When is it "safe" to be friends with an ex?

[kitkatleen]

I'm just wondering how would you know if you're ready to be friends?

I've broken up with my ex (LDR of 1 year, never met) and i was the dumpee.

He just fell out of love so we broke up. I went NC for 1 week, during this 1 week i realised many things.

 

Now we are back on talking terms, we very much like to talk to each other, like best friends. But when we got together, there was alot of stress. I enjoyed talking to him now. He's trying to date, so am i. I guess i'm not that hurt anymore. Is it a bad idea to be friends?

 

I just enjoyed talking to him. Probably it wasn't even "real" as we have never met. I don't have any expectations of him coming back though i admit there's still a tiny hope that he will come back but i'm opening my options to date too. What i feel for him now is more like a family kind of love. He doesn't have much friends and rely on me alot. I know it's selfish but at the same time, it doesnt bother me.

 

Please feel free to give all kinds of advice, be it good or bad! Most people would disagree with being friends but i don't really feel hurt or sad, even on the thought that he's on dating apps. I've been talking to guys as well, seems like i'm moving on while talking to him. It's just SO WEIRD. i've never felt like this after a break up before.

[C0nfused1980]

I think you may be moving on so fast and were able to transition to being friends because you guys never actually met in person. I am not saying what you had wasn't real or it didn't hurt, but you bond a lot more with someone when you spend physical time together.

 

That said, I hope you truly are not trying to be friends with him to get him back. In your situation, I think you'll end up getting hurt if that's the case. However, if you are genuinely comfortable with just being friends with this guy and have no problems with him dating other people, then why not?

[Fufu]

I'm just wondering how would you know if you're ready to be friends?

I've broken up with my ex (LDR of 1 year, never met) and i was the dumpee.

He just fell out of love so we broke up. I went NC for 1 week, during this 1 week i realised many things.

 

Now we are back on talking terms, we very much like to talk to each other, like best friends. But when we got together, there was alot of stress. I enjoyed talking to him now. He's trying to date, so am i. I guess i'm not that hurt anymore. Is it a bad idea to be friends?

 

I just enjoyed talking to him. Probably it wasn't even "real" as we have never met. I don't have any expectations of him coming back though i admit there's still a tiny hope that he will come back but i'm opening my options to date too. What i feel for him now is more like a family kind of love. He doesn't have much friends and rely on me alot. I know it's selfish but at the same time, it doesnt bother me.

 

Please feel free to give all kinds of advice, be it good or bad! Most people would disagree with being friends but i don't really feel hurt or sad, even on the thought that he's on dating apps. I've been talking to guys as well, seems like i'm moving on while talking to him. It's just SO WEIRD. i've never felt like this after a break up before.

 

 

Ready to be friends?

No feelings for this person anymore. It means even if he dates someone new, I wouldn't care less, I won't feel heartache, I won't feel sad, I won't feel like getting back with him. Basically, I no longer see this person as a dating candidate. If he finds a new partner, I'm genuinely happy for him.

[casey.lives]

It takes years, if ever.

[kitkatleen]

I don't know why i seems to be able to move on that fast. Probably due to the fact that we have never met each other? It might hurt me if he have a girlfriend right now but i wish him all the best. I've been talking to a couple of guys and sorta having some interest in one of my good friend whom i knew a year back. I felt like the dumper instead and i'm pretty confused. I've never felt like this before but i kinda enjoy how it is like between me and my ex. Just joking around like how we started. Am i moving on?

[Ruby65]

You could be moving on.... or you could be settling for whatever scraps he's giving you, because it's still better than nothing at this point.

 

I think right now, with both of you being single, it seems easy because in a way you're still "best friends." But as soon as he gets a girlfriend, you become "just a friend" and she's the one getting most of his time and attention -- and all his affection.

 

Are you ready to accept demotion to "just a friend" while watching a new girl take your former place as "best friend"?

 

If you're really fine with giving up that level of intimacy, and settling for much less time messaging and skying and texting and talking.... then you're ready for just friendship.

 

I can never manage to accept the demotion, though.

[guest569]

Longer than 1 week i would say. I cant really imagine having a particularly strong connection with someone I've never met though.

[Fufu]

I don't know why i seems to be able to move on that fast. Probably due to the fact that we have never met each other? It might hurt me if he have a girlfriend right now but i wish him all the best. I've been talking to a couple of guys and sorta having some interest in one of my good friend whom i knew a year back. I felt like the dumper instead and i'm pretty confused. I've never felt like this before but i kinda enjoy how it is like between me and my ex. Just joking around like how we started. Am i moving on?

 

I would suggest this. Why not stop all communication with him for 7 days straight. If you have moved on, you can don't talk to him for a week.

[d0nnivain]

I've broken up with my ex (LDR of 1 year, never met) and i was the dumpee.

He just fell out of love so we broke up. I went NC for 1 week, during this 1 week i realised many things.

 

Now we are back on talking terms, we very much like to talk to each other, like best friends. .

 

 

You can continue along just as you have always done because in your case, you mislabeled the interactions you were having. You were never anything more then friends. So feel free to carry on.

 

Just make sure you don't say "love you" and you go out & date actual real life people that you get to see & touch.

[mightycpa]

when it wouldn't kill you if you weren't friends. if it would be nice, but you can live without it

[Kitkatleen24]

I guess it's because we have never met so we can't really call it "love". We care about each other but I guess it's just like an online friend who I really enjoyed talking to. So we are back to "not really talking". I feel ok though as I've been talking to other people. I'm moving on slowly. I guess what's meant to be will be; we don't know how the future will be for us. I ask myself what will I feel if he have a girlfriend right now but I don't have any answers. I'm confused as well. I've never felt this way or experienced this in any of my breakups. All of my ex would ignore me and I'll talk to new guys and fell for someone else then move on. But when I move on, my ex will come back but I'll never turn back. I don't know why I'm feeling this way this time

[Nolan 93]

Why be friends? They decided to give you up and not want you in their life. No matter how much time has passed they broke you, so why be their friend? Do you really need them as your friend? I know I don't

[erklat]

I agree. After true romantic feelings there can be no friendship.

 

You are not friends. You are failed romantic partners. There is

no interaction of any sorts after that.

[TunaCat]

I have no doubt that I will be able to be friends with my ex at some point. We've been best friends for 19 years and our friendship means more to me than our failed relationship.

[organizedchaos]

I'm just wondering how would you know if you're ready to be friends?

I've broken up with my ex (LDR of 1 year, never met) and i was the dumpee.

He just fell out of love so we broke up. I went NC for 1 week, during this 1 week i realised many things.

 

Now we are back on talking terms, we very much like to talk to each other, like best friends. But when we got together, there was alot of stress. I enjoyed talking to him now. He's trying to date, so am i. I guess i'm not that hurt anymore. Is it a bad idea to be friends?

 

I just enjoyed talking to him. Probably it wasn't even "real" as we have never met. I don't have any expectations of him coming back though i admit there's still a tiny hope that he will come back but i'm opening my options to date too. What i feel for him now is more like a family kind of love. He doesn't have much friends and rely on me alot. I know it's selfish but at the same time, it doesnt bother me.

 

Please feel free to give all kinds of advice, be it good or bad! Most people would disagree with being friends but i don't really feel hurt or sad, even on the thought that he's on dating apps. I've been talking to guys as well, seems like i'm moving on while talking to him. It's just SO WEIRD. i've never felt like this after a break up before.

 

I'm just confused by how you were together for a year and never met. How does that work?

[Kitkatleen24]

I really enjoyed being friends with him. We talked about everything together. I guess why I could still talk to him is because we have never met so I guess we were just like "best friends" all along. There's no difference because we don't have any physical interaction. I'm talking to guys and slowly developing feelings for a good friend of mine. I don't know why I felt this way. But he's just someone I can be comfortable around. I guess he needed me but I don't need him. During the 1 week NC, I realised that I can live without him but I do missing talking to him that's all. I tried being friends and I felt happier than I was in a relationship with him. No expectations; no pressure. I don't know what will happen but for now I am more focused on becoming a better person. I'm focusing on "me". I guess I'm just too soft hearted.

Edited April 22, 2015 by Kitkatleen24

[Fufu]

If you have no more romantic friends being with him, being friends would be fine I guess.

[ExpatInItaly]

You said yourself you're holding out a tiny bit of hope. That indicates to me that you aren't moving on and that you are motivated by this hope. It generally takes quite a lot longer than a couple weeks after a break-up to befriend an ex, though I never really encourage maintaining a friendhsihip, per se. Every couple is different though. Since you never met, it really was just an online friendship all along, though I don't doubt you developed some feelings for him.

 

You say you feel more at peace now, which is good. But be wary - I think you will feel differently when he actually starts seeing someone else, as your feelings for him aren't completely gone. Since it's fresh, you'll probably find it hurts more than you expect it to. Him dating another girl's not real in your mind yet because it hasn't happened yet. Therefore, I would advise putting real space between the two of you. Go complete NC and start to break the habit of communicating with him. Then you can really work at moving on.