My 2.5 year relationship just ended...in denial

[frs1627]

Back ground:

 

So me and my girl are 24 yrs old. We met in college and dated through out the program. We even graduated together and experienced getting jobs together. We have been together for 2 and half years. We had our ups and downs but we always worked through things.

 

Towards the last 6 months, the relationship was in a spiral. We weren't happy with one another and the spark was lost. The romance was gone and we became very very comfortable with each others company. We started arguing over little things and just became annoyed with one another. We tried to fix it throughout the last 6 months but it kept going in a cycle.

 

Finally, we had the talk. I brought up the idea that we should go on a break and then she said she wants to break up completely. The reason why I wanted a break was to let her be happy on her own.

 

Here's the catch...she has a lot of baggage and she finally came to terms with her Bipolar Type 2. She wants to seek professional help and I felt as if I would not be able to let her reach her full potential by being around. In fact she has an appointment in a few days.

 

I knew she was bipolar for a year or so. She has a family history and we are both nurses so we know the signs and symptoms. I just couldn't tell her because I knew she would never believe it and it was something she needed to realize on her own. I have seen her go through her moods and I have been her punching bag many times. I knew it was the illness and not her that was treating me badly.

 

I tried and tried for so long to get her to change her bad habits such as smoking and drinking. She wanted to stop herself but would have a relapse....so I guess I ran out of patience.

 

We had the talk today and we both agreed it was for the best. She always had a boyfriend and never really had "alone" time in her life. She always dated the bad guys and I was the one good guy that came into her life. She said that and even her entire family says so.

 

I told her that no matter what I have no regrets in the relationship and I am always open to reunite once we get our own things settled out...if the opportunity is there. She agreed but for right now...we think its for the best that we take the time to ourselves.

 

We talked, we cried, we kissed, and had sex. We said our goodbyes and that was it...for day one at least.

 

She's at work tonight and I'm at home. I'm not being obsessive or bombarding her phone with desperate messages to get back together.

 

I'm trying to limit contact as much as I can. My mind is blank and part of me feels as if this is not real. The other part thinks we will get back together later on but I don't want that to be false hope. I want to work on myself and get back into the gym etc.

 

Do I love...yea I do and always will. She's not an evil person...just unfortunate to have such illness. I'm glad we ended it in a mature peaceful manner. I just feel a void now...as if I lost my other half...

 

This is one of those things were I had to let go and if it comes back then it was meant to be.

[Calidude6]

I'm in the same boat with you. My ex broke it off about 3 months ago after 2 years and all you and myself can do is live our lives the way we want to. To do the things that make us happy and if they come back and we want to start a new relationship with them then great!

 

Just stay busy and let her be alone. Sounds like you left on good notes so leave it as that.

[frs1627]

I'm in the same boat with you. My ex broke it off about 3 months ago after 2 years and all you and myself can do is live our lives the way we want to. To do the things that make us happy and if they come back and we want to start a new relationship with them then great!

 

Just stay busy and let her be alone. Sounds like you left on good notes so leave it as that.

 

Thank you for your reply. It's going to be rough that's for sure. We did end on a good note and I'm some what at peace with it. I just really wish it didn't have to end.

 

If they do come back after working on themselves...I know for a fact that the relationships will be stronger than before.

 

I hope things work out for you also.

[Calidude6]

Thank you for your reply. It's going to be rough that's for sure. We did end on a good note and I'm some what at peace with it. I just really wish it didn't have to end.

 

If they do come back after working on themselves...I know for a fact that the relationships will be stronger than before.

 

I hope things work out for you also.

 

It's definitely rough. I'm still feeling it after 3 months but in due time it will get better. I still want a new start with her if it happens but if not, learn from my mistakes and do better next time and that's what you should do to.

 

I hope you go through a easy road on getting over her but also hope you get what you want. Whatever happens, it's meant for that. Good things will come your way.

[Jenmarie]

I have bipolar disorder as well, and it caused my boyfriend and I to split up over a year ago after being together for 2.5 years as well. We ended up getting back together and we're working through everything day by day.

 

Limit contact, focus on yourself, the best thing she can do is get help for herself. That's what I did. If it's meant to be, it will be. No matter what obstacles.

[frs1627]

I have bipolar disorder as well, and it caused my boyfriend and I to split up over a year ago after being together for 2.5 years as well. We ended up getting back together and we're working through everything day by day.

 

Limit contact, focus on yourself, the best thing she can do is get help for herself. That's what I did. If it's meant to be, it will be. No matter what obstacles.

 

 

I'm glad you were able to work things through with your bf.

 

Can you please tell me what goes on in tour mind during the mood swings. There would be tines where she would despise me and would not want to be around me. She would argue and become verbally aggressive. Once she switched moods she loved she showed she loved me and was my gf again.

 

I want to understand it better.

[mightycpa]

For you own good, ditch any idea of rekindling your relationship with your bipolar ex.

 

Find a girl who doesn't have mental problems, and enjoy someone like that for a while. It will be so much better. You don't have to live your life strapped into a rollercoaster car going through all the ups and downs. If you're at the beginning of your life, the general trajectory should be up - not up and down.

 

Be your own best friend here, and put away this cherished memory and embrace the future. Time to move forward for something better. Apparently, she agrees with me.

 

Some people are weak. They'll go backwards instead of forwards. If that happens to you, my best advice is to shut that down as soon as you see it.

 

Good luck OP.

[frs1627]

For you own good, ditch any idea of rekindling your relationship with your bipolar ex.

 

Find a girl who doesn't have mental problems, and enjoy someone like that for a while. It will be so much better. You don't have to live your life strapped into a rollercoaster car going through all the ups and downs. If you're at the beginning of your life, the general trajectory should be up - not up and down....

 

Good luck OP.

 

Thank you for your response.

Its still early in the break up. I'm trying my best to not contact her. So far so good.

 

I want to move forward with my life whether it be with her or not. I have no desire to be with anyone else right now. Not for a long time. I want and need to be by myself for now. This was the hardest thing I ever experienced in life...

 

If we t back I know the relationship will be stronger than before. If not then I guess that's life...

[Downtown]

She finally came to terms with her Bipolar Type 2.... I knew she was bipolar for a year or so..... There would be tines where she would despise me and would not want to be around me. She would argue and become verbally aggressive. Once she switched moods she loved she showed she loved me and was my gf again.

FRS, perhaps she does suffer from bipolar-2. There are several reasons, however, why it would be prudent to also learn the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder):

 

1. A recent large-scale study (pub. 2008) found that 27% of bipolar-2 sufferers also have co-occurring full-blown BPD. The distinction between these disorders is important because, whereas bipolar-2 usually can be treated quite successfully by swallowing a pill, BPD is a thought disorder that is very difficult to treat in nearly all BPDers.
   
2. It is difficult for therapists to distinguish between those two disorders during a 50-minute examination because both produce emotional instability and mood changes.
   
3. Even when therapists do recognize that the client has both disorders, they generally are LOATH to tell her or her insurance carrier about the BPD diagnosis. Telling her almost certainly means she will immediately quit therapy and telling the insurance carrier usually means treatment costs will not be covered.
   
4. Some of the behaviors you describe -- i.e., the verbal abuse and rapid event-triggered flips between Jekyll (adoring you) and Hyde (despising you) -- are warning signs for BPD, not bipolar-2.
   

I therefore suggest that, if she eventually returns and you are tempted to take her back, you see YOUR OWN psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what disorder(s) she seems to be exhibiting. I also would suggest that, while you're looking for a good psych, you protect yourself by learning how to spot the warning signs for both disorders.

 

An easy place to start reading is my list of 12 BPD/Bipolar Differences, which is based on my experiences with a bipolar-1 sufferer (my foster son) and a BPDer (my exW). If that description of BPD traits seems relevant, I would suggest you also check out my list of 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you.

 

Significantly, learning to spot these warning signs will NOT enable you to diagnose your exGF's issues. Only a professional can do that. Yet, like learning warning signs for stroke and heart attack, learning those for BPD may help you avoid repeating the painful experience -- i.e., avoid taking her back and avoid running into the arms of another woman just like the one you left (if your exGF actually does have strong BPD traits). Take care, FRS.

[frs1627]

Thank you so much. I have been looking for such information. I will definitely read it the first chance I get. Thank you again for your response. I know this will be helpful.