BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 (edited) My girlfriend wants to leave the relationship but then once we've talked and the heat of that goes down she's not sure if she wants to leave or not. I've told her for the past week that I want to work on it and she keeps bringing up stupid things like apparently it's my fault that I have to go to award ceremonies for work and that I don't have time for her when we talk from the moment she wakes up till early in the morning every workday and longer on weekends. And she thinks I've apparently set up dates (which I haven't) because some girl said I did and we argue a lot which we do but only because I'm trying to show her that the stuff she's said isn't true. Then in a day she comes back and says sorry because the arguing is her fault though now I'm getting the blame. It's like she's pick out new things to scrutinise our relationship. Believe it or not this was a great relationship, happy until that lying (x50billion swear words) girl said all the rubbish. Last night I have to sleep for work so I get 3-4hrs sleep and she flips out and tells me she's going to go out to clubs that night to make out with someone and either go to their place or go to her room because I don't have time for her. I begged her not to but she still went out and I said I trust her not to do anything to which she said "maybe you shouldn't trust me too much" and she said we should scratch off this night because "it's not bad it's fun" to which I said "this type of fun is bad". Now I don't know if she did anything or what. Do I contact her to ask her what went on or do I wait for her to contact me? -- I have so much invested in this relationship, I've spent money to fly out to see her, spend time with her to then have this, just weeks before I'm going over there. Not only would I lose my girlfriend, I'd be stranded too. Edited April 21, 2015 by BarneyStinson Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 My advice is still the same... Do not use that plane ticket. Claim on your travel insurance or ask the airline to change it so you can go on holiday with one of your mates instead... My advice Agree to the break up. Then go no contact. This means deleting her off of facebook, blocking all emails and phone calls and texts. Do not under any circumstances contact her/ her friends/ her family. Mean while get active, go running or walking every day. Go to the gym or take up a new sport/ join a new team. Accept every invitation to go out to all the parties, to the movies... anywhere. Call your friends and ask them out to go and do things. Learn a new skill, concentrate on your work and set yourself goals to achieve. Each time you think about her kick yourself or do something that makes you stop thinking about her, phone a friend, read a book, watch a film do 20 jumping jacks or press ups... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 My advice is still the same... Do not use that plane ticket. Claim on your travel insurance or ask the airline to change it so you can go on holiday with one of your mates instead... This is impossible, they won't pay out because of a break up in a relationship and travel plans. I have pre-paid the hotel, airline tickets, tickets for a sporting event... everything. I was supposed to be spending 13 days with her, so 13 days without a hotel. I'm stranded, I have to go because of the monetary investment already made £1500+). My work place think I'm going to see her, thats the only reason I got so much time off. I just need to know if I should contact her or not from her antics last night. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 You say that you have pre paid hotel then say no hotel? In that case go with out her. Go to the events and have fun. Take someone else with you. Either way the relationship is toxic. If you carry on it will only be for monetary reasons nothing else. If its any consolation I have lost far more money than that and I still do not regret keeping my dignity... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Last night I have to sleep for work so I get 3-4hrs sleep and she flips out and tells me she's going to go out to clubs that night to make out with someone and either go to their place or go to her room because I don't have time for her. I begged her not to Dude WTF. When someone says some rubbish like that, you do not beg her not to do it. You tell her fine go find some other schmuck to listen to your carp, when are you moving out for good? Where is your backbone man?? Why are you letting her walk all over you? This relationship is stone dead. You need to stop defibrillating. Link to post Share on other sites
BlauFrau Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 I think you should see her one last time if for anything for closure. Stay at a hotel the entire time or most of the time but visit her. I've been on the receiving end of a lady saying my man cheated. I freaked out a bit. The only difference it turned out my guy did cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 You say that you have pre paid hotel then say no hotel? In that case go with out her. Go to the events and have fun. Take someone else with you. Either way the relationship is toxic. If you carry on it will only be for monetary reasons nothing else. If its any consolation I have lost far more money than that and I still do not regret keeping my dignity... Pre-paid hotel as in for the first half of the holiday I'm in a hotel in another city for the sporting event then I'm going to another city to spend all the rest of my time with her. That's what I mean. She has family over there so we were staying with them. The reasons why I'm trying to save the relationship is a mix of me wanting to because I do believe in us, to my safety in a foreign country and basically my sanity. When I started this relationship my biggest fear was that we started too soon and that I'd be all set to go to the country and she'd leave me. I already felt like **** from what she said, though she said sorry but not that she could've cheated too I feel completely worthless and her reasons aren't even right. It hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
BlauFrau Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 So why did this other woman butt into the relationship and tell her falsely that you were dating someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 stop communications immediately.. it will make her think seriously about what she wants. when she get's back to you, you will know what to do. right now the relationship is troubling you, not the money issue. when you know the relationship status, the answers will come clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I think you should see her one last time if for anything for closure. Stay at a hotel the entire time or most of the time but visit her. I've been on the receiving end of a lady saying my man cheated. I freaked out a bit. The only difference it turned out my guy did cheat. I'm sorry to hear that he did. I guess she felt the same emotions but unfortunately after 8 months I guess she still didn't trust me though apparently she did 100%. I don't know what to say to show her that I didn't, just so if not now, then later on, she knows that she got it wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Dude WTF. When someone says some rubbish like that, you do not beg her not to do it. You tell her fine go find some other schmuck to listen to your carp, when are you moving out for good? Where is your backbone man?? Why are you letting her walk all over you? This relationship is stone dead. You need to stop defibrillating. I asked her not to, continuously. My last 13 days of the holiday was all for us, all planned all everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 I just need to know if I should message her or not? Not knowing if she's round some pigs house or been all over the face of some dog last night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 stop communications immediately.. it will make her think seriously about what she wants. when she get's back to you, you will know what to do. right now the relationship is troubling you, not the money issue. when you know the relationship status, the answers will come clearly. I did that Sunday after she had yet another argument because I showed her she's wrong and she doesn't like that, she won't see she's wrong she'll just see the outcome she wants. She told me I was been selfish wanting to stay in the relationship, surely that works both ways? Monday night she messages me saying sorry and that she didn't mean it. Then wasn't reciprocating in the conversation and I sad about sleeping soon then she flipped out that we didn't have time today. That's her fault for been stupid and not talking.. that's her fault. If she comes back to message me today, what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yes you should message her. "If you're not home tonight then don't bother coming home at all" Link to post Share on other sites
Author BarneyStinson Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yes you should message her. "If you're not home tonight then don't bother coming home at all" We don't live together, she lives away. I don't know what to message her "what happened last night?" I don't know but if I'm honest and thinking about myself since she's just thinking about herself, then I don't want to talk to her about it while I'm at work. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 "This relationship isn't working for me any more. I am not happy and I think we should end it." Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Dude, the moment she told you that she was going out to hook up with someone else and the pain she inflicted by telling you that she was going to do it regardless of your feelings, that was the moment your relationship ended. Now, she could come back and tell you that nothing happened, but you would have no way to verify that claim. Therefore, a good rule of thumb to live by, if a woman tells you something, believe them. I mean, this sounds like an exit affair anyways. She was looking for an excuse to end it with you. And when that excuse never presented itself, she decided that the only way to get rid of you was to become the bad guy. Dude, trust that she cheated on you and that this relationship is over. Time to start moving on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 My girlfriend wants to leave the relationship but then once we've talked and the heat of that goes down she's not sure if she wants to leave or not. I've told her for the past week that I want to work on it and she keeps bringing up stupid things like apparently it's my fault that I have to go to award ceremonies for work and that I don't have time for her when we talk from the moment she wakes up till early in the morning every workday and longer on weekends. And she thinks I've apparently set up dates (which I haven't) because some girl said I did and we argue a lot which we do but only because I'm trying to show her that the stuff she's said isn't true. Then in a day she comes back and says sorry because the arguing is her fault though now I'm getting the blame. It's like she's pick out new things to scrutinise our relationship. Believe it or not this was a great relationship, happy until that lying (x50billion swear words) girl said all the rubbish. Last night I have to sleep for work so I get 3-4hrs sleep and she flips out and tells me she's going to go out to clubs that night to make out with someone and either go to their place or go to her room because I don't have time for her. I begged her not to but she still went out and I said I trust her not to do anything to which she said "maybe you shouldn't trust me too much" and she said we should scratch off this night because "it's not bad it's fun" to which I said "this type of fun is bad". Now I don't know if she did anything or what. Do I contact her to ask her what went on or do I wait for her to contact me? -- I have so much invested in this relationship, I've spent money to fly out to see her, spend time with her to then have this, just weeks before I'm going over there. Not only would I lose my girlfriend, I'd be stranded too. "maybe you shouldn't trust me too much" I'm sorry but if my girlfriend said that to me I would dump her on the spot. Someone who is in a relationship with you shouldn't say things like that, even if she doesn't cheat, she still shouldn't be toying with the idea with you. This girl doesn't sound like a very nice person, you should get rid of her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Yeah dude. She expects you to write it off as a free pass for her with that smart ass comment "it's not bad, it's fun" She needs to see that there are consequences to her actions. Time to let her go. Time to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Holycrap dude. This is almost some sort of game of how much crap she can dish out on you and you will still take it. And you're taking it. Yikes. Grow a spine. I'd go no contact immediately. Wait for her to contact you with a "you okay?" Just respond via text (that's all she deserves) "ya, I'm good. But we're not. I'm done with you. Bye" And never ever contact her again. Sever all contacts. Social media. Everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts