6 weeks NC today. Do I contact?

[Lostlove2015]

My story is that I met a man five years my senior through work. We had instant chemistry and I knew it was love almost straight away. This was different to anything else I'd ever experienced. We fell completely head over heels and we had an amazing 18 months together and lived together for a period of time which was really positive. We went away on a number of holidays and he said he had never had such amazing times. He told me he needed me in his life and never felt this way before.

 

My ex has been married before and has a child from this marriage. I always accepted this and knew that every other weekend meant that we would have an addition to our family. Although it was difficult for me at times, I was open with my ex and we worked through it together. His relationship with her is positive to a degree but he keeps her at arms length and it is very clear they were not right together. She had a partner now and seems settled.

 

Around February, after a fantastic holiday together, he ended things because he did not feel he could move closer to my family as we had agreed when planning a future. I accepted this at the time and after a week I explained I would move closer to him. This was accepted and he told me he would do whatever it took to keep me. I was anxious about a reconciliation as I worried it may happen again but he explained that I made him happy and a better person and he would never let me go again. He promised to always discuss things openly with me and never just drop me.

 

A month later after an amazing weekend together, he told me he could not carry on with me because he could not give me what I wanted. He was scared to have a family again and it not work out. I left devastated and have had no contact with him since aside from a text that told me how amazing, beautiful, loving, wonderful, special person I was. He explained that he had never had love before and I had taught him what it was to love.

 

Our relationship was extremely positive and happy and we had such great times together. Other people remarked at how well suited we were and my family felt it was clear how much he loved me by the way he looked at me etc. I always felt extremely loved and know that he still loves me to this day. We barely bickered and our sex life was amazing. He always remarked about how beautiful and perfect I was to him and I never doubted this.

 

After two weeks of no contact he approached a friend of mine after texting and asking if he could see her. She met with him and he explained that he had not handled things well and missed me everyday. He told her that I was the best thing to ever have happened to him and I was the only person who had ever looked out for him. He explained that everything reminded him of me but that he was burying his head in the sand as I would go on and meet someone (but he doesn't want to know) and he would never meet anyone as special as me. He was very upset. He said that it was too complicated situation and this would only ever cause problems in the future. He is concerned his ex might leave and then I'd be young bringing up his child. I don't believe this would happen but he appears to have irrational fears and guilt over leaving his family.

 

I still made no contact.

 

I have not heard from him at all in 6 weeks.

 

I genuinely believed he would come back because the reasons don't make sense and the love we had together was something very special. I've stuck to literally no contact and it's killed me. I saw a psychic recently who described my situation to a tee and talked about him and his looks, age, previous relationship and child. The psychic told me it was unfinished business and this is exactly how I feel.

 

I'm literally devastated still and I know he will be struggling as he spends a lot of his time alone. He had a very limited support network and he spent the last 18 months with me and his son. He only sees him every other weekend.

 

Is that it now? Do I just give up after 6 weeks? Surely he would have been back by now? Do I contact him and tell him how I feel?

 

I'm scared if I contact then he might think he can just do this and I know the only way is if he comes back to me of his own accord and realised what he has lost. I'm scared he knows he has made a mistake but does not feel he can admit it.

 

What do I do next? I'm finding it so hard. I truly love him from the bottom of my heart and I'd do anything to spend a Saturday night in with him with a glass of wine and cuddled up watching TV.

 

I know I made him extremely happy and that he is scared of the commitment as he has done it before and it failed.

 

Please help me. I can't talk to anyone about it because they all think I need to move on but I know he is the one for me.

[quattrob]

I suggest you don't reach out and let him sort things out on his own.. it seems like this is something he has to overcome himself (regarding his fear). Nothing you say or do will change him (you tried before and it was only temporary). He seems to be battling it out with himself and eventually he'll reach out to you once he figures things out.

 

 

You really don't need to do anything imo.. let time play things out, you really need patience and perseverance. However I would not close my options out on meeting somebody else as waiting for someone to come around and figure themselves out is imo unfair to yourself. Don't wait around too long for something that may or may not happen and always keep your options open. Life is short and too precious to wait around for uncertainties

[na49]

I know how hard it can be, but there is a reason he hasn't reached out to you. If he wanted to say anything to you, he has your number/knows how to contact you. If he thought he made a mistake, he'd tell you. He wouldn't risk losing you just because he was afraid to admit he is wrong.

 

Also I hope you didn't pay too much for that psychic, pretty sure those things are a scam.

[frigginlost]

I know how hard it can be, but there is a reason he hasn't reached out to you. If he wanted to say anything to you, he has your number/knows how to contact you. If he thought he made a mistake, he'd tell you. He wouldn't risk losing you just because he was afraid to admit he is wrong.

 

Also I hope you didn't pay too much for that psychic, pretty sure those things are a scam.

 

You would be amazed at what a human would do to not admit they are wrong...

[minime13]

My story is that I met a man five years my senior through work. We had instant chemistry and I knew it was love almost straight away. This was different to anything else I'd ever experienced. We fell completely head over heels and we had an amazing 18 months together and lived together for a period of time which was really positive. We went away on a number of holidays and he said he had never had such amazing times. He told me he needed me in his life and never felt this way before.

 

My ex has been married before and has a child from this marriage. I always accepted this and knew that every other weekend meant that we would have an addition to our family. Although it was difficult for me at times, I was open with my ex and we worked through it together. His relationship with her is positive to a degree but he keeps her at arms length and it is very clear they were not right together. She had a partner now and seems settled.

 

Around February, after a fantastic holiday together, he ended things because he did not feel he could move closer to my family as we had agreed when planning a future. I accepted this at the time and after a week I explained I would move closer to him. This was accepted and he told me he would do whatever it took to keep me. I was anxious about a reconciliation as I worried it may happen again but he explained that I made him happy and a better person and he would never let me go again. He promised to always discuss things openly with me and never just drop me.

 

A month later after an amazing weekend together, he told me he could not carry on with me because he could not give me what I wanted. He was scared to have a family again and it not work out. I left devastated and have had no contact with him since aside from a text that told me how amazing, beautiful, loving, wonderful, special person I was. He explained that he had never had love before and I had taught him what it was to love.

 

Our relationship was extremely positive and happy and we had such great times together. Other people remarked at how well suited we were and my family felt it was clear how much he loved me by the way he looked at me etc. I always felt extremely loved and know that he still loves me to this day. We barely bickered and our sex life was amazing. He always remarked about how beautiful and perfect I was to him and I never doubted this.

 

After two weeks of no contact he approached a friend of mine after texting and asking if he could see her. She met with him and he explained that he had not handled things well and missed me everyday. He told her that I was the best thing to ever have happened to him and I was the only person who had ever looked out for him. He explained that everything reminded him of me but that he was burying his head in the sand as I would go on and meet someone (but he doesn't want to know) and he would never meet anyone as special as me. He was very upset. He said that it was too complicated situation and this would only ever cause problems in the future. He is concerned his ex might leave and then I'd be young bringing up his child. I don't believe this would happen but he appears to have irrational fears and guilt over leaving his family.

 

I still made no contact.

 

I have not heard from him at all in 6 weeks.

 

I genuinely believed he would come back because the reasons don't make sense and the love we had together was something very special. I've stuck to literally no contact and it's killed me. I saw a psychic recently who described my situation to a tee and talked about him and his looks, age, previous relationship and child. The psychic told me it was unfinished business and this is exactly how I feel.

 

I'm literally devastated still and I know he will be struggling as he spends a lot of his time alone. He had a very limited support network and he spent the last 18 months with me and his son. He only sees him every other weekend.

 

Is that it now? Do I just give up after 6 weeks? Surely he would have been back by now? Do I contact him and tell him how I feel?

 

I'm scared if I contact then he might think he can just do this and I know the only way is if he comes back to me of his own accord and realised what he has lost. I'm scared he knows he has made a mistake but does not feel he can admit it.

 

What do I do next? I'm finding it so hard. I truly love him from the bottom of my heart and I'd do anything to spend a Saturday night in with him with a glass of wine and cuddled up watching TV.

 

I know I made him extremely happy and that he is scared of the commitment as he has done it before and it failed.

 

Please help me. I can't talk to anyone about it because they all think I need to move on but I know he is the one for me.

 

He ended things with you, and the only way he would come back is for his mind to change independently. You can't coerce it by talking to him. Keep up with NC. What needs to happen, will, for the best.

[Lostlove2015]

Thanks for your advice. I suppose I am worried he may forget about me if I don't do something soon as it has been 6 weeks. I know he still loves me as he told my friend and I know he will be extremely lonely as he has a very limited social network and not much family. He has his son every other weekend and I know (as he told my friend) that he having to find things to do to keep himself occupied.

 

Do you not think if he were to have second thoughts he would have contacted me by now? Surely 6 weeks is long enough to establish whether or not you want to be with someone? It feels like a lifetime ago to me.

 

The whole situation makes no sense to me as we were getting along well and spent the weekend together, then out of the blue he ends things for the second time. I had very little explaination and I did not understand it at all.

 

If you meet someone you love and tell them that you want a family, how could you cut them out of your life completely, especially seen as though we had such a positive relationship.

 

He said to my friend that I make him a better person and that everything reminds him of me. He told her he loves me so much and can't bear the thought of me meeting someone else. He then said 'If I see her, I know I will crack'. Surely these are not the actions of a man that is sure about his decision at all?

 

Also, he changes his profile picture all of the time to photos of when we were on holiday together. Surely this is wierd too?

 

Thanks for all your help and advice.