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The GIGS epidemic among young women


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I'm turning 29 this year. About 1.5 years ago, my girlfriend of 7 years left me for another guy. Suddenly she started acting like a teenger again. Well, she started acting like the "cool" girls acted when they were teenagers.

 

Now comes the interesting part: I was looking up old classmates on Facebook the other day. Most of the "cool" girls seem to have settled down. They have normal jobs, huspends and kids. But... MANY of the girls who were usually have quiet in high-school, have done the 180! It's insane... They are out clubbing, wearing mini skirts and hanging out with guys that look like criminals. Some have undergone plastic surgery. Some seem to work as strippers.

 

I just don't get this. These were the mature girls who were supposed to have great careers. And suddenly, when they're almost 30, they act like as if they were in high-school! They looked down at this behaviour 15 years ago, and now they brag about it everyday on Facebook?

 

Somehow I believe that this is social medias fault. They get some kind of revenge by looking top notch and hanging out with cool people, while the old high-school bullies have gotten fat and boring. This is what I call the GIGS epidemic.

 

The sad part is guys like me, went for the smart girls because we didn't enjoy this kind of life style. And then after 5-10 years, when we feel safe, the smart girls turn into shallow teenagers!

 

I really believe in GIGS now. It's obvious that these women feel that they have been missing out on something. Soon they won't be as attractive anymore and won't get away with this kind of lifestyle, so they have to take every opportunity they can to do all the crazy stuff and get all the attention they can get.

 

Anyway, this is something I have witnessed among my old friends. Do you recognise the pattern of shy girls turning into party girls between 25 and 30? Do you think these women have changed for good or will they eventually wake up and return to their old selves?

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Strength in Healing

It isn't just women. Guys have GIGS plenty.

 

As for whether shy girls turn to party ones... sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Haven't came across any studies yet in my Psy.D on this, but I could see a potential connection. By no means does it mean it is probable though.

 

Let her go though, sounds trashy. Don't look back.

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ExpatInItaly

I think you're making an awful lot of assumptions based on some Facebook posts, and projecting your unhappiness with your ex's choices on to people you (unassumingly) haven't spoken much to for the past decade.

 

PS: Men do this too.

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This isn't even about my ex. It's just astounding to witness how the girls with top grades who had dreams of becoming doctors/lawyers/engineers, suddenly work as bartenders in Thailand or party in Hollywood.

 

The thing that surprises me is that this seemed to happen a just a few years ago, after they turned 25. I've talked to several of my female friends about this, and many of them stated that it was a really big deal to turn 25. My feeling is that this is something rather new. Of course I've heard the stories about 50 year old dudes buying sport cars and stuff, but I've never heard of smart, educated girls who suddenly start to act like strippers at the age of 29.

 

I'm not even upset about this, because some of them have become incredibly good looking. I'm just fascinated and wanted to hear about your experiences.

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Jimmyjackson

You're making the assumption that being a party girl is immoral. One can party and still "be their old self"

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Well, can't say anything for other women, but I'm a 25 year old woman who's never gotten gigs, has always been more on the calm and mature side, turning 25 was totally meaningless to me, and I'm definitely not a partier or some kind of slut.... so.... *shrug*

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Strength in Healing
Well, can't say anything for other women, but I'm a 25 year old woman who's never gotten gigs, has always been more on the calm and mature side, turning 25 was totally meaningless to me, and I'm definitely not a partier or some kind of slut.... so.... *shrug*

 

 

*In Joey Voice*

 

How YOU doin'?

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PinkElephants

I think you're oversimplifying something rather complicated. People change for tons of reasons and GIGS is a convenient cop out.

 

Some women bullied for being unattractive in high school are determined to prove their sexuality and become strippers. Some cheerleaders realize they're nothing when high school is over and life disappoints them. Some settle down young, have kids, never experience independence and then hit 30 and realize they've never lived so out come the mini skirts. People do things for multitudes of complex reasons and for you to have expected that they'd stay on the same trajectory they were on in high school is unreasonable.

 

Personally, I'd suspect your girlfriend's behavior has more to do with spending her 20's, her years of exploration and experimentation, with one guy. She got out while she still had time to play and is possibly saving herself from a mid-life crisis later on. I could be wrong but it doesn't matter. The point is she left 1.5 years ago and you're still trying to explain her behavior. All you can do is make sure you discuss your plans and intentions with the next girl instead of making assumptions based on whether she held books or pompoms 10 years ago.

 

For the record, I was a nerd who hung out with the goth kids. People probably thought I'd wind up delivering pizzas for a living. Then, bam, curves hit at 18; I went Miley Cyrus wild with my new Kim K body til 21. Got multiple degrees, traveled, moved and am now settled in a career with a highly satisfying relationship and no regrets. My high school life was absolutely not a predictor of who I'd wind up being.

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Simon Phoenix
You're making the assumption that being a party girl is immoral. One can party and still "be their old self"

 

Right, there's a lot of judgement going on in this thread.

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I'm turning 29 this year. About 1.5 years ago, my girlfriend of 7 years left me for another guy. Suddenly she started acting like a teenger again. Well, she started acting like the "cool" girls acted when they were teenagers.

 

Now comes the interesting part: I was looking up old classmates on Facebook the other day. Most of the "cool" girls seem to have settled down. They have normal jobs, huspends and kids. But... MANY of the girls who were usually have quiet in high-school, have done the 180! It's insane... They are out clubbing, wearing mini skirts and hanging out with guys that look like criminals. Some have undergone plastic surgery. Some seem to work as strippers.

 

I just don't get this. These were the mature girls who were supposed to have great careers. And suddenly, when they're almost 30, they act like as if they were in high-school! They looked down at this behaviour 15 years ago, and now they brag about it everyday on Facebook?

 

Somehow I believe that this is social medias fault. They get some kind of revenge by looking top notch and hanging out with cool people, while the old high-school bullies have gotten fat and boring. This is what I call the GIGS epidemic.

 

The sad part is guys like me, went for the smart girls because we didn't enjoy this kind of life style. And then after 5-10 years, when we feel safe, the smart girls turn into shallow teenagers!

 

I really believe in GIGS now. It's obvious that these women feel that they have been missing out on something. Soon they won't be as attractive anymore and won't get away with this kind of lifestyle, so they have to take every opportunity they can to do all the crazy stuff and get all the attention they can get.

 

Anyway, this is something I have witnessed among my old friends. Do you recognise the pattern of shy girls turning into party girls between 25 and 30? Do you think these women have changed for good or will they eventually wake up and return to their old selves?

 

Yes!!! It is totally social media's fault! The problem is, it is not going away, and therefore we all must figure out ways to work around this, in order to be in fulfilling relationships despite the tide of (?)

 

Also, I feel that if a woman has a strong base, she may temporarily do these things, but then come back to her true self.

 

However, many will become entrenched in this, and never come out.

 

Its my suggestion to you to leave those women behind, and continue to seek solid women who remain true to themselves.

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This isn't even about my ex. It's just astounding to witness how the girls with top grades who had dreams of becoming doctors/lawyers/engineers, suddenly work as bartenders in Thailand or party in Hollywood.

 

The thing that surprises me is that this seemed to happen a just a few years ago, after they turned 25. I've talked to several of my female friends about this, and many of them stated that it was a really big deal to turn 25. My feeling is that this is something rather new. Of course I've heard the stories about 50 year old dudes buying sport cars and stuff, but I've never heard of smart, educated girls who suddenly start to act like strippers at the age of 29.

 

I'm not even upset about this, because some of them have become incredibly good looking. I'm just fascinated and wanted to hear about your experiences.

 

 

Thank you for this post.

 

I need to know about these trends.

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First of all, I'm just sharing my observations. I'm not saying that I'm right or that it only applies to women. And that was never my intention.

 

My theory is that social media has changed the way young people measure success. You may be the best doctor there is, but you still won't get as many "likes" as the ones who is hanging out with the right people. I have this feeling that showing up at the class reunion and saying "I became doctor! I'm married and have three kids" doesn't really work anymore.

 

I can tell that even adults (mostly females, but again, just my observation) who joke about how stupid Facebook and Instagram is, obsess over the number of likes, friends and followers they get.

 

Most people want to appear successful and my feeling is that having a good partner, a decent job and a nice home isn't enough anymore. Because as soon as you logon to Facebook, you'll be reminded that someone else is doing something more flashy than you are. So my theory is that the high achievers with the top grades probably worked hard to become successful, but since success is measured differently now, they adapted.

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You're taking an incredibly small population of women (a majority of which you don't know personally) from ONE high school... and titling this thread "Gigs EPIDEMIC among young women".

 

Hmmm.....

 

Regardless, we all change and grow from the kids we were in high school. Some people it's drastic changes, some people change very little, and some people will change years and years down the line. "GIGS" is not an epidemic among anyone in particular. It strikes a person when they are dissatisfied/bored with their life and need to move on, or it can happen when someone takes for granted what they have.

 

It makes sense that some young people are more susceptible because the world is full of possibilities when we are young. Careers, lovers, places to live... However our choices are impacted by our experiences. The once shy girl in high school may have gotten her heart broken one too many times to want to settle down and instead experience the party life for a bit. The super popular cheerleader girl in school who had all the guys chasing after her may have finally found a career that rewarded her mind/intellect that no one ever seemed to notice and she seemingly lives the uneventful life now. Personally I was the nerdy unattractive girl who was probably destined to be a spinster in many of my classmates eyes. Who knew that me going to college and landing an exciting job gave me the confidence to build myself up and find love. Unless you know a person's story you can't really say they just got the "Grass is greener" syndrome and bailed on all their life's plans.

 

*In regards to your last post since I was addressing your original questions. YES Social media has totally warped our ways of communicating. Social media can be a great thing, or an annoyingly terrible habit among people. Those that obsess about how they are perceived by a bunch of strangers on the internet have deeply seeded confidence issues to say the least. Those who measure their own success by what others choose to post need to get a life of their own and quit worrying about who's doing better than them on Facebook. Social media can breed so much insecurity and worry over nothing... it's disturbing.

Edited by Dybbuk
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Karin2rinkashi

You guys are tearing this thread apart!

 

Some of you probably didn't even read the whole thing and your feminist side kicked in and you just wrote the reply. Others just decided to refute everything he said and then tried to project your own thoughts on his post

 

An epidemic can still be a correct term even if he is only talking about his HS girls. Epidemic doesn't have to be worldwide. Secondly, from HIS high school class, he noticed that this was a trend. ANY study in the world is usually done on a small population of people.... HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A STUDY DONE ON 7 BILLION PEOPLE?

 

And he didn't call any of them above women "sluts" or "crazy party animals" or "GIGS type" So i don't know why women here are starting to get so defensive....

 

And YES, men also have GIGS, but why the hell would he talk about men? His problem is women not men....

 

Get a grip!

 

The post wasn't as bad as some of the defensive comments made it after a while..

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Karin2rinkashi: You're the one that got a little defensive. Did you think this was a forum where everyone sits around and agrees with each other? He asked for people's thoughts and he got them. I don't think anyone has greatly misconstrued his posts... the way he presented it could probably be altered and clarified a little better if it's not communicating what he intended based on the replies.

 

ep·i·dem·ic

ˌepəˈdemik/

noun

1.

a widespread occurrence of an infectious disease in a community at a particular time.

 

There aren't studies on 7 billion people no, but any study done on a small population of women from one area doesn't automatically qualify as a valid assessment of young women everywhere. Just saying.

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LS really helped me when I hit rock bottom, I think this thread was a mistake. My intentions were not to offend anyone. I just wanted to share my -very subjective- personal experience, because I was interested in hearing your opinions. I chose the word "epidemic" because I have a feeling that the 180 is more common today than 20 years ago. But again, my intentions were never to offend anyone.

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Karin2rinkashi
Karin2rinkashi: You're the one that got a little defensive. Did you think this was a forum where everyone sits around and agrees with each other? He asked for people's thoughts and he got them. I don't think anyone has greatly misconstrued his posts... the way he presented it could probably be altered and clarified a little better if it's not communicating what he intended based on the replies.

 

ep·i·dem·ic

ˌepəˈdemik/

noun

1.

a widespread occurrence of an infectious disease in a community at a particular time.

 

There aren't studies on 7 billion people no, but any study done on a small population of women from one area doesn't automatically qualify as a valid assessment of young women everywhere. Just saying.

 

Yes, i came to his defense!

 

Because i thought that it was unfair for everyone to criticize what he asked rather than give their opinion on his observation.... And you are right, not everyone has to agree with anyone else on this forum. And so, i disagree with ALL of you...

 

And, he didn't project his feelings on women EVERYWHERE.... Show me where he says that women EVERYWHERE suit his observations?

 

So no offense mate...

 

Cheers!

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seminoles84

Well this escalated quickly but figured it would based on the title alone.

 

OP I get what you were saying haha.

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Anyway, this is something I have witnessed among my old friends. Do you recognise the pattern of shy girls turning into party girls between 25 and 30? Do you think these women have changed for good or will they eventually wake up and return to their old selves?

 

Your gf turned into a "shallow teenager", because for years with you, no marriage, no kids, no progression of the relationship, she most likely felt at the end she was sad and boring, and now wants to be young again and have a life.

As a shy girl and an "attached" girl she probably now feels she missed out.

 

As you are finding out is not an uncommon occurrence and no doubt many of the guys in your year who find themselves young free and single again are doing the same. They are also "making fools of themselves" like teenagers, clubbing and hooking up with women, often much younger.

I doubt it has anything really to do with social media, but social media perhaps makes it more obvious.

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GoodOnPaper
The sad part is guys like me, went for the smart girls because we didn't enjoy this kind of life style. And then after 5-10 years, when we feel safe, the smart girls turn into shallow teenagers!

 

I really believe in GIGS now. It's obvious that these women feel that they have been missing out on something.

 

This kind of thing has been happening for a long, long time -- my single life played out similarly and that was back in the '80s and '90s. Girls always dumped me because they had options while I didn't. They always seemed to be seeking "opposites-attract" hookups and relationships -- the most intent on this were the women in my science Ph.D. program when I was in graduate school.

 

Being relationship-minded as a young man is very difficult and factors of timing, location, and just plain bad luck can make it worse. You can't rely that a woman's romantic tastes will match the persona she presents to the world at large and that's a very frustrating lesson to learn.

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I think elaine567 has hit the nail on the head on both counts.

 

GF looked at her life, and decided that one guy during her youth was a mistake. No offense, OP, you'd have had to be a superman to dodge that bullet, and even then, there's an irresistible allure to the prospect of variety and the unknown.

 

20 years ago, you lost touch with people who up and left. There was no way to know when someone changed their life. Now, on SM, they brag about the good stuff, glorify the mundane and hide the bad things. I think that everybody gets a little sick of whatever path they've been on from 18 -25, but it's only the really brave ones who strike out and do something different about it. Today, you're going to be able to watch this as it unfolds.

 

In a couple of years, there will be another epiphany about the suitability of "criminals" for a long partnership, and those guys will get left behind too. The 28 year old bartender in Thailand will feel like she's wasting her life; not that she's not grateful for the experience, but that it's time to move on and start the next phase of life.

 

In my opinion. the people who have lived boldly, that have tried different things are the most stable in the long run, because they will have gotten it out of their system. They won't hit 40 and wonder what X would be like, or feel sudden regret for things undone. It is easy for you to look at people and get the impression that they've changed permanently, but this is unlikely. You have certain choices when you're young that dry up as you get older, and I think women at 25 start to feel the calendar closing in on them, and this becomes much more real to them than it does to men at that age. At 25, it's now or never for many women, and it is no surprise that they choose NOW!

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The bigger problem seems to lie in the fact that it's easier to cheat with cell-phones, e-mail, etc. You're just in contact easier with everyone and it's not that hard to hide. All we see on television is people cheating, affairs, no respect for relationships, just a constant fluctuation of partners and it's lead to this "grass-is-greener" philosophy that as soon as some guy the girl likes shows interest in her, she needs to see what it is and abandons something great for the possibility of something being better.. I.E. the Honeymoon phase, then once it dies, rinse and repeat.

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Karin2rinkashi

In a way, it is such a pity that people go through this. I almost feel sad for them for going through something like "GIGS" at a later age. Now, before i get bombarded, i am not saying that people should not try to be happy in every way possible. But, when people like this GF of his, they go through "GIGS" at that age, they usually end up giving up all they built and all they had to have another life. A life that they "missed out" on and they want to feel young again.

 

You see, there is not a better teacher for ALL of us than the people who are already going through life around us. What i am trying to say is, go to sites like e-harmony, match, yadiyadamingle.com..... You will see people in their early 40s and late 30s, knocking their heads against the computer screen. They are going on dates, they are experimenting one person after another, they are throwing away money just to fine THAT ONE RELIABLE/COMPATIBLE person who would go the rest of the way with them. I mean, these are living and breathing example around us. Most of them regret letting go of that ONE person they actually did meet. But they let go off them for that ONE career move, or that ONE extra year of partying they wanted to do, or that ONE extra "bad boy/girl" they wanted to try out.... And they let go of that one person in the blink of an eye because, HELL, world is HUGE right. 7 Billion people! must be one more like "the one i let go"

 

But guess what, there might not be that ONE in your future again... and even if there is that ONE, he/she might not see you as their ONE....

 

 

The point being..... be grateful! if you have found the one who is loyal, the one who is committed, the one who is loving, the one who is reliable.... be grateful!

 

They are tough to find....

 

Don't be one of those 40-somethings in 10-20 years.....

 

You can fix trust issues, you can fix stagnant relationships, you can fix communication problems, you can fix any problem... ONLY IF YOU WANT TO!

 

Keeping domestic violence and serious problems out of this, i think failure should not be an option.....

 

But that is just how i see relationships as..... Yes, this is a BIG world, but trust me, it gets real small real quick when right people leave your life or you throw them away...

 

Be grateful! :)

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Simon Phoenix
In a way, it is such a pity that people go through this. I almost feel sad for them for going through something like "GIGS" at a later age. Now, before i get bombarded, i am not saying that people should not try to be happy in every way possible. But, when people like this GF of his, they go through "GIGS" at that age, they usually end up giving up all they built and all they had to have another life. A life that they "missed out" on and they want to feel young again.

 

You see, there is not a better teacher for ALL of us than the people who are already going through life around us. What i am trying to say is, go to sites like e-harmony, match, yadiyadamingle.com..... You will see people in their early 40s and late 30s, knocking their heads against the computer screen. They are going on dates, they are experimenting one person after another, they are throwing away money just to fine THAT ONE RELIABLE/COMPATIBLE person who would go the rest of the way with them. I mean, these are living and breathing example around us. Most of them regret letting go of that ONE person they actually did meet. But they let go off them for that ONE career move, or that ONE extra year of partying they wanted to do, or that ONE extra "bad boy/girl" they wanted to try out.... And they let go of that one person in the blink of an eye because, HELL, world is HUGE right. 7 Billion people! must be one more like "the one i let go"

 

But guess what, there might not be that ONE in your future again... and even if there is that ONE, he/she might not see you as their ONE....

 

 

The point being..... be grateful! if you have found the one who is loyal, the one who is committed, the one who is loving, the one who is reliable.... be grateful!

 

They are tough to find....

 

Don't be one of those 40-somethings in 10-20 years.....

 

You can fix trust issues, you can fix stagnant relationships, you can fix communication problems, you can fix any problem... ONLY IF YOU WANT TO!

 

Keeping domestic violence and serious problems out of this, i think failure should not be an option.....

 

But that is just how i see relationships as..... Yes, this is a BIG world, but trust me, it gets real small real quick when right people leave your life or you throw them away...

 

Be grateful! :)

 

So people should just settle for something/someone they are dissatisfied with because the "one" might not exist? What's wrong with being in your late 30s/early 40s being single and living life if that's what you want to do? I don't see why someone being single means that they have to "give everything up". They don't necessarily think they are giving anything up, they are living life. They haven't changed, they've broadened their horizons.

 

If they don't want to work on a relationship, they don't have to.

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In a way, it is such a pity that people go through this. I almost feel sad for them for going through something like "GIGS" at a later age. Now, before i get bombarded, i am not saying that people should not try to be happy in every way possible. But, when people like this GF of his, they go through "GIGS" at that age, they usually end up giving up all they built and all they had to have another life. A life that they "missed out" on and they want to feel young again.

 

She's 26!!!

Life ends at 26!!!

So she should stick with some dead end relationship, because she is too old to find anything else better...

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