smellysocksuni Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 What methods have you used for finally 'letting go' of an ex? I find myself still a bit hung up on my ex, but hopefully it will die down. Link to post Share on other sites
Ifonlyihadknown Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Don,t know any methods for letting go socks. I've just brought some beers, put a cd on and lit the fire. I,m as lost as you are buddy I,m afraid! Sucks big time doesn,t it... Hopefully the booze wil kick in soon and I,ll pass out... You could try a meditation class, I have tried it a couple of times and it can help a lot of peeps. She,s bad for you socks, mine was bad for me. We got played dude!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I get a kick out of breaking NC many a time, and thus beating a dead horse until it's atoms are split. There's no room for the whole "well what if" at that point lol 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Don,t know any methods for letting go socks. I've just brought some beers, put a cd on and lit the fire. I,m as lost as you are buddy I,m afraid! Sucks big time doesn,t it... Hopefully the booze wil kick in soon and I,ll pass out... You could try a meditation class, I have tried it a couple of times and it can help a lot of peeps. She,s bad for you socks, mine was bad for me. We got played dude!!! We did get played...!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I get a kick out of breaking NC many a time, and thus beating a dead horse until it's atoms are split. There's no room for the whole "well what if" at that point lol Christ, don't think I'd be strong enough for that one! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Christ, don't think I'd be strong enough for that one! It takes practice. I find it humorous. Screw having any doubt. I'm gonna whoop that trick until I know I'm back leading my empire. I am hungry though, I want a cookie. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ifonlyihadknown Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 We did get played...!! Big time mate! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ApexTitanium Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I have the same issue.....just can't move on. Keep trying....keep getting put out. She keeps saying "I'll never shut you out of my life, I'd never want you to leave completely" ....she's doing a good job at not showing that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J007 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I watch a good film involving an 'Alpha male' James Bond , Gerard Butler or Jason Statham and I put myself in there body and brain and think ... What would they do ? Would they be hung up ? F*** no !! They would be moving on , they would be improving themselves to the extent that there would be women queueing up to date them ! Fight Club is a great film to watch aswell . Brad Pitt in that film is the epitome of Alpha male . I downloaded all the quotes online and listen to it 100 times before bed . Its worked for me . I just imagine myself in these peoples shoes . What would they do in our shoes ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 What methods have you used for finally 'letting go' of an ex? I find myself still a bit hung up on my ex, but hopefully it will die down. NO CONTACT That's the only method you need. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author smellysocksuni Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 NO CONTACT That's the only method you need. It doesn't feel like it's working :| Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 For me, it happened in two ways: In both cases, I did everything that is preached here. NC, work on yourself, get distracted, have fun, date girls, etc. I did it all 1) The 2nd one, I woke up indifferent one day. I fell out of love. I had never known what that actually felt like. I just achieved it, but it snuck up on me. Other than above, I didn't really "do" anything to get there. 2) The first one was different. I never became indifferent. It would be more accurately described as getting used to the idea. Not thinking about it everyday, or even often at all. The loss had no power over me, but I still felt loss whenever I walked through the memories. I could think of her having sex with some other guy, it didn't really bother me anymore. But it's hard for me to say that I let go, even though I think I must have. The important thing to note is that neither way was within my control. I didn't decide to become indifferent that day, nor did I decide that it wasn't going to bother me anymore. I'd have to say that these things just happened to me one day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if LS could actually hold people back from progressing. Not to say there's bad advice here but sometimes logging on it just a reminder of the failed relationship. I'm 100% over my ex's and come on here to help others (though I can be blunt at times). Sometimes you gotta shut the computer down and get out and enjoy life. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 There aren't any really, I'm still a bit hung up on my ex. I always hear of people saying they have that one person you just never completely let go...maybe my ex is it? Just keep NC and be as busy as you possibly can, I always find when I'm busy, surrounded by others while laughing and joking, my mind doesn't wander and she doesn't really enter it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nolan 93 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if LS could actually hold people back from progressing. Not to say there's bad advice here but sometimes logging on it just a reminder of the failed relationship. I'm 100% over my ex's and come on here to help others (though I can be blunt at times). Sometimes you gotta shut the computer down and get out and enjoy life. I was thinking the same thing earlier today when I was at work haha Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if LS could actually hold people back from progressing. Not to say there's bad advice here but sometimes logging on it just a reminder of the failed relationship. I'm 100% over my ex's and come on here to help others (though I can be blunt at times). Sometimes you gotta shut the computer down and get out and enjoy life. Yeah I agree with this too, there are great people on this site but there's also so much talk about failed relationships etc. Spending hours on here reading stories about people's lives falling apart doesn't really help you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Sometimes I wonder if LS could actually hold people back from progressing. Not to say there's bad advice here but sometimes logging on it just a reminder of the failed relationship. I'm 100% over my ex's and come on here to help others (though I can be blunt at times). Sometimes you gotta shut the computer down and get out and enjoy life. You know, that's a great point. I used to write letters to the first one, longhand. I must have written a couple hundred. I never sent them, but they were a way to talk to her during NC, and they helped me see myself through her eyes. Gave me some ideas to work on myself. But at some point, I felt like they were counterproductive, like I was dwelling too much. I remember I wrote my final letter to her, and I was still in pain, but I was honest as could be. I put that letter in my HS yearbook, on the page she wrote me. Just went down and checked. It's still there. After that, I stopped dwelling and started living, and things got better real fast. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You have to set them free: "I release you to live your life the way you want to. You're free. I'm not holding you." You don't say that out loud. You say it on the inside. You have to mean it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You know, that's a great point. I used to write letters to the first one, longhand. I must have written a couple hundred. I never sent them, but they were a way to talk to her during NC, and they helped me see myself through her eyes. Gave me some ideas to work on myself. But at some point, I felt like they were counterproductive, like I was dwelling too much. I remember I wrote my final letter to her, and I was still in pain, but I was honest as could be. I put that letter in my HS yearbook, on the page she wrote me. Just went down and checked. It's still there. After that, I stopped dwelling and started living, and things got better real fast. I see all these threads that go 10+ pages and really it's just rehashing the same thing over and over. I understand if you need to vent but at some point you just have to get a hold of yourself and really get out there and improve yourself. If you are spending the whole day on here reading threads and updating yours, when are you improving yourself so you can move forward? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 No Contact is the mother of all healing, trust me. The second closest relative is dating / keeping busy with mates / gym / School / work. Ideally get busy with thing that you are truly passionate about - sports or hobby or smth. The first 60 days suck big time - especially between day 15 and 45. Aches like hell. But each little day of NC, ever moment, ever minute is gained and is bringing you closer to the final healing / letting go. Discipline & will. Everything passes. Everything. So it's do-able. so you can do it. But you can do it the easy way or the tough way. Basically, every time you break NC, you're back at square one and you have to go through the same sh*t all over again. Every little time. I got scared about how much I was hurting and that was the only thing that helped me keep NC. The fear of going through this hurt all over again, but intensified. It scared the hell out of me. Best of luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I see all these threads that go 10+ pages and really it's just rehashing the same thing over and over. I understand if you need to vent but at some point you just have to get a hold of yourself and really get out there and improve yourself. If you are spending the whole day on here reading threads and updating yours, when are you improving yourself so you can move forward? Who makes 10+ page threads rehashing the same thing over and over? also, I don't think there are any tips for letting go that you haven't read already. Eventually you just accept that it is over. Time and being active in your healing seem to be the only things that get you over this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Who makes 10+ page threads rehashing the same thing over and over? also, I don't think there are any tips for letting go that you haven't read already. Eventually you just accept that it is over. Time and being active in your healing seem to be the only things that get you over this. Haha na, don't worry I've been here since 2008 and the good news is almost all those who have had pages on pages of rehashing have all pulled through and have gotten on with their lives. Just takes longer for some but I think at some point a lot of those folks just realized that maybe getting off the damn PC and doing something will be more productive to make progress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ballycastle Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 No Contact is the mother of all healing, trust me. The second closest relative is dating / keeping busy with mates / gym / School / work. Ideally get busy with thing that you are truly passionate about - sports or hobby or smth. The first 60 days suck big time - especially between day 15 and 45. Aches like hell. But each little day of NC, ever moment, ever minute is gained and is bringing you closer to the final healing / letting go. Discipline & will. Everything passes. Everything. So it's do-able. so you can do it. But you can do it the easy way or the tough way. Basically, every time you break NC, you're back at square one and you have to go through the same sh*t all over again. Every little time. I got scared about how much I was hurting and that was the only thing that helped me keep NC. The fear of going through this hurt all over again, but intensified. It scared the hell out of me. Best of luck 60 days NC? How about almost a year and no better? How about therapy that doesn't work? How about joining the gym, writing, socialising doing all the things that are meant to help you recover and you still are heartbroken with a sense this is it? I will never recover. What then? Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 All, I wish there was a magic formula for this but there isn't. The problem with most break-ups is that they are never bilateral. Two people don't suddenly decide at the same time that they want to split up. Usually one person checked out of the relationship months beforehand (without informing the other party) or, they weren't that invested in it anyway. So in terms of healing, they are way ahead. So when things come to a head and the breakup occurs the person "in the dark" in totally blindsided. It's a lousy place to be, but many of us have been there and survived. NC is the way to go and although it sounds trite the expression "time is a great healer" is very true. Link to post Share on other sites
totenkopf Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I get a kick out of breaking NC many a time, and thus beating a dead horse until it's atoms are split. There's no room for the whole "well what if" at that point lol I love your posts man you are great! Link to post Share on other sites
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