brokengirl85 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Breakup 7 weeks ago and I went immediately no contact. I unfriended him on Facebook but didn't block him. Until today. I just blocked him everywhere because yesterday I gave in and checked him online. I just don't want him interfering with my healing. there's no possible way he can contact me. Why I'm feeling so sad? My heart is so broken. Why I'm not feeling better? I've uploaded a pic on tinder two weeks ago and had no luck at all. I check three times a day and like even the guys that aren't that attractive. All the guys I like don't like me back, and some they like me don't reply my messages. I'm feeling so sad Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) Don't worry about It. Apps like Tinder is just for a hook up. You want to really meet someone? Take a book to a Barnes and Noble bookstore a few times a week and sit in the coffee area. You'll probably come across a nice guy or two studying. Also, join meetup and look at joining a book club, dancing, a singles activity group, or even just a 30 and up group. People got married long before tinder and match and if you look back in your past I'm sure you'll discover that you've had more significant connections and relationships happen outisde of OLD or a bar. Edited May 16, 2015 by fireflywy 4 Link to post Share on other sites
biggles6087 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I think your trying to move on to quickly take time out for yourself and heal I wouldn't use Tinder or any other site until your totally sure that you are able to move on from your ex because you be meeting someone on the rebound and its kind of not fair to that person it just takes time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 you're doing what it takes. You're putting yourself out there, which is great. However, even if that does work, you'll still be sad. You need to go and get your endorphins running through your veins. That is a natural antidepressor. So go out there and have a serious workout. Regularly. Like almost everyday. Push yourself to get your but at the gym. Give it another week and you'll feel like a new person. Depression sucks the life out of you and while I understand your instinct to cling onto other people - dates, sex, friends - you have to do the work yourself, start from within, to make it solid. Seriously, it's even dangerous to start anything with anyone, because you're vulnerable. Go out, shop around, flirt, get some serious ego boosting from bars and stuff and be patient with yourself. Most likely you're stuck inside your own head, otherwise you'd be up and running, after 7 weeks. Sometimes it takes longer and the only thing that shows is that you're not ready to face your pain inside, live through it to be able to let it go. It's day 3 of NC for me and day 4 after the breakup. I've allowed myself to cry and grieve and feel sorry for myself. Now it's time to bounce back, otherwise it will take forever. It is what it is. Something different is in the stars for you. Stay positive and start doing the hard work. You'll make it, I am sure. cheer up, girl Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's good that you've gone ahead and blocked him. You don't need to see his online activities. Blocking doesn't prevent him from EVER being able to reach you again.... it only makes it inconvenient for him to reach you. I agree with the above poster -- it's too soon for you to be dating right now anyway. It's fun to look and see who's available, but I wouldn't take it too seriously if no one seems like a good match right now. You're just not ready. In time, it gets easier. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Breakup 7 weeks ago and I went immediately no contact. I unfriended him on Facebook but didn't block him. Until today. I just blocked him everywhere because yesterday I gave in and checked him online. I just don't want him interfering with my healing. there's no possible way he can contact me. Why I'm feeling so sad? My heart is so broken. Why I'm not feeling better? I've uploaded a pic on tinder two weeks ago and had no luck at all. I check three times a day and like even the guys that aren't that attractive. All the guys I like don't like me back, and some they like me don't reply my messages. I'm feeling so sad You'll survive, you've got support here. It will take time and I certainly don't have the answers, but lots of good info here. I've learned to keep busy, and not sleep in. Find a new activity. Go out with your girlfriends, and don't be afraid to hang with mixed company, wherever. I wouldn't be afraid to accept a date or two, just be cautious. You may find someone going thru the same thing... or one that's very understanding. You may also stub your toe, but that's part of life. Best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Lost my progress again. Last week I gave in and checked if he was still on dating sites (he was, but I didn't contacted him, just saw him online that's all) and today I was cleaning my old iPhone to give it to a friend, and saw two pictures of him and I (very intimate pics) that we took last year. Terrible. My heart plunged and my heart raced. I was doing ok not thinking about him this morning, I'm so mad at myself I had to check that damn iPhone. I just want to through it to the garbage. Omg I'm so hurt right now I saw those two pics. It remembered how much I loved him and how much attracted t him I was and I still am. I lost all my progress, right? Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 noooooo, no way, girl: ). it's just a little set back, that's all. there will be many more, ahead, don't you worry. The main point is to not stop fighting. See when you are doing better and then gather all of the souvenirs and photos in just one place, so that you don't accidentally bump into them. Your life will be easier after you've cleaned up. I've cleaned up these past few days - my iphone, my room, my bathroom and even mailed all of his forgotten things. It's important to have a clean environment, to make progress. Now, learn to forgive yourself and look ahead ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Candie, thank you for your kind words! I wish I could move from this house ugh, so many memories. Better yet, move to another town. So many triggers everywhere. I wish I could... I had a good day yesterday and this morning was good as well. I finally started to workout at home (14 minutes...it's a start!) and I was just not thinking abut him. But those two pictures...what a nightmare. I now feel stupid and like I'm guilty from blocking him everywhere. I'm guilty and I'm thinking what would he be thinking of me, that I completely blocked. I hate to think he might think I'm not over him yet (which it's the truth) but at the same time I'm thinking on my well being, and I don't think it's a good idea to let the doors open for him to mess again with me. I'm protecting myself. You know, he's a cheater, a liar, a dishonest person who plays with other people's feelings to get what he wants. He was seeing other women while seeing me... Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 oh, my.... such a terrible thing that happened to you... I understand you better than you think, I've been in your shoes a couple of years ago, but I can tell you one thing: you don't have to give up your life, to get over this guy. No way ! It's your life and your territory... accidents such as this one will continue to happen. Think about you and what's best for you: clean up the house from his souvenir. That should be a priority. Change the sheets, move the furniture around, air the place and go for a swift walk, ideally in the nature. and stop being so hard on yourself. He gave you hell, in a twisted way, these relationships are the hardest to get over, the toxic ones. give it time... and 15 min is great. Tomorrow, try to aim for 20 and keep going !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I had a tough day yesterday. I cried, I felt that my ex was the only one who I could have an intimate and close relationship, regardless of how much he deceived me. So I unblocked him. From Facebook, phone, and one online dating site. Turns out the minute I unblocked him, he changed his profile pic and deleted some other pics from his online dating profile. I was just wondering if maybe this was a weird coincidence (him changing his profile pics etc) or it was maybe intentional. Either way. I'm 11 weeks no contact, and it's all been said from my side. The reason I blocked him and went no contact back in March is because he said he wasn't in love with me and that I could start seeing other people if I'd wanted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I had a tough day yesterday. I cried, *I felt that my ex was the only one who I could have an intimate and close relationship, regardless of how much he deceived me. So I unblocked him. From Facebook, phone, and one online dating site. Turns out the minute I unblocked him, he changed his profile pic and deleted some other pics from his online dating profile. I was just wondering if maybe this was a weird coincidence (him changing his profile pics etc) or it was maybe intentional. Either way. I'm 11 weeks no contact, and it's all been said from my side. The reason I blocked him and went no contact back in March is because he said he wasn't in love with me and that I could start seeing other people if I'd wanted to. *In reality, he's the only one you can't have that relationship with. QED. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means he might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 More than likely just coincidence. In your shape, you should put the blocks back on and leave and start no contact again. I understand you haven't contacted him, but true NC is not looking at him online. Now you've opened yourself up to him possibly throwing you a meaningless breadcrumb and you losing 11 weeks of not being in contact. He said he did not love you and for you to go date. That's pretty clear and to the point. I'm not sure your ready to "date" someone looking for a relationship, but it might be good to try and go on one just to go out and have some fun. I'm sure he's doing that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 More than likely just coincidence. In your shape, you should put the blocks back on and leave and start no contact again. I understand you haven't contacted him, but true NC is not looking at him online. Now you've opened yourself up to him possibly throwing you a meaningless breadcrumb and you losing 11 weeks of not being in contact. He said he did not love you and for you to go date. That's pretty clear and to the point. I'm not sure your ready to "date" someone looking for a relationship, but it might be good to try and go on one just to go out and have some fun. I'm sure he's doing that. You know what, I somehow feel at ease now that I've unblocked. As if it was a burden to have him blocked in all my apps and dating site. He hasn't try to contact me and I haven't looked at the dating site, so everything is ok. I'd like to see if he can offer me more, if he regretted all the nasty lies he told me and how he treated me. I won't contact him, I have nothing to say, but it's my presence there, my pic on the dating site, my activity that does unrelated to his activity the reminder I'm still there but I'm not his anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 (edited) Dyna, it's hard, I know, but you aren't talking logically. How does it feel better that you've stalked him, questioned his breadcrumbs and can honestly say a burden has been lifted off your shoulders after UNblocking him? What if he DOES decide to send you another breadcrumb...how will you feel? What if you are in an emotional state one night and cave in and stalk/message him? It's unnecessary pain girl! Everyday I am eager to unblock my ex and see her profile pic or just get a little info as to what's going on. Also want to unblock her so she can message me, but I know it's an addiction and will only cause me more pain. It's bad enough I have to see her in person every bloody day... She drove past my house again tonight! Please, do the right thing.. Edited June 16, 2015 by Yummm Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I think you should block him again now. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 The guy told you that he does not love you. Even if you are back together dont expect him to change. Be ready to accept everything and if he hurts your feelings again, don't blame him. My advice is to not initiate the contact. Do you know what, it is ok to have another chance. Sometimes it is a chance to re-verify if you did the right thing by ending the relationship. If it does not work, you can then say " I tried my best, now there is no way I can live this way, it is over and I am not going to look back." Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I agree with you all. However, seeing his picture again, how old he is growing, his greedy eyes, his dark (not in a good way) fake smile, his upper lip that's horrible thin...made me realize he is not as hot as I thought and made me take him down the pedestal he was before I unblocked him. I have nothing to say to him. It'll be my presence, my new picture, my unrelated to him activity in the online dating site, the remainder that I'm not his brat anymore, and that he won't have me. I'll eventually block him again. There's nothing else to say, nothing at all. We both know each other very well. But that changing of profile pic, such a weird coincidence. Cannot believe he saw my profile up again and changed his pic really fast. Wow Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Hey Yummm, you must be thinkin' of me or something bc you said my name Brokengirl, I have so been there and had a similar occurrence, and can say that your post definitely gave me a flashback to my stumbles during nc. I think it's normal that you unblocked and took a peek since you're so early in the NC process, BUT you need to go back to what you were doing before you unblocked him, because the unblocking him has you now thinking about what he's thinking about you, and that's the whole point of blocking him; to turn the focus to yourself, where it belongs. It's troublesome enough dealing with thoughts of him, and he will stake out in your mind for quite some time, without this online profile madness. I would minimize the added misery by not checking on him. No more peeking. Someone who is not in love with you and wants you to keep on looking is not the one for you. Get to that better place by staying in your lane. You're probably going to feel pretty bad for a day or so, as an after effect of having looked, but you will settle back into the place where you were before you looked in a few days. You're doing so well at 11 wks! You're proving to yourself (and him) that he has no business being with someone like you -- someone who deserves reciprocated love! You'll get there in time. Take it day by day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Ok. I'll go back to no contact tomorrow. You were all right. It was a mere coincidence he changed his profile pic and deleted some other photos from his online dating profile. He may be chasing someone else, for sure. It's absolutely his style. If it were for me he made all those changes, he'd have been active by now, 24 hours later. Damn, and I just wanted to ignore him so badly if he contacted me! Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Ok. I'll go back to no contact tomorrow. You were all right. It was a mere coincidence he changed his profile pic and deleted some other photos from his online dating profile. He may be chasing someone else, for sure. It's absolutely his style. If it were for me he made all those changes, he'd have been active by now, 24 hours later. Damn, and I just wanted to ignore him so badly if he contacted me! We all stumble with NC from time to time - just dust yourself off and remember that tomorrow is new day. I know how difficult it is to not monitor or unblock just to have a peak at our exes - but just think of the pang of dread when something changes or you see something that you don't want to see (I've reached into the fire before in a previous relationship and it stung me back enough to stay NC indefinitely.) Ignorance is absolutely bliss in these types of situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Guys, this is just hilarious. Listen what I just found out. Searching on the dating site, my ex's profile has been inactive since last night, when he last changed his profile pic when I unblocked him. We already knew this. However, someone else popped up in my search: a guy with his same user name, just one number changed. Same age, location, characteristics: it's him with a fake profile! He knew I blocked him all the time. So, this new user apparently is new, and it's been active in the last hour. Now I do think him changing his pics was NOT a coincidence at all. I'm cracking up right now. What an as.hole! He made this fake profile with all his true details, only altering the user name by one number. If he wanted to go incognito, he failed! Omg, this made my night. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 So what does this mean to you? Are you going back to blocking and NC and stop searching him or are you going to play his game if that is what he is doing? Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Id block him again now. What are your plans? Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Guys, this is just hilarious. Listen what I just found out. Searching on the dating site, my ex's profile has been inactive since last night, when he last changed his profile pic when I unblocked him. We already knew this. However, someone else popped up in my search: a guy with his same user name, just one number changed. Same age, location, characteristics: it's him with a fake profile! He knew I blocked him all the time. So, this new user apparently is new, and it's been active in the last hour. Now I do think him changing his pics was NOT a coincidence at all. I'm cracking up right now. What an as.hole! He made this fake profile with all his true details, only altering the user name by one number. If he wanted to go incognito, he failed! Omg, this made my night. You're spending way too much time focusing on a guy who dumped you almost 3 months ago. No offense, but what are you trying to achieve by obsessing with the online dating profile(s) of a man who left you? Please move on and stop looking for him. Link to post Share on other sites
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