idk if i did the right thing

[geronimo]

So if any of you have been following my story I posted last week about my ex and I meeting up because we made a promise to eachother that we would on our 5 year anniversary mark (which was last Thursday). I know it was stupid and I didnt think she would show up, plus you guys had set me straight and I had fully gotten the idea of it out of my head and decided I wouldn't go.

 

Well then thursday comes along, I'm not gonna lie and say I wasn't thinking about going but I kept telling myself I wouldnt, then I get a block number call from her, she doesnt respond but I knew it was her, picked up she didnt say anything and hung up, did this a couple times then finally she responded saying its May 14th. I told her none of that means anything cuz we're broken up, she said she knows but we promised eachother, but in the end shes like its ok if you don't wanna meet up dw about it, but there was a crack in her voice and i knew she was crying. She hung up after. I felt so bad, so i called her back and told her I would come see her for a bit but i had to go after.

 

So i see her, things were kinda awkward in the beginning since its been almost 6 months of NC. But we had been dating for almost 5 years and it didn't take long for us to go back to being normal with eachother again. Long story short we ended up spending something like 4 hours together. Caught up and everything but she said she wants to be friends, i respectfully declined because I'm in no position to be just friends with her. We talked about our relationship and she cleared up alot of things and apologized for the way she handled things and took ownership of it. But at the same time explained what had gone down on her end and why she did what she did (i blame it on immaturity but it is what it is).

 

Anyways I thought she was really happy with her new life and new bf and everything but she seems miserable. She told me he is really insecure and compares everything to me, and that they barely even talk (her and I used to talk everyday and she says she misses that). She said she can't even talk to him about anything serious cuz they're not open to eachother like that. I didnt comment much on that cuz its not my place but it makes me wonder why she's still in this relationship if she's not happy. She told me she misses me alot and that her bf was against her coming to see me but she still did.

 

I took everything she said with a grain of salt cuz if she wanted to be with me again she would breakup with him and be straight up about being with me, so I know thats not what she wants but its pretty ****ed that she is still in this relationship when she had something way better with me. She still says the main reason for us breaking up is her family not being ok with my religion and her family means everything to her and she can't disappoint them. She said if they weren't ok with her new bf she would break up with him right away.

 

I do feel better seeing her and knowing that her life isn't all happy go lucky after breaking up with me and moving on to the next guy. But I'm not gonna lie I wish she would just come back, cuz there is something there between us still. At the same time if she comes back I have to some how take the power from her cuz I know its not gonna work out in the long run if she has all the power. Anyways i had to get this off my chest, thanks for reading/your inputs.

[d0nnivain]

I'm glad you got a positive experience from it.

 

As an outsider's take, all I saw was her having what I call Dumper's Remorse. She doesn't really want you back but she misses the good times in your relationship. Her new guy is a rebound.

 

Now that you fulfilled your 5 year promise, let her go. You concentrate on your healing & building a good future without her.

[hunk]

Don't ever contact her again and please ignore any further contact from her that isn't directly asking you for another chance. You shouldn't have gone to this meeting, but you're only human. At the end of the day she can say whatever she wants but she's with this new guy not you and is getting plowed by him and not you. She could be with you but she isn't, this is her active, conscious choice. She wants to be with this guy. She just wanted to make sure you were still hung up on her. It's sick, but it's the reason she wanted to meet. There's no other reason for her to want to meet you i'm afraid - it was purely to assess your where you're at in terms of healing and moving on. Ideally you should've told her it's not going to happen but I understand why you did what you did and it's not that big of a deal.

 

Now you really need to remove her from your life entirely and focus on moving on

[imbax]

Hey Geronimo I have been following your story closely as it resembles mine a lot. I think you made a good choice going to meet her as this was your personal choice given you understand your circumstances better than anyone else on this forum and world. Honestly though, if she has another guy, don't meet her again unless she wants you back and explicitly says so. It's just rude of her to keep you hanging by this invisible line easing her own guilt while you are heartbroken and torn up inside. Completely ignore her no matter what she says and act indifferent. That's what I would do if my exgf contacts me ever. Unless your exgf is apologising and begging for a reconciliation DO NOT initiate contact or talk to her. Keep your man pride and balls. It's hard but we men have principles not to be a wimp and a wuss. She will appreciate you a lot more if you act indifferent.

 

Ps. The family reasoning crap is bs. Honesty the bottom line is it doesn't matter what excuse they give you. Like I mentioned to you before, my exgf told me we were incompatible she wasn't happy blahblagblah but still loves me and misses me. It kind of pisses me off when people make bull**** up when they break up with you. Don't buy into any of their **** they say because at the end of the day, they broke it and they used some bull**** excuse because they did not want you in their lives anymore. The family bull**** crap is fake and if any girl REALLY wanted to be with you, I believe they would move mountains for you no kidding.

Edited May 18, 2015 by imbax

[Ruby65]

Yeah, she's having second thoughts about her current boyfriend so she's checking to see if you're still available as a possible Plan B and ego-stroker.

 

It was very selfish of her to take advantage of your feelings that way. If she was happy with her boyfriend, she wouldn't have bothered meeting up.

 

Take the advice you've been offered and keep her blocked everywhere. No more meetups, no more nothing.

 

Onward and upward!

[geronimo]

I didn't see any of these messages so sorry for the late response.

 

I do see where you are all coming from and logically it all makes sense. I do know that if her relationship was going good she def would not have come to see me, so it means there are troubles there and thats why she came. It just sucks to know that is the only reasons she did that, even though she put up a front saying no one can control her and that she wanted to come because of our promise and cuz she cares about me and all that ****.

 

I also know her relationship isn't going good cuz she dropped hints that he compares himself to me, hes insecure, he barely contacts her (they go days without talking) and she misses the connection that we had and she does not have that with him. Also yea im pretty sure this new guy is a rebound.

 

The only weird thing is that we did have a really "extraordinary" relationship I would say, we are both really weird in our own ways and idk maybe its just me projecting my feelings onto her but something about seeing her again really ensured that. She told me she misses me all the time and she has been contemplating calling me but she didn't know if I would be ok with it (since i did block her off everything) also she said she was upset I didn't contact her on her birthday to wish her (even though she did on mine a week later) and she said she was about to call me that night but she controlled herself.

 

I agree on the fact that I will keep NC with her unless she directly contacts me apologizing for everything that has happened and really wants to reconcile. We did talk about our relationship when we met up, and what went wrong. To some extent I do understand where she was coming from. We were together for 5 years and as much as I wanna say I didn't take her for granted, things happened over the last year where I got comfortable and she had done something the past year which i never really forgave her for, so we did fight quite a bit. She told me it was pretty much all the fighting and the yelling and me just shutting out on her that got to her (especially this one really bad fight we had) and she said that mixed with the fact that she started liking this guy (her current bf) just f*cked everything up. She did say she takes most of the blame for us breaking up.

 

Now comes the fact about her excuse for breaking up. My ex has been dealing with health problems ever since she was a kid, and I have seen this as long as I have known her that she really feels guilty that she indirectly makes her parents suffer cuz of her problems. I know she shouldn't as its not her fault what has happened, but I do understand where she is coming from. Our relationship was hidden for the most part, but her parents did know there was something going on, they would just tell her that she can be friends with me, but nothing else. I know that the tipping factor of the breakup was the new guy, but I do think the mom had a heavy influence on it and it was eating my ex up that she has to lie about the relationship and hide it and do something that her parents are not ok with, even though she has already made them suffer so much. She said that her parents have not met her new bf yet but if they weren't ok with him, she would break up with him or anyone else also, cuz her parents/family mean everything to her.

 

So yea I dont know what to think anymore. I am kind of regretting seeing her again because it brought back all the memories and feelings, even tho it did feel good for the moment seeing her, and also knowing that she isn't doing that great without me in her life and she misses me too. As much as I don't want to say it, I still love this girl alot, and I know I can do so much better and I deserve someone who is willing to do as much for me as I am for them and the way she treated me was just not right. But i just can't help the feeling. I keep wishing one of these days she will contact me for reconciliation and tbh I dont even know how I would handle it because I don't want to jump back into anything and give her all the power. F*CK LIFE lol

 

Sorry for the long post.

[geronimo]

Also to add, for the physical/sexual aspect - I dont know if I mentioned before but her and I never had sex because she wanted to wait till marriage and I respected that. I know I know 5 year relationship, no sex, im insane but I guess love makes you do stupid things. Tbh i don't regret it one bit.

 

She did tell me that this is still the case and no matter what she is always going to stick to her morals cuz she does only want to sleep with one person. Aka nothing has gone down between her and her new bf.

 

She also asked me if I have hooked up with anyone, I responded honestly that I have been dating here and there but it hasn't lead to anything else simply because I am not ready for any of that.

 

She was telling me things like her bf took her to a hockey game and she knew I always wanted to take her and she even mentioned that to him (lol poor guy) and she asked if i had gone to see any movies with any girl (since that was our weekly thing) and i did tell her that i did go to see fast 7 with this one girl (also a franchise we both love) and she seemed legitimately hurt by it but w/e she can't expect me to put my life on hold while she goes and does what she wants.

[Satu]

Her new bf is probably having a harder time of it than you.

 

Living in your shadow won't be much fun.

[imbax]

Also to add, for the physical/sexual aspect - I dont know if I mentioned before but her and I never had sex because she wanted to wait till marriage and I respected that. I know I know 5 year relationship, no sex, im insane but I guess love makes you do stupid things. Tbh i don't regret it one bit.

 

She did tell me that this is still the case and no matter what she is always going to stick to her morals cuz she does only want to sleep with one person. Aka nothing has gone down between her and her new bf.

 

She also asked me if I have hooked up with anyone, I responded honestly that I have been dating here and there but it hasn't lead to anything else simply because I am not ready for any of that.

 

She was telling me things like her bf took her to a hockey game and she knew I always wanted to take her and she even mentioned that to him (lol poor guy) and she asked if i had gone to see any movies with any girl (since that was our weekly thing) and i did tell her that i did go to see fast 7 with this one girl (also a franchise we both love) and she seemed legitimately hurt by it but w/e she can't expect me to put my life on hold while she goes and does what she wants.

 

So much respect for you for waiting that long for her geronimo. My ex-gf was the one who initiated sex and pushed me into having sex with her after a month of dating. It was both our first time so I was a bit uneasy doing it with her without waiting longer (if she didn't want to I probably would have waited years like you).

 

How are you coping lately? I have been going up and down. My mind plays different scenarios each day but the more I think about it, the more angry and sad I get. I realise all the things she didn't do for me like a true gf would. I am starting to doubt that what we had was real love. Possibly near the start, but gradually the love from her end faded out and she got "too comfortable" with me always being there. I want to experience a relationship where my girlfriend truly loves me from the heart and not just superficial love which eventually brought the breakup when distance was added.

 

So I guess the road from here now is to grieve as much as possible be sad, angry hurtful, spiteful all of the above. Hopefully someone in the universe is looking out for us. I think we were great guys but just got ****ed on by the wrong girls. Don't get me wrong we love them with all our hearts but they do not assimilate the same love in return. I believe in karma what goes around will eventually come around.

 

Yeah I get you Geronimo, we truly deserve someone better: the question is....does this girl even exist? I have never believed in "the one" all I believe in was various levels of compatibility.

 

I don't feel as if I have been treated right in a relationship either. I don't have anything to compare to as she was my first for everything. I don't even know myself anymore. I just gave her my everything and in return she pulled away, treated me with minimal affection and love, then eventually broke up with me.

 

Sorry if I sound bitter but bitterness is all I have these days

Edited May 20, 2015 by imbax

[Ruby65]

Well, now you know how it feels to be someone's backup plan.

 

It hurts, doesn't it?

 

If you continue to keep the door open, she'll be happy to keep you on board with intermittent contact, complaints about her boyfriend, and vague references to happier times spent with you.

 

Please don't continue to *be there* and *hold her hand* through this breakup.

 

If she's going to decide to dump this guy and ask for another chance, you don't need to be in her life for that to happen. In fact, being there makes it less likely to happen!

 

Focus on YOU and moving on.... go No Contact and block her from your world so you can really heal and find someone who truly WANTS to be your girlfriend.

[imbax]

Well, now you know how it feels to be someone's backup plan.

 

It hurts, doesn't it?

 

If you continue to keep the door open, she'll be happy to keep you on board with intermittent contact, complaints about her boyfriend, and vague references to happier times spent with you.

 

Please don't continue to *be there* and *hold her hand* through this breakup.

 

If she's going to decide to dump this guy and ask for another chance, you don't need to be in her life for that to happen. In fact, being there makes it less likely to happen!

 

Focus on YOU and moving on.... go No Contact and block her from your world so you can really heal and find someone who truly WANTS to be your girlfriend.

 

Ruby this is easier said than done in most cases because no girl that I like WANTS to be my girlfriend.

 

Am I naive to say that the best relationships are when you don't expect them coming and they happen automatically?

[Ruby65]

Ruby this is easier said than done in most cases because no girl that I like WANTS to be my girlfriend.

 

Am I naive to say that the best relationships are when you don't expect them coming and they happen automatically?

 

Dude, you are SO FAR AWAY from being even remotely ready to date again that I'm not even going there with you.

 

When you've healed.... when you're no longer going through the initial agony of a breakup.... then you'll start to see the world in a completely different way.

[dangerbang]

Am I naive to say that the best relationships are when you don't expect them coming and they happen automatically?

 

I'm 35 soon and every single time, this is how it happens.

[imbax]

I'm 35 soon and every single time, this is how it happens.

 

Is it the same feeling every time ? Or does it vary ?

[Satu]

I'm 35 soon and every single time, this is how it happens.

 

The past does not determine the future.

 

It can spoil the present though, if you let it.

[geronimo]

Her new bf is probably having a harder time of it than you.

 

Living in your shadow won't be much fun.

 

Agreed, kinda feel bad for the guy but he had it coming, he knew we were together and when we broke up. So he deserves it.

 

Plus not to say i was the best bf in the world, but i was pretty amazing and I know I did alot for her that no other guy will ever do for anyone, so she's always going to regret that. She kinda knows it too, said something about how we f*cked eachother over for our next relationships.

[geronimo]

So much respect for you for waiting that long for her geronimo. My ex-gf was the one who initiated sex and pushed me into having sex with her after a month of dating. It was both our first time so I was a bit uneasy doing it with her without waiting longer (if she didn't want to I probably would have waited years like you).

 

How are you coping lately? I have been going up and down. My mind plays different scenarios each day but the more I think about it, the more angry and sad I get. I realise all the things she didn't do for me like a true gf would. I am starting to doubt that what we had was real love. Possibly near the start, but gradually the love from her end faded out and she got "too comfortable" with me always being there. I want to experience a relationship where my girlfriend truly loves me from the heart and not just superficial love which eventually brought the breakup when distance was added.

 

So I guess the road from here now is to grieve as much as possible be sad, angry hurtful, spiteful all of the above. Hopefully someone in the universe is looking out for us. I think we were great guys but just got ****ed on by the wrong girls. Don't get me wrong we love them with all our hearts but they do not assimilate the same love in return. I believe in karma what goes around will eventually come around.

 

Yeah I get you Geronimo, we truly deserve someone better: the question is....does this girl even exist? I have never believed in "the one" all I believe in was various levels of compatibility.

 

I don't feel as if I have been treated right in a relationship either. I don't have anything to compare to as she was my first for everything. I don't even know myself anymore. I just gave her my everything and in return she pulled away, treated me with minimal affection and love, then eventually broke up with me.

 

Sorry if I sound bitter but bitterness is all I have these days

 

Thanks Imbax, yea not gonna lie it wasn't easy but when you have that love and respect for someone you do what you can to make them happy and comfortable.

 

Don't think about it too much bro, trust me I went through it all. Felt like she didnt care, felt our relationship was all one sided (me doing everything), felt like she never loved me, felt used. All of it, i have been through it. I read your story and I know ours are very similar and im telling you with 6 months post BU that this is all very normal. You're just going to realize one day that no matter how much you think about it, or dwell on it, nothing will come of it, whats done is done and the relationship is over.

 

But yea man I'm a HUGE believer in Karma and I guess my gf being miserable is part of that. Agreed we are great guys and you have to just stick to that, don't hurt anyone in the process of your grieving. You just gotta get through it, keep posting and talking to your friends/fam for help.

 

I do believe there is someone out there for us (I know it doesnt look like it now) but I'm optimistic. To be honest as much as I would love for my ex to come back or find someone new, at this moment I am ok with being single. I have alot of my life to figure out and before I have someone else to think about also I want to get all that sorted. You should do the same, look at your future, evaulate where you want to go and work on that. Thats what helped me the most in coping with the breakup.

 

I read somewhere that: we accept the love we think we deserve, and to be honest I think I deserve a lot more than what my ex gave me. I can't help but love her because she is my first, and we were together for 5 years, plus its scary how compatible and similar we are, which is the hardest thing to get over. Plus one thing i find is we both can talk to eachother about anything, even after seeing her post bu after 6 months we went back to talking normally within a few mins and it felt so good to have that connection with someone again and sometimes i feel like I might never find that. But who knows maybe i'll find something even better. Keep your head up bud, good things are headed our way (hopefully lol).

[geronimo]

Well, now you know how it feels to be someone's backup plan.

 

It hurts, doesn't it?

 

If you continue to keep the door open, she'll be happy to keep you on board with intermittent contact, complaints about her boyfriend, and vague references to happier times spent with you.

 

Please don't continue to *be there* and *hold her hand* through this breakup.

 

If she's going to decide to dump this guy and ask for another chance, you don't need to be in her life for that to happen. In fact, being there makes it less likely to happen!

 

Focus on YOU and moving on.... go No Contact and block her from your world so you can really heal and find someone who truly WANTS to be your girlfriend.

 

Honestly I really hope I'm not her backup plan cuz if thats the case she has another thing coming. But yea for sure hurts to think that after all that, I'm just second choice or w/e.

 

I have too much self respect to baby her through this breakup and be there for her, she knows that. She is trying to beat the "lets be friends" into me but I told her straight up, ex's can't be friends and I don't want to be her friend.

 

I do forsure know that if she wants to come back, she knows where I stand and even if she wasn't sure thats the risk she will have to take when the time comes. I'm not going to make everything comfortable for her, like I have always done. I'm not keeping any doors open, I'm not going to respond to her intermittent contact. i had to do the meet up for the 18 year old me because it was a promise I had made and I wanted to stick to it. Now I have nothing to hold onto.

 

Don't get me wrong, I really hope that one day she comes begging for me and idk if its meant to be we will get back together, but I have seen ex's get used as "friends" for emotional support and as nice as I am, I'm not that guy, funny thing is she knows it too.

 

I am focusing on moving on, but I'm not gonna lie seeing her again really put a speed bump into my recovery and everything. But hopefully things work out.

 

I just had a question and I believe you may have the answer, lets say she does come back (I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I want to be prepared for it, if it happens), how do I handle the situation/what can I do so that the ball is in my court instead of her having all the power and calling the shots?

[imbax]

Thanks Imbax, yea not gonna lie it wasn't easy but when you have that love and respect for someone you do what you can to make them happy and comfortable.

 

Don't think about it too much bro, trust me I went through it all. Felt like she didnt care, felt our relationship was all one sided (me doing everything), felt like she never loved me, felt used. All of it, i have been through it. I read your story and I know ours are very similar and im telling you with 6 months post BU that this is all very normal. You're just going to realize one day that no matter how much you think about it, or dwell on it, nothing will come of it, whats done is done and the relationship is over.

 

But yea man I'm a HUGE believer in Karma and I guess my gf being miserable is part of that. Agreed we are great guys and you have to just stick to that, don't hurt anyone in the process of your grieving. You just gotta get through it, keep posting and talking to your friends/fam for help.

 

I do believe there is someone out there for us (I know it doesnt look like it now) but I'm optimistic. To be honest as much as I would love for my ex to come back or find someone new, at this moment I am ok with being single. I have alot of my life to figure out and before I have someone else to think about also I want to get all that sorted. You should do the same, look at your future, evaulate where you want to go and work on that. Thats what helped me the most in coping with the breakup.

 

I read somewhere that: we accept the love we think we deserve, and to be honest I think I deserve a lot more than what my ex gave me. I can't help but love her because she is my first, and we were together for 5 years, plus its scary how compatible and similar we are, which is the hardest thing to get over. Plus one thing i find is we both can talk to eachother about anything, even after seeing her post bu after 6 months we went back to talking normally within a few mins and it felt so good to have that connection with someone again and sometimes i feel like I might never find that. But who knows maybe i'll find something even better. Keep your head up bud, good things are headed our way (hopefully lol).

 

Hopefully good girls are coming our way. I am not the type to actively go looking for girls though, I usually just let things happen naturally. You must have gone through a rough time getting your wounds reopened and rubbing salt into them by seeing her with her new bf and speaking to her.

 

Seriously, these days I try to make myself believing that she is dead, literally dead as a person to me. She doesn't exist anymore and what we have previously had and done is nothing and has never existed.

 

 

Honestly I really hope I'm not her backup plan cuz if thats the case she has another thing coming. But yea for sure hurts to think that after all that, I'm just second choice or w/e.

 

I have too much self respect to baby her through this breakup and be there for her, she knows that. She is trying to beat the "lets be friends" into me but I told her straight up, ex's can't be friends and I don't want to be her friend.

 

I do forsure know that if she wants to come back, she knows where I stand and even if she wasn't sure thats the risk she will have to take when the time comes. I'm not going to make everything comfortable for her, like I have always done. I'm not keeping any doors open, I'm not going to respond to her intermittent contact. i had to do the meet up for the 18 year old me because it was a promise I had made and I wanted to stick to it. Now I have nothing to hold onto.

 

Don't get me wrong, I really hope that one day she comes begging for me and idk if its meant to be we will get back together, but I have seen ex's get used as "friends" for emotional support and as nice as I am, I'm not that guy, funny thing is she knows it too.

 

I am focusing on moving on, but I'm not gonna lie seeing her again really put a speed bump into my recovery and everything. But hopefully things work out.

 

I just had a question and I believe you may have the answer, lets say she does come back (I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I want to be prepared for it, if it happens), how do I handle the situation/what can I do so that the ball is in my court instead of her having all the power and calling the shots?

 

Okay geronimo, i have read this post this morning and have been itching to reply to the scenario - what if she wants to get back?

 

So first things first: because our relationships were so damn similar and ended for similar reasons this is what I would do if my ex-gf wants back (0.01% chance):

 

1. Ignore her at first

 

2. If she insists, begs loses a bit of self-dignity then tell her that things have changed and that you don't trust her anymore since the break up

 

3. If she begs apologises more then I would tell her "if we started seeing each other again, things need to change from before"

 

4. Things that need to change from before include:

- My ex-gf making effort or putting more than 50% into the relationship, if its anything less then it won't work (she used to put in about 10-20% effort)

- Fix up communication issues that we used to have, ie. her not telling me simple stuff

- Be more active in lovey dovey stuff / affection (she used to show me nothing)

 

5. She needs to seriously look me in the eye and promise me that this will never happen again and this is the only chance that you are giving her

 

6. We need to agree that the restart of the relationship must be SUPER-SLOW paced extremely reserved. Ie. meet up only once a week, see friends more, take it easy, no LONNGGGGG dates, only short simple dates to begin with. Take it SLOW.

 

7. She needs to agree to work on a future and have plans for us rather than complaining that "she cannot see a future" without even discussing things with me

 

8. If at any time we bump into trouble in our relationship, she must promise me that she will talk to me about it like a grown women and not be an immature reserved spoilt child who gives "silent treatment" and never apologies for mistakes

 

9. She needs to respect me and my family and friends

 

10. She must be able to compromise and meet half way on things

 

So I guess that's all from the top of my head. I have a lot of conditions and I know that my ex has the slimmest of slim chances that she will come back less than 0.01%. And even if she did, my rules would put her off coming back as she is too arrogant and has too much pride for it.

 

So all in all, it's nice to set yourself some rules but I doubt she will come back to me. Would be nice to put these rules in her face if she ever does come back. I will keep dreaming....

 

In the meantime geronimo can you please have a read of my recent epiphany in my post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/524950-3-years-7-months-all-gone-8.html

 

Cheers man!

[geronimo]

@Imbax - yea bro i hope so, I'm the same way I dont have it in me to go out and pursue if something comes my way then great i'll see where it goes other than that I can't. Yea it did suck to have those wounds opened again but I expected it by going to see her.

 

Honestly thats the best way to get over someone just pretend like they no longer exist. It will do you wonders, I know initially when i started doing good was when i pretended like she no longer existed and lived my life and stopped stalking her and everything. Sadly after seeing her again I have gone back to all of that but its ok i'll be fine.

 

Thanks for your advice man, and yea I agree with most of it and probably would do some of the things you said. I was actually talking to one of my buddies the other day and they said she is really not worth it. Sure she is a great girl and really good looking but she has ALOT of baggage and she is the kind of person that is never happy with anything and that **** weighs you down alot. Plus what she did to me was just plain wrong and idk if i would ever be able to truly forgive her. Also this wasn't the first time she did it, a year before we broke up she also got her eye on another guy and was about to leave me for him but realized he wasn't any good. So I don't deserve a girl who is willing to leave me for somoene else anytime she thinks something better has come along and realizes that its not all that good.

 

idk man sometimes I just dont get how she can do that, i really thought she was a good girl and she was like me since she is the exact same person as me in terms of morals and other things, but i guess her immaturity comes out in relationships especially since we were eachothers first and I think she thinks she can do better, but she keeps getting proven wrong. Whatever she hasn't come back yet and God knows if she ever will, but I guess i'll cross that hurdle when i come to it.

 

I'll read your story and respond. Thanks.

[imbax]

Hey Geronimo, yeah I can't believe it's been such a long time for you since your BU but you are still hung up on this girl. Have you tried to talk to some other girls and flirt with them? For me, I think this is the only thing that drives me at the moment. I think seeking attention and validation from beautiful girls is keeping me sane and boosting my self esteem.

 

Do you go into flashback mode and question yourself sometimes regarding the breakup and everything that she has done and said to you has been a big lie to your face? How can we trust another girl after what they have done? In starting to think all girls are the same and play stupid games and test you unconsciously. It's not their fault, it's just biology and genetics. Maybe even from 12000 years ago they wanted a man who was not enotional and could support them by being a man and not a pushover for them.

 

So sad about this but maybe this is the truth in life. I am hurting so much every day, some days more than others, I completely empathise with what you are going through. Some days I think it is better just to say **** it and forget about the girl who didn't care for you, didn't love you and treated you like crap

[Tone Loc]

I'm sorry but I'm just going to have to come out and say it...responding to her contact was the WORST thing you could have possibly ever done, and you did it. As if that wasn't bad enough, you went and did something much worse, meeting up with your ex who dumped you so she could have another boyfriend...it baffles me completely why you'd throw away SIX solid months worth of progress in the form of NC. Now you're wishing you'd be back with her while she still has a boyfriend (don't forget that she chose him over you, she deems him the better choice) and she offered absolutely no intention of breaking up with him. She said absolutely nothing about wanting you back.

 

I hope you realise the mistake you made here, I don't mean to make you feel bad but you have to acknowledge this massive mistake and make sure you never repeat it again. Now you're back to day 1 of NC and that's a shame really, you had six solid months and that's gone now unfortunately. After all this time, you should have accepted that this relationship is over. She dumped you for another man, that's the worst thing that could happen after a break up, how on earth can you entertain the notion of getting back with her?! If she's that easy, if she's giving herself away so easily to any man that comes along, it really makes me question her capacity for self-respect. No decent self-respecting woman would pull something like that. I can't understand why you're still hoping to get back with her. I can completely understand if you love and miss her, but there's absolutely no reason to want to get back with someone like this.

 

Forget all your instincts and thoughts and focus on just one fact - she left you to be with another man. That's a very slutty thing to do, as soon as this happens I completely lose all respect for the woman. I have absolutely no intention of getting back with my ex for this very reason, the day she decided to step out was the day she exed herself out completely. I didn't even get mad.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Tone Loc

[mightycpa]

responding to her contact was the WORST thing you could have possibly ever done, and you did it. As if that wasn't bad enough, you went and did something much worse, meeting up with your ex who dumped you so she could have another boyfriend...it baffles me completely why you'd throw away SIX solid months worth of progress in the form of NC.

Yeah. Exactly my reaction to reading your post, OP.

[hunk]

Tone is completely right. Re-reading this thread, you need to bury this OP because it's so so so dead. She isn't coming back, she's completely moved on from this relationship. You are hurting yourself by remaining so hung up on this dead relationship. If this wasn't your first relationship I'd be alot harder on you, but basically any interaction you have with her from now on is just plain pathetic. She left you. She completely and totally rejected you and you STILL want her back. I'm going to write this off to inexperience, but you seriously need to look at what you're doing - pining over a girl who isn't thinking about you and the only time she does is when she's feeling sorry for you and/or needs an ego boost. I also have no idea why you would see her after 6 months of solid NC when she's with a new guy. It makes zero sense to me. Think about her getting pumped by him every single day, telling him she loves him, going out on dates and holding hands. This is what she's doing. If she was miserable and wanted to be with you instead, she would be. But she isn't, because she doesn't want you. As Tone said, being left for another person is enough to guarantee, for me included, I will never even look back on the relationship. It is the absolute deal breaker and I would never entertain getting back with an ex who left me for someone else. You need to do some serious self introspection and sort yourself out because being hung up and behaving the way you are for this long over someone who has treated you like a sub-human is insanity. You need to start loving and valuing yourself because you are not doing that right now.

[geronimo]

I know its pretty pathetic I'm not gonna lie. I guess it is the inexperience and the fact that she was my first thats why I can't let her go. Tbh I don't regret going to see her cuz it did clear up alot of things and I don't feel that it set me back a whole lot, maybe a little bit but I'm pretty much back to where I was in my recovery.

 

Idk man I hear you guys but I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt that she really does still miss me and everything like she said, she kept saying she thinks about me everyday, wants to contact me and all that ****. And I kinda believe her reasoning for breaking up (parents/religion) cuz i did talk to her mom about it and they really aren't ok with it, I know its stupid cuz we live in the ****ing 21st century but w/e. Its ultimately up to her to make that decision and she chose to go with her parents instead.

 

Honestly I think there might be something wrong with me. I guess cuz I'm not the type of guy to go out and pursue girls im more the laid back type who befriends girls before going out with them, so thats why I'm so hung up on her. Also I know the way we are with eachother I will not get that with anyone else, she knows it too. But if you look at this girl sure she is very pretty but everyone has always told me I can do better, and its not just that its the way she is and over time it drains you, and she does have alot of problems but I never really looked at that as an issue cuz I loved her.

 

I don't know what to say, I wish I could tell you guys that yea I know its pathetic and I'm moving on, I don't want her anymore, what she did was ****ed up. But I do still want her. I know shes with her new bf but I also think thats cuz of her lack of experience and she thinks she can model this guy to her liking (since hes the same religion as her and her parents would be ok with him). But from the way she was talking about him and everything she really does not seem happy in it and it 100% seems like a rebound. I could be wrong.

 

I will however stay in strick NC, no feeding into her bs intermittent contact or w/e unless she straight up tells me she wants to reconcile.