Skinnyminnie Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 It's been 3 months post breakup and today I'm feeling sad and at the same time angry at my ex. He's passive aggressive with narcissistic like characteristics. He moved on so fast and so unexpectedly that it threw everyone off, mainly me! He said my actions changed the way he felt about me, but my actions were a result of his actions. He said I don't know if I love you so I returned the engagement ring and told him I want it back when he's ready to give it back. I gave him time and space. He decided to not be with me after 12 years and said his family and friends said he was just used to me and we didn't have anything in common. Total BS, but he fell for it. Is that a narcissist? Easy manipulated and blames others for his actions? My ex cares so much about what people think about him. Mind you he could care less about my opinions, but he cared so much it was annoying, but I loved him in spite of that. I keep thinking about how he already introduced his new gf to his mom. This is how fast he moved on. Ridiculously fast. I think it was his coworker. I think they may have been talking while we were together and he fell for her while trying to leave me and not look bad. Make sense? His mom was the exact same say. Divorced his dad and weeks later was already shacking up with her boyfriend. She's super unhappy right now, but to keep up her appearance to her family, she feigns bliss. What a liar! My brain says I'm better off without him, but my heart still misses him and loves him. Is it normal to still be in love with a person you thought was the one, but ended up being the worst type of person? Why can't I let go of this love? I can't stand how I still wonder if he'll regret leaving. Maybe that was his charm. I feel like my thoughts aren't even my own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 It's been 3 months post breakup and today I'm feeling sad and at the same time angry at my ex. He's passive aggressive with narcissistic like characteristics. He moved on so fast and so unexpectedly that it threw everyone off, mainly me! He said my actions changed the way he felt about me, but my actions were a result of his actions. He said I don't know if I love you so I returned the engagement ring and told him I want it back when he's ready to give it back. I gave him time and space. He decided to not be with me after 12 years and said his family and friends said he was just used to me and we didn't have anything in common. Total BS, but he fell for it. Is that a narcissist? Easy manipulated and blames others for his actions? My ex cares so much about what people think about him. Mind you he could care less about my opinions, but he cared so much it was annoying, but I loved him in spite of that. I keep thinking about how he already introduced his new gf to his mom. This is how fast he moved on. Ridiculously fast. I think it was his coworker. I think they may have been talking while we were together and he fell for her while trying to leave me and not look bad. Make sense? His mom was the exact same say. Divorced his dad and weeks later was already shacking up with her boyfriend. She's super unhappy right now, but to keep up her appearance to her family, she feigns bliss. What a liar! My brain says I'm better off without him, but my heart still misses him and loves him. Is it normal to still be in love with a person you thought was the one, but ended up being the worst type of person? Why can't I let go of this love? I can't stand how I still wonder if he'll regret leaving. Maybe that was his charm. I feel like my thoughts aren't even my own. 3 months on is still in the acute post-breakup phase, and if you bear that in mind you're doing fine, even if you don't feel fine. Stick to strict no contact and invest all you energies into yourself. You'll be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
bluealone Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 HUG i know how it feels. i guess it is normal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I totally feel you. It sucks. I wish I had better advice. All I can say is you are not alone and it feels good to know I'm not alone in these feelings either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Always Pondering Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Hugs and best wishes in hoping you feel better. Three months is absolutely normal to still feel pain, especially considering how long your relationship was. 12 years is an enormous part of your life that you've spent with someone. You have questions now but you know that as times goes on, you'll figure out the answers on your own or they won't even matter. You'll be alright in due time and you're already in a better place by realizing that you're better off. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Oh yeah, three months post-breakup I'd say you should still expect to be a mess. I think you are doing better than some though, you aren't scheming ways to get him back or trying to get us to approve just *one* more phone call. You seem like you've at least accepted the relationship being over, even if you don't like it. I totally get the whole "hating someone for what they did, yet still loving them, then hating yourself for still loving them". I went through that with my ex-huusband. And come to think of it, he introduced HIS new lady to HIS mom really soon after he left me too. That stings. But I worked through all that, and you will too. The strangest one I experienced was when I got sad because I could feel my feelings for him leaving me. None of this is easy, that's for sure. So big hugs from me too. I've posted on here once or twice wondering if what I was going through was normal too. It's nice to hear that you're on the right track and not losing it. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Yes, 3 months is still in the acute break-up phase, where your emotions will rollercoaster between love and hate towards your ex. This is the process that your mind, body, and spirit go through to recalibrate post-breakup. A breakup effects the mind, body, spirit the same way an illness or death will. It's an assault on all the senses. Regarding the mind and body: romantic rejection will activate the same neural pathways in the brain that physical pain does. This can manifest as: fatigue, digestive problems, no appetite, dehydration, insomnia, nausea and a sense of malaise that you feel when you have the flu or a really bad cold. Regarding the spirit: you question "why?" did this person reject you,you who are perfectly you. A breakup is a trauma event that we all experience when we risk being in a romantic relationship with someone. And when you experience a trauma, you need to seek out the resources that will help you recover from that trauma. I found this PT article called The Neuroscience of Relationship Breakups really informative. Maybe it will help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Skinnyminnie Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Thank you all for your wise words. I hit a wall this past week and I regressed. But today I feel like I'm going to be okay. I will be okay. Hearing the term, "codependent," has really got me thinking. My ex was like my drug. I crave the relationship we had, by ultimately know it's all in vain. I'm hoping in time I'll see that I was truly better off. I think I messed up my recovery in the first 2 months wondering if he'll regret leaving and wondering if he's coming back. His lack of compassion shows me that he is not mentally stable and he could easily do what he did to me to this new girl in his life. Whether it's the codependency or true love that I feel/felt, I know I want to keep moving forward. Thank you all for responding. Hugs for everyone who's going through a breakup! Link to post Share on other sites
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