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Should I stop ignoring him or should I forget about him?


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I feel like I need to tell you the full story in order to get the best answer so here goes. I am 22 and I've never had a boyfriend. The one who came close was a boy i met last year. He is 3 years older than me. One day he messaged me on facebook and asked for my number. He started texting me everyday. He was a little bit clingy and weird at first but I liked the attention! Eventually we met at his place and went out for coffee. At the end of our night I was so nervous I was shaking when I told him goodbye, anticipating that he would probably never call me again after our awkward first date but me texted as soon as I left saying he had a great time and he'd like to see me again.

 

We went out once a week for about a month and everything was great. On our fourth date he asked me to stay the night at his place. I said no because we had just met and I didn't feel comfortable sleeping over yet. We were cuddling on the couch the whole night, I felt a bit uncomfortable, I could tell he was "turned on" if you know what I mean lol also I'm not a very "touchy feeley" type of person. He texted me asking if I would be his "cuddle buddy" I said ok because I assumed that ment that he wanted to be my boyfriend... of course it didn't lol.

 

The fifth night or sixth we hung out he asked me to stay the night again and I said "ok". He wanted me to sleep in bed with him but I decided to sleep on the couch. The next morning we had breakfast together on said couch. Everything was fine until I let my emotions take over and I kissed him. We started making out for a long time. He said he "didn't expect that". This is where it all went down hill... I told him that it was my first kiss and that I never had a boyfriend before... I was so naive I thought he would find this cute but admitting this had the opposite effect. He was very freaked out that I had never been in a relationship. He kept saying "no way you're lying". (He also mentioned that he wasnt seeing me as "dating" we were "just friends".) He started to drift away little by little after I told him this. I asked him if I could be his girlfriend and he said "I don't know, does this mean I can't talk to other girls?"

He still asked me to come over and hang out so I did, but I couldn't control myself in his presence. I was scared he would leave me and I didn't want to be a virgin forever. We had oral sex twice. I got very emotional during it and I told him I "loved him" (I know i know i know that it was a bad decision) The second night he begged me to stay over with him but I told him that I didn't have permission from my mom to stay out and I was using her car, also I assumed that deep down, he didn’t REALLY want me to stay, so I left. He stopped contacting me after this.

 

I tried to keep texting him. I would usually get a reply but sometimes I was ignored. I asked him if we could see each other again and he said "I don't think that's a good idea. I cant date anyone right now and I don't think it's right to keep up the friends with benefits thing. It's too soon for me." I apologized to him. I asked if we could still be friends and he said "sure, it's going to be hard not trying to kiss you though. You didn't do anything wrong."

 

After that he deleted his facebook. I had no way to see what was going on in his life so I think I was starting to get over him but after a month his facebook was back up. We started talking a little but I could tell that he felt uncomfortable. I was later so desperate to see him again that I asked him to go and see a movie with me on my 22nd birthday because most of my friends were out of town for a convention. I realize this made me look like a HUGE LOSER to him and this probably blew any future chance of us getting together but my Mom sort of forced me to ask him out to go see a movie. She just wanted to see me happy on my birthday. The meet up was very awkward. He almost seemed like he was mad at me for some reason... trying to find a fault in everything I was saying to him. After this he ignored my text messages completely.

 

A few months went by and he texted me out of the blue. I was VERY surprised. He said he thought he saw me on the city bus. I told him "nope wasn't me." He started getting flirty with me again the way he used to. He asked how my life was going and I told him I was fine. I just got my first "real" job recently and I told him what it was (it wasn't a very glamorous job), i guess he wasn't impressed because he didn't respond after that! We are still "friends" on facebook and he "likes" my facebook statuses quite frequently... this doesn't help me get over him. (btw I got a new number so he can't text me anymore.)

 

I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried to get over him but I just can't, I really feel like he was "the one" but that may be because I’m a shy person and I don’t meet a lot of guys... My Dad says I should delete him from facebook but I can't do that because if I unfriend him from facebook he will be gone FOREVER. Yet seeing him on my feed is a constant reminder of all the stupid mistakes I've made.

 

Lately though he has been commenting on some of my posts. Telling me to "hit him up" but when i messaged him i only got one response. He told me his new home was 5 houses down from the club i was at in the picture he saw me in...I later posted some artwork up, telling my friends that i have an art show coming up. He commented saying "will the paintings for sale?" I said yes but when i said where the show would be held he said "I have no way of getting out to that town but good luck with your showing!" I want to message him and tell him that I love him and miss him but he's become a bit of an egotist on facebook boasting about how he's having sex, posting selfies, adding new female friends everyday. I don't want to get hurt again but I am SO obsessed with him. I know I should probably move on, but it's hard to have hope that you'll find someone new let alone better when you're shy and insecure in yourself.

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Oy. This was painful for me to read. I was once where you stood. I think you should thank him for allowing you to open up but let him go. He doesn't sound very commited to you or having a relationship with you. I'm a late bloomer, my first real relationship wasn't until I was 22. I felt deformed and like something was wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with you. You can talk to a guy and you can date and have a good time. You just need to put yourself out there a little more.

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Oh man ... people are gonna have a field day with this one ...

 

This guy wanted you to be his FWB - this means friends with benefits. He just wants to sleep with you. He is not interested in you as a girlfriend or a person in any shape or form beyond a sexual object. He doesn't care about you in any way whatsoever. He just wants sex and that has all he's wanted from the beginning. You are going to encounter guys like this throughout your dating life and this guy has displayed literally every single sign of what you should be avoiding completely.

 

You don't love him, you have no idea what love is. You need to completely detach from this guy or he is going to make you extremely miserable. He is not into you at all, you're literally a warm hole in his eyes. Him backing off when he found out you were a virgin? It's because he doesn't want to deal with a sexually inexperienced girl who he KNOWS will become emotionally attached to him after sex. Now he doesn't even want you as a f*** buddy because you're no good to him for that since you're inexperienced. You need to forget about this for your own well being.

 

Sorry but you really need to hear this.

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HeartOfAPhoenix
Oh man ... people are gonna have a field day with this one ...

 

This guy wanted you to be his FWB - this means friends with benefits. He just wants to sleep with you. He is not interested in you as a girlfriend or a person in any shape or form beyond a sexual object. He doesn't care about you in any way whatsoever. He just wants sex and that has all he's wanted from the beginning. You are going to encounter guys like this throughout your dating life and this guy has displayed literally every single sign of what you should be avoiding completely.

 

You don't love him, you have no idea what love is. You need to completely detach from this guy or he is going to make you extremely miserable. He is not into you at all, you're literally a warm hole in his eyes. Him backing off when he found out you were a virgin? It's because he doesn't want to deal with a sexually inexperienced girl who he KNOWS will become emotionally attached to him after sex. Now he doesn't even want you as a f*** buddy because you're no good to him for that since you're inexperienced. You need to forget about this for your own well being.

 

Sorry but you really need to hear this.

 

This.

 

And listen to your dad, delete him from facebook.

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I really can't reiterate how important it is for you to never talk to this guy again, if a stranger on the internet feels this strongly about what is happening to you, you really do need to listen to their advice. I'll even talk to you through message if you need. I'm just telling you this because I have done what that guy has done and I know the horrible effects of that sort of behavior on the person on the receiving end.

 

you are obsessed with him and he doesn't even LIKE you, if you got a boyfriend tomorrow he wouldn't bat an eyelid and would probably be relieved

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Simon Phoenix

Gotta agree with hunk. You didn't blow a chance with this guy because you never had a chance with this guy.

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NoLeafClover

You did good not giving your 1st time with this jerkface. Listen to your dad delete and drop him for good. There are tons of guys in this world that will like you got who you are. My ex ex was 22 and also never had a bf before me, never had a first kiss etc. It took 5 months of sleeping together in the same bed in our college dormitory for sex to happen. If someone wants to be with you they will wait and respect you, find the time for you and be committed to you.

forget about him, you can do better.

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The good thing is you encountered this guy early in your dating career. The bad thing is also that you encountered this guy early in your dating career. Take everybody's (mine included) advice and forget this guy. Hunk nailed it, this guy is just using you for sex. I can't begin to tell you how much better you should expect to be treated, you deserve someone who would never dream of using you like this. And those guys are out there, trust me. Block him on facebook, there's nothing good that will come out of this "relationship". If he REALLY really wanted to have something sincere with you (and he doesn't) then he'll find a way around any block you put up.

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Thank you to everyone who has responded! I appreciate your help very much! :love: The thing that keeps me holding on is the fear that I won't find someone else because I'm a VERY shy girl that doesn't get around much. Plus I'm kind of scared to start dating because I don't want to deal with another guy like him.

 

Last month I've made a conscious decision to ignore him to see what happens. I expected that maybe he'd start messaging me again but that was not the case. Instead, it's like he's taken on a whole new identity. It was almost over night. He used to be a goofy, shy and layed back type of guy but it seems that now he fits the stereotype of a player. He's on facebook posting selfie after selfie of his new haircut and new outfits, bragging about his new high paying job and how he's having sex with women yet he's posting that he's wishing he could find "true love" I KID YOU NOT!) he's adding new prettier girls to his facebook everyday, they look a bit like me but better... he did mention he had a type... I'm not sure he wanted me for sex in the beginning though, he said he just wanted a "cuddle buddy". He did complement me a lot about the way I looked and I liked that because I am very insecure. As for the sex, he wasn't very good at it, and that's coming from a virgin! I basically did all the work while laid there and took it. :lmao:

 

Also Hunk, you mentioned you would be willing to pm me about this, I'd love to have some help from you! I'm new to this site so I don't know how to go about doing that though.

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BlackbirdSong

lol you did yourself a favor by getting rid of this clueless guy. He's just a poser now. Believe me, he's not getting ANY of those girls right now that he keeps adding on Facebook. He's putting up a fake front to make you feel bad and to prop up his ego, but it's not real. He's most likely really hurting, lonely, and sad. You're going to be okay.

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Wopwednesday

this guy sounds like a complete douche who's only contacting you to get some attention if you know what I mean. At first he was gung ho about being with you, but after you pretty much expressed that you weren't ready for sex that soon, he bailed. I can't say for certain that that's what always he was after but suddenly falling of the face of the earth afterwards was very suspect and telling in my opinion.

 

As for him hitting you up all of his a sudden is himself just parading around for attention. he sounds like a complete tool and a poser and you will be hurt if you choose to go to him. Please stay away. You're a young girl and from the post, a great girl at that and you want to be with a guy that means something and not some washed up player trying to work his mojo online lol. Stay up and block this loser.

 

answer mine please that would be great http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/523590-i-ve-broken-up-gf-i-m-completely-depressed-alone-dejected

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Hey bat, I've tried PMing you but you need to go into "user control" and "enable private messages". Just look in the FAQ. If this doesn't work then it's because you're a new member and you can't access them yet. I'm not too sure what happens with that, i can't remember.

 

But yeah this guy is the epitome of loser. Posting selfies and talking about sex with girls publicly on facebook, and that he's looking for love? jesus christ I dunno how girls even become attracted to these idiots it's kind of hilarious :lmao::lmao::lmao: This "guy" would get his head kicked in if he was in my neck of the woods. You will realize how pathetic and embarrassing this kid is in a few years when you've got some experience under your belt and you've met more people and strengthened your self worth and esteem.

 

You won't have to deal with another guy like him because you now know what to look out for and avoid. These guys are literally boys, they're the worst people you can meet in terms of friendships and partners. I know so many people like this and they are just painful to be around, they reek so badly of insecurity it's sad.

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Hunk, I've tried to enable private messages but it won't let me because I'm a new user. Is there any other way I can get into contact with you?

 

BlackbirdSong, I'm not sure he's putting up a front anymore. Most of these girls are interacting with him and some are "liking" his posts about sex!!! :( This is driving me crazy! I've unfollowed him. I haven't blocked him yet... I have a feeling his life is actually great while mine isn't...

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Hunk, I've tried to enable private messages but it won't let me because I'm a new user. Is there any other way I can get into contact with you?

 

BlackbirdSong, I'm not sure he's putting up a front anymore. Most of these girls are interacting with him and some are "liking" his posts about sex!!! :( This is driving me crazy! I've unfollowed him. I haven't blocked him yet... I have a feeling his life is actually great while mine isn't...

 

When you say things like your last sentence it in no way helps you understand your hurt or let you progress away from the pain. His life isn't great? Do you know why? Because he has so many issues his only way to deal with them is cover it up with a front and pretend it's all good. You are hurting and it's okay to think it's just you who hurts, but take reprieve in knowing all of us are here because at one time we were hurting too. A lot of us still are, but each day is a new adventure and when you move on and become happy again you'll look back and wonder why some dumb bastard who never deserved you hurt so bad.

 

Your story is sad, and I'm glad you came to LS for help. If you want my honest advice and opinion, drop this guy. He treated you like an option and not a priority. Not to mention, who wants to be with some who is bad in the bedroom? Go out and find yourself, it's extremely important to love yourself first if you want someone to love you the way you expect them to.

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Thank you again for all the great advice. I've been giving this some thought for over a month now and I've finally made the decision to unfriend and block him. He's gone. I feel good about this decision. I think if I stayed friends with him a day longer it wouldve just added more pain and suffering upon the heartbreak he had already caused. He's wreaked enough havoc in my life, I've waited long enough, now it's time for me to be happy and live for myself.

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Thank you again for all the great advice. I've been giving this some thought for over a month now and I've finally made the decision to unfriend and block him. He's gone. I feel good about this decision. I think if I stayed friends with him a day longer it wouldve just added more pain and suffering upon the heartbreak he had already caused. He's wreaked enough havoc in my life, I've waited long enough, now it's time for me to be happy and live for myself.

 

Glad to hear this! Stay strong and if you need to talk were here, also if you are tempted to contact him, express yourself here first so we can talk you out of it. Haha! Good luck! And welcome to the rest of your life!

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I blocked him from facebook 2 nights ago and I feel I may have made this decision to early.

You see, my friends want to go out to a karaoke bar tonight. The first time I went out with friends to this karaoke place I posted a picture of me there with my friends the day afterward. He saw a picture of me there and he commented saying "Where is this? Hit me up, yo :)" I messaged him back over fb telling him where the place was. He then said "Oh, down by the university? I live 5 houses away from there haha." I didn't want to seem eager to meet up with him or ask him what his address was so I said "You should go. We have a lot of fun there!" and he didn't respond after that.

 

My plan was to contact him before my friends went out tonight and ask if he wanted to join us this time but I thought they had cancelled plans, so I thought "I won't be going anyway, so I'll just block him"

 

Did I make the right decision? I still have his phone number but he doesn't have mine... I want to contact him SO BADLY right now :(

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Why do you want to contact him? Honestly, why? Ask yourself this please. This is the outcome of you contacting him.

 

1. You contact him

2. He responds like a douchebag, trying to sound cool and come off aloof because he knows it's messing with you and he's basically just using you to brush up his game because he's a complete loser who would get literally laughed at by any woman with half a brain if he approached her. He then ignores you

3. Somehow the conversation continues and you end up meeting up (this is only because he's horny and the girl he's actually interested in has figured out he's a complete embarrassment and dropped him)

4. He tells you how much he's missed you and that you and him had something special (basically tells you everything you want to hear right now, which is all complete 100% lies) and you'll turn into a drooling retard and do whatever he says

5. He'll keep doing this until you are convinced he likes you so you sleep with him and then he'll vanish

 

My money is on you not even getting past number 1. Please just forget this. Everytime you feel like you do now, post here and i'll smack some sense into you

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Don't contact him! You're thinking way too much about this guy who isn't sparing any thoughts for you. I mean, come on...how interested in you can he be, if he doesn't even have your phone number? He disrespected you and used you for sex. Time to show some self-respect and not accept that kind of "relationship" from anyone. You deserve much, much better.

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In my younger years i behaved like this guy - not to the cringeworthy douchebag extent he acts though, just in the way I kind of "used" girls. I did it very discretely though. Anyway I can, off the top of my head, count about 6 girls who I did what this guy is doing to you to. I didn't respect any of them and I literally did exactly what this guy is doing - the random hot and cold, the dangling of the carrot when he feels like you've forgotten/moving on etc. I would hit them up when I was bored or lonely. That was the only time. Funnily enough, the ones that caught on to this and completely cut me off/ignored me (still do) actually affected me and made me question my behavior (they all wanted relationships, and stuck to their guns when they realized what i was doing). The ones who didn't, I just had a field day with and would call them sporadically for about 2 years while I was alone and needed to be with a girl. I ignored them completely after I got what i wanted and was unable to respect them at all. So yeah there's some food for thought.

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Remind me why I shoudnt ask him to come to karaoke with my friends again? My Dad is telling me this whole situation between me and him could be a huge misunderstanding. After all, I did leave him after we had sex the second time after he practically begged me to stay with him. I even ignored a few of his texts when we were going out. I was late to almost every date too. I'm not innocent here. Maybe he thought I didn't like him?

 

My Dad want's me to call him and have a real conversation but I think I'll just text. After all, he only lives 5 houses down from the place. I'm about to contact him right now. Please give me a VERY good reason why I shouldn't. Because I need to see him. I want to see him.

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HeartOfAPhoenix
Remind me why I shoudnt ask him to come to karaoke with my friends again? My Dad is telling me this whole situation between me and him could be a huge misunderstanding. After all, I did leave him after we had sex the second time after he practically begged me to stay with him. I even ignored a few of his texts when we were going out. I was late to almost every date too. I'm not innocent here. Maybe he thought I didn't like him?

 

My Dad want's me to call him and have a real conversation but I think I'll just text. After all, he only lives 5 houses down from the place. I'm about to contact him right now. Please give me a VERY good reason why I shouldn't. Because I need to see him. I want to see him.

 

 

 

Go for it. Learn the hard way. See you in a couple months.

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Right.. I need to ask myself why I showed up late and didn't reply to his texts all the time in the first place, he couldn't have been that great if I was willing to leave him that night, right? I'm just lonely I think, and I miss the memories.

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HeartOfAPhoenix
Right.. I need to ask myself why I showed up late and didn't reply to his texts all the time in the first place, he couldn't have been that great if I was willing to leave him that night, right? I'm just lonely I think, and I miss the memories.

 

 

Exactly. find someone better worth your time and energy.

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My dad thinks I should call him to have a one on one conversation though because he thinks the whole thing could be a misunderstanding between me and him, but he was the person who told me to block him in the first place. What are your thoughts on this?

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