Did I screw up my second chance?

[Mr. Spock]

Ok so me and my ex of 2.5 years have been broken up for 2 weeks, the first week I was going no contact but she kept txting me and calling me saying that she missed me and missed being around me, you know all the typical after break up stuff that goes through you're mind. She broke up with me mind you. Well the second week I couldn't take it anymore so I broke no contact and we pretty much talked and hung out like every other day, she even came over my house for a party the other night, we also had sex twice since the break up also, okay so getting to the part where I think I screwed up. I thought things were going well I thought we were reconnecting and I was mentioning every now and then if she would want to get back together, but every time I brought it up she would just be like idk I still don't know what I want right now, and I would just be like okay and we would just talk about something else, so I got a new job at pacsun as asst. manager and it's a significant pay raise over my last job witch is something that lead to the break up with the first place, she thought I wasn't doing anything with my life and kinda just costing by, so I stopped doing drugs cut out bad friends of mine she didn't like, lost like 25 pounds and got this new job, I thought these were all things that she would love and would reconsider getting back with me but after I got this job she never said anything about how proud she was for me doing all of this stuff for her, the other night she said to me in a txt I'm so glad you it this job, and I said why? She tells me so I can hook her up with clothing discounts. Okay so this kinda ticked me off, it just made me feel like she was just stringing me along this whole time and that we were never actually going to get back together, so I kinda went off the handle and txted her what I was feeling witch now I instantly regret because I feel like I just pushed her further away from me, it almost feels like I was broken up with again, this is what she told me "You really think I'm that shallow? I can get whatever clothes- I want if I really want it. I was just kidding about it. But that's fine.

You're also right, I shouldn't string you along. I hope that you don't think that this was easy for me too. I gave everything I got for this relationship, but it's time to let go. Thank you for everything you've done for me and for all the happy memories together. I guess this is it" it just sounds like I screwed up any chance of us getting back together, but I didn't know how to take the comment like we aren't dating and her comment is something that a dating couple would joke about not two ex's? Ugh sorry this was a long post I'm just curious what anyone on here would think of this whole situation, should I just go back to no contact, should I apologize for what I said?

Edited May 6, 2015 by Mr. Spock

[quattrob]

Screwed up or not, it seems she's in the "I don't know what I want" phase. No matter what you did or didn't do, she'd still not with you, at least not right now. I think of course you were acting too desperate, you were the one who kept bringing the subject about getting back together, way too often mind you. To me she's just keeping you around until she finds someone better, once she finds that someone or something, she's gone.

 

 

I know you want her back but you need to show this girl you are fine without her. There's nothing you can do to change her mind, only she can change her own mind.

[Mr. Spock]

Screwed up or not, it seems she's in the "I don't know what I want" phase. No matter what you did or didn't do, she'd still not with you, at least not right now. I think of course you were acting too desperate, you were the one who kept bringing the subject about getting back together, way too often mind you. To me she's just keeping you around until she finds someone better, once she finds that someone or something, she's gone.

 

 

I know you want her back but you need to show this girl you are fine without her. There's nothing you can do to change her mind, only she can change her own mind.

 

Well I appreciate what you had to say, ugh this is just so hard to deal with right now, so I probably should just stay off the radar for a while huh?

[minime13]

She broke up with you. Do not leave yourself available to her like you have. No contact. Ask her not to contact you because it's too much.

 

She'll either come around and see she wants you back in your life, or she won't. Either way, it's out of your control.

 

Continuing to talk, meet up, have sex, and everything else you did in the relationship just prolongs the agony and keeps you from moving on.

[Mr. Spock]

She broke up with you. Do not leave yourself available to her like you have. No contact. Ask her not to contact you because it's too much.

 

She'll either come around and see she wants you back in your life, or she won't. Either way, it's out of your control.

 

Continuing to talk, meet up, have sex, and everything else you did in the relationship just prolongs the agony and keeps you from moving on.

 

Yea I can see that now, I really wish I had just stuck with no contact in the first place, thanks for your input

[Ruby65]

Here's a guide that will help you sort things out: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

There's also a great guide posted on this site that explains No Contact and why it's so helpful.

 

Good luck to you!

[Mr. Spock]

Here's a guide that will help you sort things out: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

There's also a great guide posted on this site that explains No Contact and why it's so helpful.

 

Good luck to you!

 

You don't think it's to late to try no contact again? I feel like I dug my self a huge hole.

[OK_computer]

You don't think it's to late to try no contact again? I feel like I dug my self a huge hole.

 

What are you trying for? The point of NC is absolute. It's not really something you do with the intention of getting her back. It's the last thing you do, you're ace in the hole, to get your life back, not the ex back. And it's NEVER too late to START NC.

[Ruby65]

You don't think it's to late to try no contact again? I feel like I dug my self a huge hole.

 

No Contact is for YOU to heal and help you move on.

 

It's not something you "try".

 

It's something you can fall into, for good, to protect yourself from all the fresh incoming pain that comes with staying in contact with your ex.

 

You haven't dug yourself into any holes! You've been broken up with... it's awful, but you can get through it. The relationship that you had was over, but in time you're going to be past it and ready to have something much much better with someone else.

[Mr. Spock]

No Contact is for YOU to heal and help you move on.

 

It's not something you "try".

 

It's something you can fall into, for good, to protect yourself from all the fresh incoming pain that comes with staying in contact with your ex.

 

You haven't dug yourself into any holes! You've been broken up with... it's awful, but you can get through it. The relationship that you had was over, but in time you're going to be past it and ready to have something much much better with someone else.

 

I think you're right, if she wants to get back with me then it has to be from her, I just need to concentrate on my self, my career, and my health. Honestly I feel like she was being super shallow, like she was basically using me to get over me, and I should have realized this at first. Thanks for all the advice I went to that link you gave me and it's already helping me!