I cant escape her

[SethDamien]

Its not the emotional "i cant escape her" thing.

 

People always say,

 

hide her photos, hide your relationship mementos,

block her social media, phone, etc, erase your messages,

no "accidental" bumps, no accidental text messages,

change your ring tone that doesn't remind you of her,

re-arrange your house so that it appears it has nothing to do with her.

Keep yourself busy with hobbies or work.

ABSOLUTE physical detachment.

 

Ive done ALL of these and i feel good!

 

These would really be helpful if...i didn't have to see her every damn day!

 

We work together and every time im there, i feel trapped. I dont want to be close to her, but my heart keeps on screaming for her.

I hate her and i don't want to have anything to do with her, but f*ck im still in love with her!

 

How can i fully detach myself if the very SOURCE of that detachment is present?

 

I cant leave my job. I love it there. Im part of the design team in an architectural firm. Its basically what i've dreamed of since childhood.

 

People tell me to keep myself busy to distract the pain and exert my energies to being productive at work. While they're right, its also kind of a paradox.

 

This is the one thing where time is not helping me get better.

[NC-Thomas]

Is there any chance of HER leaving the company (soon)?

 

Are you two in the same design team?

 

Try to avoid her as much as possible, even when going for lunch, sit at a different table.

 

I know its hard to heal, and you will probably need some more time with her around, but you will get there.

[SethDamien]

Is there any chance of HER leaving the company (soon)?

 

Are you two in the same design team?

 

She's just a paid intern and she's set to leave work for her licensure exam next month.

 

I heard she's still deciding if she goes back to the company after the exams or not. For my sake, i hope she doesnt.

 

Try to avoid her as much as possible, even when going for lunch, sit at a different table.

 

yes, its what i've been doing, makes me look like an outcast while most of my office friends (including her) are enjoying themselves.

 

What i hate most about is two of my office mates have already confessed to having feelings for her. She really is a catch, i cant deny it. which makes it 10000times more painful.

 

office romance. figures.

 

Thanks @NC, in my case, healing will have to take a little longer.

[NC-Thomas]

Just wait and see what happens, after a month. Maybe there won't even be a vacancy for her.

 

And just ignore those lame colleagues, I can imagine them to be kinda dicks when they confess those things in front of you (after break-up)... Don't worry too much being an outcast. I would rather eat alone then spend time at a lunch-table with male colleagues hitting on your ex-gf in front of you.

 

Maybe you have learnt a lesson not to date co-workers. Find your next girl outside of your work and mutual friends. Saves so much pain when you break-up. ;-)

[SethDamien]

Just wait and see what happens, after a month. Maybe there won't even be a vacancy for her.

 

And just ignore those lame colleagues, I can imagine them to be kinda dicks when they confess those things in front of you (after break-up)... Don't worry too much being an outcast. I would rather eat alone then spend time at a lunch-table with male colleagues hitting on your ex-gf in front of you.

 

Maybe you have learnt a lesson not to date co-workers. Find your next girl outside of your work and mutual friends. Saves so much pain when you break-up. ;-)

 

We were in a relationship since college, so i didn't really meet her at work. BUT, it was me who encouraged her to apply there before we broke up.

why? simply because i wanted to be with her 24/7 --- Dumbest idea I've ever had so far in my entire life.

 

Turns out i just gave her the opportunity to meet and date my officemate, which is why i've gone NC on her for 2 months.

 

But i get you @NC-thomas. Same lesson applies, let me just rephrase. Leave your personal life outside of work.

[Fleur de cactus]

Such pain does not go away quickly, it hurts so bad. But you have to go through this pain. Love is good but love hurts too. It is like an illness, it becomes more painful when we try to heal. I know it takes long, It may be hard to forget her, but one day you will get there. Healing from love take long. Sorry you are here and you are heartbroken. sometimes you do everything they tell you to do, but it does not work. You have to remind yourself that the relationship will not work and accept it. she may be a good catch but she is not the only one. One day you will look back and be happy that it did not work. Stay strong.

[EgoJoe]

It's time for you to start dating.

 

Sign up for plenty of fish tonight. Set a date for every day this week. Start studying for your exam, it's a hard one, you'll be distracted.

[SethDamien]

It's time for you to start dating.

 

Sign up for plenty of fish tonight. Set a date for every day this week. Start studying for your exam, it's a hard one, you'll be distracted.

 

I'll certainly try! though im not THAT good with women...

 

and im currently studying. I could not have wished for a better time to take my exams. (recently been dumped and all that) and the distraction is killing me...

 

minutes ago, my phone rang twice. it was her... but i didnt answer. Im not sure if i did the right thing...

but if she was about to say something important, she could have just texted me instead of banging up my phone.

Edited March 30, 2015 by SethDamien

[EgoJoe]

You did well. Make a PoF profile. You can PM for advice.

[SethDamien]

well, the officemate she was "seeing" is out of town for 4 months. So i guess they're doing the LDR thing. (though she expressed they're not "contacting" each other right now) but i doubt that.

Before he left, they've been just casually dating. Nothing more.

 

He left town last February but he'll be back in town this June.

Seeing him gone for a while is really comforting, but when he gets back,

they'll be who-knows-where doing who-knows-what.

 

It shouldn't really be my business, but the anxiety is killing me.

I dont think i can handle the idea of her being fondled by somebody,

let alone the idea of her having sex with another dude.

 

i keep telling myself "let them f*ck each other" i dont care!

but i'd only be fooling myself.

 

I cant control myself. The anxiety is killing me.

What if something DOES happen between them?

 

I really shouldn't be bothered by these things, but i cant help it.

[xinaxxsdertf]

you need to get her off that pedestal mate. talking about how much of a catch she is. well she went for you didnt she? if shes as good as a catch as you say, then you must be pretty good yourself! this is the thing with us guys, when we get broken up with, we walk around like the most insecure guys (im currently doing it) and put our ex's so high on that pedestal.

 

You are still living in reaction to her. I know you still need to heal but what you need to do is dig deep and realize your self worth. start walking around the office like you own it. If you want to sit at a table with your friends then do it and just ignore her. Act confident, you are at a much higher role than her in the company yes? So act like it. Act like youre better than her. Go into work and just think to yourself "im a f***n boss".

 

If she sits at your table, ignore her and keep chatting with mates. I think a faster way to heal would be to try go back into the way you use to be. Now youre kind of doing anything you can to avoid her which is weak and obviously not working.

[SethDamien]

you need to get her off that pedestal mate. talking about how much of a catch she is. well she went for you didnt she? if shes as good as a catch as you say, then you must be pretty good yourself! this is the thing with us guys, when we get broken up with, we walk around like the most insecure guys (im currently doing it) and put our ex's so high on that pedestal.

 

You are still living in reaction to her. I know you still need to heal but what you need to do is dig deep and realize your self worth. start walking around the office like you own it. If you want to sit at a table with your friends then do it and just ignore her. Act confident, you are at a much higher role than her in the company yes? So act like it. Act like youre better than her. Go into work and just think to yourself "im a f***n boss".

 

If she sits at your table, ignore her and keep chatting with mates. I think a faster way to heal would be to try go back into the way you use to be. Now youre kind of doing anything you can to avoid her which is weak and obviously not working.

 

Like i said, i still love her but i hate it.

I know there a lots out there better than my ex and you're right. I hate how breakups work. We dumpees are just left hanging, trying to process the breakup with the lingering feelings of love for this person unconsciously putting them on a pedestal.

 

I did show some dominance (at least i think i did). I've been busier than ever.

 

Im not gonna deny that im one of the most outspoken person there and i always say what's on my mind. So i got a plus there. And whenever i talk with colleagues, i always keep her out of it hoping she doesn't butt in. Sounds mean, but that's how it goes.

 

But of course, she doesn't care. I know its only me whose playing this charade.

[BC1980]

You can't get over her if you see her at work everyday. It's just not gonna happen. There is no amount if ignoring that you can do when she is right there. I work with my ex, but I barely ever see him. I've had to talk to him a few times in 7 months. It sucks, but I'm like you. I love this job. The other hospital I would consider. . . . His fiancé works there. So I can't go there either.

 

Wait to see if she comes back to the firm before you make any decisions.

[EgoJoe]

How did you get this new information and why do you care?

 

You are in control of your feelings. Change your outlook one thought at a time.

[SethDamien]

You can't get over her if you see her at work everyday. It's just not gonna happen. There is no amount if ignoring that you can do when she is right there. I work with my ex, but I barely ever see him. I've had to talk to him a few times in 7 months. It sucks, but I'm like you. I love this job. The other hospital I would consider. . . . His fiancé works there. So I can't go there either.

 

Wait to see if she comes back to the firm before you make any decisions.

 

This isnt good to hear at all.

 

what if she does return? so i wont get over her?

 

So, the only guarantee to get over her is if i left my job or she never returns?

If i quit, how should i tell my boss?

 

i have so many questions, day by day goes by and i cant sleep without worrying and i hardly wake up without having anxiety attacks. its been 4 months now...

[SethDamien]

How did you get this new information and why do you care?

 

You are in control of your feelings. Change your outlook one thought at a time.

 

Before the guy left, he told us at the office that he'd be gone for a while but will be back in the city in June. (he didn't say he'll work there again)

 

Shortly before i went full nc, i had a conversation with her. I asked her how they both are. She just told me they're not contacting--but im not buying it...

 

You are in control of your feelings. Change your outlook one thought at a time.

 

its been four months and ive had ups and downs... i cant control the frequency of these downs as they come unexpectedly.

 

I know i deserve better, i know i should just move on... but i cant control my anxiety and worries.

[xinaxxsdertf]

and so you ask for advice, and everyone just says "no contact, heal, move on".

 

But all dumpees know its no way near that easy.

 

No contact=constant urge of always thinking about ex, missing them so kinda has the reverse effect.

 

Heal= trying to convince yourself you are getting better but deep down you know you miss her and would take her back in a second

 

Moving on= as a dumpee, this is the hardest part. Confidence is struck, insecurities are at a new high and nobody compares to your ex

 

i know how you feel, im going through it now. im just hoping time will help and another girl will hopefully cross my path so i can finally start making new memories instead of being stuck with hers

[Strength in Healing]

Work some magic and see to it this dolt gets separated from your company if you know what I mean. She doesn't sound like a catch. She sounds like an average idiot. You could replace her in a day.

[NC-Thomas]

You're way better than her, she is just an intern, and excuse me if im wrong here, but your boss would be stupid to hire her if he knows you two had a relationship. If he is a good manager he would know that would mess up the atmosphere in a big way.

 

And dude, don't go and quit your job for some shallow ex who dating your colleges. Are you going to let her take your job after she took your heart?

 

Man, if I were you, I would go dead silent or her and act like she's dead. I have NO respect for ex-girlfriends that date any of my FRIENDS or CO-WORKERS. That's just LAME and SHALLOW. But karma will screw her over, just wait after she break-up with your collegue, then she will have two exes at her (possibly new) workplace. Karma always finds its way.

 

And shallow people like her don't deserve the light of day, nor your time, effort or even a split second in your mind before you go to sleep.

 

I used this anger to get over my ex. You seem like a generally intelligent person, with a good job and middle aged. You will have girls lined up for you the coming decades. Don't worry. Hit the gym,get ABS as hard as steel and start dating. Soon it will be HER, sitting alone at that lunch-table bro.

Edited March 30, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[xinaxxsdertf]

You're way better than her, she is just an intern, and excuse me if im wrong here, but you're boss would be stupid to hire her if he knows you two had a relationship. If he is a good manager he would know that would mess up the atmosphere in a big way.

 

And dude, don't go and quit your job for some shallow ex who dating your colleges. Are you going to let her take your job after she took your heart?

 

Man, if I were you, I would go dead silent or her and act like she's dead. I have NO respect for ex-girlfriends that date any of my FRIENDS or CO-WORKERS. That's just LAME and SHALLOW. But karma will screw her over, just wait after she break-up with your collegue, then she will have two exes at her (possibly new) workplace. Karma always finds its way.

 

And shallow people like her don't deserve the light of day, nor your time, effort or even a split second in your mind before you go to sleep.

 

I used this anger to get over my ex.

 

this was actually spot on. she dumped you and then went for another work colleague? She didnt learn from the first mistake of dating work colleagues did she? before you know it, shes going to have 4 ex's at work then she will realize "was i really that easy, now isnt this awkward" jumping from RS to RS. there's a name for these kind of girls..

[NC-Thomas]

this was actually spot on. she dumped you and then went for another work colleague? She didnt learn from the first mistake of dating work colleagues did she? before you know it, shes going to have 4 ex's at work then she will realize "was i really that easy, now isnt this awkward" jumping from RS to RS. there's a name for these kind of girls..

 

Yea, she made that mistake of taking the very next best penis she could find. Mistake!

 

Trust me here son, SOON YOU WILL EAT HER FOR LUNCH!!! Because you will have moved on while she is still repairing the damage by being with anyone she can be, just to IGNORE her mistakes and not learning from it.

 

Honestly you dodged a .50 caliber bullet here! Be thankful.

Edited March 30, 2015 by NC-Thomas

[SethDamien]

before i begin, let me just tell you im not defending my ex here.

i just want you guys to know this so that you can assess my

situation better. Thanks by the way for keeping up with me.

 

We broke up February last year. It was my fault.

I was thoughtless and insensitive. you could even say

i deserved it.

 

She said we could still be friends,

(i agreed hoping that i could still win her back).

So we became the closest of friends.

We lived together then, i made her coffee,

always went out together, i even massaged her

bare body upon request and slept together (literal, no sex).

 

I pushed her to work in the firm i work for because

i wanted to be with her 24/7. There were no hiding the

relationship at work because-- there IS NO relationship.

 

My office 'friend', found out she is 'single' started flirting with

her even though he knew from the get go that we had a relationship,

and that i was still in the process of repairing it.

 

They hit it off, and when i found out, i was absolutely devastated.

this happened around November last year. Of course, she essentially

told me to f*ck off. i had no rights to be mad because we're not a

couple anymore right?

 

We had a few talks after she moved out of the house. She told me

she doesn't want a relationship with an office mate, but she MIGHT

consider him once he leaves work.

 

Another office buddy told me he had a crush on her, on a pretext of

telling me "Yeah, i like 'H' -- confident, smart, and pretty to look at,

but i wouldn't use that to steal her from you"

[SethDamien]

i know how you feel, im going through it now. im just hoping time will help and another girl will hopefully cross my path so i can finally start making new memories instead of being stuck with hers

 

This is exactly how i feel right now! sometimes i wish i could find someone who could replace my ex so that i don't have to be stuck in the past.

[SethDamien]

this was actually spot on. she dumped you and then went for another work colleague? She didnt learn from the first mistake of dating work colleagues did she? before you know it, shes going to have 4 ex's at work then she will realize "was i really that easy, now isnt this awkward" jumping from RS to RS. there's a name for these kind of girls..

 

Hearing from you guys really made me realize, yeah, she was-she was easy. But not with a lot of guys there. just one. She's not THAT type. I was actually her first boyfriend at the age of 19, and I was also her first sexual partner, so you kind of get where she's at. But i get what you're saying.

[SethDamien]

I used this anger to get over my ex. You seem like a generally intelligent person, with a good job and middle aged. You will have girls lined up for you the coming decades. Don't worry. Hit the gym,get ABS as hard as steel and start dating. Soon it will be HER, sitting alone at that lunch-table bro.

 

This really made my day! and you served your purpose well for the brokenhearted in these forums!

 

I do tell myself -- i hope she's happy with that new guy who looks like the Easter island heads with the same complexion. lol, one thing is certain. She definitely downgraded, and im happy for it.

 

I realized, im better than that and i deserve better! Thanks!

 

I don't think early twenties is "middle aged" though