Why? Is this just excuses?

[LovingTooMuch]

Hello, just looking for support and to get my thoughts out.

 

 

I'm 32

She is 25

 

 

We had only been dating for 2 months and known each other for about 4.

 

 

They were a fantastic 2 months.

 

 

She pursued me strongly and showing how much we had in common. We began dating and she was staying over almost every night for those 2 months. Cooking dinner, going out on the town, out on dates etc....

 

 

We were always talking and texting. She said she had never met someone like me and that we had a very bright future together. For 2 months we were inseparable.

 

 

I had plans on moving to another city in a year or 2. No real time restrictions on it. I was upfront with her about it. She was actually excited and said she would have no issue with moving if things worked out.

 

 

A week or so ago she asked me if I'm against moving in with her at some point before I moved. My answer was that I hadn't thought about it and it wasn't in my plans, but that we could talk about it later since we have only been seeing each other for 2 months.

 

 

Apparently this upset her big time. Since that day she began not texting and being very short with me. She finally told me that she needs someone around as much as possible and that with our work schedules she doesn't see that being possible. She went on to say that being with someone who said that moving in "is out of the question" (I don't remember saying that) is weird. She also had concerns about our work schedule being different. I went on to ask her if she was looking for a way out of the relationship. She said no.

 

 

I stopped her and said that nothing was ever out of the question and that I expressed that we have only been together for 2 months. And that obviously moving forward that would be a step to take. The texts and "babes" and "honey's" were completely gone at this point. She came over that night and the next night. We slept together both nights.

 

 

The second night I could sense she was being much more distant. I went to work. She was supposed to come over that night but went to a concert instead. No big deal. But the next day was a day that we had scheduled to hang out. A week before the day we were going to hang out she was all giddy and cute about hanging out and being with each other. After the conversation about moving in she began saying that she was needing to get a lot of homework done.

 

 

Problem is that she ended up going with the same group that she went to the concert with to the lake all day. The night of the concert I was asking her if we were still seeing each other the next day. She went on to tell me that she was going to go to the lake with these people. This was all via text. I told her that I wanted to speak to her on the phone. She told me that her phone was dying but she would plug it in as soon as she got back.

 

 

Never heard from her. The whole next day I never heard from her. I did not contact her either.

 

 

I send a text today asking why she isn't speaking to me. She responds that she fell asleep as soon as she got home but that we do need to meet up to talk. I told her to just be straight with me. She said that we are breaking up.

 

 

She then sent a text asking for some financial info that she had done on my computer......seriously.

 

 

She said that we were done because she realized that she is still very selfish and wants to do her own thing without thinking about someone else's feelings. She went on to say that after that "argument" something changed and she couldn't make it go back. She said she didn't want me to hate her and that's why she wanted to see me in person.

 

 

 

 

She spent so much effort and time into us for 2 months. She was absolutely great and convinced me that she was solid. Just to have it go down like this.

 

 

Frustrating.

[badpenny]

I really wouldn't try to read much into it, or even try to figure it out.

 

Just take her at her word.

She's too egotistic to put you first.

 

That is also evident by her SUBSEQUENT request regarding financial information.

She's done.

 

I think, given the relatively brief period you knew her, you should be thankful you skippetty-doo-dah'ed the bullet, bud....

[lolablue17]

You hurt her very much. She felt rejected by you, because you don't love her as much as she does.

 

If you came now with dramatic gestures she may change her mind but i don't think you are the type for extreme explosive love with no boundaries in 2 month, as she. So it probably wouldn't work anyway.

[d0nnivain]

She finally told me that she needs someone around as much as possible and that with our work schedules she doesn't see that being possible.

 

the 2 month mark is waaaayyyy to early to be talking about moving in together

 

the fact that she's already this clingy & needy is a great reason to let her go. If your relationship as continued what was she going to want next for you to quit your job because it was taking too much time away from her or for you to have plastic surgery so you could literally be attached?

[kismetkismet]

She sounds quite immature and like she's looking for a codependent relationship... in the first couple of months you're really just getting to know each other. You can't really know whether moving in and that sort of thing are a great idea. It's unreasonable to be offended that you weren't sure about moving in after 2 months.. And for her to make such an about face on the way she felt makes it seem like she was more excited by the idea of a serious relationship, than with building an actual relationship.. which takes time.

[LovingTooMuch]

Just an update. Thoughts?

 

About 4 hours after the break up and 4 hours after I told her that I wished nothing but sucess and a great life for her, she starts a game that we would play on our phones together. I ignored it. A couple hours later I get a text that is reminding me of food in the fridge that needs to be eaten or frozen...... in my fridge. Why would that be something to say?

 

How strange?

 

Does she have regrets about breaking it off? Uhhhh..... very unlikely.

 

My thoughts: Some sort of guilt is eating at her. This would be a way for her to feel better about herself if she can get me to talk to her and not be upset with her. IMO if she could she would probably like jumping into being friends. Not gonna happen.

[joseb]

OP,

this girl sounds like bad news.

She sounds extremely co-dependant (and you spending every day with her just after meeting isn't a great sign for you either)

But you had the sense to not rush into moving in.

 

>She pursued me strongly and showing how much we had in common. We began dating and she was staying over almost every night for those 2 months.

 

Big red flags for me here. I'm always wary of girls that seem super keen so early, especially if they want to spend every day together. And maybe you two really have a lot in common, but I've seen a common trend in certain types of women to try to pretend to have so much in common in the early days.

 

>About 4 hours after the break up and 4 hours after I told her that I wished nothing but sucess and a great life for her, she starts a game that we would play on our phones together.

 

This would worry me too.

 

Honestly, I would really recommend you cut ties with this one.

I have a bad feeling about her.

[fardaxel]

This girl sounds like she just wants to lock a relationshp down - any relationship. You don't want someone like that.

[Ruby65]

Just an update. Thoughts?

 

About 4 hours after the break up and 4 hours after I told her that I wished nothing but sucess and a great life for her, she starts a game that we would play on our phones together. I ignored it. A couple hours later I get a text that is reminding me of food in the fridge that needs to be eaten or frozen...... in my fridge. Why would that be something to say?

 

How strange?

 

Does she have regrets about breaking it off? Uhhhh..... very unlikely.

 

My thoughts: Some sort of guilt is eating at her. This would be a way for her to feel better about herself if she can get me to talk to her and not be upset with her. IMO if she could she would probably like jumping into being friends. Not gonna happen.

 

She wants you in the Friend Zone.

 

She's going to keep making contact as long as you keep her unblocked on your phone and online.

 

It's not because she's having second thoughts. She wants to keep you around as a safety net while she transitions to being single.... until the day she meets her next boyfriend.

[Diezel]

Go NC and rid yourself of this Level 5 Clinger.

 

It is for the best.

[LovingTooMuch]

After work I had plans to go have a beer with a friend. I walk into the bar and my ex is standing with a group of people that I know as well. I walk on by and go to the patio with my friend. Long story short a bunch of people ended up sitting at the our table on the patio. When she came out she sat down right next to me.

 

My literal thought in my head was "unbef***inglievable.

 

Shortly after another person joined and sat between us. I made eye contact only a few times and did not speak to her. She on the other hand was watching me like a hawk. I could see her constantly looking over at me for extended time, even when I wasnt speaking. My friend noticed all night as well. It was clear she was trying to get my attention.

 

She finally decides to leave. That's when she started texting me.

 

Her: Will you not give me a chance to talk to you?

 

Me: I don't see any reason for that. The end result is the same. We've done this once. No reason to do it again.

 

Her: what are you even talking about?

 

Her: Ok, so you are not willing to sit down and talk about things?

 

Me: There is no reason to rehash why we broke up. We did that already.

 

Her: If you're Ok with a text message break up.....Ok....but I'd really like to talk to you.

 

Me: What is it that you want from a conversation?

 

Her: to explain things.

 

Me: No need. I'm Ok.

 

Her: Seriously? Ok.

 

Me: I'm not sure what else you want from me.

 

Her: I just want to talk.

 

Me: Its fine. If a conversation would lead to where we are now, then why have it?

 

Her: because we are Adults and we should deal with this face to face. I just wanted to talk to you and you wanted an answer.

 

Me: I have my answer.

 

Her: Okay. But I just wanted to talk to you. I feel like you at least deserve an answer.

 

Her: I've always felt like I can talk to you. Goodnight.

 

Me: That was when we were on the same page. Not separate.

 

Her: Ok

 

Me: The most important thing is for you to go do you. Do what you want and be happy.

 

Her: I just wish you would have given me the chance to talk to you.

 

Her: Goodnight

 

Me: And I wish we could have spoken more about what each other wanted. Goodnight.

 

This just happened last night. When I left I noticed her car was there and she was in it. She never really left. Maybe to try to catch me while I was leaving. The last half or so happened after I had already gotten home.

 

Thoughts?

[Ruby65]

She enjoys the drama.

 

Block her on your phone so she can't text you anymore.

[minime13]

She's told you already - she's selfish.

 

She sounds pretty immature, and insecure. She's playing a game with you to make herself feel better because something you said hurt her, and instead of talking through it, she shut it down. She probably regrets that, but doesn't have the maturity to admit all these things and talk to you about it LIKE AN ADULT (as she claimed).

 

IF you decide to sit down and talk, it needs to be scheduled, and just the two of you. If, but I don't feel that you need to because she's shown the can't handle an adult relationship. Running into each other while you are both out is not the time and place for that discussion. If she really wants to put the time and effort into discussing what happened, then she needs to take on the responsibility of making a plan to meet up with you and sticking to it.

 

But, I don't think you owe her anything more. Continuing to talk will not lead to anything good when it comes to a self-professed selfish person.

[LovingTooMuch]

She texted me yesterday about picking up her stuff from my house. We settled on noon today.

 

She texted me a couple times telling me she was close. I never answered.

 

I just put all her stuff on the porch in bags. She came by and got them.

 

Her last text:

 

Thanks.....

 

No doubt she wanted to talk about the breakup. Actually, I'm pretty sure she wanted to make herself feel better about things. That's why I put the stuff on the porch.

 

It's the end of the end. Kinda sucks, but good at the same time. NC, here we go!