m.wrath Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 So my girlfriend of 3.5 years (we're both 20 and 19) asked me about if i would be okay with her trying things with other guys because im her first with everything and shes young and doesn't want to miss out on being young and having fun. She said that if i said no that would be fine and that this feeling has only just come up and that she can ignore it( i feel as though she cant). she said she didn't want to loss me or anything happen to our relationship becaue we want to be together forever and what not but i feel like thats impossible now. she said if i said yes that i could set all the rules and what not and said i can think about it and i have no idea what to do i, dont want her to miss out on life but i cant imagine her being with anyone else and its crushing to know that she wants to be with other people. so are they annoy oppinions on this or what rules i could set or how to go about it? any help would be greatly appriciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 This is the time to test your boundaries. And to let you know, saying no to this is not wrong. There is nothing you can't try with the same partner. There is only one result if you agree to this, and you know it. Be firm, don't be a wuss. If she doesn't accept your boundaries she will have to go, because it's disrespectful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hamster-girl Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 So my girlfriend of 3.5 years (we're both 20 and 19) asked me about if i would be okay with her trying things with other guys because im her first with everything and shes young and doesn't want to miss out on being young and having fun. She said that if i said no that would be fine and that this feeling has only just come up and that she can ignore it( i feel as though she cant). she said she didn't want to loss me or anything happen to our relationship becaue we want to be together forever and what not but i feel like thats impossible now. she said if i said yes that i could set all the rules and what not and said i can think about it and i have no idea what to do i, dont want her to miss out on life but i cant imagine her being with anyone else and its crushing to know that she wants to be with other people. so are they annoy oppinions on this or what rules i could set or how to go about it? any help would be greatly appriciated. Don't be a push over. If you're not happy with her "trying things with other guys", tell her no. If she wants to do that, she can do it in her own time as a single woman, not whilst in a relationship with you. She can't have her cake and eat it. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I'd be curious if she would be happy for you to also try things with other girls. How is your relationship generally? Do you feel like you are missing out on stuff by being in a LTR so young? Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.wrath Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 thank i think thats what im going to have to do even though i dont want too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.wrath Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 she said that would be okay too even though i dont really want too. its very happy and fun friends say we are a perfect couple and i really do feel like it other than what happened the other day. i really dont feel like it im happy with her and dont think im missing out on anything Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.wrath Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 This is the time to test your boundaries. And to let you know, saying no to this is not wrong. There is nothing you can't try with the same partner. There is only one result if you agree to this, and you know it. Be firm, don't be a wuss. If she doesn't accept your boundaries she will have to go, because it's disrespectful. i know no matter what way i go im going to end up getting hurt by it just dont know whats the best way to go about it really. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 If you don't want to, and you are unhappy with her doing that, then yeah set your boundaries and say no. Be prepared to face the possibility of losing her. But I think if that is the case, it was inevitable anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
imbax Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Hey buddy my ex girlfriend said the same thing to me. I initially told her it was me or someone else, you can't have both. She was then quiet about it for a few months but the thought of her wanting other people drove my insecurities to the roof which made me offer her: if u get to have sex with others, so do I. I blatantly said it to her and she turned around and told me wtf? She then told me that it is WAY too early in the relationship to be swinging. So I was left satisfied and a little bit confused. But anyways, best advice is to be firm in your answer. A no, is a no. We gentlemen need to have principles. If a principle is broken, you lose respect for yourself and hence she loses respect for you. If she goes ahead and does it anyways, then it's her loss and you have better females out there for you after you dump her ass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.wrath Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Hey buddy my ex girlfriend said the same thing to me. I initially told her it was me or someone else, you can't have both. She was then quiet about it for a few months but the thought of her wanting other people drove my insecurities to the roof which made me offer her: if u get to have sex with others, so do I. I blatantly said it to her and she turned around and told me wtf? She then told me that it is WAY too early in the relationship to be swinging. So I was left satisfied and a little bit confused. But anyways, best advice is to be firm in your answer. A no, is a no. We gentlemen need to have principles. If a principle is broken, you lose respect for yourself and hence she loses respect for you. If she goes ahead and does it anyways, then it's her loss and you have better females out there for you after you dump her ass. yeah its already eating away at me really badly just dont want to face facts i guees thanks for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author m.wrath Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 If you don't want to, and you are unhappy with her doing that, then yeah set your boundaries and say no. Be prepared to face the possibility of losing her. But I think if that is the case, it was inevitable anyway. yeah think im just going to have to bite the bullet on this one Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 You already lost her to gigs. Preemptively dump her. It will save you a lot of heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 There is someone else she wants to test out. Want my suggestion? End it with her and tell her youre not willing to take a risk regarding her and have your time wasted. You cannot negotiate how she feels...she clearly has a desire to test herself out with other guys. Trust me man, I'd walk away from this. She should be satisfied being with you not bored. You may say no and be firm, but does that stop her from doing it behind your back? No. Her feelings for you are dwingling...and by you sitting around and not standing up for yourself is only going make her realize "she is making the right choice". Dump her man...move on to someone else this girl isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Ugh... Sorry buddy, but by her just asking that question, it shows that the end is near... The best thing you can do is prepare yourself to go it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I want to look the the good side. She's honest. She loves you and expressed her confusion straight to you, the guy she loves. Most of them (us) are afraid to say these things to their partner, and then cheat, break up and hurt their partner when it hits them. So she tells you everything, even "this". so, you can give her some credit for that. I think you should tell her that, her being with other guys will hurt your feelings, and may crash you. Tell her that you put your heart in her hands. If in the long or short future she feels she must - ask her to tell you that and then you will talk about it again (meaning a mutual break up, which is not as hurtful as cheating break up or one sided sudden one. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Some people can handle it, some can't, you sound like the latter so tell her it's not sth you're comfortable with and no-go. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I don't think someone who's still in love with you wants to sleep with other guys. I wouldn't count her being *honest* about this as a good thing... I think it means she's finally starting to express her dissatisfaction with the relationship. She's not yet walking out the door, but this is the first step. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 i know no matter what way i go im going to end up getting hurt by it just dont know whats the best way to go about it really. She wants to date other men, which means that she wants to keep her options open. Everything else she is saying to you is just to ease the blow. Knowing that, you have to ask yourself what would be best. Do you want to have an open relationship, knowing that she is pursuing other men? Obviously you don't, so the answer to her suggestion is no, you're not okay with that. Next question that you ask yourself is, will you feel confident and secure in this relationship knowing that she wants to date other people, even if she tells you that she won't if you don't agree with it? It doesn't sound like you would be, and if that's the case, then you probably need to be proactive about it and end it on your own terms. Sorry about that, but people do change and grow a lot in their late teens and early twenties. Take the time to do this yourself, learn about yourself, and have those experiences that mold you into the person you will become. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Tone Loc Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 That's incredibly slutty of her, it disgusts me how girls think like this. Hard to find a dignified, self-respecting woman nowadays. But hey, at least she was honest with you, if she wants to do this then you can't stop her. It's good she told you, at least you know what kind of person you're dealing with. She wants to become a slut and that's fine, my ex became a slut and I had to let her go because of that, I no longer wanted her because other men spoiled her for me. I didn't tell her she couldn't have sex with other men, she went ahead and did what she wanted and now I'm at 16 days NC and glad to be rid of the dirty slut. Would not touch her with a ten foot bargepole now. But as I said, she can do what she wants and you can't stop her. However, she can't do what she wants AND still expect to be in a relationship with you, you really don't want to be involved with girls like this. A girl who gives her body away so easily is not a woman worth having. You shouldn't cave in and let her do what she wants, if you don't want her to become a slut and start sleeping around then tell her that you don't want her to do that as long as she's with you, and if she's not happy, if she feels like she's missing out then you'll have to let her go. That way, she's free to do what she wants and you won't have to become a submissive cuckold (or worse, have a partner who's cheating behind your back). Now that the cat's out of the bag, I suppose it is a bit of a shame that she turned out to be a slut but hey, that's what the modern woman wants nowadays. Gone is the time when women were happy to settle down with just one man. No, that's not enough, now they need to have sex with at least a hundred men before they hit their mid twenties, because society tells them to, because Hollywood tells them that's what they should do. God forbid if a girl should find herself in her mid twenties not having slept with a hundred men! That's not acceptable in modern society, it's a sin. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 What if she's polyamorous? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 That's incredibly slutty of her, it disgusts me how girls think like this. Hard to find a dignified, self-respecting woman nowadays. But hey, at least she was honest with you, if she wants to do this then you can't stop her. It's good she told you, at least you know what kind of person you're dealing with. She wants to become a slut and that's fine, my ex became a slut and I had to let her go because of that, I no longer wanted her because other men spoiled her for me. I didn't tell her she couldn't have sex with other men, she went ahead and did what she wanted and now I'm at 16 days NC and glad to be rid of the dirty slut. Would not touch her with a ten foot bargepole now. But as I said, she can do what she wants and you can't stop her. However, she can't do what she wants AND still expect to be in a relationship with you, you really don't want to be involved with girls like this. A girl who gives her body away so easily is not a woman worth having. You shouldn't cave in and let her do what she wants, if you don't want her to become a slut and start sleeping around then tell her that you don't want her to do that as long as she's with you, and if she's not happy, if she feels like she's missing out then you'll have to let her go. That way, she's free to do what she wants and you won't have to become a submissive cuckold (or worse, have a partner who's cheating behind your back). Now that the cat's out of the bag, I suppose it is a bit of a shame that she turned out to be a slut but hey, that's what the modern woman wants nowadays. Gone is the time when women were happy to settle down with just one man. No, that's not enough, now they need to have sex with at least a hundred men before they hit their mid twenties, because society tells them to, because Hollywood tells them that's what they should do. God forbid if a girl should find herself in her mid twenties not having slept with a hundred men! That's not acceptable in modern society, it's a sin. None of this makes her a slut. She just wants to date other people. When you set standards in your relationship, you shouldn't be mad at the other person for living up to those standards and label them as sluts. Maybe you should resolve your own anger before giving advice to others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lokin4AReason Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I would let her go IMO shes trying to go for other avenues of excuse(s) but yet staying in a safe relationship sooner or later ( I dislike to say ), she ll let you go ... ( saying this from exp. seen it from other relationships ) Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 What if she's polyamorous? This was actually my first thought as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 You should ask her if it would be alright if you picked out the other guy. That way, you can tell if she's got someone in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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