Do i send last text to girl?

[Greekbrah]

Hi this is my first post here. was dating a girl for just under 2 months, we got along great, had a lot in common etc.

 

Long story short, communication slowly broke down, with her finishing uni soon and living 200 miles away, the brief relationship came to an end, there was no closure.

 

It's been 4 weeks of no contact, and i find it hard to move on as there was no closure.

 

Do i send her a text wishing her well with the remaining week or so with uni and her future goals of becoming a teacher ?

 

*I do not expect a reply or the chance of meeting up, i just want closure from my end.

 

thanks

[cessna]

You have nothing to lose so go for it.

[Dallers]

Most will tell you that you have nothing to lose but actually you do.

 

If she does not respond you will feel worse and then the process of no contact starts all over again.

 

The aim of no contact is not to get her back it is to move on. If she comes back so be it and you deal with that in the way you see fit at the time depending on how you feel. She has not contacted you because it's over and you contacting her will do nothing at all to get her back, if anything it will push her further away and if she does reply it will be out of sympathy which is never good.

 

Delete her number and move on. I'm going through a similar situation right now and there is no option in my opinion, she will never hear from me again.

[Greekbrah]

Most will tell you that you have nothing to lose but actually you do.

 

If she does not respond you will feel worse and then the process of no contact starts all over again.

 

The aim of no contact is not to get her back it is to move on. If she comes back so be it and you deal with that in the way you see fit at the time depending on how you feel. She has not contacted you because it's over and you contacting her will do nothing at all to get her back, if anything it will push her further away and if she does reply it will be out of sympathy which is never good.

 

Delete her number and move on. I'm going through a similar situation right now and there is no option in my opinion, she will never hear from me again.

 

thanks for your reply, honestly i will not feel worse if she doesn't respond as i have stated, i do not expect a reply from her. I personally just want closure from my behalf

[badpenny]

There WAS closure.

It ended.

Believe it or not, that's all the 'closure' you need.

there's no need to hold a moratorium, Q&A session about it.

 

The whole thing lasted fewer than 2 months.

 

Honestly?

 

Mountain out of a molehill.

 

Move on and start anew.

Why rip yourself to shreds for something that doesn't even last as long as a broken leg takes to heal?

[fitnessfan365]

Doesn't the fact that you haven't heard word one from her in a month give you that closure already?

 

If you truly didn't care about getting a response, you wouldn't need to text her. Right now it comes off like you're in denial and secretly hoping to hear back. But at best it will lead to random small talk and still being in the same boat never see her again. There really isn't any point to it.

[quattrob]

I think sending a text is something you should never do to get closure (it seems weak to begin with) as she might not respond and you're left feeling worse.. not to mention even if she did respond you'd have an even tougher time to move on. If you must get closure, see her face to face and say your last words, whatever happens accept it and move on.

 

 

I know it's hard to move on since you seem really into this girl but remember she couldn't or didn't want to continue this relationship with you anymore. That's all you need to know to make you move on.

[Redhead14]

Hi this is my first post here. was dating a girl for just under 2 months, we got along great, had a lot in common etc.

 

Long story short, communication slowly broke down, with her finishing uni soon and living 200 miles away, the brief relationship came to an end, there was no closure.

 

It's been 4 weeks of no contact, and i find it hard to move on as there was no closure.

 

Do i send her a text wishing her well with the remaining week or so with uni and her future goals of becoming a teacher ?

 

*I do not expect a reply or the chance of meeting up, i just want closure from my end.

 

thanks

 

After a month of no contact, you've got closure. Leave it alone. Sending a text like that will come across as needy and maybe a little bitter. It may get a response, but likely cause more harm than good for you.

[Dallers]

thanks for your reply, honestly i will not feel worse if she doesn't respond as i have stated, i do not expect a reply from her. I personally just want closure from my behalf

 

But this is not the mindset of someone who is healing and moving on.

 

It is horrible, the ups and downs, the feeling ok one minute and then thinking about her the next and the way in which you depreciate yourself as not worthy.

 

After one month you should be making serious progress by now otherwise you end up in a never-ending circle which leads to serious problems further down the line.

 

You need to switch your focus to improving yourself and finding someone new. After a while she will just fade, you are keeping her alive in your own mind.

 

Want to know the truth? She is probably happy, chatting to and banging another guy right now and has not given you a single thought since the day you broke up. Hurts right? but it's the truth.

[badpenny]

Doesn't the fact that you haven't heard word one from her in a month give you that closure already?

 

If you truly didn't care about getting a response, you wouldn't need to text her. Right now it comes off like you're in denial and secretly hoping to hear back. But at best it will lead to random small talk and still being in the same boat never see her again. There really isn't any point to it.

 

That, and the fact that he began not one thread, but two.

 

Sorry, I agree. This smacks of clinginess and demonstrates that in spite of your reassurances, you are waaaay NOT over this.

 

Which frankly, seems a little over-the-top, given the brevity of your 'relationship'.....

 

had you been together for 2 years, I'd honestly get it. I would.

But less than a couple of months....?

[Greekbrah]

Doesn't the fact that you haven't heard word one from her in a month give you that closure already?

 

If you truly didn't care about getting a response, you wouldn't need to text her. Right now it comes off like you're in denial and secretly hoping to hear back. But at best it will lead to random small talk and still being in the same boat never see her again. There really isn't any point to it.

 

It's just the way it finished, there was no "goodbye" and no sign of the brief relationship ending. Perhaps i am in denial as she was my first relationship, but i just want to end it on good terms

[Vintage79]

OP - I don't know you or how you respond to things, but if you genuinely think that sending her a text will give you closure and you have zero expectation of a response or ever seeing her again, I say send a message.

 

If you have even a small hope for a response or seeing her again, I'd not send the message.

[Greekbrah]

But this is not the mindset of someone who is healing and moving on.

 

It is horrible, the ups and downs, the feeling ok one minute and then thinking about her the next and the way in which you depreciate yourself as not worthy.

 

After one month you should be making serious progress by now otherwise you end up in a never-ending circle which leads to serious problems further down the line.

 

You need to switch your focus to improving yourself and finding someone new. After a while she will just fade, you are keeping her alive in your own mind.

 

Want to know the truth? She is probably happy, chatting to and banging another guy right now and has not given you a single thought since the day you broke up. Hurts right? but it's the truth.

 

That's the other thing, went on a date with some other gal the other week, she was nice but compared to the other gal .... sounds shallow of me i know

[Greekbrah]

OP - I don't know you or how you respond to things, but if you genuinely think that sending her a text will give you closure and you have zero expectation of a response or ever seeing her again, I say send a message.

 

If you have even a small hope for a response or seeing her again, I'd not send the message.

 

thanks, yeah i do not expect a reply and the chances of us ever seeing one another again is very slim..... and i mean very slim

[Dallers]

That's the other thing, went on a date with some other gal the other week, she was nice but compared to the other gal .... sounds shallow of me i know

 

Nope we all do it. No other girl will compare because you are not yet over this one. You will rebound on a perfectly good girl over and over until you let this one go. You need to move on properly not just date to remind you how great she is.

 

Honestly chap all of these emotions and feelings you are going through are normal and everyone on here will relate with you. As a guy we have two options we either become stronger from it or we let it eat us up inside. A girl will see this weakness in you and you will lose her every time. If you stand up for yourself, be a man and learn to walk away they will love you for it and some will even come back for you because the greatest weapon of all is indifference and the ability to walk away head held high.

 

You either become a force to be reckoned with and learn to deal with it or a pushover and give in to weakness and let her see how needy you are.

 

Man up.

[Redhead14]

Hi this is my first post here. was dating a girl for just under 2 months, we got along great, had a lot in common etc.

 

Long story short, communication slowly broke down, with her finishing uni soon and living 200 miles away, the brief relationship came to an end, there was no closure.

 

It's been 4 weeks of no contact, and i find it hard to move on as there was no closure.

 

Do i send her a text wishing her well with the remaining week or so with uni and her future goals of becoming a teacher ?

 

*I do not expect a reply or the chance of meeting up, i just want closure from my end.

 

thanks

 

After two months, there really isn't a relationship yet. You invested too much too soon if you are still lingering.

 

Did you not reach out to her after she went to school at all? You said there was no goodbye. So, you could have reached out to her here and there.

 

If you really want to, just call her, don't text. Tell her you've been thinking of her and was wondering how things were going for her.

[Greekbrah]

After two months, there really isn't a relationship yet. You invested too much too soon if you are still lingering.

 

Did you not reach out to her after she went to school at all? You said there was no goodbye. So, you could have reached out to her here and there.

 

If you really want to, just call her, don't text. Tell her you've been thinking of her and was wondering how things were going for her.

 

yeah agreed with there wasn't really a relationship after 2 months as it's too soon to call it that, though we both told one another we liked each other.

 

Edit - She currently goes to uni, i do not, i live 20 mins away

Edited May 5, 2015 by Greekbrah

[Greekbrah]

I think sending a text is something you should never do to get closure (it seems weak to begin with) as she might not respond and you're left feeling worse.. not to mention even if she did respond you'd have an even tougher time to move on. If you must get closure, see her face to face and say your last words, whatever happens accept it and move on.

 

 

I know it's hard to move on since you seem really into this girl but remember she couldn't or didn't want to continue this relationship with you anymore. That's all you need to know to make you move on.

 

thanks for your reply, honestly i will not feel worse if i do not get a reply as i do not expect it. I just want closure from my behalf and get it off my mind and continue as we did not say "goodbye" to one another

[embeu]

Hi Greekbrah.

 

I was in the same situation as you are 5 months ago. The only difference is that we were together 6 months, ldr last 2 months.

 

I felt i didnt get any closure or final talk, not a real good bye, so i sent a letter. I thought just like you that i would not feel any worse if she did not answer me. I felt good when I sent the letter, but she did not answer. It was a kind and heartfelt letter.

 

Now i wish i never sent it. I have some posts here from earlier (and other forums too) where I asked the same questions you are asking now and i refused to believe the answers I got. I thought that no answer from her is closure enough, that it proves she will not want me back for sure, and it was. At least for a month or so. After that i started regretting sending the letter. It took away some of my self respect.

 

I have come to realize that she left me because she did not want to be with me anymore. She never answered why or when things went wrong and I think she did not do so because she hates confrontation and is immature. Nevertheless, she said "its over" and right now, 5 months later, that is enough of a reason for me.

She cant give you the answers you seek, and if you send a letter to her now it might take you longer to get over her. Dont drag this out, healing and getting over a loss takes time. If you send a letter and she does not answer i PROMISE you that you will wonder these questions:

- why did she not answer?

- is it because she is with someone else?

- did she never really love me?

- is the reason that I treated her bad or did anything wrong?

- etc etc etc

 

It is ok to cry and feel hurt. Speculate on the reasons for yourself, use these forums for support. But dont send the letter for closure. I know it sucks, but its over. I PROMISE, in some time the reason itself wont bother you.

Edited May 5, 2015 by embeu

[Greekbrah]

Hi Greekbrah.

 

I was in the same situation as you are 5 months ago. The only difference is that we were together 6 months, ldr last 2 months.

 

I felt i didnt get any closure or final talk, not a real good bye, so i sent a letter. I thought just like you that i would not feel any worse if she did not answer me. I felt good when I sent the letter, but she did not answer. It was a kind and heartfelt letter.

 

Now i wish i never sent it. I have some posts here from earlier (and other forums too) where I asked the same questions you are asking now and i refused to believe the answers I got. I thought that no answer from her is closure enough, that it proves she will not want me back for sure, and it was. At least for a month or so. After that i started regretting sending the letter. It took away some of my self respect.

 

I have come to realize that she left me because she did not want to be with me anymore. She never answered why or when things went wrong and I think she did not do so because she hates confrontation and is immature. Nevertheless, she said "its over" and right now, 5 months later, that is enough of a reason for me.

She cant give you the answers you seek, and if you send a letter to her now it might take you longer to get over her. Dont drag this out, healing and getting over a loss takes time. If you send a letter and she does not answer i PROMISE you that you will wonder these questions:

- why did she not answer?

- is it because she is with someone else?

- did she never really love me?

- is the reason that I treated her bad or did anything wrong?

- etc etc etc

 

It is ok to cry and feel hurt. Speculate on the reasons for yourself, use these forums for support. But dont send the letter for closure. I know it sucks, but its over. I PROMISE, in some time the reason itself wont bother you.

 

Hi, thanks for your answer. regarding sending her the text, i will not feel worse as i know by sending this to her, if i do, it will take a lot off my mind and i can move on. as i have stated i do not expect a reply

[na49]

It was only a 2 month relationship, and it doesn't seem like there are any hard feelings, so I say just send it.

[embeu]

Did you treat her bad or misbehave in any way? If this is the case and you feel like you need to apologize then by all means go ahead.

 

But if the only reason is that you want closure you should not send anything. At least wait 2-3 weeks and then revisit the idea.

[embeu]

Hi, thanks for your answer. regarding sending her the text, i will not feel worse as i know by sending this to her, if i do, it will take a lot off my mind and i can move on. as i have stated i do not expect a reply

 

I was also sure i would not feel worse, and sending the letter made me feel great for some time. IF you get an answer it probably wont be anything positive, and in the long run you will end up regretting it.

 

Read through these forums. There are alot of threads regarding the subject of "last letter" and everyone seems to think their situation is somewhat unique (I among them). There is nothin unique about you or your breakup, it ended and it sucks. Listen to the people that has been outside for a long winters night before. Sending an ex a letter is a rookie mistake that probably 80% of first-time dumpees do, dont be among them.

[quattrob]

Hi, thanks for your answer. regarding sending her the text, i will not feel worse as i know by sending this to her, if i do, it will take a lot off my mind and i can move on. as i have stated i do not expect a reply

 

 

 

If you are so sure that you would not feel worse and that you'd get closure then why are you posting on here asking for opinions? It seems like you're dead set on sending her a final text to get your closure so why not just do it? I don't mean to sound rude but it seems kind of pointless to create a topic asking if you should or shouldn't do something but in the end you're going to do it anyways because you have your own "justifications".

[Greekbrah]

Did you treat her bad or misbehave in any way? If this is the case and you feel like you need to apologize then by all means go ahead.

 

But if the only reason is that you want closure you should not send anything. At least wait 2-3 weeks and then revisit the idea.

 

thanks for your reply, long story short, the last time we met each other it wasn't the best of nights, went over hers and went out, got a bit too drunk and i extremely regret it to this day. I didn't get the chance of saying goodbye after that night, and she is heading back home soon.