Pregnant and he left me.. :(

[MommytoBe]

Been dating on and off for 5+ years. I am 27, have 1 son, 8, he has no children and is 26.

Found out I was pregnant on Valentines day, told him and he seemed to be supportive.

 

Between then and now, he has been seeing his ex behind my back and lying to me and he blames it on me and the baby as to why he is doing this.

 

Fast forward to now, I am almost 10 weeks pregnant and he wants nothing to do with me. Him or the baby is my only choice.

 

 

Tells me if I don’t get an abortion, he is going back to his ex-girlfriend and that the baby is destroying our relationship.

Says if I do get an abortion, we can work things out and move back in together and maybe one day we’ll have a family when HES ready.

 

I want my baby, I love kids, I love my unborn baby, but I feel so stuck and hurt and betrayed. He’s giving every single excuse in the world and now says if I decide to keep the baby to just not talk to him at all, like only contact him if I want to have an abortion.

 

His family is supportive of me, my family is supportive of me, all my friends are supportive of me- but he hates me now and I feel like this is both our responsibility and both of our jobs, not just mine.

 

I am so heartbroken and I have no idea how to handle this. I am NOT going to get an abortion but I don’t know how to emotionally go through this alone.

 

I just don’t know what to do……

 

Any advice, support, anything... help please..

[d0nnivain]

Keep your baby. Dump him. Any man who says that you have to have an abortion to keep him needs to be shown the door. Even if you chose to terminate your pregnancy, him saying it that way is awful.

 

Next decide what you want more -- his money or to be done with him. If you want money, go to a lawyer & discuss his child support obligations. If you want to be done with him, find out how he can sign away his parental rights. Get his signature & send him on his way. It's not like anybody who told you to have an abortion is going to be a swell dad.

[GorillaTheater]

Your piece-of-crap bf is the one who should be aborted. You'll be well rid of him.

 

Pay attention to what Donni suggested, and I'm sorry you're in this situation.

[lumberjac]

wow from what you wrote I could tell he definitely wont stick around for long even if you do get an abortion. he's heart is not with you already, he doesnt worth it.

 

Stay strong we are all here for you, and I'm sure you'll find a guy who will love you and the children unconditionally.

[Diezel]

Abort him from your life. And I don't mean the baby.

[ZiggyZoo]

I'm also pregnant and single. I got dumped by my ex in the beginning of December, and as he had ignored me for the entire month of November before that, it was the first chance I had to tell him that I was 8 weeks pregnant. He said that he didn't want me to go through it by myself, but I haven't heard anything since. I contacted him once, after the 20 week ultrasound, and got no response.

 

This is the one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It is almost impossible to totally forget someone when you're growing their baby inside of you. On the other hand though, at some point this little one became almost totally mine, and not "ours" at all, if that makes sense. I almost hope my ex decides to stay away for good, since I'm not looking forward to seeing him again any time soon. But I'm almost four months removed from the breakup and actually doing better than I thought. And I'm sure you will be too.

 

I completely agree with lumberjac, he sounds like he's not going to be around either way. So I'd say make the decision that you can live with, and forget him. Let his ex have him, who wants a guy who would leave his pregnant girlfriend for them anyway? Sounds like she deserves his sorry *ss.

 

I'm glad that you have so much support. You'll find a lot on here too, I know I have. And feel free to PM me anytime.

[MommytoBe]

I really don't understand how i could even care after this. like who does this to someone when theyre pregnant?

 

i dont understand how people can be so cold!

 

I should abort him from my life, i just wish he would at least take responsibility for some reason, i would figure at almost 30, he would stand up and do what's right...

 

Thank you guys. I am trying, its just really hard and i dont want to tell everyone whats happening, because i feel embarassed, like this is my fault i am in this sitatuion...

 

no he wouldnt be around if i had an abortion and i had told him a million times if i ever got pregnant i would never have an abortion!

 

To Ziggy, i am so sorry you went through that too. Its such a horrible thing because pregnancy is supposed to be this beautiful thing shared between two people and now, its only shared by one. i hope im as good as you at 4 months, bc i am crying, every other minute and have horrible morning sickness so i always feel like crap- i dont feel like myself..

 

im just so overwhelmed and hurt.......

[darkmoon]

enjoy your lil family, babies are so cute... aw

[ZiggyZoo]

Don't you dare feel embarrassed! You have nothing to be embarrassed about, how were you to know that he would pull this? HE should be embarrassed for treating you like this! But hey, I completely get it, I still haven't made any real announcement that I'm pregnant for the same reason.

 

And shoot, despite my just having said that, don't feel bad for any of your emotions! Except being embarrassed (I'm contradicting myself, I know). If you miss him, miss him. If you still love him, that's perfectly normal. It'll take a while for it all to sink in, don't make yourself feel worse with unnecessary guilt over something like that. Feel how you feel for now, the rest will come in time. I didn't think I would at times, but I did. You can too, mama.

 

And congratulations, by the way, on your new little one. That can't be said enough. I hope the little naughty lets the morning sickness leave soon, being physically ill doesn't help any.

[goldway90]

What a jerk, i'm sorry he did this to you, cut him off he's not worth it.

And you lady deserve a lot of happiness and believe me you'll find it someday, just keep going forward. I'm sure that little baby is going to be lucky to have a mommy like you. I wish the best of luck.

Edited March 24, 2015 by goldway90
Mistake

[BikerAccnt]

Since he's being such a cold hearted SOB, you should feel no compunction about taking him to court for paternity and child support.

[mightycpa]

I feel like this is both our responsibility and both of our jobs, not just mine..

Be careful what you wish for. He might impart some of those great values to his progeny.

 

I'm down with the dumping advice. After you get the signature that "frees" him from his obligations, you may still have his parents to deal with. If they are decent people, that might be a blessing down the road.

[GorillaTheater]

Since he's being such a cold hearted SOB, you should feel no compunction about taking him to court for paternity and child support.

 

I agree, but the possible downside would be his counterclaim for visitation and/or part-time custody. Not that he likely wants either, but he may well do it out of spite.

[MommytoBe]

i do I feel so embarassed. so his new "girlfriend", the ex, just sent me a picture of them kissing. like who does this?

 

so i told her that is fine, i was not going to choose you or him over my child and that at the end of the day, he is with you because he doesnt want to stand up, support me and be a dad. He only left because i was pregnant, not that that is a valid excuse, but that is the reality of the situation..

 

He didn't leave or try to leave before my pregnancy, so for you to be proud to be with a man who left his pregnant girlfriend and only is with you to spite me is just as bad as him doing it..

 

I dont know how i am going to do this, but i have to find strength in something.. like there has to be something that can help me get over this.. or at least be at peace with it..

[MommytoBe]

i would want him to be involved but i wouldnt want her involved. i know i really have no control over that, but i just cant imagine my baby being around someone that hates me or for me to feel safe with it being around that person. i just cant even imagine.

[mightycpa]

i do I feel so embarassed. so his new "girlfriend", the ex, just sent me a picture of them kissing. like who does this?

 

so i told her that is fine, i was not going to choose you or him over my child and that at the end of the day, he is with you because he doesnt want to stand up, support me and be a dad.

I would have said

 

I remember the day he wore that shirt! Did you taste me? Or my toothpaste?

 

Buy you're right, I mean, who actually antagonizes the ex?

[MommytoBe]

Apparently someone who is insecure in the situation. haha, i tasted like crest, lol!!

 

Shes just making it worse for him because honestly, at some point, he has to deal with me.

 

I dont want any drama, i just want to be happy.

 

And i thought that i made him happy, or made us happy i guess..

[Strength in Healing]

Accept the drama. It's coming. Drama is part of life. Embrace it, find the hilarity of it (in this situation, a very serious one, I understand it can be difficult).

 

This fool can only run so fast, his breath will run faster. He will get worn out after so long. Don't worry, time isn't on his or her side.

[MommytoBe]

It's sad but I know.. I jus feel like I'm a good woman so I don't UNDERSTTAND why this is happening to me.. I guess everything happens for a reason, I mean he used to tell me that all the time..

[d0nnivain]

You need to block the new GF. I never understood women, especially, who wanted to interact with their man's EX or worse, wife / GF. That makes those women smaller in my mind.

 

 

Interacting with this crazy woman is not in the best interests of you or your baby.

 

 

Keep contact with him limited to through lawyers if you decide you want child support. For the baby's sake, think about getting him to terminate his parental rights because really how will you explain to your child that daddy wanted him / her aborted? It's better to say the sperm donor is gone.

[MommytoBe]

Right, i NEVER understood why she wanted to talk to me? Like IM PREGNANT... why would you even want to speak with me?

 

She lied and said she was pregnant and then said all types of stuff. I was just like alright, well I hope you feel good about yourself being with a man who left his pregnant girlfriend of like 5+ years because she wouldnt have an abortion for him.

 

I REFUSE to let anyone have control over my body, period.. This is my baby and I will love my baby no matter what. I do hope that he feels some type of guilt at some point for doing this to me, but my child and I are truly the innocent party in this and we've done nothing wrong. I only tried to protect its life..

[No Limit]

Your ex wants to go for his ex but doesn't want to pay child support so he wants you to abort. What a jerk.

[MommytoBe]

He told me if i didn't get an abortion he was going to be with her while i was pregnant..

 

Real mature.. Like, why dont you stand up and be a father instead of leaving because you can't make me do what you want me to do..

 

I dont understand the selfishness of some people! I praise the good men on this earth, wherever they are hiding at, lol...

[ZiggyZoo]

I am so pissed off right now at your ex and that piece of trash he took up with! I know you may not be seing it at the moment, but he did you such a huge favor by showing who he really is. And it'll be nice to be able to look at this crap too, when you start to miss him. It really helps to have such terrible behavior to help reinforce the fact that you are so much better off. I think you should block them both. There's nothing your ex can do for you and the baby now anyway, and his new tramp shouldn't even be sticking her nose in at all.

 

I'm glad for your sake that you're getging angry too. Beats being sad any day. You'll have plenty more sad, for sure, but anger is great for getting stuff done.

 

As far as visitation and all that, I've contacted a lawyer myself. It may be different in your state, but here the Friend of the Court handles everything for free. Again, it may be a little different for your state, but my lawyer said that the fact that my ex isn't involved now.and hasn't responded to any attempts I've made to include him will make it harder for him to get visitation. Especially in the first year. I made sure that I saved copies of all correspondance I've had with him (texts and one e-mail) and wrote down all the details of my sutuation. I'd suggest you do the same, especially if your ex is still with the same trash he is now. It won't look good for him if he's trying to bring your baby around someone who's so hostile to you. The courts don't like that sort of thing. But you don't need to worry about that for a few months, and I promise that things will calm down for you before then. Maybe not with him, but you yourself will feel better by then.

[MommytoBe]

I really REALLY hope so. I am just disgusted with them both. Well, he blocked me or she did, she sent me a picture of her blocking my number on his phone... You're so right, my baby is NOT her business, it's his, but at the end of the day, it's really just mine!

 

Yes, being sad is the worst thing ever- I am fine today, lol, pregnancy emotions go back and forth..

 

I dont think we have anything like that in CA. Where do you live? He doesn't have much to get, so I don't even know if that's a plausible idea at this point. I have ALL his texts telling me to get an abortion and the times I attempted to contact him, but there's really no point. I tried yesterday because she was contacting me and then she had his phone because SHE responded to me instead of him, lol....

 

I don't know if I'd even want to take him to court or deal with him. If I don't have a dad listed, it may be easier to make all the decisions for the baby on my own. That's very true! I don't want my child to be around her no matter what, under ANY circumstance because I just wouldn't trust her with my baby- like she would hurt him or something.

 

How long did it take you to start like feeling better and accepting the situation for what it is? Like i think im in denial right now. Like when did you start being happy and being OK with being alone and dealing with your pregnancy alone? Youre so strong!!!! I need that strength!!!