It's over guys.. [updated]

[dvx]

You read that right.

 

So i've reached the magic number of 30 days NC. That's 4 weeks, 1 month, 30 days, whatever you want to call it.

 

Like I assumed and knew from the start: She hasn't (or will) reached out.

 

I don't know what she is doing, how she is feeling. But I know that I'm feeling that this is something I must do. Even though most (all) of you will think its not something to do. Yeah she left me, she has the power and should be the one to contact me. I just don't wanna sit and wait forever and ever with the hope that one day she will.

 

These 30 days have felt like 30 months for me. It's been hell. And for every single day that goes by after the 30 day mark will be even more painful for me knowing that it's one day closer for her to completely move on and never even remember me anymore.

 

Why am I reaching out? For 3 reasons.

1. To get closure (get the door closed to my face)

2. To give up hope and know for sure that it's really final.

3. I was the one who did her wrong, even though she left me, the problems were all my fault and reactions. I've changed now, so it's up to me to contact her and at least let her know that I'm a better man.

 

What do I have to loose by reaching out? Nothing. What's the worst that could happen? a) either she doesn't even answer/reply, b) She say's there is no chance.

Nothing except that my NC will go back to day 1. So why not take the risk? Rather then living forever and ever in hope and wonderings if she would of reached out, maybe she waited for me to reach out etc.

 

I've read successful stories where the dumpee reached out.

 

I've written a letter that I'm either planing to send her or hand it to her personally by going to her home.

 

Im not gona call or text her. Im too scared she won't answer. The letter should give her time alone to read it when she is ready.

 

I could wait another 30 days. But that will be 30 days closer for her to completely have forgotten me and moved on since our relationship was less then 6 months long.

[acapelo_dp]

I don't think sending a letter is a good idea. Personally, I do not feel that breaking NC at all is a good idea. If she wanted to reach out to you by now she would have and she hasn't. You can send her a short text but expect the worst. Then you will have to redo NC from square one.

 

This is coming from someone who has broken NC three times in 2 months and those three times led to my ex boyfriend using me purely for sex and him admitting that. It didn't change anything.

 

If you wish to go ahead, good luck. I hope you get the closure you need from this to move on.

[Simon Phoenix]

Terrible decision. But you've ignored all the advice so far, so I guess best of luck. But yeah, the fact that you are worried about her forgetting you shows that you are operating out of fear, which is one of the worst angles to be operating under.

 

But yeah, this is bad, bad, bad.

[wizer]

What do you have to lose?

 

Everything.

 

If there's even a remote chance that she may come back, it's gotta come from her. If you break NC and contact her it will ruin any chance you have.

 

If she wants back in, she'll contact you. If she doesn't, she won't.

 

Forget about getting closure. It's a luxury you just can't afford at this point.

 

Stay the course.

[seminoles84]

So if you aren't going to take our advice, why even post this?

[dvx]

Terrible decision. But you've ignored all the advice so far, so I guess best of luck. But yeah, the fact that you are worried about her forgetting you shows that you are operating out of fear, which is one of the worst angles to be operating under.

 

But yeah, this is bad, bad, bad.

 

Im worried of staying nc forever and keeping the unsaid words I wanted to say forever buried inside of me. It doesn't make sense waiting around for her to contact me when I was the one that did wrong?

 

What do I have to lose?

[na49]

You realize that just because she didn't reach out in 30 days doesn't mean she never will right?

 

I've read so many more success stories where the dumpee doesn't reach out, and the dumper ends up coming back. To each his own though. I hope it works out for you. If you are so sure that this is what you want, then why make this thread basically asking for permission?

[Simon Phoenix]

Im worried of staying nc forever and keeping the unsaid words I wanted to say forever buried inside of me. It doesn't make sense waiting around for her to contact me when I was the one that did wrong?

 

What do I have to lose?

 

Your dignity, self-respect, recovery. For some reason you are obsessed with being broken up with a second time. And if she cared about the words, she'd be the one to reach out to you. And honestly, what have you really changed and improved in 30 days? Did you magically become less jealous, more trusting and change all of that in a month? I seriously doubt it -- all it seems you have done in this past month is count down to contacting her.

 

It's an awful idea, but you've been obsessed with it from the get-go, so best of uck.

[BC1980]

Im worried of staying nc forever and keeping the unsaid words I wanted to say forever buried inside of me. It doesn't make sense waiting around for her to contact me when I was the one that did wrong?

 

What do I have to lose?

 

She doesn't care about your "unsaid words." If she wanted to hear what you have to say or to add something herself, she would have contacted you.

[diamondgirl]

30 days is really not a lot of time. if you want to reach out to hear eventually and have things left to say wait at least a few more months. i guarantee when that time comes you wont want to say anything anymore.

 

what you have to lose is setting back your healing.

[dvx]

Your dignity, self-respect, recovery. For some reason you are obsessed with being broken up with a second time. And if she cared about the words, she'd be the one to reach out to you. And honestly, what have you really changed and improved in 30 days? Did you magically become less jealous, more trusting and change all of that in a month? I seriously doubt it -- all it seems you have done in this past month is count down to contacting her.

 

It's an awful idea, but you've been obsessed with it from the get-go, so best of uck.

 

The dignity and self-respect went lost when i begged her for more then a week after BU. I've learned from my mistakes definitely.

 

Recovery? Haven't done any. Otherwise wouldn't feel ****. I feel worse then the day she left and its not getting better

 

Damn I feel like a pussy but I can't deny the urge to contact and the fear of her moving on forever if I don't.

[sutsie]

Don't do it man. It'll set you back. wait 30 more days and then see how you feel. It would kill you if she texted back something like "Im seeing someone else. please don't contact me again." don't set yourself back. If it's real then wait another month and then consider breaking no contact. If you choose to ignore everyone's advice then please update us so we can follow the thread. I hope the best for you regardless, but I strongly encourage you to wait another 30 days and reconsider.

[Cinnamonstix]

She is more likely to move on forever if you DO contact her.

 

Plus, you say you've changed but you haven't. You've regressed. That will turn no one on.

[SoThatHappened]

You haven't learned a darned thing or changed in 30 days.

 

Even with your best-case-scenario and she gets back with you, you'd be back to the old ways right away.

 

Listen, heed the advice, grow, get past it, become a better person.

 

Or contact her and regress, don't learn a thing, make things worse, and regret it.

 

Good luck.

[TunaCat]

I'm a strong willed woman, but I miss my ex so much, I've been temped to contact him in the last few days.

 

I most likely won't, mostly because I don't want to set back my healing. Plus he's already seeing someone else.

 

Please give it some serious thought before you break NC. You don't want to go backwards in your healing.

[LooperDooper]

This was doomed the moment you went NC purely to get your ex back. Do as you please. But next time you start NC again don't do it for her, do it for you like you should have these past 30 days instead of doing it as a ploy to write to her.

[SycamoreCircle]

Hi folks,

 

3 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours, 39 minutes and 45 seconds ago I drove my car into the front of a Subway sandwich shop. I had been drinking heavily. Luckily, no one was killed. Just a seriously banged up salad bar. I've learned my lesson, though. Yes, I was an alcoholic, but no more. I feel much better about who I am. This weekend I'm ready to prove this to myself by enjoying a nice bottle of bourbon. I'll probably borrow the family car without telling anyone(police took away my license, of course) and drive out to Dead Man's Bluff---beautiful vista out there. I find it helps me to clear my head.

 

I know you guys are probably gonna' tell me this is a bad idea, but what do I have to lose? There's no Subway sandwich shops on the route I'll be taking. And I'm so repulsed by the smell of that baking bread that my proboscis immediately turns red when I'm in its proximity. Why, just the other day this buddy of mine said, "Damn C. your nose is redder than a reindeer!" Yeah, that's the Subway smell---I must've been remembering it, I said.

 

Anyway, I'll send you guys a follow up post after this weekend.

 

Peace...

[dvx]

You realize that just because she didn't reach out in 30 days doesn't mean she never will right?

 

I've read so many more success stories where the dumpee doesn't reach out, and the dumper ends up coming back. To each his own though. I hope it works out for you. If you are so sure that this is what you want, then why make this thread basically asking for permission?

No i did not realize that. But the chances that she will are not getting bigger as time goes by. Thats what I feel.

She doesn't care about your "unsaid words." If she wanted to hear what you have to say or to add something herself, she would have contacted you.

She probably doesn't. She is very stubborn and I think even if she wanted to contact me, her dignity won't let her, thats why I think she might be waiting on me to make the move since she blames me for everything and with all right to do so.

30 days is really not a lot of time. if you want to reach out to hear eventually and have things left to say wait at least a few more months. i guarantee when that time comes you wont want to say anything anymore.

 

what you have to lose is setting back your healing.

I have not done any healing so what is it to set back?

Don't do it man. It'll set you back. wait 30 more days and then see how you feel. It would kill you if she texted back something like "Im seeing someone else. please don't contact me again." don't set yourself back. If it's real then wait another month and then consider breaking no contact. If you choose to ignore everyone's advice then please update us so we can follow the thread. I hope the best for you regardless, but I strongly encourage you to wait another 30 days and reconsider.

I might wait another 30 days. But sooner or later I must break it?

 

She is more likely to move on forever if you DO contact her.

 

Plus, you say you've changed but you haven't. You've regressed. That will turn no one on.

What if she already has moved on? What do I Have to lose then?

 

You haven't learned a darned thing or changed in 30 days.

 

Even with your best-case-scenario and she gets back with you, you'd be back to the old ways right away.

 

Listen, heed the advice, grow, get past it, become a better person.

 

Or contact her and regress, don't learn a thing, make things worse, and regret it.

 

Good luck.

Makes sense. But what can I make worse then it actually already is?

I'm a strong willed woman, but I miss my ex so much, I've been temped to contact him in the last few days.

 

I most likely won't, mostly because I don't want to set back my healing. Plus he's already seeing someone else.

 

Please give it some serious thought before you break NC. You don't want to go backwards in your healing.

You're right. I don't want to go backwards but it just seems that I'm standing completely still right now. Neither moving forwards or backwards. At least I need that smack in my face so then I will only be able to see the direction of forward and let go of hope for ever?

This was doomed the moment you went NC purely to get your ex back. Do as you please. But next time you start NC again don't do it for her, do it for you like you should have these past 30 days instead of doing it as a ploy to write to her.

Don't we all do it at first just to get them back? I admit that was my purpose. But I was thinking hey maybe the bonus will be that I will start feeling better, but that's not the case.

Hi folks,

 

3 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours, 39 minutes and 45 seconds ago I drove my car into the front of a Subway sandwich shop. I had been drinking heavily. Luckily, no one was killed. Just a seriously banged up salad bar. I've learned my lesson, though. Yes, I was an alcoholic, but no more. I feel much better about who I am. This weekend I'm ready to prove this to myself by enjoying a nice bottle of bourbon. I'll probably borrow the family car without telling anyone(police took away my license, of course) and drive out to Dead Man's Bluff---beautiful vista out there. I find it helps me to clear my head.

 

I know you guys are probably gonna' tell me this is a bad idea, but what do I have to lose? There's no Subway sandwich shops on the route I'll be taking. And I'm so repulsed by the smell of that baking bread that my proboscis immediately turns red when I'm in its proximity. Why, just the other day this buddy of mine said, "Damn C. your nose is redder than a reindeer!" Yeah, that's the Subway smell---I must've been remembering it, I said.

 

Anyway, I'll send you guys a follow up post after this weekend.

 

Peace...

Lmfao.

[Simon Phoenix]

How about trying to move forward first and try doing No Contact properly before even thinking about this? I mean, you basically have done nothing in 30 days but sit there like a pud and wait around. How about using No Contact to try to evolve and improve first? You haven't improve, you haven't learned anything, you are the exact same as you were 30 days ago.

 

I mean, if you are looking for approval to be obtuse and delusional, you aren't going to get it here. Sorry.

[dvx]

How about trying to move forward first and try doing No Contact properly before even thinking about this? I mean, you basically have done nothing in 30 days but sit there like a pud and wait around. How about using No Contact to try to evolve and improve first? You haven't improve, you haven't learned anything, you are the exact same as you were 30 days ago.

 

I mean, if you are looking for approval to be obtuse and delusional, you aren't going to get it here. Sorry.

 

So what if another 30 days go by and still I'm the same, and then another 30 and another 30 and so on. When is enough really enough?

 

What's the point of improving if not being able to let her know? She can't read thoughts or see stuff and to know when and if i have improved.

 

Sooner or later I must let her know?

[Simon Phoenix]

So what if another 30 days go by and still I'm the same, and then another 30 and another 30 and so on. When is enough really enough?

 

What's the point of improving if not being able to let her know? She can't read thoughts or see stuff and to know when and if i have improved.

 

Sooner or later I must let her know?

 

Don't you think it would have more of an effect if she sought it out on your own? You don't have to let her know -- in fact, by letting her know all you are doing is undermining your recovery and evolution.

 

I mean, if you are going to sit around like a jackass for another 30 days, then yes, you'll stay the same. But if you actually try to improve, grow, evolve, you will.

 

The moment you actually start to take this seriously is the moment you'll move in the right direction.

[Simon Phoenix]

And improve for yourself, to be a better person. Improving strictly for another person isn't improving -- it's putting lipstick on a pig. If by some miracle she decided to take you back you'd fall back into the same pattern that caused her to break up with you in the first place.

[sutsie]

ok, so you asked what if i'm no different in 30 more days right? Let me put this as bluntly and kindly as possible. YOU WILL FEEL DIFFERENT IN 30 DAYS. The only way you would get her back is if she somehow came back and said this exact statement, "I miss you and i made a mistake by ever breaking up with you in the first place." You SHOULD NEVER have to fight for someone to love you and want to be with you. EVER. A relationship is about TWO people, not just yourself. Yes you love her or you wouldn't feel as crazy about her as you do. And you know what, that shows that you have the ability to love someone that much, that shows how big of a heart you have. That says a lot about you. That shows that you can love someone that way again in the future. Would you rather love someone in that way that doesn't return it and dumps you?? or someone that will love you unconditionally no matter what in the same way. I watched my own mother stand by my father while he continued to drink with cirhossis of the liver, she continued supporting him and making him his prescribed meals despite the fact he was literally killing himself. He died within a year of his diagnosis. She's still torn up about it a year later and will be for a very long time if not until the day she dies. Someone that would dump you is not worth your love, someone that dumps you is not worth not trying to get over, someone that dumps you is not worth taking back especially if she hasn't reached out to you. No girl is worth chasing. No girl is worth sacrificing yourself for. No girl is worth losing yourself for. Use the time you have away from her to better yourself and to figure out what YOU deserve. You deserve someone better just based on the fact that you love this girl as much as you do. It shows how big of a heart you have and that is a POSITIVE. Find someone who has that big of a heart and find that person that will not ever leave you. If she does happen to come back, that has to be her decision and then you'll have to make that decision for yourself. But you can not ever win a girl back. She has to want you. I wish you the very best.

[dvx]

Don't you think it would have more of an effect if she sought it out on your own? You don't have to let her know -- in fact, by letting her know all you are doing is undermining your recovery and evolution.

 

I mean, if you are going to sit around like a jackass for another 30 days, then yes, you'll stay the same. But if you actually try to improve, grow, evolve, you will.

 

The moment you actually start to take this seriously is the moment you'll move in the right direction.

 

And improve for yourself, to be a better person. Improving strictly for another person isn't improving -- it's putting lipstick on a pig. If by some miracle she decided to take you back you'd fall back into the same pattern that caused her to break up with you in the first place.

What would u do if you were in my shoes?

1. How would you improve yourself?

2. How long would you wait for her or would you ever reach out?

[darkbloom]

I just have to say, you love tupac and I love tupac. With that thread connecting us, I'm going to strongly suggest you reconsider contacting her. I know that you want to reconcile. I know. Heal your self first before you try and get her back. Having had my heart broken twice by the same person I can advise you that it still hurts just as much the second time around.

 

I am rooting for you!!!