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He left me. He walked out.


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I met him in 2010 near the end of the year. Things started out good but he it ended eventually in about April 2011. We went back and forth with each other every few months until 2013. We got back together in 2013 and starting dating we stayed together until just recently. 2 weeks ago he broke up with me. We were having problems. I kept asking him about his family, he never would introduce me to them and he would never tell me he loved me not even once. It caused a lot of doubt in me and it made me question him a lot. We got along so well but knowing someone since 2010 even on and off and being so close (well I felt like we were close) and never meeting family, and then me never hearing he loved me, it just ate me up inside. He would go see his family on holidays and not invite me. He would go to his is nieces bday and I wouldn't be invited. I just felt so sad. I asked him why and he says its just something he doesn't do, he doesn't introduce gf's to family he never has. Then the reason he said he never told me he loved me was because he shows it. I didn't feel like he was showing it either honestly. Then two weeks ago during a fight I fell apart and he walked out. I blocked him from the door before he left but then I caught myself and got out of his way and he walked out.

He texted me

He says he need to be single now. Now after all this time. I put so much into him. I'm so sad. Was I expecting too much?

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You were not expecting too much. It's ridiculous that you didn't meet the family or that he never said I love you.

 

Be happy he's gone because now you can go meet somebody who will be thrilled to have you meet the family & will want to shout his love from the rooftops.

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You were not expecting too much. It's ridiculous that you didn't meet the family or that he never said I love you.

 

Be happy he's gone because now you can go meet somebody who will be thrilled to have you meet the family & will want to shout his love from the rooftops.

 

 

We had other problems and they were mainly because he was always so busy with work. He is in the service. Anyway I just feel like if I knew he loved me and he told me he loved me I could deal more with how busy he was. I just felt all around just alone. No love, no introducing to family. It caused me to argue with him. I regret arguing with him I really do. I just feel like now he will find another girl and treat her right. While I'm here heartbroken.

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Why do you feel bad about arguing with him? He treated you like crap. You had the right to stick up for yourself.

 

He will not find another girl & treat her right. He will find another girl & treat her as badly as he treated you but she will put up with his selfish BS.

 

You meanwhile, after you heal from this temporary set back will find a great guy who does treat you right.

 

You didn't lose anything worth being upset over (except the loss of your self esteem. Really, try to figure out why you were so willing to give that up in exchange for being treated badly)

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Yeah I feel like my self esteem has been in the dumpster. I basically let him run the relationship. He would show up unannounced and scare me half to death just opening the front door ( I gave him a key so he could get in when I was at work because he lived pretty far). I would ask him to call me before he comes but I guess he just didn't feel like it? Idk I would ask for dates in advance but most of the time it was last minute. I don't feel like I was asking for too much. I just don't get why he treated me like that. Like why did he have to make the smallest things so difficult? It would make me always upset and I would start arguments over small things because I was very frustrated a lot.

 

 

I have a lot on my mind right now as you can probably tell.

I'm at work and I just feel like laying down and crying. I'm posting here so I don't fall apart. Its Friday and all I can think about is him going out. This is awful. I'm 33 and honestly I never loved anyone like this before, I have had relationships but I loved him so much. I'm getting older, I thought I would be in a different place now.

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is it ever okay to not meet the family or hear I love you?

 

 

In the 1st few months maybe but not as the relationship progresses. I would be suspicious that the other person had a 2nd family or was married.

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seminoles84
is it ever okay to not meet the family or hear I love you?

 

I mean I guess if his family was weird/crazy, yeah but otherwise no.

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I mean I guess if his family was weird/crazy, yeah but otherwise no.

 

 

It doesn't seem so. I mean I asked and he didn't tell me that. He only said he just never does that. I don't understand. It makes me feel like I wasn't good enough or maybe he was ashamed of me. I don't know, my mind just keeps thinking up everything. I probably could have at least gotten over that if he would have told me he loves me. Its like two huge things to me that he couldn't do. Its so messed up. :(

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seminoles84

In a way this might help you move on quicker. I grew attached to my ex's family/kid so it made it that much harder to move on. This guy isn't good for you. You deserve to be treated better.

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LM, considering i was in a relationship +2years longer than yours, after the first year i knew that i loved the girl i was with, hey i even told her i loved her. Within the relationship, yea the frequency if i love yous did reduce as time and life got on, but we always knew one thing.

 

The family thing, well depends on your background, how normal is it for you to meet up with your boyfriends family? From my culture its not the done thing, you do that when you are getting married to the person, no relationships premarriage etc. But if it generally is a done deal and done thing, then not meeting them is a big red alert.

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ExpatInItaly
In the 1st few months maybe but not as the relationship progresses. I would be suspicious that the other person had a 2nd family or was married.

 

That was the first thought that crossed my mind too. OP, are you sure he doesn't have another partner?

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I feel deep down inside he doesn't have another partner but hey what do I know really? Maybe he was very private? I could come up with a million reasons but the one that I really feel is that I just wasn't the one. I mean I'm black and he is half black and I mean I honestly don't think its a cultural thing. I really just don't. :( I wanted him to meet my mom but it just never happened because it seemed just not right. He wouldn't let me meet his :( not inviting me to his family events. My mom was mad, she said he should have invited me to events. It was just all a mess it seems. I really just wanted things to work out. I don't know

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I'm going to keep posting here to release my feelings. He texted me last Saturday asking me if I was ok, I had a moment of weakness and asked him if he was sure if this is what he wanted. He said yes and that he thinks he needs to be single for awhile. It made me fall apart. I feel so stupid. I hate myself.

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I'm going to keep posting here to release my feelings. He texted me last Saturday asking me if I was ok, I had a moment of weakness and asked him if he was sure if this is what he wanted. He said yes and that he thinks he needs to be single for awhile. It made me fall apart. I feel so stupid. I hate myself.

 

It's okay to feel bad, you're still fresh to the breakup. However, please never feel like you're stupid or begin to place all blame upon yourself. You deserve better. That's all there is to it. You may love him but he doesn't want to be with you, and it's a hard truth. Why waste your precious life on someone who doesn't want you as much as you want them? There is someone out there who can treat you so much better, the way you deserve to be treated. Move on and find someone worth your time. Start no contact and don't look back, it's time to heal and find yourself.

 

When my ex left me I wondered for a long time why she stopped loving me. I couldn't fathom it compared to the feelings of love I held for her. Then I realized, it doesn't matter, it never did. You can't make someone love you, you can only love them and hope for the same in return.

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ill try :(

 

Try hard. Like really really hard. Try like the happiness in your life depends on it. Because, well, it kind of does.

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On and off for 5 years. You never met his family. He never said he loved you. The best thing he could have done was let you go. You weren't in a proper relationship with him, and it was going nowhere.

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i just want him back

 

Why? So you can never meet his family? So you never get told "I love you" or anything that couples actually say to each other? You think you want him back but in reality as BC said its so much better that he left you. It wasn't a proper relationship and it never would have been.

 

Come on, you have to take the blinders off and look at this at an adult point of view. Cry, be sad, mourn the "relationship" but then pull yourself together and get back out there. I promise it hurts less once you start to want to heal, for now it looks like you're content with being sad, which I really do understand.

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Idk whats wrong I just feel like garbage. Like I just want to be good enough.

 

Sometimes no matter how hard we try to be good enough for someone it will never be enough. Why do you wanna give someone so much without getting back the same in return?

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Idk whats wrong I just feel like garbage. Like I just want to be good enough.

 

You feel like like you aren't good enough because you tried to get commitment out of someone for 5 years. You were in a pseudo relationship for 5 years, and you conditioned yourself to accept that. You weren't shown love, trust, or respect, but you told yourself that you should stay with him and try to "earn" his love. Of course, anyone would feel like garbage after going through that. Anyone would feel defeated. You signed up to be treated like sh*t, and, now that the sh*t walked out the door, you want it back. Something is seriously wrong with your thought patterns.

 

Honey, it's not about you. That man was never going to commit to you. I could care less about this man, but I do care why you would accept that type of a relationship. Why do you think so little of yourself that you would stay in that situation? Thank goodness he left you. Be thanking your lucky stars.

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You're not being annoying, that is what this site is for, post away. It can help to get everything you're feeling out.

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