How do you guys get through the hard times of NC

[Shetland]

3 months NC and i'm slightly better now, but as we all know, some days are JUST PLAIN HARD!.

 

I got blindsided and my ex jumped into a new relationship. I'm still trying to process why my ex wouldn't even give us a chance to work things out. What was so bad about the relationship that it wasn't even worth saving?

 

I think everyone that has recently been dumped all know that part of they day where they get overtaken by regret, sadness, and loneliness.

We all know that feeling of wanting to break NC and spewing your guts out to the ex and asking all those unanswerable questions.

 

So what do you guys say to yourselves when you are going through that tough period of the day? What do you remind yourself? What kind of perspective do you put yourself in?

 

I think we all need some different ways to recharge when our battery runs low

[darkbloom]

I run by the responses he would send to me if I broke NC. Every single one of them ends badly. Also, if he wanted to talk to me he would contact me. He broke up with me. I want a genuine apology from him without him feeling forced. He needs to suck up his pride and ego and make it right. If he is not going to do that then why the hell would I want to continue any sort of anything with him?

 

Also think about how much worse you will feel if you break NC and get no answer. You will obsessively be checking your phone, email, sky, driveway looking for a sign that they are going to respond. That will start you back over at day 1.

 

I am also genuinely too good for him. I keep that one at the top of my list for NC.

[SLee]

NC is the worst. My situation is different because I live with the guy who dumped me.

 

I had some really supportive friends who said that I should text them if I felt the urge to text him. I'm close to my parents, so I've been talking to my dad a lot about it and he doesn't get sick of my constant whining.

 

My advice is to find someone like a parent, sibling, or really close friend who you won't feel bad about venting too or like you're bothering them. Text/contact them when you feel the urge to contact the EX. That's what I do and it helps a lot. It literally keeps me sane.

 

There are good threads on forums like "click here instead of contacting your EX". Someone gave me some really good advice recently: "you are truly a good-hearted person, empathetic, caring, and you truly have great potential to build a good life for yourself and make the world around you a better place. Repeat it to yourself in your down moments if you start to have self-doubt."

 

Do things you enjoy and to make yourself better. Watch movies, get into a new TV show, work out, go out with your best friend and vent or have a drink if you want.

 

I look at it as he's losing someone who loves, all I'm losing is someone who didn't love me. That helps a bit as well.

 

NC is for YOU so do everything in your power to make it about YOU.

 

Hope I helped! Best wishes!

[ZiggyZoo]

I find that sometimes, when the urge is really strong, I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing and do something else that is completely different. It helps me to break the thought process and keeps me from talking myself into contacting him. I've hopped into the shower, unloaded the dishwasher, and once I left my phone at home and just started driving. That helps, if you can do it.

 

If I can't do that though, I second darkbloom's advice. I make it a point to be as brutally honest as possible and see what breaking NC is going to result in. Since the answer is usually my getting hurt, I don't do it. I'll also go 5 minutes by 5 minutes if I have to, until I don't have the urge anymore. Like quitting smoking, if you've ever done that.

[Fufu]

NC period was the toughest moment in my life, I still remembered bits and pieces and I did cherish this special moment because it makes me a stronger person. I broke a few times of no contact, got angry at myself and eventually get back to NC right away, eventually it did get better and I no longer had the urge of talking to him. I cut off all contacts, all social medias connected with him were deleted and blocked.

 

Basically, I put most of my time at work, really concentrating on building my career and being busy was great because I won't have time to think about my past relationship.

I also spent more time with my family which I neglected heavily while i was in a relationship, so I participated more family outings.

 

Even though, I lost a relationship (doesn't matter), I gained kinship and career experience. I didn't lose much eventually.

[dyna85]

I get through by just continuing onward with it and hoping for the best and having faith in 'what will be will be.'

 

Sometimes when you push and push and it hurts, it's time to cut your losses and time to march on without the person who couldn't care less.

 

I just pray for the best, really, and try to distract myself.

 

When I think of why I'm doing this (nc thing), I know it's for the best. Sure it hurts, but the alternative - getting my heart broken again and again by staying in contact - is far far far far worse. (Did I say far worse enough?) lol

[Harradin]

I made sure I was constantly busy, at the time I had just switched degrees so I buried myself into my degree and I buried myself into martial arts so every day I had a full day. I also reminded myself how much better off I am by going NC.

 

NC really was the best thing I ever did at the time.

[dangerbang]

I don't feel any urges to break NC because I've nothing to say to her that can help my situation. Part of me is longing for her to contact me, not the other way around. Anyone else feel like this? You should know by now that any contact from your side is detriment to your cause, but I can't let go of a little bit of hope that she'll get in touch, and that's what's hard to live with the most.

[DJOkawari]

I don't feel any urges to break NC because I've nothing to say to her that can help my situation. Part of me is longing for her to contact me, not the other way around. Anyone else feel like this? You should know by now that any contact from your side is detriment to your cause, but I can't let go of a little bit of hope that she'll get in touch, and that's what's hard to live with the most.

 

Ya. I feel you on this. No urges for contact or checking up on her because it would only make my life worse. But think about it would you want her to contact you today? What if she messaged you today? What could she say? How would you respond?

 

For me, I thought about it and the answer is 100% no. It's just too stressful. This has helped me a lot in my process to be able to go day by day like that. "Today? Naah...What about today? Naah." In a weird way though, I'd like for her to contact me in a few months. I can't figure out why...I guess maybe just to show her that I'm doing so well and maybe to be friends/fwb. I think that's my ego talking though.

 

I hope a few months turns into "whatever" some time soon.

Edited April 18, 2015 by DJOkawari

[toffeecream77]

I find that sometimes, when the urge is really strong, I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing and do something else that is completely different. It helps me to break the thought process and keeps me from talking myself into contacting him. I've hopped into the shower, unloaded the dishwasher, and once I left my phone at home and just started driving. That helps, if you can do it

 

This.

 

And just keep really busy generally. Plan your week in advance. Make sure you're enjoying yourself, keeping fit and going out and seeing good friends.

 

Take up new hobbies, meet new people.

 

And make a list of all the bad things about your ex to remind you why you shouldn't go back.

 

3 months is great, by the way, keep it up!

[Situasian]

For me I deal by telling myself two things. Firstly that this strong feeling to contact her will pass and if I break it I'll feel like such a fool afterwards and secondly I tell myself why am I making the effort to contact her when she was the one who let and is with someone knew. I spend all my spare time either training, at work or hanging out with friends. The only times I have spare are just about an hour before I head to bed

[TunaCat]

It's not easy.

 

He contacted me a few times after he dumped me 3.5 weeks ago, but I didn't answer him. I didn't even read the messages. I deleted them without thinking twice about it. Now that he's seeing someone else, I cannot help but wonder if I should have read the messages. What if he wanted to reconcile, but when I wouldn't answer the messages, he gave up on us and moved forward with a mutual acquaintance?

 

That kind of thinking can drive you insane, so I'm working on shutting down those thoughts.

[minimariah]

It's not easy.

 

He contacted me a few times after he dumped me 3.5 weeks ago, but I didn't answer him. I didn't even read the messages. I deleted them without thinking twice about it. Now that he's seeing someone else, I cannot help but wonder if I should have read the messages. What if he wanted to reconcile, but when I wouldn't answer the messages, he gave up on us and moved forward with a mutual acquaintance?

 

That kind of thinking can drive you insane, so I'm working on shutting down those thoughts.

 

think this way - if he wanted to reconcile, he would've tried harder than 3 text & FB messages. and you're doing a fantastic job of ignoring him. keep it up!

 

[na49]

I'm having the worst day that I've had in a long time. I just read every reply to this thread, and feel a little better. I couldn't have seen this at a better time honestly. It's nice to know that what I'm going through today is similar to what anyone else who is struggling has gone through. My stupid self destructive urges are all there right now, but I am using ever ounce of strength that I have to not look at her Facebook. The stupid part of me thinks that I need a reminder that she is happy without me. That part of me needs to shut up lol.

[ZiggyZoo]

I'm having the worst day that I've had in a long time. I just read every reply to this thread, and feel a little better. I couldn't have seen this at a better time honestly. It's nice to know that what I'm going through today is similar to what anyone else who is struggling has gone through. My stupid self destructive urges are all there right now, but I am using ever ounce of strength that I have to not look at her Facebook. The stupid part of me thinks that I need a reminder that she is happy without me. That part of me needs to shut up lol.

 

I'm really struggling today too. There was this sort of swap meet thing today that I know he was at, and it took a lot to not stroll in and bump into him. I just went out and kept myself busy until the damn thing ended, but it was tough. Ha, I threw all my pants in the washer so I couldn't go anywhere for at least an hour and a half this morning until they were all dry. That killed some time, I was pretty proud of my own cleverness:D

 

I struggle with the damn FB thing too. The only thing that keeps me away from that is how good I feel not checking it. A week of honest-to-goodness NC, no snooping, makes me feel so much better.

 

I should start a place for people going NC. A combination gym/movie theater/art studio/who knows. You come in, leave your cell phone, and use whatever distraction works best to maintain NC. Plus, there'll be plenty of others doing the same thing, to talk to about it. Oooh, maybe hire a therapist...damn, I'm onto something here.

[Reality015]

It's not easy.

 

He contacted me a few times after he dumped me 3.5 weeks ago, but I didn't answer him. I didn't even read the messages. I deleted them without thinking twice about it. Now that he's seeing someone else, I cannot help but wonder if I should have read the messages. What if he wanted to reconcile, but when I wouldn't answer the messages, he gave up on us and moved forward with a mutual acquaintance?

 

That kind of thinking can drive you insane, so I'm working on shutting down those thoughts.

 

 

 

Just keep reminding yourself if you did reconcile the chances are you would of broken up again. Could you really trust him again?