Better to say it in here...

[backandforth]

Hey guys,

I've been reading here for a while now and I have learned a lot, so thanks! I just wanted to get my story off my chest and get some support.

 

My ex and I met while travelling two and a half years ago. It's a really cool story, very romantic. We kept in touch and kept a long distance relationship for over a year (and when I say long distance, I mean looooong distance - literally the other side of the world). Both of us made the effort to travel to visit every few months and we skyped/messaged every day. It was hard, but so great at the same time.

 

After a year, I made the decision to sell up my life in my country and to be with her. Couldn't have been happier. However, the relationship did not go as I'd hoped. She struggled with her own issues about her place in the world and was often critical and cold towards me. I ended up feeling quite lonely as a result, being so far from home and not feeling completely loved or appreciated. I tried to be supportive of her but at times I felt quite resentful.

 

We both broke up with each other a few times but because we had such a strong bond we always came back to each other. There were lots of good times and a very close emotional attachment but in the end, she decided she couldn't continue and I moved back to other side of the world.

 

The break up was about as amicable as it could be. We were both very upset. I've lost count of the amount of times both of us cried in each other's arms. I've been back for about a month and a bit. For the first two weeks she kept messaging me and wanted to Skype, which we did, but I would become very upset afterwards so I decided to go NC. It's been about 3 weeks of NC now. I've deleted all our pictures, defriended on FB, deleted her number, everything I can do. I'm eating, sleeping, going to the gym, seeing friends, seeing new women, keeping myself busy, but it all feels so hollow.

 

It still hurts every day. I miss her incredibly but I have no choice. This is a person who for 2+ years I saw/spoke with every day and still love very much. Now she is gone and I feel like a piece of myself is missing. I've been in LTRs before but this one felt really special and it's ending is causing me an incredible amount of sadness.

 

I don't know exactly why I'm posting this, mostly to get it off my chest I suppose. I know life moves on but I'm really struggling.

Edited April 19, 2015 by backandforth

[SLee]

Hey backandforth. I'm sorry you have to go through this. This is always really hard. You're taking all the right steps by deleting stuff, getting her off social media, and going NC.

 

What you're experiencing is completely normal and natural. My break up was 3.5 year LTR and it kills me everyday. Take everything day by day and in stride. Focus on YOU. Do things for YOU to help YOU heal. Take time to wallow if you need to, but not too much.

 

I suggest taking a look at this website: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

The person who authored it is really kind, understand, but very practical and direct when necessary. I've read the whole thing multiple times when I'm miserable or not thinking straight. They also reply to every comment/message personally and they give amazing advice.

 

It's going to feel hollow, and you need to fill that hollowness by working on YOU. You'll start to feel better over time. Take with you the lessons you learned. Remember the good times. If you start getting too sad, remember the bad things and what didn't work.

 

For now, you're doing everything right. Keep on going.

[backandforth]

Thanks SLee! I've already read the recovery guide and also a lot on NC and it has helped. Doing everything by the letter. I want to get better and I knew that was never going to happen as long as we stayed in touch.

 

She was a huge part of my life for a long time, and it's hard to come to terms with a life without her. I know I can never be friends with her, my feelings for her run far too deep. Now I just miss her.

 

My biggest fear is that I'm not gonna feel this strongly for anyone again. Like I said, I was in LTRs before and when they ended, of course I was sad but always moved on no problem. But I've never cared for anyone so deeply. I can't explain it. I'm certain I'll love again, but she'll always have my heart. It really sucks.

[SLee]

Thanks SLee! I've already read the recovery guide and also a lot on NC and it has helped. Doing everything by the letter. I want to get better and I knew that was never going to happen as long as we stayed in touch.

 

She was a huge part of my life for a long time, and it's hard to come to terms with a life without her. I know I can never be friends with her, my feelings for her run far too deep. Now I just miss her.

 

My biggest fear is that I'm not gonna feel this strongly for anyone again. Like I said, I was in LTRs before and when they ended, of course I was sad but always moved on no problem. But I've never cared for anyone so deeply. I can't explain it. I'm certain I'll love again, but she'll always have my heart. It really sucks.

That's incredibly hard. I'm sorry. I'm glad you're taking the right steps. That's really good.

 

As someone who has only been in one LTR (the one I got dumped from), I can't speak from experience. And the thing I absolutely HATED (still hate) hearing is the whole "you will find someone and be happy and live happily ever after" because I didn't WANT to find someone else (Still kinda don't); I wanted (still want, I guess) my ex.

 

I get it though. 2+ years is a long time. You moved across the world, for goodness sake! I was in a 3.5 year long thing, like I said, and it was a massive part of my life. Especially since I am fairly young and it was my first everything and what not. My ex was somebody I instantly connected with on all levels. And I mean from the moment we saw each other across the room (corny, but that's how it happened) we KNEW there was something there. I won't ramble about me though. It's completely understandable that you'll feel hollow and empty. This person meant so much to you. That freaking hurts. It's an awful burden to bear.

 

I don't want to give advice I hate, but it is a big world and nothing is guaranteed. We just don't know who will come into our lives when. You seem very smart, brave, and caring. You definitely have the ability to have a full, wonderful life with someone and to improve the world around you.

[backandforth]

Thanks again SLee. You're definitely right about it being a big world with no guarantees. That's how I found myself in this situation in the first place! The world is definitely full of surprises.

 

Thing is, I've been around the block relationship-wise, I've seen a lot of the world and know just what is out there if you're open to it. I've seen and done all of these things, and I've lost the person that I found amongst it all.

 

I'm constantly telling myself that anything more than pure coincidence bringing us together is pure BS but it doesn't help. Even she once said she thought we were supposed to meet, and she SO DOES NOT believe in that sort of stuff.

 

I feel awful but your kind words do help. Guess we both just gotta keep our chins up somehow.

[SLee]

I totally get it. I haven't been around the block relationship wise or world wise all too much (young and stuck in college still!) But, this may not be saying much, but I have been involved in a lot of activities (church stuff, cheerleading, figure skating, theatre, stuff like that) that's allowed me to me to travel a bit and meet tons of people. And, sorta like you, I never met anyone like my ex.

 

I'm pretty analytical and don't believe in the "Fate/destiny" stuff really, but when stuff like this happens, it certainly FEELS that way. When you know someone like that and it's so incredible it's hard to believe it wasn't a higher power or fate bringing you together, or that you did something really good to deserve that love, or even if it was just dumb luck. And it makes the loss of it hurt even more, because it DOES feel so be all end all.

 

I understand your plain completely, I'm in the middle of my own storm after all! I'm glad I can help at least somewhat. And you're right, there's no where to go but forward and up.

[backandforth]

I remember the morning I left for the airport. Standing in the kitchen with my bags packed across from someone I knew I was never going to see again, both of us completely bawling our eyes out and hanging onto each other for dear life. It's memories like these that won't soon be leaving me.