sazz8888 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hi Im a muslim female and my boyfriend is hindu. When we got together we didnt even mention our religious differences as we were having a bit of fun. However its now been a year and we are in love. Iv been brought up in a muslim family and my parents want me to marry a muslim man. I myself dont practice. I drink, dress as i please etc. My boyfriend is hindu and has a connection with his religion. We have told our parents as we want to be together but there is strong disapproval from both sides. My boyfriend wants to raise his children as hindu and i think i would be ok with this as i am not religious. However my parents would be deeply hurt if i left islam. It has put huge strain on us and we have been crying non stop as neither of us has the strength to end our relationship. I love him so much. We want to be together but are afraid because our families will cause drama and might not get on in the future. We say we are willing to fight this but it means me compromising more by turning towards hinduism. My parents would be so hurt His parents are also against it but he says he will fight. Im not sure how much he is willing to though We are on a break to think about things. Fact is he is my best friend. Neither of us can end this. We have tried for a week and now eventually decided to give each other space to think. Help! Ultimately it is our decision. But this hurts so badly. I never want to regret breaking it off. But at the same time i never want us to regret upsetting our family. Im so lost Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Have you spoken to your parents about your dilemma? Have your parents met him and do they like him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Iv spoken to my parents and they say they would be uoset and hope that i dont go ahead with it. They would never 'disown' me but they said it would bring shame upon them and the family and that the muslim society would judge me and make life difficult. They would be hurt but i know they would never cut me off. I would feel guilty for causing them upset though and i would never want to feel responsible if stress led to ill health. Neither of us have met the parents yet Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 As a Muslim you know that you are not allowed to marry him unless he convert, that's the only solution. Other than that it's not possible for the two of you to continue the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks for your opinion but i am not the one who its a problem for..its the parents Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks for your opinion but i am not the one who its a problem for..its the parents What? that's a fact not just an opinion, since you are a Muslim it's forbidden for you to marry a guy who's not a Muslim. Unless you want go against your religious beliefs which absolutely forbids you to be with the guy. Do you want that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 To be honest i feel like i have no faith left in my own religion Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 To be honest i feel like i have no faith left in my own religion Are you saying that because of your love to the guy or there's something else? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I love him but even before i met him i had little faith in it. I have had a bad experience with muslim men and have also experienced abuse from one Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I love him but even before i met him i had little faith in it. I have had a bad experience with muslim men and have also experienced abuse from one Well it's not like other religions doesn't have abusive men, remember that. I'm not here to preach or tell you what to do, it's your decision i hope you make the right one. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Girl, out of all the religions to be, Muslims have the least amount of wiggle room. Hell, even Mormons can date outside of their faith! Your parents state that they won't "disown" you. And they probably won't privately. But, you'll be shunned by them publicly. And even if your parents don't disown you, the muslim community will. And count your blessings because if you lived in a country governed by sharia law, it would be worse for you. So, yeah. You have a lot to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Hi, sorry you are going through this tough time. Religion doesn't have to end your love but it can. My Hindu cousin married a Muslim guy. They were married for 7 years and they sadly got divorced. Now she is picking up the pieces and rebuilding her life. I don't really know what happened but her family didn't approve of it, they got maried in secret one fine day after college. Actually her parents didn't disown her but the rest of the family are the ones who made life hard for her, but since she left that area and went to live with him she was mostly away from them. She didn't have any children but would have had to raise them up to follow Islam and she apparently didn't want to do this. I think there must have been more to it though because she would have known this when she married. But you know, when it comes to Muslim + Hindu, the differences, obstacles, battles, problems to face are monumental. The two religions, cultures and traditions are polar opposites hence when it comes to marriage, there is often much heartache, and conditioning from early on that it's a no-go zone. That's not to say it doesn't happen though. Another example is my great uncle, also Hindu. He married a Muslim girl, this was decades ago too, got disowned and went and lived also in another area and they were together until he passed away. The strength of your relationship would be the main thing to carry you through. Can you live without your families, or the society approving? How about special occasions? Also your parents health. Both parents just think they know what's best for you, they don't understand the pain in your heart. Think about it very carefully, marriage is supposed to be for life. In a situation like this, and as a woman, you have to make sure you can take care of yourself if you ever find that you are without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geronimo Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Hi, I can tell you from experience that this will end badly. And usually the one that cares more gets f*cked over. I really feel for you it sucks, its such a ****ty situation when you love the person so much. I'm muslim and my ex was hindu, we were together for 5 years and ultimately she couldn't do it in the end. Her parents and family pressure got to her and she said that she can't stand to be "disowned" or shunned by her family because of me. It goes beyond that, she said that she doesn't want to deal with these issues in the long run either, when we have kids, one side of the family isn't gonna be happy with them cuz they're gonna be raised in one religion over the other. tbh I dont blame her cuz these are all valid points, I just thought our love was enough to over come it. Now I don't want to be a pessimist and say it will never work because it does work for some, one of my close friends who's a hindu, his sister is set to marry a muslim guy in the next couple of months and both their families have now accepted and are happy for them. I think in the end it comes down to how much you guys are willing to fight for it and how acceptable your family is of the situation. I know my family would have been really against it but I would have fought them and made them understand, as for my ex, she didn't have it in her to be the "disappointment of the family" (her exact words). Trust me our breakup tore me apart for multiple reasons, she was my first gf and my first love, we were together for 5 years and loved every minute of it, we never had any fights other than when religion/family got brought up. Mine was a bit different cuz my ex is only 20, so she also got the case of the GIGS and lucky for her she found a hindu guy, they started dating pretty much right after her and I broke up and it killed me. I know I'm a better guy in ever aspect but I guess all she is looking for right now is her parents approval and she jumped at the chance when a half decent hindu guy showed interest. Its been 4 months since our breakup and truthfully I do feel better but I am no way over it, I still miss her alot and wish one day she'll realize that I am worth it and come back but tbh it may never happen. So my advice to you is please take a step back and shield your heart I don't want you to get f*cked over like I did. Goodluck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
geronimo Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Also, I can tell you that I met her parents, we even spent new years 2014 together and they loved me. Her mom even sat me down on new years and told me that she really likes me as a person the only thing she is worried about is what people would say and also how she would have been treated in my family. Now it was my fault that I didn't introduce my ex to my parents but they did know I was dating her, there were alot of factors involved in me not introducing her, one of them being I was scared myself of the outcome. I honestly wish I could go back in time and have just brought her home and maybe it would have given her some peace of mind but can't cry over spilled milk now. Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 A very difficult situation. Are you ready to be shunned by your parents? It may take years for them to get over it (if ever) should you decide to go with your boyfriend and marry him. A lot of the success of your relationship also depends on where you live, would you have the necessary support if you go the Hindu way? What about your friends? Will it be acceptable to you that you children will not "know" your family if you are shunned? So many questions, so many things to consider. In the end, if you choose him, you have to be ready for the worst case scenario, meaning, you are on your own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP, I am not sure where you live but you do know that the punishment under Sharia Law for apostasy (renouncing Islam) is death? Also, "honour klillings" are becoming more frequent in UK. Just something for you to think about. Robert Fisk: The crimewave that shames the world - Robert Fisk - Commentators - The Independent Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I live in the uk. My family would never ever do an 'honour killing'. I do have alot to think about. But no matter how much i think i still convince myself i want to be with him. My parents wont shun me..they will be upset. Its the children that is the biggest factor..im afraid they wont be as close to my parents. Which isnt really fair for them. But i want it to work i cant say goodbye Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 OP, I am not sure where you live but you do know that the punishment under Sharia Law for apostasy (renouncing Islam) is death?Also, "honour klillings" are becoming more frequent in UK. Just something for you to think about. This is stereotyping. The OP already said she was a liberal muslim and that her family wouldn't disown her! Dont' believe everything you read. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I live in the uk. My family would never ever do an 'honour killing'. I do have alot to think about. But no matter how much i think i still convince myself i want to be with him. My parents wont shun me..they will be upset. Its the children that is the biggest factor..im afraid they wont be as close to my parents. Which isnt really fair for them. But i want it to work i cant say goodbye Then you are going to have to live with the unfairness of your children never being close to their extended family if you choose to remain in this relationship. In a perfect world, religion wouldn't enter into anything, but we don't live in a perfect world. Wars are fought over religion and which direction someone prays--or doesn't pray. It's something that is there in your family and wishing it wasn't won't make it disappear. It will force you to choose sides: the question is--are you strong enough to live with your decision for the rest of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Honestly- i dont know if either of us are strong enough to live with the decision we make. What im finding hard is- how will i KNOW what im going to be like/want in 30 years time? I cant see the future. Thats what confuses me Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I live in the uk. My family would never ever do an 'honour killing'. I do have alot to think about. But no matter how much i think i still convince myself i want to be with him. My parents wont shun me..they will be upset. Its the children that is the biggest factor..im afraid they wont be as close to my parents. Which isnt really fair for them. But i want it to work i cant say goodbye If they aren't going to shun, I will be the outlier and say go for it. I have news for you: throughout generations people have married people against parental recommendations and survived. Lots have even been pretty happy. I think it would be a real shame to let a great relationship go over a faith that you no longer even subscribe to. What sense does that make? And no, you would not be responsible for someone's ill health because they would be "too stressed out" to see you happy. If someone claims that you gave them ill-health because you married a Hindu, send them over a box of oranges to cancel out the ill effects. And as for being as close to the grandchildren, they would have the chance to introduce their religion to the grandchildren, and the grandchildren could use their own little brains and choose for themselves. Just like you did. It sounds like they wouldn't shun their own grandchildren either. And if they would, screw them. I know that may sound very [not of your culture] but too much is happening in the modern world to be held by some very antiquated standards that you yourself do not believe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sazz8888 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thank you. I really want this to work out. He messaged me today saying he loves me and wants it to work, but he thinks we need to make the right decision and not think with our emotions..what if i want practice islam in the future?? I dont see this happening though All this uncertainty is killing me inside. I feel destructive. We've decided to talk properly on saturday but its so hard Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Girl, you need to slow down! You have yourself married off and having kids already. I have some friends that are married. She's Jewish and he's Catholic. They both practice their religions but they don't let it interfere with their marriage. She goes to temple and he goes to Mass. During the holidays, he has a Christmas tree up and she has a menorah on the table. He celebrates her holidays with her and she celebrates his Christmas traditions. And they are happy as can be. They have two kids and both kids have exposure to each religion. They've decided that they will let the kids choose for themselves which faith they want to follow when they're old enough to make that decision for themselves. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fishstar Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 (edited) ..what if i want practice islam in the future?? All this uncertainty is killing me inside. I feel destructive. We've decided to talk properly on saturday but its so hard I believe you should keep an open mind if religion plays a part in your life, especially through family. How people feel about their religion is often influenced by their life experiences. You could want to be closer to Islam, or further from it, you just never know. Best not to make hasty decisions. All religions have beautiful aspects. Good luck with your talk. Do not let the pain of your heartache consume you. Edited March 31, 2015 by fishstar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She can't date or marry a guy outside Islam, that's rule in the religion. So her relationship even if she's not married is a SIN. If she decides to go for it ( her parents wouldn't shun her) then it would be classified as Adultery. Look it her choice but i'm stating what Islam says ( she's Muslim after all), going for it is against everything in Islam. Unless you are not a Muslim anymore in that case oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts