towardthefuture Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Well, been a while since I posted here. Definitely have cooled down emotionally. My breakup happened in late november so it's been 4 months now. Have heard 0 from her. No emails, breadcrumbs, no nothing. She just totally chucked me aside after 8 years together. In those 4 months I've completely become me 2.0. Better grooming, lost a bunch of weight and gained muscle, did new things, went on a few dates, and best of all got a job teaching college and grad students part time. It just barely covers my bills but at least it's something to do. Still looking for a day job to do on top of that but it's a huge stress relief. After the breakup I did all the **** you would expect and advise someone not to. Begged, pleaded, wrote letters for about two weeks. Broke NC twice. Talked to her friend. Fully stopped contact just before Jan 1st so I did that stuff for about a month. Now when I look back I feel like a fool for doing that. She wasn't the right girl, she totally disrespected me and cheated on me. My BU was basically forgetting sarah marshall except I never ran into her again. So now looking back and knowing how clear it was I just feel like such a dumb**** for making any attempt to get her to change her mind. Somewhere in the back of my mind when I think about this I want to get a younger hotter girlfriend to 'win' the breakup but ultimately it just doesn't even matter at all I guess. It ended up being a fairly clean break. I basically hate her now. Whatevs. Link to post Share on other sites
totenkopf Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Well, been a while since I posted here. Definitely have cooled down emotionally. My breakup happened in late november so it's been 4 months now. Have heard 0 from her. No emails, breadcrumbs, no nothing. She just totally chucked me aside after 8 years together. In those 4 months I've completely become me 2.0. Better grooming, lost a bunch of weight and gained muscle, did new things, went on a few dates, and best of all got a job teaching college and grad students part time. It just barely covers my bills but at least it's something to do. Still looking for a day job to do on top of that but it's a huge stress relief. After the breakup I did all the **** you would expect and advise someone not to. Begged, pleaded, wrote letters for about two weeks. Broke NC twice. Talked to her friend. Fully stopped contact just before Jan 1st so I did that stuff for about a month. Now when I look back I feel like a fool for doing that. She wasn't the right girl, she totally disrespected me and cheated on me. My BU was basically forgetting sarah marshall except I never ran into her again. So now looking back and knowing how clear it was I just feel like such a dumb**** for making any attempt to get her to change her mind. Somewhere in the back of my mind when I think about this I want to get a younger hotter girlfriend to 'win' the breakup but ultimately it just doesn't even matter at all I guess. It ended up being a fairly clean break. I basically hate her now. Whatevs. Great post man well done on moving on with your life. I can not even begin to imagine what it must be like being totally cut out by your ex girlfriend of that long like that! My ex gf also totally cut me and and have not had a work from her since November and she moved on pretty quickly. Do not feel dumb about any of what you did it is natural and shows that you cared enough for something that you were in for so long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Your story sounds similar to mine. It's been 7 months now (can't believe it's been that long already) and 5 months NC for me. Not heard a peep from her either and I did a little begging but not loads. I don't hate her though, she broke up with me because she met someone else but didn't cheat, but she still couldn't be with the guy anyway (long story, check my threads). I went through the hate stage for a while but then I realised that she just lost feelings, it happens...was she supposed to stay with me and hide it? that would be worse right? At least that's the way I looked at it anyway. As long as she didn't cheat on me then I can't really have any complaints. I feel the same as you though, I still miss her and I want to meet someone else who is amazing, I think this will make me realise my first girlfriend and now ex wasn't a one off. My friend at work told me my ex isn't as good looking as I thought she was. Looking back at old photos I actually kinda saw his point, not sure if you've experienced this also? I've also been hitting the gym and bettering my self, I've done a lot of thinking and have learnt lessons for the future. Yet to sort my career out though, still working part time also. Hang in there bro. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 Do you think your ex was a bad person or just a good person who makes bad choices? I'm asking in regards to the cheating. I go back and forth between the two. And the anger maybe makes me hate him sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackbirdSong Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 My friend at work told me my ex isn't as good looking as I thought she was. Looking back at old photos I actually kinda saw his point, not sure if you've experienced this also? So funny that you mention this. My friends and mom (of course mom's gonna say this) said the exact same thing. "She's not as gorgeous as you think she is. Actually she's pretty average and puts a lot of makeup on". Haters. I still think she's a 10. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 26, 2015 Share Posted March 26, 2015 So funny that you mention this. My friends and mom (of course mom's gonna say this) said the exact same thing. "She's not as gorgeous as you think she is. Actually she's pretty average and puts a lot of makeup on". Haters. I still think she's a 10. Lol Haha, mum said my ex was "a classy lady". I mean, she is hot don't get me wrong, but I think recently the rose coloured glasses have came off. I never realised it when I was with her but she has quite a big head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author towardthefuture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Do you think your ex was a bad person or just a good person who makes bad choices? I'm asking in regards to the cheating. I go back and forth between the two. And the anger maybe makes me hate him sometimes. Probably a good person who made bad choices. Well actually I don't look at it that way. She is not as good of a person as she was before she made the choices she made. She is what she is. My friend at work told me my ex isn't as good looking as I thought she was. Looking back at old photos I actually kinda saw his point, not sure if you've experienced this also? Yeah there are definitely some rose colored glasses there. I look at pictures now and I can see her flaws a lot more clearly. But then also she was getting more attractive toward the end of the relationship. Probably because she was out dating and putting in extra effort unbeknownst to me. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Hey mate, 40 days NC after 10 year lond distance realtionshiop. She cheated on me in the last month (although she claims its a case of her falling in love with this new guy). I knew the love for me had dropped so to speak but after 10 fricken years, you can't expect it to be like a honeymoon eveyday. We knew eachother very well. We knew all the buttons to push etc. Anyway, at the breakup she said she would contact me sometimes. But when she pestered me a few times at the airport when I was leaving Thailand asking me if i was eating etc, I told her to not contact me to ask me how I was feeling (that was really pissing me off). I did however say other forms of contact were ok such as talking about the success of our careers etc). She said she wanted to try that. Well 40 days later, guess what, not a peep. Probably a good thing I did say for her to not contact to ask me how I was feeling because that way I wasnt going to fall victim to breadcrumbs and appease her guilt. But I must say, I am suprised she hasn't even checked to see if I am alive. She was so cruel and when I left after the breakup, her last words were "don't hurt yourself". Called me at the airport that night so I guess that was her way of checking I didnt jump off a bridge in Thailand. Unbelievable you can be so good to someone for so long and they don't even check in on you once to make sure you are not dead. Oh well..... Your comments about breaking NC have been headed. Its kind of funny because if they chuck you out of their life anyway its quite intersting how so many dumpees regret breaking NC. I suppose its a case of losing the relationship but winning the breakup. So far, I handled the breakup like a saint in Thailand (no tears, no anger, no finger poining) and then went straight into no contact. So yeah, maybe I can win the post breakup battle Edited March 27, 2015 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Yeah there are definitely some rose colored glasses there. I look at pictures now and I can see her flaws a lot more clearly. But then also she was getting more attractive toward the end of the relationship. Probably because she was out dating and putting in extra effort unbeknownst to me. Haha, my ex actually gained weight, I'm not just saying it to sound spiteful either, she told me herself she put half a stone on when being on the pill. Last time I saw her was Christmas and she doesn't seem to have shifted that weight... Link to post Share on other sites
Author towardthefuture Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Well it's pretty clear I'm not totally out of the woods yet. I just found out I'm going to be working with someone I knew when I was with her and even that little reminder got into my head about how I didn't want this, didn't choose to end it. At least I'm not super emotional about it. It made me look at some of our old photos that made it past the great post-BU photo purge. When I did that last time it got me really upset. This time I kind of tried to get upset but still couldn't do it. Nevertheless I miss what we had. But can't go back now -- she wasn't happy but all she had to do was talk to me and the relationship could have been fixed. Then she went and cheated and left for someone else and I've fixed everything and come to my own conclusion that it's not fixable based on what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamesgar Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Keep NC. Keep concentrating on career and staying busy. You want to become the best person you can. When you are that person..new women will come! Or you just go hunt them down ; ) The best revenge is to become so much better as a result of the breakup. This is for you and her! Make them regret it. You won't care if she regrets it eventually but you have used that energy to become better! Link to post Share on other sites
Reality015 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Count your blessings your ex has not bothered trying to contact you guys. It makes it a whole lot easier in the long run Link to post Share on other sites
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