LYNNLH Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Dear LS-er.. Since my devastating break up over 2 months ago, I have been keeping strict NC for past 1 month plus..and been doing well. I have never had any relapses where I felt the urge to break NC (But I must admit I do have setbacks emotionally..cried all of last week).. I guess the reason I kept strict NC is because of my intense hatred for this person. for hurting me and messing me up (the breakup caused me anxiety and I nearly fell back into deep depression). Anyway..one of my strategies in keeping NC was also to snub and block mutual friends as well. At least, friends on the piece of crap's side. I started blocking the best friend when I realized that the dude has been taking his side and making things worse for me by telling me how great the crap is doing etc.. (I initially reached out to the best friend because I thought he was genuinely a good guy). Once I had the best friend blocked..another one of his friends started whats-apping me telling me to stay strong, sending motivational videos etc..while I initially just ignored the messages..the last straw came again when the friend continued to send me motivational videos..I blocked him as well. While I think that this guy meant well by reaching out ..I was quite miffed because I refused to let anyone think that I'm having a hard time moving on from the piece of crap..He is just not that great. I also didn't respond to the friend because I simply refuse to break NC. I personally feel that the friend is a bridge. He is connected to the crap and I know them well. They are close too. I felt as if I'm breaking NC if I talk to this guy. Am I being a bi*ch to this friend? Was my actions justified because I simply want to be left alone to heal. has anyone here done the same and snubbed mutual friends as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Unfortunately yes. Everyone took my lying, cheating exes side. I laugh to myself thinking they'll be the exception in his behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Here's what I think: Immediately after a breakup, you can shut out anyone and everything you feel is connected in any way with your ex -- with anyone or anything you think might cause you additional pain. You go ahead and block them all. YOU are what matters most right now -- you and your healing. I get from your post how terribly hurt and angry you still are about the breakup. This is completely normal. The anger is normal. It's all there to help you heal so you just ride it out! It's smart to keep out anything connected with your ex. Another really good way to work through the emotions you're feeling is exercise. Are you working out every day? Even if you feel physically/emotionally exhausted, taking hour-long walks (out in nature, when possible) will really help you, especially if depression is an issue. It floods your brain with positive chemicals. My personal fave for working through anger: hitting the punching bag at the gym. Seriously. It works -- I used to just imagine my ex's face on there and go to town..... you'd be surprised how much better you feel afterwards. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck! Keep moving forward, you're doing great. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Like Ruby said, you have to do what is best for you. There is something about breakups that is so, for lack of a better word, primal. Survival instincts seem to go into overdrive, as they should. Some people cling to the object of their affections to try stop themselves from feeling the pain, and others like yourself run in the opposite direction. No matter what anybody says you have to do whatever you feel is best to get over the pain of a breakup and if that includes cutting off mutual friends, so be it. Whether it is because they dont want to listen to your pleas to not mention the ex or whether its it just their mere presence that triggers you, that doesnt matter. Protect yourself and your heart at all costs! I blocked the hell out of everybody who triggered me and I don't give a damn what they think. I am doing what I need to do to heal, and if they cannot understand that well then tough. We can only be ourselves, do what is best for us and what other people take way from that is their business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think you did the right thing. What this friend is is a constant reminder of your ex, whether he admits that his motive is to keep you tied to your ex or not, his presence is doing exactly that. His behavior is like throwing a crumb trail out to you--I mean, what really is his intention by sending motivational videos? Why does he feel you need them? How close were the two of you prior to the break up? Yes--keep him on block as well as anyone in any way remotely tied to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gnick Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think it's courteous to give a simple heads up that you won't be talking anymore 1st Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Hard to say.... If his friends became your friends, you can tell then you're taking a break and you'll give them a sign when u'r ready to hang out. But if his closest mates suddenly start to contact you, yeah, **** them out, looks like they're trying to rub your nose in it, or something .... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LYNNLH Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I think you did the right thing. What this friend is is a constant reminder of your ex, whether he admits that his motive is to keep you tied to your ex or not, his presence is doing exactly that. His behavior is like throwing a crumb trail out to you--I mean, what really is his intention by sending motivational videos? Why does he feel you need them? How close were the two of you prior to the break up? Yes--keep him on block as well as anyone in any way remotely tied to them. Exactly Kendahke..We were courteous with one another but not exactly close pre BU. That was the reason why I was quite miffed when his messages came in. Dafuq with the videos?! He probably was feeling extremely sorry for me ..but for whatever reasons..I really don't need any sympathy from that POC's side..As long as they leave me alone and I just want the POC to disappear from my life..eternally 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LYNNLH Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Hard to say.... If his friends became your friends, you can tell then you're taking a break and you'll give them a sign when u'r ready to hang out. But if his closest mates suddenly start to contact you, yeah, **** them out, looks like they're trying to rub your nose in it, or something .... Thanks Candie...honestly..the guy's probably feeling sorry for me but like Kendahke said..there is no reason that he should be leaving crumb trails for me. I don't need that..not their sympathy..I just don't want anything to do with the crapface anymore. The messages from his friends keep him relevant in my life. That is not what I want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LYNNLH Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 I think it's courteous to give a simple heads up that you won't be talking anymore 1st But like I said gnick..I didn't want to do that because I think that would mean I broke NC. The POC no longer exist in my life. He chose to leave me so he got what he wanted. Gone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I did the same, when we split. Over 50 people, his friends first, were deleted. Two I have unfollowed on facebook. I know he has kept my friends on there. But that's really none of my business. All I know is for me, anything, anyone that altered my healing vibes was not good for me. No reminders. You did the right thing, for you. Now. On with your healing!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Each person has to do what's best for them. My ex and I have several mutual friends, but I am not going to let the breakup between me and my ex affect my friendships with our mutual friends. Several of these people both my ex and I have both known since we were kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I think the issue with mutual friends is that when it begins looking like they're picking sides, that's when they get set adrift. They can say whatever they want, but what are they doing? How are they acting? Actions speak louder than words. If they're bringing up the ex to you, then they're on a reconnaissance mission for the ex to tell them how over you either are or aren't. That's information that is no longer fit for them to know. There is no reason on earth for them to be feeling you out on where you are by telling you what is going on with your ex, especially when the break up is relatively recent (within a 2 year span). A true friend, mutual or not, would not bring up anything that would cause you pain and in the case of a break up, information about the person who dumped you qualifies as painful--it's a reminder of what you're working hard on getting resolved and put behind you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks Candie...honestly..the guy's probably feeling sorry for me but like Kendahke said..there is no reason that he should be leaving crumb trails for me. I don't need that..not their sympathy..I just don't want anything to do with the crapface anymore. The messages from his friends keep him relevant in my life. That is not what I want. So why are you worried about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LYNNLH Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 So why are you worried about it? I'm not worried. But probably I wanted to know if my actions of blocking and ignoring the guy are justified because under normal circumstances, I wouldn't do that to a friend..But like someone said earlier..after a breakup..it has become somewhat a fight for survival...our primal instinct takes over.. I have been badly hurt and I'm in my most fragile state right now..I would do anything to protect myself from further hurt and setbacks.. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 So why are you worried about it? She's not. She's venting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts