He trashed our LTR for a girl he's known for 3 weeks??? I need !

[Kbomb]

I need some advice, Im not handling this situation well. sorry if its long -

 

My boyfriend and I were very serious for 4 years. He has been asking me for the whole 4 years to marry him. I have two kids and I am separated from my husband but not legally divorced. I told my boyfriend Im not ready to get re married so soon because it takes time to know someone and could not yet divorce my husband of 15yrs because of immigration issues. My boyfriend is also 10 years younger than me and I was his first everything, kiss, relationship, sex. He was 22 and I was 32 when we met. So that is the background history and also my baggage.

 

He has always been obsessed with getting married and having kids of his own after 4 years he could not get me pregnant, I don't know if its because of me or him. Looking back I think he thinks my age was the problem.

 

The age difference was never really a problem though and we basically look and act the same age. We were madly in love, crazy love. I even hired him where I work and our relationship was very public at work. We did not live together because I was not ready for that but we were with each other everyday at work and on the weekends and talking and txting all the time.

 

We had ALOT of good times, not too much arguing or fighting, it was the best relationship I have ever had and I was happy. He loved me so much would do anything for me, I was his world right up until the day I found out he had been cheating on me with his neighbor for 3 weeks. she is 2 years younger than him and not really physically attractive.

 

When I confronted him about it at first he denied it and when he finally admitted he had been cheating said he did not want to lose me and that he is confused. Then the girl told him she's pregnant so he threw me away like a piece of trash and is now with her and she moved in with him and his parents.

 

I fired him from work because I could not handle seeing him I was devastated, in shock and I did the begging thing for about two weeks and he even cheated on her with me at a hotel twice in that time ( if you can consider that cheating?) and she found out about it. ( I covered his chest in hickies so she would!). Then he stole $1000 from me and she made him throw away his phone and I have no way of contacting him and he has not contacted me at all after that.

 

I was so hurt but did nothing, I decided to try to move on and I went no contact for 30 days and started dating a co worker to help heal my broken heart. After 30 days NC I was mad at what he had done and I called him and told him if he doesn't pay back my money I will take him to court, He dint have any money now because he has no job so he gave me his truck to sell, which I accepted.

 

The new guy I started dating works with me and my ex knows he has always liked me and I have always like him but we never did anything because I did not want to cheat on my b/f. I am not really happy with the new guy because even tho the sex is pretty good theres no emotional connection and the connection I had with my ex was so strong, even after everything he did I miss him and can understand some of his reasons and confusion and I know he's human and we all make mistakes.

 

I have been hearing from his sister and his neighbors that he is now miserable. but she wants to get married asap. He found out the girl lied about being pregnant ( but they are trying now to get pregnant) and they argue and fight everyday and he can't stand to be around her and he treats her like a dog, he never treated me that way he was always respectful and she follows him everywhere! even to the bathroom!he can't get a minutes piece from her. She's the exact opposite of me in every single way. And I heard he's been asking around if its true Im dating his old co worker so obviously it bothers him right?

 

I recently called him to ask a question about the truck and he was being cold, and told me he's happy and is starting his family now blah blah blah and that we can never be friends, and that he already gave me the truck and he can't help me with anything else because he has more important things to do. I can't understand Y we can't be friends if he's happy and is over me? But I have not contacted him again after that and that was two weeks ago. It has only been just over two months since we broke up.

 

A lot of people at work knew he was cheating b4 I found out so it was very hard for me to go back to work. But I did and I needed to get on some serious medication but I faced everyone with my head held high. Im a boss and I walk around acting as if Im good and nothing bothers me but its an act and I know my new relationship is a rebound. I want my ex back and I don't know what to do about it?

 

I need to know -

1. Do you think he's really over me this fast?

2. Do you think he misses me?

3. Is he acting cold because he's mad at me for dating our co worker?

4. Or do you think he's mad I made him give me his truck?

5. Is he trying to ACT like he's happy to me out of spite because he ended up looking stupid at work by getting fired and me dating someone else at work right away after he tried to publicly humiliate me and its an ego thing?

6. Is he mad because he cheated on her with me and now they got issues?

6. should I just try to keep moving on or should I wait longer since it seems like his new relationship is already falling apart?

 

He is acting like a stranger, someone I do not even know!! and I know the real him better than anyone! I know this is an act...but why?

 

Any advice would help a lot! thats the whole story - sorry but its long and complicated.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read it and Thank you in advance for any advice.

[ZiggyZoo]

This whole situation was a mess from the word "Go". Starting with the fact that you were still legally married, thus not truly available in the first place, right up to both of you hooking up with other people right after your four year relationship ended.

 

My advice? Stay away from each other and this toxic relationship. What does it say about your level of respect/caring for each other if your response to his cheating is to hook up with a co-worker? There honestly doesn't seem like anything worthwhile to salvage here.

 

I'd suggest going NC for real. Not for 30 days for some reason, but until you're away from this sh*t long enough to see it clearly. As far as your questions about why he's acting the way he is, it really doesn't matter. You should be asking why you want someone like him back. He was willing and able to drop you like the past four years were nothing, and you were willing and able to do the same. So why continue it?

[Kbomb]

Thanks ziggy for your advice.

 

I don't know why he cheated.......

 

For me I know I got into a relationship right away because I was in survival mode and needed to seem OK at work to be able to work. If that makes any sense, I dint want to be vulnerable and lonely, I was hurt and confused.

 

But we really did have an awesome relationship. we were ride or die, tell each other everything. when i needed him he was there like superman! we had something special but there were problems I'm not gng to lie. I just thought it was worth working them out for.

 

IDK

[Kbomb]

Is the post too long? thats why not many replies?

[TunaCat]

The fact that your ex boyfriend was pushing for marriage from the beginning of the relationship is a glaring red flag. The people who push for an early commitment are usually the ones who are abusive. They want to marry you quickly because then they will have you "trapped" and it would be harder to leave an abusive marriage.

 

My advice is that you end it with your current boyfriend and stop obsessing over the ex boyfriend. You need to move on from both of these men. You need to have more respect for yourself. You need to focus on those kids. Those kids don't deserve to be a part of this mess.

 

Who cares what he's thinking or feeling! He cheated on you. He clearly does not want to be with you.

[goodyblue]

Trying to figure out if your husband (who you said you still live with in your thread on the OM/OW forum) knows you are now dating another co-worker and on your second affair. If what you said is true in that thread, you said you had an affair with this guy, he got sick of waiting for you to leave and he dumped you. Did I get that right?

 

So, in my opinion, no, the guy you had an affair with for four years got sick of waiting, met someone new and is over you. Good for him.

[Diezel]

Although you had your own reasons to not jump into another marriage, he had his reasons to jump into another relationship.

 

You should have waited to have your personal affairs taken care of, but you need to understand that your boyfriend had his mind set on what he wanted.

 

Either way, I'd say you dodged a bullet. Honestly, I don't think he even cared about the relationship, more so he cared about starting a family regardless of whoever it was with.

 

This relationship would have been doomed either way.

[seminoles84]

Holy moly.. Go NC, break up with your current rebound and learn to be ok with being single before jumping into another relationship.

[goodyblue]

Although you had your own reasons to not jump into another marriage, he had his reasons to jump into another relationship.

 

You should have waited to have your personal affairs taken care of, but you need to understand that your boyfriend had his mind set on what he wanted.

 

Either way, I'd say you dodged a bullet. Honestly, I don't think he even cared about the relationship, more so he cared about starting a family regardless of whoever it was with.

 

This relationship would have been doomed either way.

 

She is still married. This guy was a four year affair.

[SearchingForMyself]

You're crying over an affair partner?

 

Wow selfishly playing the victim.

 

Dude sure dodged a bullet. Too bad the husband didn't.

[No Limit]

Get the divorce going and focus on your children instead of your BF. He left because he knew you weren't as serious as he was.

Edited April 13, 2015 by No Limit

[SycamoreCircle]

"He was 22 and I was 32 when we met."

 

I stopped reading right there. This is just a disaster waiting to happen. A 22-year-old is a boy. You involved yourself with a boy. I don't care if he has a great job, a car, a home, health insurance and life savings. This is a boy.

 

Date people your own age or older. I speak from experience.

[Kbomb]

I knew I would be judged because of the other post.

 

My husband cheated on me numerous times over numerous years, thats why the love is gone. And if you read the other post you would have seen that I have not slept with my husband for over 5 years, so I dont know If I would call it an affair.

 

And yes my husband knew all about my relationship and he had no problem with it because we are not together in that way.

 

I was asking for advice not judgment.

[Kbomb]

I was just told that my EX did not go home all weekend and has been getting drunk because hes miserable and cant stand the new girl.

 

And my staff just told me that my EX was hanging around my office this morning and smoking. His Mom is admitted here at the hospital but my office is way in the back where patients go.

 

They said he was by himself and was not talking to anyone. I think he has only in the past week started to deal with our breakup and recognize the fact that hes miserable.

 

I know, our relationship is toxic I should stay away all that. I know. But I still love him and at-least want to be friends.

 

 

Is he trying to bump into me? Why else would he come back here after not going home all weekend and getting drunk?

 

But he has not called me either?

 

Im confused.

[Jessie1231]

What kind of social circle do you have where it is normal for the married "ex-girlfriend" to check up on this guy with family/friends/coworkers? Stop doing that. Leave the guy alone and handle your own life. You're married with kids, you've got much bigger issues to deal with.

[Kbomb]

Well lets see, his sister keeps calling me all the time because we are good friends and she hates the new girl so I get to hear all about.

 

And his neighbors also works for me, and they are now having problems because apparently before the little witch stole my man she had already slept with his neighbors husband.

 

Jessie its obvious you don't like me from your replies on my threads - I could care less

 

Thanks for your input tho!

[TunaCat]

Well lets see, his sister keeps calling me all the time because we are good friends and she hates the new girl so I get to hear all about.

 

And his neighbors also works for me, and they are now having problems because apparently before the little witch stole my man she had already slept with his neighbors husband.

 

Thanks for your input tho!

 

Okay, well first of all you need to tell his sister that you don't want to hear ANYTHING about him. If she can't be your friend without mentioning her brother, than maybe you need to end this friendship as well.

 

Tell your neighbor that you don't want to hear anything about him. Stick to work related conversations.

 

Oh and btw "the little witch" didn't steal your man. He made the decision not to be with you anymore. Men (and women) cannot be stolen from their significant others.

[goodyblue]

Well lets see, his sister keeps calling me all the time because we are good friends and she hates the new girl so I get to hear all about.

 

And his neighbors also works for me, and they are now having problems because apparently before the little witch stole my man she had already slept with his neighbors husband.

 

Jessie its obvious you don't like me from your replies on my threads - I could care less

 

Thanks for your input tho!

 

1. You cannot steal a person.

2. It is your own fault you dragged your feet until he gave up.

3. In what world do you live where people smoke in a hospital?

[Kbomb]

They obviously smoke outside?

[maryjaneholland]

I think you need to stop questioning the relationship when it's clearly done and move on.

 

Alarm bells should have been ringing in your head from the very beginning. A 22 year old man wanting to so desperately get married and have babies? That's quite rare if it's genuine. How many 22 year old men want to settle down?

 

He's 22. Think back to when you were 22. Life is so unsure and all over the place. I'm 21. I feel like I am a mature adult but I know I will still be making bad, rash decisions for the next 9 years. One day, my mind will be so settled on something. I will do everything I can possibly to make that dream a reality and six months later, I'll set my mind on something totally different.

 

He's 22. It's not going to work with a woman ten years older. It most probably won't work out with his current girlfriend. Or the one after that. And even the one after that.

 

Next time, look for someone with a bit more stable maturity.

[stillafool]

I need to know -

1. Do you think he's really over me this fast? YES

 

2. Do you think he misses me? Maybe but not enough to want you back.

 

3. Is he acting cold because he's mad at me for dating our co worker?

No. He's acting cold because he's done with you and has a new girl to think about.

 

4. Or do you think he's mad I made him give me his truck? Yes he is upset that you took his only means of transportation.

 

5. Is he trying to ACT like he's happy to me out of spite because he ended up looking stupid at work by getting fired and me dating someone else at work right away after he tried to publicly humiliate me and its an ego thing? He's happy because he is young and free. He wasn't the one who looked stupid at work, actually it is you. You are 32 and having an affair at work with a 22 yo that you ended up firing because he broke your heart. Now you are screwing another guy who works for you. No, it isn't your ex that looks stupid.

 

6. Is he mad because he cheated on her with me and now they got issues?

Yes he is upset that he ended up sleeping with you and hurting her. He doesn't want to make that mistake again.

 

6. should I just try to keep moving on or should I wait longer since it seems like his new relationship is already falling apart?

 

You should definitely move on. I don't care what people are telling you. The point is none of those people are in your ex's bed at night except the 20 year old so they have no idea what is going on between those two. They are still together aren't they? I think you should leave them alone. Do not chase him anymore because it is clear he doesn't want you anymore.

[melissacus]

Leave it alone and stop causing/allowing drama. You are an adult. He is a boy..who clearly doesn't know what he wants. If you seriously want him back after all of this, you aren't thinking rationally. There's no recovery after this. Move on and stop talking to him and about him, sweetheart.

[Kbomb]

@ Stillafool - First off he aint 22! Hes 26! He was 22 when we met, read my post properly if you are going to reply.

 

And everything you said is completely wrong. He cant even stand the new chick right now in fact he hates her and from what I hear they are done and hes trying to get her out of his house. He cant even stand to look at her because of how her lies have ruined his life and he has lost everything!!

 

And he made himself look stupid at work not me, don't assume you know things you don't. You only know what I posted and I posted that he made himself look stupid because he did, but that is whole other story I aint going to waste my time on.

 

I think I'm pretty much over it now. I am just glad to know that his cheating didn't work out for him and that he is miserable and doesn't have the balls to admit it. When he comes crying back ( very soon) I don't want him.

 

I'm moving on!

[stillafool]

@ Stillafool - First off he aint 22! Hes 26! He was 22 when we met, read my post properly if you are going to reply.

 

And everything you said is completely wrong. He cant even stand the new chick right now in fact he hates her and from what I hear they are done and hes trying to get her out of his house. He cant even stand to look at her because of how her lies have ruined his life and he has lost everything!!

 

And he made himself look stupid at work not me, don't assume you know things you don't. You only know what I posted and I posted that he made himself look stupid because he did, but that is whole other story I aint going to waste my time on.

 

I think I'm pretty much over it now. I am just glad to know that his cheating didn't work out for him and that he is miserable and doesn't have the balls to admit it. When he comes crying back ( very soon) I don't want him.

 

I'm moving on!

 

OMG!:lmao: Are you serious?! You were the one who came to a public forum, listed a bunch of questions that you wanted answered, I answered your questions according to how I view your situation and now you are pissed because apparently I didn't give the answers you wanted. What did you want me to say? A bunch of lies? Okay so you are 36, he is 26 and the girl is 24 but my original post still applies. The only one I see who is miserable is you. Good you're over him now and it only took you a day to do it.

[HollowSea]

Yep you gotta move on as you said. You two are both wrong here. And stop rebounding off of men just because you're hurting and actually take the time to get over a relationship. You're 36 stop being so reckless.