stopping Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 One of the less talked about aspects of No Contact is the dumper and not seeing the need of him/her to change. Often in an unequal breakup, the onus on proving that you are a "changed" or different person goes on the dumpee. Most of the time the dumpee is so happy or at ease of being given another shot that they forget to dig in their heels on this. Case in point is me. I went no contact and then the "panic" of the dumper on myself not hanging on and their prospect of having to go at it alone. She said she wanted to work towards a reconciliation. I noticed during our conversations that most if not all the tweeks were going to have to be done by me. We had been broken up for some time now. When I addressed some of the patterns I really didnt like during the separation, she said that she did not think those were valid and only wanted to focus pre-breakup. A few days in and the patterns that were not satisfactory before are coming up. I have made it very clear I like on my end. She got her comfort and is now doing what she did before. Probably will just go NC again but this time to just move on Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I think it rarely comes up because most dumpers, stand by their decision and do not come back Link to post Share on other sites
Author stopping Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 I think it rarely comes up because most dumpers, stand by their decision and do not come back Mine did...however it looks like it was only because of insecurity...now that I provided the emotional pickup it is back to the being distant routine. You can never really go back can you? Blah Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Probably will just go NC again but this time to just move on There is no other reason to go NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stopping Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 There is no other reason to go NC. I have to take responsibility of breaking it. She said the right things as steps to working on reconciliation. It was basically a ruse that ended up in the status quo with amorphous plans that has me once again on the backburner for her pleasure. This situation was my fault..no one caused it but me...all I can do is learn from it Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I think by definition, the grieving dumpee was happy enough with the relationship, and didn't require any changes to keep going. Usually, they feel hopeful just to get back to where they were... even if they see the need for changes, in their hearts it is not enough to warrant a separation. But I think dumpees become aware of these things if a reconciliation occurs, and that's part of why the second time around doesn't work out. A serious breakup generally ruins the love relationship in the long run. So you seem to be pretty much ahead of the game with eyes wide open. Good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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