SoulHole Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I'll try to be brief as possible. I'm 25,, she is 23. We were both first to each other. Breakup occured 4 months ago, my fault. Acted on impulse, was overly jealous, insecure, needy and mean. She got with her rebound (guy she was chatting on fb) a week after the breakup. So I did all classic mistakes, begging, calling every few days etc. No results. Kept sporadic NC-s 7-10 days max. So she started stringing me along with slight attention, to which I jumped every time, even met 2 times and didn't acomplish nothing.(I am studying in another town, even went home just to see her) So after 3 months I said to her I can't be her friend and not to contact me. All this time she was telling me she wasn't with that guy altough ppl saw her with him, facebook posts etc. So she starts sending messages, calling, sweet texts but nothing concrete. I stayed strong and maintained NC. And 18 days ago, after she saw a pic with me and another girl, she tells me she wants to solve things and begged me to respond. I refused because I knew she was with another guy, even teased her about how that guy would feel if he saw these messages. She acted like ''What guy?''. Then I lost it, and didn't respond anymore. Also met her in the club with that guy and she came to me and said she wanted to talk. I said ok after she persisted (I said it wasn't the time nor the place), and let's go outside to talk. And then she didn't want to go because her guy was eyeing her. I calmly said ok, and went home... Now, 20 days after, I think she was honest in her clumsy and insecure reconciliation attempt, and that's what bothers me. Normally, I wouldn't want her back, but in addition of being the hottest girl in all of the city (no joke), I'm in the last year of nautical college. That means I will be a 3rd officer on some ship in about a year and sail for 3 months with 2 months in between. And will not have a wife at home that will wait for me... Which means I won't be marrying until I get off the ship. And I know this girl was mad crazy about me, more than me about her when we were in relationship, which was partilly LD, we saw each other every 2 weeks and she was faithful... I feel regret because I think I missed that reconciliation chance, that she hid that guy from me to actually meet up... Don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 At this point you let go. Accept that it's over & concentrate on healing your wounds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulHole Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 (edited) I was thinking about contacting her and telling her I'm still curious about what she wanted to say... Don't know man. I'm just not the type of guy to meet with someone who is with somebody else, that's why I reacted angrily... Also, when we got together, she was with another guy (for 1 month, no sex, I was her first) and hid that from me. She broke up with him after we met for the first time... She was 17 at the time, but that's her modus operandi obviously.She can't dump the guy she is with. Also, her new guys is 32, unemployed. She's still in the college, 1st year cuz she flunked 3 times at the law school. I just regret, because now I know she really wanted to talk it through. But I thought if 2 times we met, and I only got hurt, what could be different the 3rd time? But I should've went there and meet her, at least to hear how she wanted to solve it.... Edited April 27, 2015 by SoulHole Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 You had no obligation to meet her. It would not have solved anything. In all likelihood she doesn't have the words or self understanding to explain anything to you. You concentrate on yourself. That is all you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulHole Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 You are right, most probably. She sounded really sincere in her effort, contacted for 2 weeks, each message stronger until she said she wanted to work it out. Sad thing is I will never know... I would like at least to somehow open that possibility again, for her to know that if she is willing to say what she wanted, that I'm down for it. Our would be 5th anniversary is this wednesday... Link to post Share on other sites
Cinnamonstix Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Let this one go. I know you're hung up on her looks, but you really need to be looking deeper. She has repeatedly been dishonest with you. This is a serious character flaw.Her reconciliation attempts sound like a knee-jerk reaction due to jealousy rather than a serious desire to work things out long-term.If she were more serious, she would have ended things with the new guy AND not given up so easily. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Okay dude. You don't need to talk to her or anything. Her actions should have spoken volumes to you. She dumps you for another guy. Se SAYS that she isn't dating him anymore, but her ACTIONS has shown that people saw her out with him. She's at the club and I take it with this same guy. The SAME guy that she told you she wasn't dating. She see's you there and SAYS that she needs to talk to you. You invite her to join you outside the club to talk. Her actions shows her inaction and she will not go with you so not to make the other dude mad. That's what her actions showed you. I mean, if you were THAT important to her, she would have gone out there with you and screw the other guy, she would be trying to save what is most important to her and she wouldn't let anything get in her way to try and get what she wants. Just move on, dude. She's playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulHole Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 She dumps you for another guy. I actually dumped her because of my immaturity and issues, but regretted the decision 7 days after. And then she didn't want to do it anymore, said she needs time etc. Nevertheless, I grew out of my mistakes, vowed never to repeat them. In the club she was really keen on finding out if I was with another girl, to which I responded that she wanted the breakup, so that my love status is not of her concern (altough I wasn't with that girl). Then she said she didn't want for relationship to end, she was confused atm. You're right, if she was serious about it, she would've at least called the night after we met in the club, and would've tried to set up a meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulHole Posted May 23, 2015 Author Share Posted May 23, 2015 UPDATE Ex started to contact me, telling she wants to meet up and has some things to tell me. In the meanwhile, I got my life straight, started dating another girl etc. I agreed to meet because I had no expectations from the meeting, I've found my own closure. So we meet and she starts complaing she's not happy, how she regrets her decision but is now involved with this guy and doesn't want to hurt him. In the end she asks me will I take her back if she dumps him. I said yes atm, but ofc she needs to get rid of the new guy in reasonable time. So she said she'll contact me soon. Now frankly, I would love to try again because I think the blame for the failed relationship is mostly mine, but even if she doesn't contact, that wouldn't hurt me one bit. Thing is, she wants to be in contact during that decision making period and I'm not sure if that's a good idea. We spoke on the phone few times after the meeting. Although it's cool talking to her and all, I can't be sure that prolonged contact wouldn't hook me up again, 5 months isn't enough to totally get over a 4.5 year relationship. What you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
ChangSyam Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 UPDATE Ex started to contact me, telling she wants to meet up and has some things to tell me. In the meanwhile, I got my life straight, started dating another girl etc. I agreed to meet because I had no expectations from the meeting, I've found my own closure. So we meet and she starts complaing she's not happy, how she regrets her decision but is now involved with this guy and doesn't want to hurt him. In the end she asks me will I take her back if she dumps him. I said yes atm, but ofc she needs to get rid of the new guy in reasonable time. So she said she'll contact me soon. Now frankly, I would love to try again because I think the blame for the failed relationship is mostly mine, but even if she doesn't contact, that wouldn't hurt me one bit. Thing is, she wants to be in contact during that decision making period and I'm not sure if that's a good idea. We spoke on the phone few times after the meeting. Although it's cool talking to her and all, I can't be sure that prolonged contact wouldn't hook me up again, 5 months isn't enough to totally get over a 4.5 year relationship. What you guys think? 4.5 year relationship is a long period of relationship . She might made a mistake during your breakups ( dishonest etc ) but I think she deserves another shot since you've said that she is faithful during the 2 weeks stuff and of course , 4.5 years . How I wish I was in your place because Im having a hard time dealing with my ex . But yeah , chances that your relationship will improved is good since you know your flaws in the relationship and I hope she know her flaws too . Goodluck man . Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulHole Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Yup, I can say closure is complete. I told her I won't be meeting her until she is single, which I think it's correct on all terms. After all, she is in a relationship and I don't want to meet behind that guys back, possibly have sex with her and get hooked while she's involved with someone. That's a recipe for getting hurt. The thing I is I don't know should I stay in contact with her via other means until she makes a decision, can't deduce will it help bringing us together or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 The recipe for getting hurt.... is having anything to do with her. She was with some new guy days after your breakup, but you think she wasn't having an emotional affair with him while you were still together? And right now, isn't she being unfaithful to him with YOU? Save the *anniversaries* to celebrate when you're married to someone! This is just a girl you got with when you were very young.... a liar, a cheater, extremely immature -- someone who isn't long-term material moving forward in life. She's kept you as a backup while she pursued this new guy -- and she'll likely keep him as a backup if she tries "getting back together" with you. The best predictor of future behavior... is past behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChangSyam Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Yup, I can say closure is complete. I told her I won't be meeting her until she is single, which I think it's correct on all terms. After all, she is in a relationship and I don't want to meet behind that guys back, possibly have sex with her and get hooked while she's involved with someone. That's a recipe for getting hurt. The thing I is I don't know should I stay in contact with her via other means until she makes a decision, can't deduce will it help bringing us together or not. Why not go NC ? You're dating a girl right ? Try to make that girl happy instead of her . If you and your ex are meant to be , she will come back crawling as a single lady for you in no time . Link to post Share on other sites
Author SoulHole Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 If you and your ex are meant to be , she will come back crawling as a single lady for you in no time . Exactly what I told her. If she's single we can probably work it out, it's on her. Nevertheless, I'm moving on with my life. Thanks for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
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