jdizz50 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Hey guys. Earlier this week I learned that my ex girlfriend was involved with another guy. We were together for almost 6 years, dating back to freshman year in high school. January of this year, we were having problems. She was getting more involved with her church, which I wanted her to. I prepared myself to not get as much time with her as she would be busy. But even when she wasn't busy, it felt as if I was a chore to her. I didn't feel the unconditional love that we both used to give each other. We started to realize that we had matured past our young, high school sweetheart relationship, because we had been so dependent on each other for so long. So we broke up on the 26th of January, so that we could find out who we were individually outside of our relationship. Fast forward to this week, shes been posting on social media, which all our mutual friends and family follow her on, about how she's spending time with this new guy, and how she's fallen so hard for him. I'm just so confused and hurt. Hurt because it makes me feel like im replaceable and that the relationship we had didn't mean anything. Confused because I thought we broke up to mature and find our individuality. After all, she wanted time to find herself, and I totally trust that she's telling the truth when she says that. I just wanna know how could she be so involved with another guy so quickly, especially when she needed to find herself. Less than 3 months to move onto another guy after a 6 year relationship? It just doesn't make sense.. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 My ex hopped out of our 4 year relationship (that was overall pretty great despite the last 3-4 months) and instantly started dating an older co-worker who was married with kids. It hurt like hell and made zero sense. 3 months seems like a decent amount of time for someone who broke up with you to find someone new compared to instantly and likely with some overlap. None of it makes sense to us, but it's likely that the distance we felt towards the end was because our ex-gfs were slowly falling out of love with us and didn't actually cut it off until their feelings were basically all gone, making it much easier for them to move on quicker. Link to post Share on other sites
dangerbang Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Well she shouldn't be on your or anyone on your side's facebook for starters. Also, you may as well assume next time you have a breakup that they will be with someone else right away. That's what I'm doing, at least then if you ever find out you wont be surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 OK, firstly, a six year relationship which began at age 14, which makes the person 20 today. Moving on quickly is a function of youth. Brain is still forming, new things to try, new stimulus to bathe the brain in. Perfectly normal. Additionally, what appears to be quickly can be deceiving, as people can 'move on' long before a particular breakup or divorce and simply mask that from their partner. Happens! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdizz50 Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 Thanks guys I figured she started moving on earlier, but does that mean she lied to me when she told me and everyone else that she needed time to find her identity and individuality? I mean I guess 3 months is enough time to find herself and be able to get back into that dependent mindset again? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Once one views words as social lubricant, life gets easier. She was with you. Now she's with someone else. All the 'bla, bla' is simply exhaled carbon dioxide vibrating some flaps of skin. Key? Acceptance. She's gone now and, wow, you're in your 20's and single. Old fart dream! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 It's hard to know, what I've learned is that often times a woman (and probably a dude in the reverse situation) will lie to you like crazy in an attempt to reduce their guilt and to "make you feel better", even though the lies just lead you on etc. and are much worse than just hearing the truth. I even said this to my ex and she still kept lying, probably so she could keep me around as a plan B just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
bluealone Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 I had 6 years relationship with my ex since I was 21 and we broke up a month ago.We broke up over small matter and I am still griefing. Today, I heard that he is happily in another relationship, only after a month. It really makes me wonder what these 6 years means to him. I am crying and confused. But I guess some people are just too fast at recovering. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted April 18, 2015 Share Posted April 18, 2015 Thinking of you OP. My ex dumped me 3.5 weeks ago and is already "Facebook Official" with a mutual acquaintance of ours. It hurts like absolute hell, but I'm forcing myself to remember that I am handling this in a healthy way. I refuse to get into another relationship until I'm healed from this heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdizz50 Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 Thinking of you OP. My ex dumped me 3.5 weeks ago and is already "Facebook Official" with a mutual acquaintance of ours. It hurts like absolute hell, but I'm forcing myself to remember that I am handling this in a healthy way. I refuse to get into another relationship until I'm healed from this heartbreak. I feel ya. I guess we're both approaching this the same way. We'll all find something better out there. But you're right, we have to deal with it in a healthy way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdizz50 Posted April 18, 2015 Author Share Posted April 18, 2015 I appreciate all the feedback. I guess my way of approaching the break up is a lot different, as it should be, because everyone deals with everything differently. We mutually decided to go our separate ways to find ourselves. She was taking it harder than I was, hearing from her friends. The first month she kept trying to reach out to me to "catch up", but I didnt think it was the best idea for both of us. All of a sudden, she just stopped. I'm assuming because she met this new guy. Now theyre doing all the same exact things we used to do. Go to Disneyland together, go to the same restaurants, same picnic spots. I just feel replaced, which I probably am Link to post Share on other sites
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