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1.5 yrs ago, why cant i move on


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1.5yrs since the breakup and I'm still very broken up about it.. I was dreaming today that he will come back and tell me he made a mistake, that he loves me and want to be with me again.

 

I'm still going through the same thought process as on day 1. It doesn't feel like I've made much progress. Anyone else take this long? What is wrong with me? I'm so stressed and depressed.. I miss him so much, it's just so wrong and there's nothing i can do.

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I wouldn't even have the sense to tell him no. I just want us to pick up where we left off. Its just not getting better for me.

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BikerAccnt

IMO, you need to get back out there and date.

 

Sometimes, the only way to move on from something, is to ..move on.

 

By that I mean, you have to put yourself out there and do what you don't want to do. You may not feel like dating now, but you need to. It will help you realize that you are of value.

 

It's like..

 

Think your fat and need to lose weight? Get off the couch, get to the gym, eat right.

 

Think you drink too much? - Put down the bottle, and replace it with something better.

 

Don't like the way your hair looks - cut it, color it, shave it off.

 

Just change.

 

Doing the same thing you've been doing for the past 1.5 years won't work, so obviously, you need to change what you're doing.

 

That's what I plan on doing thought my breakup is recent. I'm not going to sit around and allow myself to wallow in it. What good does that do?

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I've dated a lot since then, countless guys. I liked a few of them and got rejected by them. It temporarily helped in some cases, but in others made me feel crappy. I've tried a lot of things and been through a lot of big life changes. But I'm at exactly the same spot with this breakup.i wonder if i will still be posting about him in 5 or 10 years.

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If he did come back it would not be the same.

 

Do you still see him around? That never helps.

 

Took me a long time as well. Something just changed one day.

 

I got fed up of suffering when deep down i knew i was ok. But suffering was all i had. I reveled in it to be honest.

 

You need to somehow break out of this.

 

In your corner Smiley!

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1.5yrs since the breakup and I'm still very broken up about it.. I was dreaming today that he will come back and tell me he made a mistake, that he loves me and want to be with me again.

 

I'm still going through the same thought process as on day 1. It doesn't feel like I've made much progress. Anyone else take this long? What is wrong with me? I'm so stressed and depressed.. I miss him so much, it's just so wrong and there's nothing i can do.

 

Lets take it in small steps.

 

First I think you might be idolizing him or remembering only the good parts of him and the relationship.

 

Is there a small token or picture that reminds you of a not so good time with him or one of the numerous reasons why he is not the one?

 

I went NC but I left a tiny way to check to see if she emailed me. I would not delete an email address I had for ten years. I would check the trash folder to see if she had written as the filter would only do that and not block completely.

 

SO I found a picture of the first guy she dated immediately while we were on a break. I put this as my background on the email site. It provided me more than enough incentive to not romanticize the past relationship....I dont check the trash anymore.

 

GL

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i got a friend whose just like you .. you know what ? nothing changed for her till she decided to its time to move .. cuz the other guy got married had kids . settled and carried his life .. Cuz he do not care ! he simply Moved on

 

You need to realize that 1st ..you need to realize that its not the best thing happened toyou and he is not a God he is just a normal guy ..your circumstances with him made him look that perfect .. Love do happens but just as any other living thing if its not nutrient and worked in wont survive ...

 

Live your life and free yourself before its too late ..

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I've dated a lot since then, countless guys. I liked a few of them and got rejected by them. It temporarily helped in some cases, but in others made me feel crappy. I've tried a lot of things and been through a lot of big life changes. But I'm at exactly the same spot with this breakup.i wonder if i will still be posting about him in 5 or 10 years.

 

Sounds like you're missing being in a loving relationship, not him specifically. This is amplified by not having luck yet finding your next relationship. Keep getting back on the bucking horse till you find one you can ride. Once you're deeply involved in your next love, you will not think of your last one.

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No dating for you. From the look of things it looks like you could also

hurt some ppl in the process.

 

Haydn gave you good advice. If he came back, it would not be the same.

You changed. Breakup pain changes the foundation of your personality.

You miss the way he made you feel in that chapter of your life. Except that

chapter is now over and you would learn that neither you want to feel that

way now.

 

We are heartbroken for the same time roughly. Now is the time to build a

life you are happy with.

Edited by erklat
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I agree that I shouldn't be dating now, I'm not interested. Although I have had relationships since and did not have a problem, completely forgot about my ex and was happy. But they also dumped me because apparently I am just unlovable! I am not going to date for that reason.

 

I don't think I have changed and still just want us together again, not because of how he made me feel. Because I love him and we had such a blast spending time together. It's so unfair the fact he wasn't head over heels for me that we never see each other again. I can't bear anything less than what we had. I don't want to forget him and move on, I can't let go.

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Jimmyjackson

Find a quiet room and sit on the floor. Cross your legs and keep your back staight. Close your eyes and meditate. I've found that since my break up, whenever my head was full of emotion, if I meditated things become clearer.

 

I never believed in meditation but it works, you need to think logically and answer the many questions you keep looping in your head. First you must clear your mind.

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Simon Phoenix
I agree that I shouldn't be dating now, I'm not interested. Although I have had relationships since and did not have a problem, completely forgot about my ex and was happy. But they also dumped me because apparently I am just unlovable! I am not going to date for that reason.

 

I don't think I have changed and still just want us together again, not because of how he made me feel. Because I love him and we had such a blast spending time together. It's so unfair the fact he wasn't head over heels for me that we never see each other again. I can't bear anything less than what we had. I don't want to forget him and move on, I can't let go.

 

Well, what you had is over. It sounds like you haven't accepted that.

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Jimmyjackson
I can't bear anything less than what we had. I don't want to forget him and move on, I can't let go.

 

Reality begs to differ.

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Find a quiet room and sit on the floor. Cross your legs and keep your back staight. Close your eyes and meditate. I've found that since my break up, whenever my head was full of emotion, if I meditated things become clearer.

 

I never believed in meditation but it works, you need to think logically and answer the many questions you keep looping in your head. First you must clear your mind.

 

Let's say you do answer all those questions from your past. What if the answers are pointed directly at you, your failures and your shortcomings? Your relationship failed and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. Do you just say,"Hey, it happened and I can't take it back, I just have to keep moving forward." I understand meditation because I do it once in a while to calm myself down, however the answers you're left with are going to haunt you even when you're not stable. I know, they still haunt me till this day.

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Reality begs to differ.

 

True. 1.5 yrs and I am still here. Maybe you're onto something with the meditation. I just can't stop the negative thoughts, it's like I want to be miserable. I don't, but I just can't stop it. Maybe forcing myself to meditate and stop ALL my thoughts will help. But I've just been so busy with work and study that whenever I finally get a chance to rest, that's when it all hits me. And maybe all the stresses are coming out tears from missing him. It's a lot of other factors too.

 

 

Are you still checking on him? Because if yes, that's not no contact.

 

No, haven't been talking to him, saw him on a dating site, And that really sucked!

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brokengirl85
True. 1.5 yrs and I am still here. Maybe you're onto something with the meditation. I just can't stop the negative thoughts, it's like I want to be miserable. I don't, but I just can't stop it. Maybe forcing myself to meditate and stop ALL my thoughts will help. But I've just been so busy with work and study that whenever I finally get a chance to rest, that's when it all hits me. And maybe all the stresses are coming out tears from missing him. It's a lot of other factors too.

 

 

 

 

No, haven't been talking to him, saw him on a dating site, And that really sucked!

 

 

Is that really all? You only saw once on a dating site? No stalking, no looking at his pics, no nothing?

It breaks my heart to read you honestly. Because I don't want to be in your shoes in one year. I don't want to waste any more time crying or pinning on someone who doesn't really care.

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Is that really all? You only saw once on a dating site? No stalking, no looking at his pics, no nothing?

It breaks my heart to read you honestly. Because I don't want to be in your shoes in one year. I don't want to waste any more time crying or pinning on someone who doesn't really care.

 

After the breakup we were still communicating for about a month, then twice since then we have briefly exchanged a few texts. Mainly me checking to see if he had changed his mind. No, I don't stalk him and he's a fairly private person anyway so there's nothing to see. I don't get it. I have always been fairly sensitive and had low self esteem. I see other people get over their breakups almost instantly.

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Jimmyjackson
Let's say you do answer all those questions from your past. What if the answers are pointed directly at you, your failures and your shortcomings? Your relationship failed and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. Do you just say,"Hey, it happened and I can't take it back, I just have to keep moving forward." I understand meditation because I do it once in a while to calm myself down, however the answers you're left with are going to haunt you even when you're not stable. I know, they still haunt me till this day.

 

No-one is 100% responsible for a break up, even if you did find you'd done stuff wrong then better to find out about them now, rather than later in life?

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Jimmyjackson
True. 1.5 yrs and I am still here. Maybe you're onto something with the meditation. I just can't stop the negative thoughts, it's like I want to be miserable. I don't, but I just can't stop it. Maybe forcing myself to meditate and stop ALL my thoughts will help. But I've just been so busy with work and study that whenever I finally get a chance to rest, that's when it all hits me. And maybe all the stresses are coming out tears from missing him. It's a lot of other factors too.

 

Whenever you start feeling negative try meditate, calm your mind and then you will realise you're worrying about nothing. Why is it you miss this person so much? the world is full of beautiful people everywhere from all walks of life, your ex is not unique in any way at all.

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Itspointless
I see other people get over their breakups almost instantly.

Some people deny their feelings.

Some people did not love their partner as much.

Some people only focus and remember the bad things their partners had in store.

Some people are brought up in a way they could develop good healthy boundaries and a healthy confidence about themselves.

Some people are overconfident, even have a personality disorder, meaning that that only can love themselves.

 

I miss my ex after 1.5 years. But I also see that it is impossible. I try to accept that she is emotionally unavailable and always will be running with stress.

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brokengirl85

Ok. No stalking him on the internet either?? No signs of him right? You've been strict no contact for how long now??

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Whenever you start feeling negative try meditate, calm your mind and then you will realise you're worrying about nothing. Why is it you miss this person so much? the world is full of beautiful people everywhere from all walks of life, your ex is not unique in any way at all.

 

I have my family, but no friends. He was my best friend and I don't click with many people. I've been with another guy since who dumped me. Months later we became friends, then he blew up over nothing and dumped me as a friend too (I think he had mental issues).

 

I've tried to make new friends, I've ended up with a few acquaintances.

 

We shared some really amazing, romantic moments that I know I will never experience again.

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Jimmyjackson
I have my family, but no friends. He was my best friend and I don't click with many people. I've been with another guy since who dumped me. Months later we became friends, then he blew up over nothing and dumped me as a friend too (I think he had mental issues).

 

I've tried to make new friends, I've ended up with a few acquaintances.

 

We shared some really amazing, romantic moments that I know I will never experience again.

 

You need to get out and meet people, like minded people. What are you interested in? Go do stuff you find exciting and you'll notice the people with you are also there for the same reason.

 

Of course you'll experience them again, can I ask how old you are, if you don't mind?

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