meg1818 Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. LDR. we were together over a year. over the course of a year i have told numerous lies to avoid some arguments we had due to LDR. I was her first everything. we were very much in love in every way possible. towards the end she told me she needed space. due to my insecurities i acted like a big baby and sad some very cruel things, to get reactions out of her, and hurt her studies. she began to ignore me. when i reached out via email she said she couldn't handle anymore, that i was mean and she couldn't take it anymore. she said she needed time to heal. fast forward i have been emailing, texting, and calling, over the past 4 months, and still have received no responses. no birthday wishes. nothing. vanished. why isn't she being mature and reiterating that we both need to move on. i know i hurt her badly, but over 4 months i feel we both deserve to talk because lots were said because our emotions were heightened. is this a lost cause? i know she loves me. she is 22 and i 28. Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. LDR. we were together over a year. over the course of a year i have told numerous lies to avoid some arguments we had due to LDR. I was her first everything. we were very much in love in every way possible. towards the end she told me she needed space. due to my insecurities i acted like a big baby and sad some very cruel things, to get reactions out of her, and hurt her studies. she began to ignore me. when i reached out via email she said she couldn't handle anymore, that i was mean and she couldn't take it anymore. she said she needed time to heal. fast forward i have been emailing, texting, and calling, over the past 4 months, and still have received no responses. no birthday wishes. nothing. vanished. why isn't she being mature and reiterating that we both need to move on. i know i hurt her badly, but over 4 months i feel we both deserve to talk because lots were said because our emotions were heightened. is this a lost cause? i know she loves me. she is 22 and i 28. She's moved on, hopefully you can too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meg1818 Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 how do you know for sure? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Leave her alone. That's what she wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 You've been emailing, calling, texting for 4 months and she hasn't responded, not a peep. She obviously has her closure and doesn't feel the need to have any sort of interaction with you. She's done. She likely has blocked you and doesn't even know you're trying to interact. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 It sounds like you are in denial of the reality that she is GONE because she wants it OVER. It could be that your hurtful word were just the icing on the cake, or that she was shocked and found you to be a different person than what she had thought all that time. She may feel like you are a loose cannon that she wants no part of. Maybe she had some lingering sentimental feelings, but looks like her common sense is telling her to stay away from a source of abuse. It also sounds like maybe you assumed a lot about her attachment to you being permanent because you were her first love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 "After all the words have been said, there are no more words to be said." Being perfectly honest with you OP, I think you are no more than unhappy memory to her now. Hopefully she'll meet somebody nice who won't be cruel to her. There's a lesson in this if you want it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author meg1818 Posted April 19, 2015 Author Share Posted April 19, 2015 i am not a mean person, we had wonderful memories and i treated her with respect. it's why she fell in love with me. she had a lot going on at home and her first year of law, i was looking for attention. i am not a bad person. i have made mistakes. i deserve to be treated with human feelings. i waas hoping when her first year of law was over, she'd reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
embeu Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. LDR. we were together over a year. over the course of a year i have told numerous lies to avoid some arguments we had due to LDR. I was her first everything. we were very much in love in every way possible. towards the end she told me she needed space. due to my insecurities i acted like a big baby and sad some very cruel things, to get reactions out of her, and hurt her studies. she began to ignore me. when i reached out via email she said she couldn't handle anymore, that i was mean and she couldn't take it anymore. she said she needed time to heal. fast forward i have been emailing, texting, and calling, over the past 4 months, and still have received no responses. no birthday wishes. nothing. vanished. why isn't she being mature and reiterating that we both need to move on. i know i hurt her badly, but over 4 months i feel we both deserve to talk because lots were said because our emotions were heightened. is this a lost cause? i know she loves me. she is 22 and i 28. I understand what you are saying and I am in a similar position as you are. Me (29M) got dumped by my ex 5 gf (22F) 5 months ago. She said she needed space but i too was insecure and could not give it to her. When i think about it now i do not regret it. When people say they need space they just want time to plan how to end things (in my opinion ofc). The truth is our ex`es are both very young, immature and need to experience the world. My biggest regret is getting involved with romantically at all because I always knew in the back of my head that she was too young and inexperienced for me. After she dumped me I felt i needed closure, and this is something I am still struggeling with. I wrote her a couple of emails (nothing bad) that she never responded to. As hard as this is we just have to accept that we will never get any closure from them. I dont think this is because they hate us, they just dont know how it feels like to get your heart broken by someone you love. One day they will understand, but that will not be for some time. What we both need to do is to put the past behind us and move forward. I have blocked her on all social media and deleted her phone number. That way i wont have to go around waiting and hoping for her to understand how her cold shoulder have affected me. You need to leave her alone (as I have with mine) and work on yourself. I have been reading a huge amount of posts on LS and other articles which has helped me. Keep on posting her and tell yourself that you will not contact her again and that you will look to your future instead of your past. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 She is being mature and reiterating that you both need to move on...by moving on already. Seriously, you don't know what it means to be ignored for four months? No, she doesn't love you, she wants nothing to do with you. Leave the poor girl alone and get on with getting over it for yourself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
embeu Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 She is being mature and reiterating that you both need to move on...by moving on already. Seriously, you don't know what it means to be ignored for four months? No, she doesn't love you, she wants nothing to do with you. Leave the poor girl alone and get on with getting over it for yourself. Why do you write this stuff to a guy that is obviously in pain? He is on loveshack because he needs help to sort out his feelings, not to get the "hard truth" about a relationship no one here knows anything about. To OP; try to look past what you did to her right before the break up. You did those things because your mind was full of emotions. You have to get back your rational self, and you have to do this on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Why do you write this stuff to a guy that is obviously in pain? He is on loveshack because he needs help to sort out his feelings, not to get the "hard truth" about a relationship no one here knows anything about. To OP; try to look past what you did to her right before the break up. You did those things because your mind was full of emotions. You have to get back your rational self, and you have to do this on your own. Because sometimes people need the hard truth. I'm responding to what I DO know, that the ex ignored attempts at communication for four months, and the OP is still not getting it. What other advise is there to give? Obviously there is only one course of action, and its to move on. Which I am also happy to give advice about, but MY experience on here has showed me that first the OP needs to get to this point. And my experience here had also showed me that it usually takes blunt honesty to help with that. Tell you what, you give advice YOUR way, and I'll give it MINE. Oh, and I wouldn't assume the OP is a dude, either... 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 Why do you write this stuff to a guy that is obviously in pain? He is on loveshack because he needs help to sort out his feelings, not to get the "hard truth" about a relationship no one here knows anything about. To OP; try to look past what you did to her right before the break up. You did those things because your mind was full of emotions. You have to get back your rational self, and you have to do this on your own. These sort of responses awake me scratch my head. What more could we possibly know or respond to except for what the OP shared? And, I disagree, he doesn't need his hand held, rather he needs a dose of reality. He stated that he treated her horribly, called her names, her studies suffered, she asked for space, and now 4 months later, he's blowing up all avenues of contact and he's baffled why she doesn't respond. He needs to stop, learn what not to do next time and press on with his life, you know, just like she's doing. She doesn't respond, because she doesn't want to ride the ride anymore. He had his opportunity and it's over. She certainly sounds like the mature and grounded on to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
embeu Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 I agree with what both of you are saying. And the fact that he treated her bad is not good, but its to late to do anything about that right now. What i meant with my post was not to criticize your advice Ziggy. I agree that sometimes the brutal and honest truth is required. Imo when people are very emotional and low they arent always open to the hard truth (I know I wasnt). I think what the OP wants is some understandment of his situation. But let me be clear, OP should NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, contact his ex again. He needs to work on himself. He need to forgive himself for saying those stupid things, and work on getting his head around the fact that his future is not with his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 If you treat someone badly enough, they will forever avoid you. QED. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2015 Share Posted April 19, 2015 i am not a mean person, we had wonderful memories and i treated her with respect. it's why she fell in love with me. she had a lot going on at home and her first year of law, i was looking for attention. i am not a bad person. i have made mistakes. i deserve to be treated with human feelings. i waas hoping when her first year of law was over, she'd reach out. She obviously doesn't totally agree. You are now ignoring her wishes to be left alone. Stop bothering her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 i am not a mean person, we had wonderful memories and i treated her with respect. it's why she fell in love with me. she had a lot going on at home and her first year of law, i was looking for attention. i am not a bad person. i have made mistakes. i deserve to be treated with human feelings. i waas hoping when her first year of law was over, she'd reach out. I can see your position and your hope. I am not saying that you are a horrible person. I'm just saying that being "cruel" crosses a line that many times is permanent. By your own words, you say you were cruel to her. Cruel to me, means that you *knowingly* said things to purposefully hurt her. To me that shows a lack of control and thus a loose cannon that many people will not accept. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 when i reached out via email she said she couldn't handle anymore, that i was mean and she couldn't take it anymore. she said she needed time to heal. She broke up with you, right here. Sorry that you didn't see that earlier, but she ended it. She owes you nothing further. She told you everything right there. Sorry, but you need to move on. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 i have been emailing, texting, and calling, over the past 4 months, and still have received no responses. no birthday wishes. nothing. vanished. why isn't she being mature and reiterating that we both need to move on. i know i hurt her badly, but over 4 months i feel we both deserve to talk because lots were said because our emotions were heightened. is this a lost cause? i know she loves me. she is 22 and i 28.You'd be shocked at the capacity of a 22 year old to wake up one morning and not feel it anymore. Like a switch was turned off. You may not care at some point, or you may carry this need for a final conversation in your heart for the rest of your life. Time will tell. One thing is for sure. If she hasn't contacted you in 4 months after all your pestering, she can live without that conversation. I'd suggest you start leaning how to live without it too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
totenkopf Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I can relate how you must be feeling right now. My ex gf did a complete u turn on me and our relationship a week we were making plans for our future together and she viewed a flat perfect for us and her son then one night she walked away and broke all contact a week later. Two months later she was in a new relationship and engaged after six weeks. I really do not know what to say that will help other than that there are very dishonest people in life and the more they are involved in your life the worse it hurts when they reveal their true colours. Link to post Share on other sites
Bohonia Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 She wants nothing to do with you hence why she has not contacted you or responded. Let her go! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 my ex and i broke up about 4 months ago. LDR. we were together over a year. over the course of a year i have told numerous lies to avoid some arguments we had due to LDR. I was her first everything. we were very much in love in every way possible. towards the end she told me she needed space. due to my insecurities i acted like a big baby and sad some very cruel things, to get reactions out of her, and hurt her studies. she began to ignore me. when i reached out via email she said she couldn't handle anymore, that i was mean and she couldn't take it anymore. she said she needed time to heal. fast forward i have been emailing, texting, and calling, over the past 4 months, and still have received no responses. no birthday wishes. nothing. vanished. why isn't she being mature and reiterating that we both need to move on. i know i hurt her badly, but over 4 months i feel we both deserve to talk because lots were said because our emotions were heightened. is this a lost cause? i know she loves me. she is 22 and i 28. I think this says it all. Your insecurities got the better of you and thusly you treated her poorly and said some mean things that had a direct affect on her studies, in law no less. Being the smart girl she was, she ended things with you and told you she needed SPACE...something you clearly are NOT giving her. Now YOU want to be "treated like a human with feelings"? My guess is you should have thought about that when you were lying and lashing out at HER. Those weren't the actions of someone treating HER like a human with feelings, was it? As for the question of her maturity, she has it in spades if you ask me. She handled the break up as best as she could given the circumstances but you're not listening. You're in denial and that isn't healthy. I agree, if you've been harassing her with phones calls and messages and texts she's probably blocked you by now. I know I would have. Time to move on OP. Learn from this experience and let it make you a better partner next time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Ignoring someone you don't want to talk to is a spineless selfish way to deal with anything.the girl should have a conversation with him and tell him exactly what's going on Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 You aren't a bad person OP. You may have just made some bad decisions. Everyone makes bad decisions sometimes, but the important thing is to learn from them. Another 4 months of emailing her won't help. You've probably annoyed her by now, and justified her decisions to not want anything to do with you. I understand you want forgiveness, but she isn't going to give it to you. You have to try to forgive yourself. It won't be easy, but it's all you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Ignoring someone you don't want to talk to[/i][/b] is a spineless selfish way to deal with anything.the girl should have a conversation with him and tell him exactly what's going on Her silence tells him everything he needs to know. Link to post Share on other sites
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