Eaglestar83 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 She ended it out of the blue three and a half months ago. We had no contact since and I don't intend on that. I have been recovering and my sleep pattern was getting better. But today I've been off work (I work on weekends) and for unknown reason, things have taken a down turn. I don't need her and I can live my life as I did before I knew her. Am just sad not to be able to know how she is, what's happening with her life, I miss asking her how her day went. It's like having a family member suddenly disappearing out of your life and you have no idea where they are, it stings real bad. And then there is the part of me that feels rejected, abandoned and uncared for, because if she cared, she would still be here. Any guys out there with similar experience? What coping mechanisms do you use on days like this? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Sorry to hear this brother. Don't worry, you aren't alone. Hundreds here share the pain. Rest assured, you feeling this pain is actually your mind facing the loss. You are actually processing it, and healing. The pain is actually very good, and you should embrace it. Learn to smile in it, and you'll be invincible. Stay strong. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Go out and be active. Go run, the fresh air and the endorphins from exercise will help. Happens to the best of us. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 She ended it out of the blue three and a half months ago. We had no contact since and I don't intend on that. I have been recovering and my sleep pattern was getting better. But today I've been off work (I work on weekends) and for unknown reason, things have taken a down turn. I don't need her and I can live my life as I did before I knew her. *Am just sad not to be able to know how she is, what's happening with her life, I miss asking her how her day went. It's like having a family member suddenly disappearing out of your life and you have no idea where they are, it stings real bad. And then there is the part of me that feels rejected, abandoned and uncared for, because if she cared, she would still be here. Any guys out there with similar experience? What coping mechanisms do you use on days like this? Thank you That's a natural part of the grieving/healing process. You have to really honour those feelings, and realise that its ok to feel that way sometimes. Those feelings are part of the way our true self experiences loss. Grief is very human and very noble. We hear a lot about people 'not being in touch with their feelings', but you are, and thats something real and good. Over time the painful feelings become less intense, and are eventually resolved. Some 'bitter sweetness' remains, but the pain leaves us. Coping mechanisms? Just love yourself, and be kind to yourself. All the best, Satu. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) Any guys out there with similar experience? What coping mechanisms do you use on days like this? I know how it feels man. Basically I look in the mirror and see myself, then I notice that I am good looking, I have great hobbies and interests, a good job and know how to take care of woman. I try to consider it her loss. I use anger to reinstate his way of thinking every time i need it. When my mind goes roller-coaster on her, I try to say "stop" to myself and take the exit on the highway of thoughts from the inner voice. Another thing that works great for me is hitting the gym, I started taking boxing lessons. After training I have so much endorphin's running through my body. I go get dressed, flex those biceps and ride my motorbike to home. Be proud of that person you are and know that women will find you attractive. Keep working on being your best self, no matter how bad you feel. Push through that barrier of loneliness and self-pity with all that energy you have. I have always been a fighter, so im not sure what would work best for you? In short I use: 1. Positive reaffirmations to reinstate / adapt my inner believes 2. Physicals work-outs 3. Mental work-outs (I go to the beach for meditation and use NLP, CBT and mindfulness techniques to assess my inner state and reflect, accept and move on) 4. External distractions (e.g. hobbies) 5. Getting back into dating to reinstate my inner confidence. 6. Staying on Loveshack to vent, learn new ways to cope and help others. Good luck to you man! Every day is one step closer in that process to being your new-self! Edited March 30, 2015 by NC-Thomas 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eaglestar83 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thanks guys Am trying to do small things, to be happy on my own again. I went out for a walk today. I read few pages out of a book I like. Then went to the mall and bought a small treat for myself after a long week at work. Then I drove 10 miles out of town to meet a friend over dinner (ended up in a nice pizza place) Soon as I got back home, that's when my thoughts took over. I keep the TV on just to give me some distraction. Will try reading bit more before I go to bed. I am grateful for this forum and it's contributors... It's a glimmer of hope when things all of a sudden feel so dark and lonely 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I had the same reaction, about three and a half months after MY breakup also. Just sad and missing him, not necessarily wanting to get back together, just...sad. This was about two weeks ago, and I am feeling better. I posted on here and got some great support and advice. Just keep NC of course, and let yourself be sad. This is normal, and I'll tell you for sure that you're not alone in it. And try not to dwell too much on feeling unwanted and uncared for. Remember, just because you weren't right for this one person doesn't mean that you're not right for ANYone out there. And your ex may well have cared very much, and still might, but just not in the right way. It's easy to let the rejection get to you, but this is one person who wasn't compatible with you. That doesn't reflect poorly on you at all, just the two of you together if anything. Hang in there, this too shall pass. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Basically I look in the mirror and see myself, then I notice that I am good looking Lmao you sound like me. I would totally hang with you in real life. Confident is the way to be 100%. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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