Feel Like I Am Being Manipulated, Should I Dump Her?

[soulforge2013]

need some urgent advice.. i have been seeing this woman for around 4 months now.. i really like her alot, we have had lots of fun times together, but things have been quite rocky too..

 

about a month ago, she was at my house & we ended up having a little fall out, it was over something petty & it was not my fault either.. anyhow we made up again within an hour & i thought everything was good between us again!

 

she went home the next day.. usualy when she gets home, she sends me a text saying, that she has got home fine.. on this occasion i got no text..

 

later that night i sent her a text, and asked her if she got home okay.. she said yes... i asked her if she is doing much.. she said going to bed soon.. she seemed a little cold & distant towards me..

 

the next morning i sent her another text, just said good morning, hope you have a nice day today.. the weather is great outside.. again she replied, but seemed a little distant, not her usual self.

 

 

i had texted her two days in a row now, so i decided to let her text me now, as i did not want to come across as clingy or needy!

 

anyhow i did not get a text off her the next day, or the day after, or the day after that... six days had gone by and i heard nothing from her.

 

so i assumed she has found someone else, or she wants nothing to do with me.. after six days of not hearing from her, i recieved this text message off her..

 

HER - i really enjoyed last weekend we spent together, its not a good thing with you not contacting.. i had a feeling you would not bother with me again, i did want to text you, but felt like you would not want me to!

anyhow thak you for sharing your time with me.. good luck & bye x

 

 

the stupid thing is, i did text her two days in a row, but she was very luke warm towards me & i did not want to be doing all the texting and looking needy.. she could have easily text me at any point in the week and asked how may day was going etc? i think she was still harbouring a grudge towards me, due to that little fallout we had.

 

 

after i got this text off her, i sent her a message saying, that i did text her & if there was some kind of problem, then why did she not discuss it, rather than not saying anything all.. anyhow i did not want to lose her, so i decided to start seeing her again.. possibly ignored a big red flag there!

 

this is my current situation with her..

 

 

A few days ago we had arranged a date for thursday night, i was happy and had agreed to it.. the night before the date i sent her a text message asking her what she is doing with her day? as she told me earlier in the morning she was really bored and the weather is nice.. also i sent her a picture of a car i was looking at buying.

 

i got no reply back from her.. she was offline whatsapp from 3pm in the afternoon till 7am in the morning (which is somewhat unusual for her)

 

she replied to me in the morening, this is how the text convo went in the morning..

 

HER: yes its a nice looking car.x

 

ME: yes it is, i also asked you if you did much with your day

 

HER: somebody has woken up grumpy

 

HER: my day was quiet i didn't really do much.x

 

ME: thats ok, nothing wrong with having a quiet day sometimes.x

 

 

i then shot off to work.. when i am at work, we are not allowed to use phones in the building (data protection) only on breaks, so i dont have the chance to text her much.. but she does usualy send me a few text.. but i recieved nothing from her all day

 

i was not too fussed, because i was meeting her later that night, she was coming to my house as planned, so i assumed she was busy..

 

i fisnish work at 7pm, by the time i get home its 8pm.. and she usually comes over to my place by 9pm..

this gives me pretty much 1 hour to bath, get changed and have a shave etc etc

 

but usually i get a text off her, to just check what time i want her to be there... i got no text off her.. so again i assumed she was busy, and i was also rushing around getting ready..

 

by 9.15pm i heard nothing from her, and i knew something is wrong.. i waited till 9.30pm and sent her this text..

 

 

ME: if you was not going to come tonight, least you could have done was told me, i could have gone to the gym instead

 

HER: I thought you did not want to see me tonight, as you did not confirm by text

 

 

ME: why would i not want to see you, we had confirmed this date only 2 days ago, if something had changed i would have told you so this morning, i just spent the last hour getting ready

 

 

HER: you did not seem happy this morning, so i thought i would leave you to it.. if he wants to see me tonight then he can just text me

 

 

ME: I was not unhappy with you at all this morning, why would you just assume that.. as far as i was concerend we was sticking to plans..

 

HER: you was in a mood

 

 

ME: Get a grip: i was not unhappy about anything, this is just silly games you are playing

 

 

HER: you bieng rude towards me now

 

 

ME: nevermind, have a good night

 

 

I must admit, in that text convo i did get somewhat annoyed with her, i was just angry because we had this date pre arranged, if somethig had changed, i would have said so.. my gut tells me she was feeling moody about our morning conversation.. and unless i did not text her asking her to come over, she was not planning to come

 

i spoke to her last night on whatsapp & she is entirly blaming me, and claims i was rude to her.. she is not talking to me..

 

i tried to explain to her my side of things, about how we both got our wires crossed.. but she is hell bent on blaming me.. keeps saying i was rude to her.. yes i was a little upset i admit.. i was looking forward to seeing her & got ready etc

 

i don't know what to do, she did not meet me this weekend either, has not messaged me either.. i believe she probably wants me to apologise or grovel to her..

 

 

any advice guys?

 

she keeps insisting i was annoyed with her.. the reason why she has come to this conclusion is becasue i did not put an x on the end of that text

 

 

all this is so damn petty.. only two weeks ago she got ill at my house.. i spent two days looking after her, cooking for her, making sure she was looked after.. i take her out for day trips etc etc

 

but over the slightest thing, she keeps hijacking the whole relationship..

 

i feel like i will have to spend my days walking on egg shells with her... she can sometimes be cocky and rude towards.. but if i call her out on bad behaviour.. she will accuse me of bieng rude or hurtfull to her

 

 

what can i do guys?

 

i like her alot...we both communicated badly to each other that day... but she will not exepct any blame at all... its all my fault... our communication is terrible

 

 

the only choices i have, is to apologise to her (even tho i don't feel like its all my fault)

 

or end things with her, because i cant see how this can workout

 

 

or wait till she calms downs and talks to me... but she may end things with me too.

 

should i end it with her, before she dumps me?

[Twigyy]

I don't see her being very interested in the relationship.. She seem to be finding every reason to break up with you, and you're still entertaining her. If she steps over your boundary you have to let her know. But if it is her being not very interested you'll have to let her go.

[soulforge2013]

I don't see her being very interested in the relationship.. She seem to be finding every reason to break up with you, and you're still entertaining her. If she steps over your boundary you have to let her know. But if it is her being not very interested you'll have to let her go.

 

 

 

i don't know what to do... i mean this girl was talking about us getting married etc etc...

 

if this is all it takes for her to stop communicating with me, then how will she be a good partner for me for the rest of my life?

 

what if one day i had to call her out, or i got a bit angry with her, she will be gone.. every couple has the odd argument or fall out..

 

but she hijacks the relationship, and i hear nothing from her in days

Edited April 26, 2015 by soulforge2013

[Itspointless]

She seems worth a lot of head-aches. I think your already know the answer to your questions. What future is there if you two cannot communicate well?

[soulforge2013]

She seems worth a lot of head-aches. I think your already know the answer to your questions. What future is there if you two cannot communicate well?

 

how can i improve communication with her?

 

i tried to talk to her on whatsapp yesterday.. tried to explain myself, but all i got was lots of blaming from her...

 

i ended up defending myself, and i could see it was just going to turn into a blame game, so i stopped messaging

 

we never talk on the phone, so communicating by text is terrible..

 

if i call her, she will believe i am desperate, and i will be giving all my power away to her...

 

i feel somewhat bad for calling her out about the date, but i felt dissapointed and angry...

 

couples go through many hard times together.. i cant see how this girl would ever stick by me, if she just can't be bothered resolving problems???

 

especialy over something so petty...

 

 

its funny how her double standards are.. only a few weeks ago, she called me a dummy three times, for leaving my wallet in the car.. its the way she said it

 

i let go of her hand, and told her thats not a nice thing you did there.. she eventualy apologised & i let it go and we had a nice day... but god forbid i say or do anything to upset her, and she is gone out of the door

[Price2Play]

Waaay to much drama for the 4mo mark man! Sounds like she continues to sabotage the RS.

 

Move ON NOW before she leaves you in the dust and you find out she's seeing someone new that isn't rude to her! This is a no brainer....this is not the stage to be in at the 4mo mark.

[Itspointless]

how can i improve communication with her?

 

i tried to talk to her on whatsapp yesterday.. tried to explain myself, but all i got was lots of blaming from her...

 

i ended up defending myself, and i could see it was just going to turn into a blame game, so i stopped messaging

 

we never talk on the phone, so communicating by text is terrible..

 

if i call her, she will believe i am desperate, and i will be giving all my power away to her...

 

i feel somewhat bad for calling her out about the date, but i felt dissapointed and angry...

 

couples go through many hard times together.. i cant see how this girl would ever stick by me, if she just can't be bothered resolving problems???

 

especialy over something so petty...

 

 

its funny how her double standards are.. only a few weeks ago, she called me a dummy three times, for leaving my wallet in the car.. its the way she said it

 

i let go of her hand, and told her thats not a nice thing you did there.. she eventualy apologised & i let it go and we had a nice day... but god forbid i say or do anything to upset her, and she is gone out of the door

You cannot improve communication with her if she is not willing to look to her own part. What you are describing is already way to complicated, stop walking on eggs for her.

[soulforge2013]

Waaay to much drama for the 4mo mark man! Sounds like she continues to sabotage the RS.

 

Move ON NOW before she leaves you in the dust and you find out she's seeing someone new that isn't rude to her! This is a no brainer....this is not the stage to be in at the 4mo mark.

 

 

this is exactly how i feel... she has sabotaged the relationship on at least 3 occasions..

 

also some of her behavior i find a little shady.. she never goes online on her watsapp when she is with me.. she will spend the weekend at mine, yet there will be 15 messages piling up sometimes even more.. but she never checks them

 

when she leaves my house, its only time that she goes online.. maybe they are from different guys.. and she does not want to be seen online by them, when she is with me... who knows, maybe its just innocent

 

she seems to also know alot of men!

 

i can either dump her, before she dumps me?

 

or wait till she tries to talk to me, and see what we can resolve... but i am at a stage, where i dont believe there is anything left to resolve.

 

i will forever be walking on egg shells, too scared to voice my opinion, in case she sabotages the RS again

Edited April 26, 2015 by soulforge2013

[soulforge2013]

my logic feels really twisted right now.. sometimes i think its all my own fault, and i need to fix things with her and apolgise !

 

maybe this is because she lays on the guilt on me, and thats why i feel like this

 

i know i need to end it with her, as a relationship will be too risky with her.. she may sabotage it again, over the slightest thing!

[totenkopf]

This is not good mate. Sounds like my last relationship. Sooner more likely than later things will go bandy and you will be left wondering what happened. If you feel that something is not right then you should trust your own feelings.

[soulforge2013]

This is not good mate. Sounds like my last relationship. Sooner more likely than later things will go bandy and you will be left wondering what happened. If you feel that something is not right then you should trust your own feelings.

 

 

when things are good, i love bieng with her.. we have great chemistry!

 

but something does not feel right.. she seems to escalate things, rather than try to fix things in the relationship.. that does not seem like somebody who has my best interests at heart

[umirano]

Just dump the crazy b!tch. She sounds like one of my exes to a tee. Later it turned out that she was depressed and needed a lot of validation. Sometimes the depression would stand in the way of maintaining meaningful communication. Then there would be phases where she would be the sweetest and most committed GF.

 

You can't fix these partners. They'll take you down with them. Get out and save your sanity while you can.

 

Good luck

[spiderowl]

It could be she has no previous example of how to resolve issues. Coming from family where parents argued almost all the time, I did not know how to reconcile things with a partner, how just being kind can make a difference at times of stress or where communication appears to be going awry.

 

She might be becoming more involved with you and aware that she could be hurt in this situation. Ironically, this can make someone more difficult because they are hurt by the slightest thing, especially if they feel their partner is withdrawing a bit. She may feel you are not as involved emotionally as she is and is being oversensitive about things.

 

Just as an aside, confirming a date is always a good idea. Confirming it a few days before and then nearer the time really helps. I can understand that you must have felt upset at her not turning up though, especially as you'd taken the trouble to get ready and understood the date was on.

 

Having said the above, she can't expect you to do all the running. If she is not responding, it might be best to say you have tried to communicate with her and apologise for not confirming with her, and then tell her you are not sure she is interested any more and don't wish to harass her. If she still wants to go out with you, she needs to show some interest too. Then leave it to her to get in touch and confirm she is interested.

 

In the long run, if she does want to continue (and you do too), you could both have a talk about how to resolve issues and how a loving approach might help, given that you've probably both got different backgrounds and faults.

 

Good luck!

[AIJ]

Sounds pretty similar to my ex. I suggest you end it now and get a headstart on the moving on process before she leaves you. It's inevitable really. She's so unwilling to communicate properly, she will eventually just get up and leave. She's no good for you.

[Price2Play]

Just dump the crazy b!tch. She sounds like one of my exes to a tee. Later it turned out that she was depressed and needed a lot of validation. Sometimes the depression would stand in the way of maintaining meaningful communication. Then there would be phases where she would be the sweetest and most committed GF.

 

You can't fix these partners. They'll take you down with them. Get out and save your sanity while you can.

 

Good luck

 

BINGO BINGO umirano nailed it!

[joseb]

You don't need this kind of drama and hassle in your life, do you?

And 4 months and she talking marriage, then blowing hot and cold - sounds like one to avoid.

[soulforge]

You don't need this kind of drama and hassle in your life, do you?

And 4 months and she talking marriage, then blowing hot and cold - sounds like one to avoid.

 

All this drama is driving me mad.. also i would forever be worried around her, the slightest argument could trigger off another situation like this..

 

 

Not talking days on end.. the more i chase her or try to save the relationship, the more i lose power, and her attitude could become worse

 

 

Its going to hurt me to end it tho

[soulforge]

How about this text..

 

 

Sorry.... but i wont be seeing you again. I like my life to be a drama free zone.. and i dont think that is possible with you.. sorry.. bye x

 

 

 

Or...

 

 

Sorry... but i won't be seeing you again.. i don't think you would make a good long term partner for me.. good luck..bye x

[Itspointless]

How about this text..

 

Sorry.... but i wont be seeing you again. I like my life to be a drama free zone.. and i dont think that is possible with you.. sorry.. bye x

 

Or...

 

Sorry... but i won't be seeing you again.. i don't think you would make a good long term partner for me.. good luck..bye x

Those are horrible lines, it only tells her how wrong she was.

[soulforge]

I don't know how to end things with her..this is alot tougher than i expected..

 

I will miss the good times we had..

 

 

I will have to just keep it short. And say things are not working out, so all the best for the future x

[soulforge]

Sounds pretty similar to my ex. I suggest you end it now and get a headstart on the moving on process before she leaves you. It's inevitable really. She's so unwilling to communicate properly, she will eventually just get up and leave. She's no good for you.

 

I agree i was annoyed with her for not making the date.. but i was not abusive, or go mental on her.. she was deliberetly expecting me to text her, and ask her to come over, otherwise she had no intention of meeting me..

 

All because she wrongfully felt that i might be in a mood... and i was not.. i was looking forward to seeing her.

 

i told her, that i feel like she was playing silly games... Thats it

 

 

Now she has ceased all communication because, she claims i was rude to her.. i tried to talk, but i got bombarded with blame!!!

 

 

I went on the devensive, but aborted the text conversation, as i could clearly see it was not going anywhere.. and texting the worst form of communication when trying to get your view across.

 

 

she has not contact me since..

[elaine567]

 

about a month ago, she was at my house & we ended up having a little fall out, it was over something petty & it was not my fault either.. anyhow we made up again within an hour & i thought everything was good between us again!

 

she went home the next day.. usualy when she gets home, she sends me a text saying, that she has got home fine.. on this occasion i got no text..

 

later that night i sent her a text, and asked her if she got home okay.. she said yes... i asked her if she is doing much.. she said going to bed soon.. she seemed a little cold & distant towards me..

 

the next morning i sent her another text, just said good morning, hope you have a nice day today.. the weather is great outside.. again she replied, but seemed a little distant, not her usual self.

 

I guess that "little fallout" was more major to her, than it was to you and that then coloured all her communications with you from then on in.

[Snaggletooth]

You know, you could just give both of yourselves time to calm down. Not assume the worst. Let heads clear. Step back, rethink. Then pick up the phone and ask her out.

 

For all you know she could just be a bit insecure and really did expect you to confirm your date. For all you know she could be assuming the worst about things like you do about her.

 

Also, next time someone is late for a date, ask if they are coming and show some concern for if they are OK? rather than straight in with ''if you was not going to come tonight, least you could have done was told me, i could have gone to the gym instead''

 

You were annoyed and you jumped in without thinking of other reasons why she may be late.

 

She should have called, but her silence could have meant she had a car crash on the way there. For that, you had no concern.

 

It's a petty argument. Own your part. Apologise for your part. Don't make a mountain out of it.

 

ETA. Were it me, not only would I first check she is OK? I would have replied to her with something like ''Sorry Babe, didn't realise you were expecting me to confirm. I will remember next time. How about we meet tomorrow night instead?''

 

No big deal.

Edited April 27, 2015 by Snaggletooth

[Audacious]

dude she is crazy

you was in a mood

with a horrid grammar skills set

[seminoles84]

4 months and have already talked marriage? Red flag. Also, pick up the phone.. texting is the worst way to communicate when there are issues.