't want to be with you anymore while you're still in love with them, chances are, there will be more hurt in the long run.

Edited by na27
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But thats just it, I thought it was perfect. It was everything i ever dreamed of when i was 14 thinking of the perfect girlfriend, before i even dated my first girlfriend. Perfect in body in mind. It's hard to imagine theres something better out there. and its like pa888 said, its a shame she couldnt sit down and talk about how she felt. I'm older than her, iv dating, and I couldv done something to rekindle the flames. Me, I was happy. from experience, and simple wisdom i knew that everything will die down after a while, and im aware it probably would have ended eventually, but not like this and not this soon.

 

It sucks, it hurts and it's painful. I get it my man. I've been there. But as I said, she had been checking out of the relationship for a while. You probably just missed the signs.

 

I wouldn't keep questioning WHY she wouldn't sit down and talk it through. She had already talked it through with herself, friends and family and most likely didn't want the confrontation with you so she abruptly ended it.

 

We all tend to "idolize" the ex after we get rejected. We tell ourselves "but she was the one".. That's also normal and most do this. As time passes and you heal, you will get clarity and come to the realization that she wasn't perfect and the relationship had it's issues. You even stated it was getting a bit stale. At 1 year, the relationship is still relatively new, especially at your age. It was a MAJOR sign that you two were probably not a good fit long term.

 

Learn from the experience, that's all you can really do. But trust a much older guy when he says the hurt you feel will pass. You will fall in love again and find happiness.

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Currently in a similar boat as you, except I am the younger one. We also had the same age gap that you did, (me 19, him 22) and met at work and he also broke up with me a week ago. It is shockingly similar to you - he told me very randomly that he fell out of love with me. Just a month ago, the last time I saw him before the breakup (it was long distance), we had a romantic weekend spent together at his apartment and it went perfectly and he was in love with me then. We weren't a perfect couple - we had our issues but were still in love a few weeks ago. I'm still in a state of shock, but I guess feelings change quickly. I can't offer any advice or hope, I'm trying to stay as positive as possible but finding it very hard to be happy about things that I was previously. I'm hoping with time it gets better, but right now it's probably the toughest experience.

 

The only major difference for me is that we are in contact now - I broke the NC Rule (I know, I know :() yesterday and we have come to the point where we agreed on trying to be friends (which won't work) but I'm a lost cause at this point. Even though it hurts because she isn't contacting you - it's for the better because it will be a quicker healing time. If you take the "friend" route or continue regular contact with someone who doesn't want to be with you anymore while you're still in love with them, chances are, there will be more hurt in the long run.

 

Iv done long distance with someone I met from another country. we were together a little over a month, and then the rest was skype and texts. That lasted about 4 months. I dont know if you were always long distance on and off, But its hard. That sad truth, and everybody preaches it, is that long distance never works. A lot can change in a few weeks. The fact that he said he lost his love for you is an extremely important reason to NC. I know, im doing no contact now and i know thats its the hardest thing with the best rewards. I know how you feel, but never ever ever be friends. The only time that works is when both people feel the same. this week has been the most painful week of my life, i also feel lost and empty. from talking to friends iv learned there are two people in this world. There are the people who want to do as much as they can and meet as many interesting people as possible and date and grow. Then theres us, the people who want to meet someone, take their time and experience and grow together, with someone by their side.

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Iv done long distance with someone I met from another country. we were together a little over a month, and then the rest was skype and texts. That lasted about 4 months. I dont know if you were always long distance on and off, But its hard. That sad truth, and everybody preaches it, is that long distance never works. A lot can change in a few weeks. The fact that he said he lost his love for you is an extremely important reason to NC. I know, im doing no contact now and i know thats its the hardest thing with the best rewards. I know how you feel, but never ever ever be friends. The only time that works is when both people feel the same. this week has been the most painful week of my life, i also feel lost and empty. from talking to friends iv learned there are two people in this world. There are the people who want to do as much as they can and meet as many interesting people as possible and date and grow. Then theres us, the people who want to meet someone, take their time and experience and grow together, with someone by their side.

 

I love how you put it - it all fits very well. Thank you for the advice on your question for advice! I didn't mean to put focus on myself so I do apologize - and thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. I'm going to force myself to start NC again very, very soon, preferably in the next week. I'm just having a hard time making the transition because we were best friends for a while before we started dating. (It wasn't always long distance - we dated for six months before he moved a few hours away, and we did long distance for the next ten months) Were you two friends beforehand? If you don't mind me asking - is it very difficult to not talk to her? During my only one week of NC, I kept almost contacting him because I was so used to it. Something funny would happen and I'd immediately think, "Oh, I'll send him a text, he'll think it's funny" or something like that. I hope I'm not the only one who's getting tripped up by that! Such a weird transition.

 

Anyway, if I can help in any way, it's to remind you that although your situation is frustrating and awful and all the terrible adjectives you can think of, you're not alone in it. I'm going through basically the same thing and so are other people. That fact doesn't always make me feel better when I'm doing worse, but it does help sometimes. I hope it starts to get easier for you. :)

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I love how you put it - it all fits very well. Thank you for the advice on your question for advice! I didn't mean to put focus on myself so I do apologize - and thank you for telling me what I needed to hear. I'm going to force myself to start NC again very, very soon, preferably in the next week. I'm just having a hard time making the transition because we were best friends for a while before we started dating. (It wasn't always long distance - we dated for six months before he moved a few hours away, and we did long distance for the next ten months) Were you two friends beforehand? If you don't mind me asking - is it very difficult to not talk to her? During my only one week of NC, I kept almost contacting him because I was so used to it. Something funny would happen and I'd immediately think, "Oh, I'll send him a text, he'll think it's funny" or something like that. I hope I'm not the only one who's getting tripped up by that! Such a weird transition.

 

Anyway, if I can help in any way, it's to remind you that although your situation is frustrating and awful and all the terrible adjectives you can think of, you're not alone in it. I'm going through basically the same thing and so are other people. That fact doesn't always make me feel better when I'm doing worse, but it does help sometimes. I hope it starts to get easier for you. :)

 

We both worked at the same job. many people worked there, it was retail, so one day we met and we were working together and we were very comfortable around eachother at the get go. we starting talking at work more and more, we would tease eachother about who we could make more miserable. One thing led to another, We had a lot in common, and it was like I was dating the best friend i never had. Same taste in everything. and when we did nothing it was fun. We teased eachother and everything was a state of bliss. We felt as though we knew eachother our whole lives even though we had just met. It was perfect, she was like the other half of me that was missing. it got to a point where every week we sat in either of our houses and did nothing. It hurts to think I drove her away because I got TOO comfortable doing nothing. It was fun, but i feel maybe she felt life was passing her by. like i said before, I didnt know she felt this extreme, we were both busy with school anyway. Its hard because I feel regret. Shes very important to me, she always will be, half of me wants to move on and half of me doesn't want to let her go, even though shes already gone.

 

EDIT: Yes, we used to text eachother everything we were doing. it really feels like getting your soul ripped out. Sometimes i look at her stuff on social media (apparently blocking them only stops them from contacting you). I cant help but look to see whats going on in her life. Iv done everything I can, iv boxed up everything that even remotely reminded me of her. Its sad in this society that clinging to your happiness, and trying to contact somebody who has abandoned you is frowned upon. It's hard to transition to being alone when youv had someone there for you for so long. I even went as far as to block her pages through the web browser, but now i just use my tablet. It's extremely hard to let go, when you put so much effort into something.

 

Iv been going out with friends because i just dig back into the black hole when im home, its only a bandaid, but time is the only cure. Iv been looking into Daoism, that might help you a little bit. Its about accepting life as is. I wish my own advice helped me, but like i said change is hard and your body and mind will resist.

Edited by robotfish
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It sucks, it hurts and it's painful. I get it my man. I've been there. But as I said, she had been checking out of the relationship for a while. You probably just missed the signs.

 

I wouldn't keep questioning WHY she wouldn't sit down and talk it through. She had already talked it through with herself, friends and family and most likely didn't want the confrontation with you so she abruptly ended it.

 

We all tend to "idolize" the ex after we get rejected. We tell ourselves "but she was the one".. That's also normal and most do this. As time passes and you heal, you will get clarity and come to the realization that she wasn't perfect and the relationship had it's issues. You even stated it was getting a bit stale. At 1 year, the relationship is still relatively new, especially at your age. It was a MAJOR sign that you two were probably not a good fit long term.

 

check out what i wrote above in previous posts.

Learn from the experience, that's all you can really do. But trust a much older guy when he says the hurt you feel will pass. You will fall in love again and find happiness.

 

 

Thanks for the input. You make a good argument. Still, it hurts me that she didnt try. She simply accepted that what was now was how it would be. Romance can be rekindled, especially with summer coming up. My mind, at this point, is telling me that with our compatibility it would have been easy to spark the heat she was seeking. The worst is that she loved me, but didnt respect my feelings enough to tell me the way she was feeling. Even if I couldnt fix it, at least i know we both gave it a fair try.

 

Is it my fault? should i have done more things with her? thats how i feel. That we didnt go out and do things and thats why she left...

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The worst is that she loved me

 

Well, she might of still loved you but wasn't IN LOVE with you anymore. I'm not trying to be harsh. The reality is that the last thing you'd do is break up with someone knowing that they will be free to date and sleep with others. When I'm in love w/someone, the thought of my love sleeping with someone else would kill me..

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Well, she might of still loved you but wasn't IN LOVE with you anymore. I'm not trying to be harsh. The reality is that the last thing you'd do is break up with someone knowing that they will be free to date and sleep with others. When I'm in love w/someone, the thought of my love sleeping with someone else would kill me..

 

 

Thanks. I like your honesty. I dont know what to say. That really burns. I guess what was perfect for me wasn't perfect for her. I dont understand how you can lose interest in something thats so compatible. It makes me distrust getting involved with another girl. It could be even better, and still could end in disaster...

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Thanks. I like your honesty. I dont know what to say. That really burns. I guess what was perfect for me wasn't perfect for her. I dont understand how you can lose interest in something thats so compatible. It makes me distrust getting involved with another girl. It could be even better, and still could end in disaster...

 

Listen, as you go on in life, you may have to end a relationship as well if you haven't already. I've ended several relationships, including my marriage. Sometimes you simply grow apart and things change. Relationships generally start off fantastic. They are exciting, fun, the sex is great and then you settle into a routine. Then the "honeymoon stage" wears off and you really get a true picture of who you're with. In a lot of cases, you realize this person is not a good fit for you long term and hopefully, you end the relationship with kindness and respect.

 

When I've ended relationships, I simply wasn't in love with them anymore. I knew they'd move on and find other guys, have sex, etc.. I was fine with that. I never had any desire to reconnect with the people I dumped. In most cases, that's how people feel when they know it's over.

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Clarence_Boddicker

It's very natural to be utterly confused. Remember she's had 6 months planning the break up. Your questions are mostly unanswerable & really useless.

 

 

Go NC & pretend she's dead. Do not take her back if she changes her mind. You will only get hurt worse. Find something to do to fill in that time & hole in your life.

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ExpatInItaly

She's very, very young. What people want changes and it's normal for people in that age group. Yours, too.

 

You describe how perfect it was. That's your perception. She evidently had some doubts 6 months ago, and it wasn't so perfect for her. I suspect she realized she doesn't want to be tied down. It hurts, but it's better this way. She wasn't ready for what you want.

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LadyDeadpool

 

The only major difference for me is that we are in contact now - I broke the NC Rule (I know, I know :() yesterday and we have come to the point where we agreed on trying to be friends (which won't work) but I'm a lost cause at this point. Even though it hurts because she isn't contacting you - it's for the better because it will be a quicker healing time. If you take the "friend" route or continue regular contact with someone who doesn't want to be with you anymore while you're still in love with them, chances are, there will be more hurt in the long run.

 

 

I commented on your post about this guy and I must say, if you know it's not going to work, why bother. You aren't giving yourself a chance to heal by reopening the wound.

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LadyDeadpool

Robotfish, she is young and wants to experience the world. Don't hold that against her. Also the fact that she doesn't think she will ever come back is her problem not yours. You are young also, so live yourself, open yourself up to others. If you dwell on the loss of your first love for the rest of your life, you won't give yourself the chance to love someone else, or let them love you. It hurts now but you didn't do anything wrong. I know it feels like the end of the world but it's not. Stay strong.

 

You seem like you have a big heart. Don't hide it because it got bruised.

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I commented on your post about this guy and I must say, if you know it's not going to work, why bother. You aren't giving yourself a chance to heal by reopening the wound.

 

I'm definitely working on it - and I do know that I should just cut off communication now. It's just hard for me to make the transition since I really did consider him my best friend. I think until I can feel a little more stable, I will probably continue to struggle with it. When I'm having my good, more sane moments then the idea of NC is easier and and seems like the right choice. But whenever I'm breaking down, I struggle with the NC rule. I'm taking steps on fixing it by leaving my phone in different rooms for the night or just turning it off completely. Hopefully I'll be better with NC with time. Thank you for your input- you are completely right.

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