Riptide91 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 My ex gf and I were together for roughly 6 years. We started dating in high school and moved to the same city to pursue careers. She was my first REAL girlfriend and my first true love. After a few months of becoming distant from each other she broke it off around November of last year. I was super upset and heartbroken so of course, I begged and pleaded to give me another chance. She refused. I came to the site to get the help of people who have been through this and tried to work on myself. I had never felt hurt like this and I truly loved her and had planned to make a life together. I tried NC for the first month and eventually broke. We hungout a few times since the breakup, like 5 or 6 and it would usually end up one of is staying the night, no sex, just romantic. Then she would suddenly remember we weren't together and do a 180 saying how she met someone and she really cared for him. I actually hadn't seen or talked to her in about a month until two days ago when I brought her stuff from my house to her, dumb I know. She was nice and we proceeded to grab lunch, also dumb, I know. But everytime she calls or texts I get a feeling that I CANNOT ignore her, whether because I have that stupid feeling of hope or because I think it's mean and I wouldn't want her to do that to me. After having lunch and dropping her off I text her something about how still loving her still, blah, blah, you get the point. She agreed she did too, but we were trying to "force" something for years. I forgot to mention she has a bf, and have been dating for like 4 months, seems a little rebound-y, but whatever. After receiving that text I broke down driving back home (about an hour) and began wondering why after all this time I still let her do this to me. I decided I had to do NC for real and not look back, she has texted me the last two days, including one about 30 mins ago, and I have not said a word. I just don't get why after all this time she still wants to mess with me? What do I do? Obviously NC right?! I hope this is readable, my mind is so scattered and overrun with thoughts it's hard to put sensible paragraphs together. Any advice, comments, opinions, remarks would be awesome. I have lurked these pages awhile and thought maybe it was time to speak out and share my hurt and my story. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 If you really want to heal you should implement very strict NC. NC is to help people heal without being distracted by the ex and without any further hurt. *No direct contact. No sending and no receiving of messages. No replies. Nothing. *No indirect contact via third parties. *No social media. Unfriend your ex from everything. No monitoring of the ex's social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Delete any messages you may have from your ex and block. If you do NC properly you will heal faster. As an aside, never beg or plead with someone to 'give you another chance.' All it does is make you feel humiliated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 So lemme ask this, is it worth it to send a text or message saying something along the lines of, "I do not want to be friends. The only reason you should ever contact me again is to reconcile." (Still not sure if I even want that). Or just leave her wondering where I went? I kinda prefer the second after all she's done to me, but I'm not a spiteful person, especially to someone whom I loved and still love very much. Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 oh man you should go on NC now, like 100%, Im sure you know and agree this is the only way to go. you know she now has a new BF, why stick around her and settle as her second best? I'm sure you will find a girl who deserves your love. Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 So lemme ask this, is it worth it to send a text or message saying something along the lines of, "I do not want to be friends. The only reason you should ever contact me again is to reconcile." (Still not sure if I even want that). Or just leave her wondering where I went? I kinda prefer the second after all she's done to me, but I'm not a spiteful person, especially to someone whom I loved and still love very much. I'm sure she knows what you want and what youre after so I say just go ghost on her from now on. not even another text. That was my choice anyway, when I had a breakup two months ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 How do you feel now lumberjac? I honestly already feel a little better, maybe just because I have a little bit more control now that I don't instantly respond when I hear from her. Is deleting from social networks really mandatory? I don't creep her on those anyways as niether of us really even use them. Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 How do you feel now lumberjac? I honestly already feel a little better, maybe just because I have a little bit more control now that I don't instantly respond when I hear from her. Is deleting from social networks really mandatory? I don't creep her on those anyways as niether of us really even use them. Ask yourself: do you want to heal as fast as possible? Then yes, remove her from all social media, because there will be that moment when you are alone and then *BOOM* theres this picture of her and her new "cute" boyfriend cuddling on Florida Beach. Is that what you are waiting for? I removed all my ex's from FB and it was a relief. Now I don;t have to deal with this fake bull**** and I can focus on me instead of her playing Farmville for that matter. Also block her whatsapp, her number, ANYTHING! You are still recieving her messages, so you have never been in true NC. Make that change today! Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 I would say its up to you if you want to delete her off ALL the social medias. For me I just had to because everytime when I saw her face on facebook I would get upset. I think the reason I blocked her on everything is so I can forget her and move on quicker. If I'm honest it is working for me, I dont really have a clear image of her in my head anymore. And before I block her she would like my stuff now and then, and I just wasn't sure how I felt about that. I know she didn't mean to cause any harm, but when I get a "like" notification I would feel like its a reminder of her, its like her saying "im liking your stuff, we are friends right?" so yeh I couldn't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 and yeh, one thing I hate about social medias is that they don't show the real side of people's life. the stuff people put up are selective, only shows the good side of their life which is not entirely true if you get what I mean. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smellysocksuni Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Full NC is what you need to do to heal as quickly as possible. Block her from your phone, delete her from social media. There's really no other answer... Link to post Share on other sites
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Comparing your behind the scenes with other people's highlight reel. That is social media.... In the end, everyone goes to their bed with a billion worries that are eating them alive. That is the reality, once you start seeing people with that eye, everything looks so equal. Everyone looks so easy! Of course, some people are good at covering it than others... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Thanks everyone for all the advice. I am going to try to stay strong and keep NC as I've already wasted too much of my life sulking and being depressed over this. I think it revolves around the common guilt factor where I play the breakup in my head as how it was all my fault and all the things I did wrong, when really she just didn't want to try anymore. If someone doesn't want to try for me, then why in the hell should I try for them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Also, I think what has held me back the most in this is that stupid feeling of hope. The little glimmer someday she might want me back and we'll live happily ever after. How did you guys get over that? Link to post Share on other sites
Seeker12 Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Watch out for her mates too, i was in a 7 year relationship where we had to break up due to external reasons - anyway i was in NC for 3 months going fine until her mate popped up asking for help - she eventually divulged all details and it sent me back 3 months with all the emotional trauma etc. long story short - if you are good mates with her friends than tell them you dont want to know - if you cant do that and they cant respect you, stop being their friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Share Posted March 26, 2015 Seeker, that is good advice. Unfortunately we have too many mutual friends to count so it makes it hard to not only not hear about her, but stay away from her as well. I like that idea to tell them I don't wanna know anything about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 If anyone happens to come across this thread, please, please, please understand what I'm saying. The people on here giving you advice are here to help you, listen to what they say and I PROMISE you will begin to feel better. I have only started my long journey but I feel 80% better already. Life is strange and unexplainable at times and you'll probably never understand how or why he or she left you when you loved them so much but you can do something about it. You can learn to love yourself first and the rest will fall into place. It's okay to be sad but at a point you have to cut off the sadness and fill the void with something else. Your ex is out there probably being happy so why on Earth would you waste YOUR life being sad over someone who isn't sad over you? Good luck and here's to new beginnings! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I'm glad you're feeling better! It's nice to see people check in with good news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 Okay, question. I just received a text from her saying basically, "if you blocked my number I'll be pissed." Should I say anything or just keep it in ghost mode? It's nice to know she is thinking about me but I'm still not 100% over her. Need advice. I'm sure it's probably best to keep NC. I don't see that text as a form of reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
lumberjac Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Okay, question. I just received a text from her saying basically, "if you blocked my number I'll be pissed." Should I say anything or just keep it in ghost mode? It's nice to know she is thinking about me but I'm still not 100% over her. Need advice. I'm sure it's probably best to keep NC. I don't see that text as a form of reconciliation. Lol I think theres a technical glitch and you didnt receive the full text from her. The full text should be: Hey you're supposed to me my backup plan, someone I can fall back to whenever I'm not seeing other guys. If you blocked my number I'll be pissed. Cause I expect you to come to me or reply to me whenever I ask you to, but no, we are not exclusive, you are just a friend, a very good friend. Sorry to be blunt but come on, she decided to end the relationship, doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore and now she's getting angry because you are ignoring texts? Just dont reply. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 I agree Lumberjack, thank you for the reply. I just don't understand why she feels the need to text me stuff like that? I have made it clear were not friends, and the only business she has with me is if we were ever to reconcile. NC is awesome, I almost feel like I'm in charge and nothing makes me happier than knowing how much it irks her that I never replay. Maybe that's a bad thing too though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 It used to chap my ex's ass when I would be calm and collected with him (we had to do LC because of our kids). He would try to provoke me, but once my therapist said he was only doing it to get a negative response, so he could justify his sh*tty behavior, I was sweet as can be. I think whatever reason works, as long as you're doing NC ultimately for you, is OK sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Well, here I was thinking I was half way out of this stupid heartbreak but today I woke up feeling crappy. I had a dream she was married and pregnant last night and it really did a number on me. I am keeping NC and I don't necessarily want to contact her, just the feeling of missing her is hitting hard today. I've found this is the best way for me to express my feelings. Which brings me to my next point, a few days ago I had actually gotten a number from a girl at a bar I went to. She is cute and actually is from my hometown; how do I know when I can start dating again? I don't want to make someone into a rebound, I'm just not the kind of person to hurt someone to make me feel better. But I swear I don't understand why this is taking so long, it's been 5 months since the breakup, I SHOULD BE FINE BY NOW! Thanks for reading, you guys are all so awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Riptide91 Posted April 10, 2015 Author Share Posted April 10, 2015 Update/question: I have been doing super well lately, I actually have been trying to come on the site and give some of the great advice I received to others. I'm working on me, staying NC, and making changes professional and in my personal life. Overall, I kind of fell out of love with the person I thought she was, and I feel indifferent to the person she is now. Never thought that day would come but it doesn't hurt so much anymore, there are just some days I miss having someone around. That being said I could use a little advice from everyone; I am traveling back home tonight to visit family and friends. She moved back a few months after we broke up and lives at her parents which is about 3 miles from mine. It's a small town so everybody knows everyone and there are like 3 main bars. I plan to go out and have some beers with some old friends but am dreading running into her and perhaps her new bf. What should I do if I do see her? I have been NC, ignoring her texts and calls so if she sees me she will not hesitate to come strike a conversation, I don't expect it to be an aggressive one or anything like that, I just simply do not wish to talk to her anymore. What do you think I should do in case this happens? Also, I'm not gonna stay home and miss reconnecting with friends just because there is a chance she may be there, I've put my life on hold enough for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 Update/question: I have been doing super well lately, I actually have been trying to come on the site and give some of the great advice I received to others. I'm working on me, staying NC, and making changes professional and in my personal life. Overall, I kind of fell out of love with the person I thought she was, and I feel indifferent to the person she is now. Never thought that day would come but it doesn't hurt so much anymore, there are just some days I miss having someone around. That being said I could use a little advice from everyone; I am traveling back home tonight to visit family and friends. She moved back a few months after we broke up and lives at her parents which is about 3 miles from mine. It's a small town so everybody knows everyone and there are like 3 main bars. I plan to go out and have some beers with some old friends but am dreading running into her and perhaps her new bf. What should I do if I do see her? I have been NC, ignoring her texts and calls so if she sees me she will not hesitate to come strike a conversation, I don't expect it to be an aggressive one or anything like that, I just simply do not wish to talk to her anymore. What do you think I should do in case this happens? Also, I'm not gonna stay home and miss reconnecting with friends just because there is a chance she may be there, I've put my life on hold enough for her. If you see her just don't look in her direction, if she comes over and you have no choice then just be polite, speak for no more than a couple of minutes and excuse yourself to go use the toilet or something like that. Best thing you can do is stay cool, calm and collected, even if your heart is racing when you see her, keep it together, smile and be on your way. Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Hey riptide, I appreciate you commenting on my thread, I know I'm going through a tough time, but I think I'm able to give decent advice as well. If you've been feeling much better with NC, you'll probably feel much worse if she says something like "I miss talking to you" or something like that. Just wave at her if she waves and keep the conversation very minimal, off of your relationship and each other etc. It will probably drive her crazy. Fingers crossed you won't run into her though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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