marky00 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ok guys, this is it, 40 days + NC and I am going to call her. My progress is just too slow. The call (whether she picks up or not) will probably make me more emotional but I am sick of the wondering, the questions, the lack of closure. Most of all, I knew this person for 10 years and I find this NC thing just very cruel. She has a new boyfriend and she is in another country, I GET IT. At 40 days, it enough time to show I have been strong in by endevours to respect her decision but also short enough time to possibly look for a few answers that were not offered at the breakup. There is no point waiting 1 year and then saying lets be friends and talk about the weather. If any meaningful contact is going to be possible, it would need to start sooner rather than later. I will let you all know how badly this goes but I really just don't care anymore. Dignity, Ego screw that. She may have had time to let go off me properly a few months before the breakup. But me, I am supposed to go hardcore NC for 40 plus days after a blindside. Thats just so fair. 1 phone call after 40 days, who the hell cares. Its going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
youngpistol Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Don't do it man. Your being too statistical. She will comeback when she's ready and if its meant to be. Trusttt me. Link to post Share on other sites
MLAZ1990 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Don't do it man. Your being too statistical. She will comeback when she's ready and if its meant to be. Trusttt me. Don't do it! You will regret it! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Bad idea jeans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marky00 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) She comes out to Australia in December 2014 and things went very well. Then in Feb 2015 she dumps me like a sac of spuds, only thing I could get of her was the presence of a new guy. I just need to know such things as to when he came on the scene. I have half a story and the story reads horribly. I want to know if this is more about what she felt about me or for the other guy. I wish I just told her to stop talking after she used the words "breakup". I told her to not contact me to ask me how I am feeling so I stoped that avenue as well. Some breadcrumbs would be an ego boost at least. I am sick of the silence, sick of not having answers, confused how such a horrible thing happened at probably one of the smoothest parts of the relationship where several issues such as my old dog had been eliminated. Sick of it all. So, surely getting some answers/closure is of some benefit. She isnt going to come back. Only thing I have achieved is that she will be suprised how stong I have been. Yipee for me. So what is the worst things that come from it? Edited March 29, 2015 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I'm not going to say either way what to do, but all I will say is that around the 40 day mark is when temptation to break contact is at an all time high. Two cons to consider: she has a BF and she hasn't contacted you in 40+ days...let's do some deduction here about what all of this means and what the likely outcome of you contacting her will be, shall we. I think we can surmise the likely result, but what do we know. I'm pretty sure your rational mind (and not a breakup chemical infused one) would allow you to see that you are not the one who should be breaking contact in this scenario, if she left you and then paired up with someone else. Do you really think she's going to be like 'Marky, oh my gosh, thanks for the epiphany! I think I'll just go over here and dump what's-his-face, because yep, you're right! You're the one I want. I'm so glad you called to remind me of this fact.' I don't this call is going to help with the wondering, the questions, and/or the lack of closure. If anything, it's probably going to augment the problem. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
youngpistol Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Don't take an L. You will never get "Real" closure, and could be quite possibly setting yourself up to get hurt badly. C'mon man hang in there and be strong. Hell with that hour. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 The odds of her shooting straight and telling you everything are slim and none. The worst thing that can, and almost certainly will, come from is more confusion and angst. Getting closure from the person that caused the strife you are feeling is chasing after fool's gold and pissing in the wind. Closure comes from within. You're running a fool's errand unfortunately. And all of that strength you have right now will be undermined with this very weak move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marky00 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 I agree with the boyfriend thing. A big reason not to contact and justification for her to NC. I know that me falling off planet earth is the best play here because I am leaving to them 2 to sort thier own chit out. I am not a factor in anyway. But like I said, she was contacting me everyday in Jan and Feb, probably weening off me or w/e and then coming up with her evil plan. I realise breaking NC now would not lead to her changing her decision. It was really more about saying as of now I respect her decision but is total NC really what both of us desires. 60percent chance she NC because she focused on new relationship, 40% chnace she NC because she knows I need the time. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Don't do it. I know the urge is there. I'm almost 50 days NC and it's killing me not to reach out, but I know it won't help at all. She's moved on and found someone new and it's just taking me a lot longer to move on myself. Find something else to do for the next hour to take your mind off of making the call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marky00 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ok then what about this: If a few months down the line, I still have some questions about what happened, would it be reasonable to ask then. I am just thinking that after such a length of time passing, the answers may be impossible to get. Link to post Share on other sites
Reality015 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ok then what about this: If a few months down the line, I still have some questions about what happened, would it be reasonable to ask then. I am just thinking that after such a length of time passing, the answers may be impossible to get. You are going through withdraw right now. Stick to NC & in a few months it will be a lot easier. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
youngpistol Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 they are impossible to get. Your being statistical again! are you a math major? you have a backbone, use it. She's gonna be the one to break NC one day and your going to laugh about it trust me. Be strong, if you have ever said no to drugs, you can say no to this. That simple Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ok then what about this: If a few months down the line, I still have some questions about what happened, would it be reasonable to ask then. I am just thinking that after such a length of time passing, the answers may be impossible to get. No. There are some things that won't be solved. And honestly, your best bet at ever getting any sort of answers will come from them seeking you out and telling you, not you searching for them like you're Sherlock Holmes. And by the time you learn, you probably won't care less and you probably won't want to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ok then what about this: If a few months down the line, I still have some questions about what happened, would it be reasonable to ask then. I am just thinking that after such a length of time passing, the answers may be impossible to get. You'll probably have a new girlfriend in a few months and won't give a **** about getting any answers from your ex anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marky00 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 What you guys dont get is that girl didnt communicate well and sometimes would say chit that just screwed with your head. This is really about me finding some sanity. For instance, 2 weeks after leaving australia she calls and says the following : " Hey handsome, I miss you, what are you doing there blah blah blah". " I say dont worry I will be in Thailand in 6 weeks, all is well" "She says ok, when are you coming in Feb (trick question because her Bday is Feb 8)" She goes on to talk baout the thing we should do on the holiday. Then probably a week later, she hooks up with this other guy, but continues to bombard my phone with messages. She knows I am someone who looks for answers so she may give me a few if she thinks that will help me in moving on. I realise it might open up new questions and answers but the present explanation just sux. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 She's just playing with you like a little toy and you'll falling for it bait, line, and sinker. Stick to NC and relieve your mind of those games. She sounds like she's messed up in the head (no disrespect). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nolan 93 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Well I'm almost pushing 80 days no Nc and you think I'm fine and dandy nope. I miss her and miss talking to her but what will it bring me if I reach out?? She left me for a selfish reason and she seems happy with her decision. Let them be why bother wondering and just accept that they left for someone else. If if you treatd them exceptionally well and gave it your all, know you did nothing wrong. I am a good guy and I know that and honestly if you don't want what I have to offer then your loss not mine. I accept that she left me for her ex and so many questions I want to ask but what will it bring me? Nothing absolutely nothing cause all we really want is for them to say "I've made a mistake and I want you back. Most likely she's happy right now and she won't say that. Will she ever if you reach out idk but I doubt it, it's your life everything involves a risk if you want something. Me I'm moving on even though I have a broken heart it's all we can really do move on and take that risk to love again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ok then what about this: If a few months down the line, I still have some questions about what happened, would it be reasonable to ask then. I am just thinking that after such a length of time passing, the answers may be impossible to get. There are always going to be unanswered questions. You just gotta deal. You're guaranteed to feel like crap if you look for closure from someone who refuses to provide it. You did say she wouldn't offer you the answers during the breakup. Plus she got a new bf so quickly. It doesn't seem like she really cares to give you the closure you need right now. I would let sleeping dogs lie and be you...away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 So, it's been an hour... How did it go?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 What you guys dont get is that girl didnt communicate well and sometimes would say chit that just screwed with your head. This is really about me finding some sanity. For instance, 2 weeks after leaving australia she calls and says the following : " Hey handsome, I miss you, what are you doing there blah blah blah". " I say dont worry I will be in Thailand in 6 weeks, all is well" "She says ok, when are you coming in Feb (trick question because her Bday is Feb 8)" She goes on to talk baout the thing we should do on the holiday. Then probably a week later, she hooks up with this other guy, but continues to bombard my phone with messages. She knows I am someone who looks for answers so she may give me a few if she thinks that will help me in moving on. I realise it might open up new questions and answers but the present explanation just sux. You aren't the first to have an ex with a confusing agenda and you won't be the last. Instead of being duped into chasing the white noise, you need to take it at face value -- she left and is with someone else. The rest of it is colored bubbles, and you're wasting time you could spend recovering trying to capture the bubbles. Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 No. There are some things that won't be solved. And honestly, your best bet at ever getting any sort of answers will come from them seeking you out and telling you, not you searching for them like you're Sherlock Holmes. And by the time you learn, you probably won't care less and you probably won't want to talk about it. Lmao. Productive yet funny reply that made me laugh. Anyways, stay at NC at all cost. Damn i dont even wanna imagine the thought of starting a 40 day NC back at zero. Dont do IT man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author marky00 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 lol i am just waiting for 1 person to tell me to call her. Its not that she denied me answers but she is always very brief and to the point so eeking out a few extra facts is like pulling teeth. All I got out of her was another guy from her hometown village. In hindsight, I should have pushed for a few more answers at breakup time but I didnt want to look to anxious and fussed. She intially just said the "its not your fault, its me" thing. I wish I just left it there and ran away. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 She intially just said the "its not your fault, its me" thing. I wish I just left it there and ran away. You still can just leave it right there bro. It's all in your mind. You have the power to stop the internal conversations and the questioning. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but it's the best way at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
dvx Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 lol i am just waiting for 1 person to tell me to call her. Its not that she denied me answers but she is always very brief and to the point so eeking out a few extra facts is like pulling teeth. All I got out of her was another guy from her hometown village. In hindsight, I should have pushed for a few more answers at breakup time but I didnt want to look to anxious and fussed. She intially just said the "its not your fault, its me" thing. I wish I just left it there and ran away. Stop eating her breadcrumbs man. Screw her and the new worthless guy. Be ice cold. Until she comes back crawling and begging dont answer her Link to post Share on other sites
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