I need insights

[burnyourlifedown]

My ex of three years (but we were best friends two years before we got together) broke up with me over a month ago. We resumed contact over a week ago. She wanted us to be friends again and I did try to be friends because I thought it was the mature thing to do. But it was so hard for me. She told me I was very special to her and, then, she would tell me about the girl she is pursuing. It made me really depressed. I finally told her that I was very miserable about this current situation. I know if I continued this I will never be able to move on. And I'll just keep on hurting while she is out there having the time of her life. The thing is, she is still my best friend and I truly care about her. We have so many things in common. We enjoyed each other's company, We really did have that connection. I asked her why she broke up with me and she said something like this: "I don't know. For a change, I guess. Sometimes I do things I don't really understand. But I don't really want to hurt you. You are very special..." I then asked for some time and space. And well she agreed. But I will be missing her. We are each other's first relationships. We are still in our early twenties, if that matters. Sometimes I don't really think I can get over her enough to be friends with her again and that breaks my heart more than anything.

Any insights/comments/advise will be appreciated. Thank you for reading.

[Reality015]

Sounds like we are in the same position.

 

Going No contact is the only solution for both of us

 

 

http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/NoContact

 

No contact rules are easy to say, but hard to do. No contact means – literally – no contact. No calls, no texting. Delete the ex’s number in your phone (yes, do it). Block the ex- in every place you have him/her: Facebook, Skype, Twitter, etc., etc., etc. Block all possibilities of getting updates on your ex- from any social media.

Edited March 28, 2015 by Reality015

[burnyourlifedown]

Reality. I read your post. Yeah we are sort of in a similar situation! Yeah, it is a very hard thing to go full on NC but we don't have much of a choice because, otherwise, we'd be stuck here down in the dumps. But one thing that is getting me through this is the saying that life just a cycle and everything is temporary. Someday the sun will shine again. Soldier on! I do hope it gets better for you soon!

[Wait]

Sounds like you both have some soul-searching to do.

 

Being young, you're both discovering who you are as individuals. This is difficult to do when in a relationship sometimes. As it seems pretty evident that she's trying to figure out who she is, I would take this time to reflect on your own life, desires, and needs. NC is really the only option and will do the most good in the long run.

 

It's cliche, but let her go and if it's meant to be she'll return.

[Reality015]

Reality. I read your post. Yeah we are sort of in a similar situation! Yeah, it is a very hard thing to go full on NC but we don't have much of a choice because, otherwise, we'd be stuck here down in the dumps. But one thing that is getting me through this is the saying that life just a cycle and everything is temporary. Someday the sun will shine again. Soldier on! I do hope it gets better for you soon!

 

 

 

Thanks & same to you

 

Be strong & go NC & I hope your ex respect your wishes & does not contact you to move forward if need be.

[burnyourlifedown]

Sounds like you both have some soul-searching to do.

 

Being young, you're both discovering who you are as individuals. This is difficult to do when in a relationship sometimes. As it seems pretty evident that she's trying to figure out who she is, I would take this time to reflect on your own life, desires, and needs. NC is really the only option and will do the most good in the long run.

 

It's cliche, but let her go and if it's meant to be she'll return.

 

Thank you! That is true. I also don't know what I really want, too. But, I guess, I was holding on to her because I'm scared to be alone. I am letting her go now. And I do believe that NC is the only way to go in this case.

[burnyourlifedown]

Thanks & same to you

 

Be strong & go NC & I hope your ex respect your wishes & does not contact you to move forward if need be.

 

Be strong, too!! I also hope your ex will also respect your decision once and for all!

[Reality015]

Be strong, too!! I also hope your ex will also respect your decision once and for all!

 

 

 

So why do you think they keep contacting? Is it a control thing?

[Rainbow00]

I think the contact is about power. Maybe it's about missing you and not being strong enough to cut ties completly. Maybe it's about keeping you there by a string in case they decide they want you again, you're still there and they still have a path to you.

 

Either way, NC is the best bet for you. There's a book that describes it and why it's so important which I found helpful. "Ignore the guy get the guy" - it's on kindle and Amazon.

[burnyourlifedown]

Reality: I mostly agree with what Rainbow said about why they keep contacting us. Maybe it is about power. And about keeping us as back up. In my case, I think she really did want to be friends again. As if nothing happened. How can I be friends again with someone who broke my heart?

 

I'm dealing with loneliness. I feel so alone and worthless. How do you manage to do this?

[Reality015]

Reality: I mostly agree with what Rainbow said about why they keep contacting us. Maybe it is about power. And about keeping us as back up. In my case, I think she really did want to be friends again. As if nothing happened. How can I be friends again with someone who broke my heart?

 

I'm dealing with loneliness. I feel so alone and worthless. How do you manage to do this?

 

 

Yes you can't be friends with someone who broke your heart. Well not for the next few months anyway. Only until you know you can handle hearing that your ex is in love with someone else & you're ok with that?

 

I'm exactly in your shoes. I feel so useless right now. You have to keep telling yourself this is temporary & you will get through this. I know from experience it's possible & when you get through it & start seeing the light you come out feeling stronger than before. It's a pretty amazing feeling however it takes months to do it.

 

The secret is staying away from your ex.

 

My situation is an odd one I feel. I can't put my finger on it but she needs someone to validate her. Last time I spoke to her she basically said I am going to have to block her as she is going to call/text me when ever she wants. Tells me she has no respect what soever & have gone back onto dating sites. This is the way she says she blocks out the pain? Wish I knew this about her before I met her.

 

Every other relationship i've had we ended up going our on separate ways & both moved on eventually.

[burnyourlifedown]

Yes you can't be friends with someone who broke your heart. Well not for the next few months anyway. Only until you know you can handle hearing that your ex is in love with someone else & you're ok with that?

 

I'm exactly in your shoes. I feel so useless right now. You have to keep telling yourself this is temporary & you will get through this. I know from experience it's possible & when you get through it & start seeing the light you come out feeling stronger than before. It's a pretty amazing feeling however it takes months to do it.

 

The secret is staying away from your ex.

 

My situation is an odd one I feel. I can't put my finger on it but she needs someone to validate her. Last time I spoke to her she basically said I am going to have to block her as she is going to call/text me when ever she wants. Tells me she has no respect what soever & have gone back onto dating sites. This is the way she says she blocks out the pain? Wish I knew this about her before I met her.

 

Every other relationship i've had we ended up going our on separate ways & both moved on eventually.

 

Thank you. As you know, this is the first time I got dumped or broken up with. Sometimes I think this pain will never ever go away. I had moments where I feel okay but somehow it just comes back. And to hear someone say it is possible and that I will be able to get through this is comforting. I guess, I'll just to hold on.

 

I'm sorry to hear that about your ex. She really has some issues she needs to deal with. Have you blocked her already?

[Reality015]

Allowing yourself to feel the pain of those losses may be scary.

 

You may fear that your emotions will be to intend to bear or you will be stuck in a dark place forever.

 

Just remember that grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is precisely what helps you let go of the old relationship & move on.

 

No matter how strong your grief it will not last forever xxx

[Reality015]

Thank you. As you know, this is the first time I got dumped or broken up with. Sometimes I think this pain will never ever go away. I had moments where I feel okay but somehow it just comes back. And to hear someone say it is possible and that I will be able to get through this is comforting. I guess, I'll just to hold on.

 

I'm sorry to hear that about your ex. She really has some issues she needs to deal with. Have you blocked her already?

 

 

 

Trust me it's possible. A year from now you won't hardly care at all. It will be a distant memory. As long as you stay NC i.e.

 

I have not blocked her yet. I've got my fingers crossed she just doesn't bother contacting me & moves onto someone else. It's sad to know some people just move on to one relationship to the next to cope.

[burnyourlifedown]

Trust me it's possible. A year from now you won't hardly care at all. It will be a distant memory. As long as you stay NC i.e.

 

I have not blocked her yet. I've got my fingers crossed she just doesn't bother contacting me & moves onto someone else. It's sad to know some people just move on to one relationship to the next to cope.

 

I'm holding on to that hope. A year is a long way to go but I hope I will get healed and really be happy and healthy again. I am hoping for the same things for you, too!!

 

I hope she doesn't bother you anymore! Stay strong! It is sad and they also keep hurting other people in the process.

[burnyourlifedown]

Today I received a text from her asking if I really don't want to hang out with her at all. I felt really guilty but I already told her that I can't handle being friends yet. I still want to work things out with her and she made it clear that she doesn't want that. It hurts too much to be around her. I don't know. Why do I feel guilty?

[Reality015]

Today I received a text from her asking if I really don't want to hang out with her at all. I felt really guilty but I already told her that I can't handle being friends yet. I still want to work things out with her and she made it clear that she doesn't want that. It hurts too much to be around her. I don't know. Why do I feel guilty?

 

 

She is no respecting your decision to move forward. She wants to have her cake & eat it too.

 

Tell her to respect your decision to move on & heal. It's not fair on her to put you through this.

[burnyourlifedown]

She is no respecting your decision to move forward. She wants to have her cake & eat it too.

 

Tell her to respect your decision to move on & heal. It's not fair on her to put you through this.

 

Yeah, exactly. She wants to have her cake and eat it, too. I told her that I really shouldn't as much as I want to. I told her that when I'm stronger, I'll see her again. I really do value my friendship with her. I still really care about her. So, it is so hard for me to do this. I feel scared to lose her, as well. She did tell me before that I should do what I need to do to be happy and healthy. I do hope she understands that I need this, especially since I felt like I was very clingy and co-dependent on this relationship and I need to detach myself from her to be healthy again.

[Reality015]

Yeah, exactly. She wants to have her cake and eat it, too. I told her that I really shouldn't as much as I want to. I told her that when I'm stronger, I'll see her again. I really do value my friendship with her. I still really care about her. So, it is so hard for me to do this. I feel scared to lose her, as well. She did tell me before that I should do what I need to do to be happy and healthy. I do hope she understands that I need this, especially since I felt like I was very clingy and co-dependent on this relationship and I need to detach myself from her to be healthy again.

 

 

I ended up blocking my ex today on my phone. I didn't want to but I feel I have to do this in case she contacts me again.

 

It's not a good feeling as if she trys to contact me she will probably hate the fact I have blocked her but she has given me no option.

 

You got to keep telling yourself that if you don't go no contact your healing process will be longer & harder.

 

When you are yourself again you might want to be friends with your ex one day however now it's all about you & not her.

 

 

Good luck

[burnyourlifedown]

I ended up blocking my ex today on my phone. I didn't want to but I feel I have to do this in case she contacts me again.

 

It's not a good feeling as if she trys to contact me she will probably hate the fact I have blocked her but she has given me no option.

 

You got to keep telling yourself that if you don't go no contact your healing process will be longer & harder.

 

When you are yourself again you might want to be friends with your ex one day however now it's all about you & not her.

 

 

Good luck

 

Thanks!!! I know that this is really the only way for me. I am very emotional right now. I definitely need to recuperate and, yes, find myself again. But wow this is so hard. It was easier when she was the one who asked for time and space early during the break up because I didn't have that much of a choice. But now that it is me asking for time and space, it is doubly hard. But you are right, if I want to get healed, I have to do this.

 

I know that feeling of worrying that they'll end up hating what we are doing now but there really is no other option, is there? I hope you don't feel bad now.

[Reality015]

Thanks!!! I know that this is really the only way for me. I am very emotional right now. I definitely need to recuperate and, yes, find myself again. But wow this is so hard. It was easier when she was the one who asked for time and space early during the break up because I didn't have that much of a choice. But now that it is me asking for time and space, it is doubly hard. But you are right, if I want to get healed, I have to do this.

 

I know that feeling of worrying that they'll end up hating what we are doing now but there really is no other option, is there? I hope you don't feel bad now.

 

 

Yes unfortunately no other option.

 

It's strange as it's after 9pm where I am now & I feel ok however I expect when I wake up in the morning it's all going to come back to me again.

 

Can't wait to get through this

[burnyourlifedown]

Yes unfortunately no other option.

 

It's strange as it's after 9pm where I am now & I feel ok however I expect when I wake up in the morning it's all going to come back to me again.

 

Can't wait to get through this

 

Aww!! ( I know that feeling only too well. How do you get up in the morning?

 

Right now, I feel like I'm such a loser. She is out there probably dating this person she met or just having fun while I'm just in my apartment, trying to study but I can't even concentrate. My heart is hurting but I can't even cry.

[Reality015]

Aww!! ( I know that feeling only too well. How do you get up in the morning?

 

Right now, I feel like I'm such a loser. She is out there probably dating this person she met or just having fun while I'm just in my apartment, trying to study but I can't even concentrate. My heart is hurting but I can't even cry.

 

 

It's weird

 

I don't seem to have much trouble getting up & i'm sleeping ok. Just getting through the day is the biggest challenge.

 

Yesterday was the first time since i've known her that we have not communicated. I don't know if she tried to text as i blocked her. Thing is I feel bad that I had no option other than to block her however in a strange way i'm feeling a little better today?

 

It's all quite surreal atm saying goodbye to the past & memories we shared. I have no other option than to move forward. We both need to stay NC.

 

I suspect she will be trying to date again as thats how she said she blocks it all out. Good thing is not being in contact with her I do not know if she is or isn't.

[burnyourlifedown]

It's weird

 

I don't seem to have much trouble getting up & i'm sleeping ok. Just getting through the day is the biggest challenge.

 

Yesterday was the first time since i've known her that we have not communicated. I don't know if she tried to text as i blocked her. Thing is I feel bad that I had no option other than to block her however in a strange way i'm feeling a little better today?

 

It's all quite surreal atm saying goodbye to the past & memories we shared. I have no other option than to move forward. We both need to stay NC.

 

I suspect she will be trying to date again as thats how she said she blocks it all out. Good thing is not being in contact with her I do not know if she is or isn't.

 

We are opposites! The biggest challenge for me is getting up in the morning but once I get moving, it gets a bit better. Today, I tried to focus on the good things in my life right now. I'm going to be in my third year of med school in just a few months and I am going to be a doctor soon. Juggling my relationship and my studies was not an easy task. I miss her and being in a relationship but, at the very least, I can focus on my studies and get to know my classmates more. I have a supportive family. I don't have lots of friends but I have a few good ones who I know I can always rely on. Maybe you can try to do that as you go through your day?

 

I know how you feel about saying goodbye to all those memories and the past. I hope someday you can look at it fondly instead of causing pain. How long were you guys together?

[Reality015]

We are opposites! The biggest challenge for me is getting up in the morning but once I get moving, it gets a bit better. Today, I tried to focus on the good things in my life right now. I'm going to be in my third year of med school in just a few months and I am going to be a doctor soon. Juggling my relationship and my studies was not an easy task. I miss her and being in a relationship but, at the very least, I can focus on my studies and get to know my classmates more. I have a supportive family. I don't have lots of friends but I have a few good ones who I know I can always rely on. Maybe you can try to do that as you go through your day?

 

I know how you feel about saying goodbye to all those memories and the past. I hope someday you can look at it fondly instead of causing pain. How long were you guys together?

 

 

It's great you got something to focus on

 

I'm a bit stuck in my job though i'm doing it for something to keep me occupied maybe that's why I find days harder than you?

 

We were together for nearly one year. It was very passionate & it all went pear shaped in the final month. 2 months ago we were madly in love & could not stop holding each other. Even the week before we officially broke up we were still very much into each other.

 

I actually find shorter relationship harder to get over than long ones. Reason being you have kind of already checked out of an long relationship way before it officially ends.