Lying, Cheating, Deception - Left for Someone Else and Left in the Dark

[nba321]

First post and a long story but I will keep it as concise as possible.

 

Got involved with a girl 8 months ago. Things were great, she really chased me, we started hooking up for a couple months and then we slapped the whole gf/bf label on us. I introduced her to my friends/family and everyone liked her. We never had any problems and we fell deeply in love. Fast forward to August and she left across the country for school. I go to school only an hour away from where we both live. Anyway, for about a month before she left for school, she started asking me if we were going to do the long distance thing or not. I told her I didn't want to but she kind of pressured me into it, and I was starting to fall very hard for her, so I agreed to it. I knew it would take a lot of work/effort, but I was willing to put that in based on my feelings for her.

 

August came, she went away to school. First two weeks were alright, talking on the phone, skyping here and there, but mostly texting all day everyday. It was her first time away, or on her own, and I had already done the whole college thing (I'm 22 she's 20) so I knew she would be meeting other people, enjoying her newfound independence and all that sh*t. I didn't wanna get in the way of her college experience and I told her that, which she "appreciated" and thanked me for. About a month passed and I could sense she was becoming distant. Our convo's lacked substance, it became nearly impossible to Skype with her, and she would just not respond for hours on hours. I called her out on it, told her I felt like I was the only one putting in effort and that it needed to change. She told me how sorry she was and how she had been a *****y gf and would start putting in more effort, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. To cut a long story short, same pattern went on for the next 4 months. No effort on her part, told me she'd change, never did. I tried to visit her or have her come visit me, but she said she thought it would be better/make us stronger if we could get through the semester without seeing each other.

 

Anyway, the semester was not very peaceful to say the least. Lots of stress, lots of small fights that could have been avoided, and a lot of guilt trips by her--pretty much things I don't like. I try to live a drama free life but this girl seems to strive on it. Fast forward to Christmas, she comes home, we spend some time together and it appeared everything was great between us, so I just chalked up all the problems due to the distance. I see she texting this guy a lot and she said it was just a friend and all that. She was always worried about me cheating on her and leaving her, (she had a messed up past with her family) and always told me she worried I was going to find someone closer to home and my age. I asked her again who the guy was, she got mad at me for asking and swore that she never cheated. She even went as far to say that this guy meant nothing to her.

 

Then, on Christmas (hell of a present, right?), I finally find out she was seeing this guy and was cheating on me. Every time I asked her about anyone while we were away at school she would get mad and say "how could you even think that" which would turn into a fight and her holding a grudge for a day or so and when I asked her about him to her face she got mad and said I didn't trust her. I called her to see what the deal was and she finally admitted that she had been cheating. She said for only about 2 weeks but we all know thats BS. I then find out she never told anyone about me at school (probably why she didn't want me to visit) She would always get mad at me when I'd ask "does anyone even know about me" because it honestly seemed like no one did. Anyway, she was telling everyone she was single. I also found out that she stole this guy away from her roommate. She would always tell me that her and her roommate had problems and that she was such a bit*h, but now I know why they had problems. The whole time she was cheating, she was telling me how I was the best thing that ever happened to her, how she wanted to marry me, have kids with me, she was even looking up houses to live and would send me pictures of them. Kinda weird considering she's 20 and has 2 years of school left but Id go along with it and tell her oh that looks nice and what not.

 

I break up with her obviously, and then she starts sending me like 30 texts in a row begging for me back, saying she'll never talk to him again and she can't live without me. I told her that we'd never work if that guy was in the picture. After all her begging, I saw her, we hooked up and gave it another try. She was going back to school and I kept asking her what she was gonna do about the guy and she said she would tell him about us and that they can't see each other. I, regretfully, believed her. She goes back to school, and the trust was all messed up. I tried not to bring him up too much because that would just hinder whatever we were trying to rekindle, but sometimes I had to. She told me she had seen him but they never hung out anymore because she was too busy. This went on for about 2 weeks, but then I found out they were actually dating the whole time and she was just continuing to lie to me and cheat on me. I told her that was it, and I got the same begging that she gave me the first time. She would say stuff like "please don't leave me, I love you so much" and send me text upon text upon text. This went on for like another 2 weeks while she was still dating that other guy. She said she was gonna break up with him to be with me and that I was it for her, and she knew she belonged with me. She said I am going to marry you and walk down the aisle towards you.

 

The very next day, she essentially goes back on everything she said, and leaves me for him. She completely stopped talking to me, won't respond to anything I tried to say/ask. I got to the point where I realized if she isn't going to respond, then I wasn't going to keep texting her. With that said, I haven't talked to her for about 3 and a half weeks. Her and this other guy are still together, apparently in love, and I'm left here thinking WTF happened.

 

How can someone pressure me into doing a long distance relationship, hide me from her friends and family, tell everyone she's single, go out and cheat on me, lie to me every single day, continue to tell me she loves me and wants to marry me, and then beg for me back when I broke up with her, only for her to repeat everything once again. And then, on top of it, blind side me and leave me in the dark like I never existed or meant anything to her in the first place, when she was telling me how much I meant to her and how much she loved me.

 

Feeling a bit confused, rejected, and hurt.

 

For some reason I miss her. I don't want her back but I am not over what she did to me and don't think I will ever be over what she did to me. I thought what we shared was true, but she is very, very good at manipulating/lying to get her way. I treated her pretty fuc*ing well, was always there for her, and tried to see the good in her, only to be left scratching my head wondering how a person could do that.

 

Just wanted to get everything out. Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.

[Karin2rinkashi]

First post and a long story but I will keep it as concise as possible.

 

Got involved with a girl 8 months ago. Things were great, she really chased me, we started hooking up for a couple months and then we slapped the whole gf/bf label on us. I introduced her to my friends/family and everyone liked her. We never had any problems and we fell deeply in love. Fast forward to August and she left across the country for school. I go to school only an hour away from where we both live. Anyway, for about a month before she left for school, she started asking me if we were going to do the long distance thing or not. I told her I didn't want to but she kind of pressured me into it, and I was starting to fall very hard for her, so I agreed to it. I knew it would take a lot of work/effort, but I was willing to put that in based on my feelings for her.

 

August came, she went away to school. First two weeks were alright, talking on the phone, skyping here and there, but mostly texting all day everyday. It was her first time away, or on her own, and I had already done the whole college thing (I'm 22 she's 20) so I knew she would be meeting other people, enjoying her newfound independence and all that sh*t. I didn't wanna get in the way of her college experience and I told her that, which she "appreciated" and thanked me for. About a month passed and I could sense she was becoming distant. Our convo's lacked substance, it became nearly impossible to Skype with her, and she would just not respond for hours on hours. I called her out on it, told her I felt like I was the only one putting in effort and that it needed to change. She told me how sorry she was and how she had been a *****y gf and would start putting in more effort, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. To cut a long story short, same pattern went on for the next 4 months. No effort on her part, told me she'd change, never did. I tried to visit her or have her come visit me, but she said she thought it would be better/make us stronger if we could get through the semester without seeing each other.

 

Anyway, the semester was not very peaceful to say the least. Lots of stress, lots of small fights that could have been avoided, and a lot of guilt trips by her--pretty much things I don't like. I try to live a drama free life but this girl seems to strive on it. Fast forward to Christmas, she comes home, we spend some time together and it appeared everything was great between us, so I just chalked up all the problems due to the distance. I see she texting this guy a lot and she said it was just a friend and all that. She was always worried about me cheating on her and leaving her, (she had a messed up past with her family) and always told me she worried I was going to find someone closer to home and my age. I asked her again who the guy was, she got mad at me for asking and swore that she never cheated. She even went as far to say that this guy meant nothing to her.

 

Then, on Christmas (hell of a present, right?), I finally find out she was seeing this guy and was cheating on me. Every time I asked her about anyone while we were away at school she would get mad and say "how could you even think that" which would turn into a fight and her holding a grudge for a day or so and when I asked her about him to her face she got mad and said I didn't trust her. I called her to see what the deal was and she finally admitted that she had been cheating. She said for only about 2 weeks but we all know thats BS. I then find out she never told anyone about me at school (probably why she didn't want me to visit) She would always get mad at me when I'd ask "does anyone even know about me" because it honestly seemed like no one did. Anyway, she was telling everyone she was single. I also found out that she stole this guy away from her roommate. She would always tell me that her and her roommate had problems and that she was such a bit*h, but now I know why they had problems. The whole time she was cheating, she was telling me how I was the best thing that ever happened to her, how she wanted to marry me, have kids with me, she was even looking up houses to live and would send me pictures of them. Kinda weird considering she's 20 and has 2 years of school left but Id go along with it and tell her oh that looks nice and what not.

 

I break up with her obviously, and then she starts sending me like 30 texts in a row begging for me back, saying she'll never talk to him again and she can't live without me. I told her that we'd never work if that guy was in the picture. After all her begging, I saw her, we hooked up and gave it another try. She was going back to school and I kept asking her what she was gonna do about the guy and she said she would tell him about us and that they can't see each other. I, regretfully, believed her. She goes back to school, and the trust was all messed up. I tried not to bring him up too much because that would just hinder whatever we were trying to rekindle, but sometimes I had to. She told me she had seen him but they never hung out anymore because she was too busy. This went on for about 2 weeks, but then I found out they were actually dating the whole time and she was just continuing to lie to me and cheat on me. I told her that was it, and I got the same begging that she gave me the first time. She would say stuff like "please don't leave me, I love you so much" and send me text upon text upon text. This went on for like another 2 weeks while she was still dating that other guy. She said she was gonna break up with him to be with me and that I was it for her, and she knew she belonged with me. She said I am going to marry you and walk down the aisle towards you.

 

The very next day, she essentially goes back on everything she said, and leaves me for him. She completely stopped talking to me, won't respond to anything I tried to say/ask. I got to the point where I realized if she isn't going to respond, then I wasn't going to keep texting her. With that said, I haven't talked to her for about 3 and a half weeks. Her and this other guy are still together, apparently in love, and I'm left here thinking WTF happened.

 

How can someone pressure me into doing a long distance relationship, hide me from her friends and family, tell everyone she's single, go out and cheat on me, lie to me every single day, continue to tell me she loves me and wants to marry me, and then beg for me back when I broke up with her, only for her to repeat everything once again. And then, on top of it, blind side me and leave me in the dark like I never existed or meant anything to her in the first place, when she was telling me how much I meant to her and how much she loved me.

 

Feeling a bit confused, rejected, and hurt.

 

For some reason I miss her. I don't want her back but I am not over what she did to me and don't think I will ever be over what she did to me. I thought what we shared was true, but she is very, very good at manipulating/lying to get her way. I treated her pretty fuc*ing well, was always there for her, and tried to see the good in her, only to be left scratching my head wondering how a person could do that.

 

Just wanted to get everything out. Any advice/thoughts would be appreciated.

 

You just ****in described what happened to me.....

 

Even the part about sending me pictures of the houses and making future plans.... But i never had a solid proof of her cheating.

 

She was in a relationship 1 week after we broke up. So that said a lot.... didn't really need any proof after that.

 

What goes around comes around brother....

 

Keep NC, hit the gym, find a new hobby (I started Skydiving, looking forward to getting my license. That **** is scary), hang out with friends.

 

It is going to be tough in the first few weeks.... but you will get better...

 

 

Listen, don't get into that thought process of analysing the **** out of this. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DID could have fixed this situation. Don't let yourself think that "Oh! Maybe if i did this or maybe if i did that..."

 

NOPE! You gave her space and so did i. We tried to stay away from their new found freedom.... because we trusted them.

 

But the problem is that they took it the wrong way....

 

When life kicks them hard, they will look back. And trust me, life teaches us all a lesson at some point.

 

Be glad that me and you learned ours sooner than they did.

 

 

The best part, they are the ones who have to live with this decision... NOT US!

 

 

MOVE ON! OUT LIVE HER, OUTSMART HER, OUT DO HER, OUT EARN HER....

 

The best revenge!!

[No Limit]

You were the nice guy and she used this for her advantage. When caught she acted remorseful to manipulate you, you complied and she didn't need you anymore.

 

By all means stop takling to this girl, move on, and don't take cheaters back to save yourself the time and nerves.

[mightycpa]

So I really don't get the part where you had already been to college, she had never been away from home, you knew what that was like and somehow you deluded yourself into thinking she wouldn't meet anybody and do this?

 

Then, once she did, predictably by the way, you still took her back in her freshman year with the expectation that it wouldn't happen again?

 

You were (are?) in serious denial, my friend. Your best move would have been to keep her as an FWB, and let her get these urges out of her system.

 

So, to answer your question:

How can someone pressure me into doing a long distance relationship, hide me from her friends and family, tell everyone she's single, go out and cheat on me, lie to me every single day, continue to tell me she loves me and wants to marry me, and then beg for me back when I broke up with her, only for her to repeat everything once again. And then, on top of it, blind side me and leave me in the dark like I never existed or meant anything to her in the first place, when she was telling me how much I meant to her and how much she loved me.

 

You brought all this misery on yourself. You had to know it would happen. It's one thing to be left behind back home, and to have never gone to college. At least in that case, you have no idea what it's like, and can claim a defense of ignorance. But you've been there. You knew, or you should have known. This kid went to a candy store, and you expected her to not start sampling. Twice.

 

Buck up, my friend. Stop looking backwards, and take this life lesson with you.

[Karin2rinkashi]

So I really don't get the part where you had already been to college, she had never been away from home, you knew what that was like and somehow you deluded yourself into thinking she wouldn't meet anybody and do this?

 

Then, once she did, predictably by the way, you still took her back in her freshman year with the expectation that it wouldn't happen again?

 

You were (are?) in serious denial, my friend. Your best move would have been to keep her as an FWB, and let her get these urges out of her system.

 

So, to answer your question:

 

 

You brought all this misery on yourself. You had to know it would happen. It's one thing to be left behind back home, and to have never gone to college. At least in that case, you have no idea what it's like, and can claim a defense of ignorance. But you've been there. You knew, or you should have known. This kid went to a candy store, and you expected her to not start sampling. Twice.

 

Buck up, my friend. Stop looking backwards, and take this life lesson with you.

 

 

And your girl is only about 20 or something. First time in college, and now getting all the attention.... Mine was 24, went for her master's. I thought she knew what she wanted be this time.... but nope!

 

So, it isn't really about age, or how many times you have been to college.

 

It is just about people and them growing up.

 

They will eventually realize that nice guys are tough to come by...

 

 

That is tragedy of life.... some lessons are learned the hard way...

[nba321]

So I really don't get the part where you had already been to college, she had never been away from home, you knew what that was like and somehow you deluded yourself into thinking she wouldn't meet anybody and do this?

 

Then, once she did, predictably by the way, you still took her back in her freshman year with the expectation that it wouldn't happen again?

 

You were (are?) in serious denial, my friend. Your best move would have been to keep her as an FWB, and let her get these urges out of her system.

 

So, to answer your question:

 

 

You brought all this misery on yourself. You had to know it would happen. It's one thing to be left behind back home, and to have never gone to college. At least in that case, you have no idea what it's like, and can claim a defense of ignorance. But you've been there. You knew, or you should have known. This kid went to a candy store, and you expected her to not start sampling. Twice.

 

Buck up, my friend. Stop looking backwards, and take this life lesson with you.

 

This wasn't her freshman year. She was a transfer student so it was her junior year but first time actually on her own. She kept telling me she wanted a serious relationship and led me on saying all the right things. She told me she was ashamed of her past (decent amount of guys/hookups) so its not like she never had any fun/experienced college life during her first 2 years of college at home.

 

She's never been alone since high school, has always had a guy in the picture, so I'm thinking since I wasn't physically there with her, she felt like she needed someone closer.

[Karin2rinkashi]

This wasn't her freshman year. She was a transfer student so it was her junior year but first time actually on her own. She kept telling me she wanted a serious relationship and led me on saying all the right things. She told me she was ashamed of her past (decent amount of guys/hookups) so its not like she never had any fun/experienced college life during her first 2 years of college at home.

 

She's never been alone since high school, has always had a guy in the picture, so I'm thinking since I wasn't physically there with her, she felt like she needed someone closer.

 

 

Dude you are just describing exactly my case.

 

 

**** them dude... you can't force them to change their decision....

 

It is what it is... and it is their loss....

[dreamingoftigers]

Some people are just like this.

 

They want to be loved and liked by everyone but not give much in return, especially loyalty.

 

They say all of the right words and take no responsibility for their actions.

 

(I think it's a form of mental illness, actually).

 

BUT the important thing is to realize that it is about her extreme lack of empathy and responsibility to others. No you. She is the type that will do it to more guys in the future.

 

The guy she was with was probably not getting the real story either.

 

That's the hard part about dating and marriage etc. Screening these people out and finding someone peaceful, respectful, honest and loyal to be with and invest in a future with.

[mightycpa]

I think it's a form of mental illness, actually

That's a little harsh, don't you think? It's called youth.

 

Most of this stuff is new, and not many people realize just how big the world is and how much it has to offer. Where person A might be quite the standout in the small world of our youth, person G might be quite a bit more in a new expanded world. Then, once out into the real world, chances are that you'll meet some super interesting and compatible people with money, and the people in your memory can hardly compare.

 

It's all about time and growth and change. I don't know that you can call the embrace of life's experience unnatural.

 

Moreover, about the cheating, a lot of people don't learn that it is ok to hurt someone's feelings by being truthful, especially if the alternative is to lie to them to be selfish, or to spare that hurt. They learn about that as they go, hopefully. In fact, I'm sure of it.

 

So I cut young cheaters and dumpers a whole lot of slack. They don't know what they're doing, and I know the dumpees will be ok in the end too. Getting dumped is also a growth experience. Like all good medicine, it's not pleasant going down.

 

Maybe you were more fortunate in your youth. Maybe you had that clear vision of what the world was like, and how to act. Personally, I was an idiot, and each new experience, good or bad, was formative, with many, many lessons. Sometimes I had to take those lessons twice, three times. Eventually, I think I turned out alright.

[mightycpa]

This wasn't her freshman year. She was a transfer student so it was her junior year but first time actually on her own. She kept telling me she wanted a serious relationship and led me on saying all the right things. She told me she was ashamed of her past (decent amount of guys/hookups) so its not like she never had any fun/experienced college life during her first 2 years of college at home.

 

She's never been alone since high school, has always had a guy in the picture, so I'm thinking since I wasn't physically there with her, she felt like she needed someone closer.

OK, well, less egregious, I'll admit, but still, you had to know about the effect of a sudden exposure to freedom among all those educated peers who study during the day and party every night.

 

Same principle applies, except that now it will only last for two or three years.

 

And yes, at that age, at most ages, actually being there counts for a whole lot.

[Karin2rinkashi]

OK, well, less egregious, I'll admit, but still, you had to know about the effect of a sudden exposure to freedom among all those educated peers who study during the day and party every night.

 

Same principle applies, except that now it will only last for two or three years.

 

And yes, at that age, at most ages, actually being there counts for a whole lot.

 

Well, it could be some kind of mental illness.... There are many disorders associated with this type of behavior. BPD is the biggest culprit as i have noticed.

 

Also, i think if you are saying that it can happen at every age, then age isn't really the controlling factor. Is it?

 

It really comes down to who has matured and who hasn't. When life puts you through REALLY ****ty times, you learn and mature.

 

Some people play with other people's emotions when they are 18. But as they turn 20, they get played on. And they hurt just like the person they hurt 2 years ago. So now, they sit in their room and remember how they did the same thing. Most people will have that AHA! moment and change... some won't.

 

Some of them get lucky, they play on someone when they were 18, then get out of it and do the same thing to the next one, and until they are 24 or 30. They got lucky and never got to experience the other shorter end of the stick. And they will keep doing it until they get hurt by someone too and learn that lesson. Then one day they will be sitting in their room too, crying about the pain. And all those people will zoom past their eyes.... the ones they hurt....

 

See, when we are immature, we don't know the value of having nice people, people who love us truely, we see them as just a push over. But when life teaches you that harsh lesson, you remember them all... But you won't see the value until and unless you have learned that lesson.... What lesson? That it bloody HURTS....

 

 

Personal experience.....

Edited March 24, 2015 by Karin2rinkashi

[nba321]

 

So I cut young cheaters and dumpers a whole lot of slack. They don't know what they're doing, and I know the dumpees will be ok in the end too. Getting dumped is also a growth experience. Like all good medicine, it's not pleasant going down.

 

 

I'm with you on the growth experience. It certainly has been and I am seeing things more clearly. However, I don't think anyone should be given "slack" for cheating, young or old. The fact that this girl pressured me into a long-distance relationship, started dating him on the side, then came back and acted like nothing happened and continued lying to my face like she had for 4 months straight, is not condonable. Have some self control. If your in a relationship, act like your in one, rather than openly invite someone into your life and keep the other one in the dark. If you don't want to be in a relationship, break it off instead of living two lives. I wouldn't say what she did will help her grow. She is just going to continue doing that in the future because she is too afraid to be honest, and would rather act in her selfish ways.

[ZiggyZoo]

She did it because, yes, she's 20. And because she's likely never had anyone do the same to her, lie and cheat and break her heart. She wanted to have the security of you at home while dipping her toes in other waters. It is understandable, but not right at all. And it hurts like hell, and I'm sorry it has happened to you. The good thing? Chances of you ever doing it to someone else are slim, since you know how much it hurts. And you'll know that you can come back from something so hurtful, which will make you stronger.

 

This other guy isn't getting any prize, remember. He gets a girl who is more than capable of cheating on two people at the same time, and lying to them both. You're better off without her.

[nba321]

She did it because, yes, she's 20. And because she's likely never had anyone do the same to her, lie and cheat and break her heart.

 

And actually, yes she has, or so she says. She was with someone for almost 2 years and she found out he was cheating on her, and therefore told me she would never cheat on anyone because she understands what it feels like.

[Karin2rinkashi]

I'm with you on the growth experience. It certainly has been and I am seeing things more clearly. However, I don't think anyone should be given "slack" for cheating, young or old. The fact that this girl pressured me into a long-distance relationship, started dating him on the side, then came back and acted like nothing happened and continued lying to my face like she had for 4 months straight, is not condonable. Have some self control. If your in a relationship, act like your in one, rather than openly invite someone into your life and keep the other one in the dark. If you don't want to be in a relationship, break it off instead of living two lives. I wouldn't say what she did will help her grow. She is just going to continue doing that in the future because she is too afraid to be honest, and would rather act in her selfish ways.

 

 

What she did to you is in no way going to help her to grow. In fact, if i remember my "player" time correctly, every victim that you leave behind makes you feel invincible. You feel like life is full of opportunities and that you will always be able to get out....

 

Until, you choose your next victim and SOMEHOW you end up getting attached. You forget about that game that you were playing, you actually somehow just end up falling for them.... And THEN it hits your like a ton of bricks.....

 

 

It changes your life.......

[ZiggyZoo]

What she did to you is in no way going to help her to grow. In fact, if i remember my "player" time correctly, every victim that you leave behind makes you feel invincible. You feel like life is full of opportunities and that you will always be able to get out....

 

Until, you choose your next victim and SOMEHOW you end up getting attached. You forget about that game that you were playing, you actually somehow just end up falling for them.... And THEN it hits your like a ton of bricks.....

 

 

It changes your life.......

 

I hear this. I was 35 when the bottom fell out of my world, and I looked back and felt awful for how I had treated my exs. I would never do it to anyone else, that's for sure.

[Karin2rinkashi]

And actually, yes she has, or so she says. She was with someone for almost 2 years and she found out he was cheating on her, and therefore told me she would never cheat on anyone because she understands what it feels like.

 

You have to realize that if she is the way she acted with you, and she has been like that since she started dating.... she wasn't as emotionally invested in that guy as you were into her....

 

So even if he cheated, she probably felt betrayed and angry. But because she was also on the same page as the guy who cheated, and the guy just beat her TO IT, that means she DIDN't really get that knock...

 

 

Do you know what i mean? Like, yes she got cheated on, but she was also on the same page.... so... it doesn't hurt really....

[Karin2rinkashi]

I hear this. I was 35 when the bottom fell out of my world, and I looked back and felt awful for how I had treated my exs. I would never do it to anyone else, that's for sure.

 

I am 24... so i got on the right path earlier... I am so glad....

 

 

**** playing around with people.... i feel so bad sometimes...

[mightycpa]

You have to realize that if she is the way she acted with you, and she has been like that since she started dating.... she wasn't as emotionally invested in that guy as you were into her....

 

So even if he cheated, she probably felt betrayed and angry. But because she was also on the same page as the guy who cheated, and the guy just beat her TO IT, that means she DIDN't really get that knock...

 

 

Do you know what i mean? Like, yes she got cheated on, but she was also on the same page.... so... it doesn't hurt really....

 

I think I know what you mean. I cheated on a GF I loved, and she never found out. In the end, about a year later, I didn't want to marry her, so she cheated on me and made sure I found out. I think for her, it was both a way to detach emotionally and a way to say **** YOU. For me, well, I didn't like it, and it did hurt, but it wasn't the end of the world. I felt worse about her choosing to detach her emotions than I felt about the physical act of her cheating. The cheating wasn't really the issue for me. I kept in touch for a while, and I don't even know if she kept seeing the guy. We just never talked about it because I didn't have anything to resolve with her on that front.

 

That's kinda weird now that I think about it.

[mightycpa]

I am 24... so i got on the right path earlier... I am so glad....

 

 

**** playing around with people.... i feel so bad sometimes...

 

I was 31 when I became an upright young man. I honestly think all that stuff I did before actually prepared me for marriage in a perverse sort of way. I could say "been there, done that" to just about everything, which really helps when you start looking around later on, and when you start counting up your regrets. I had none in this arena. It also helps you know whether the grass might really be greener. I'm convinced that I know the chances of that. If I hadn't had the experiences I did, I might not look at things so realistically.

[nba321]

What do you guys make of her just completely cutting off all contact with me like I don't exist anymore? She even went as far to block me on everything as well. Don't understand why she did everything she did and then just cut me out of her life completely.

[Karin2rinkashi]

What do you guys make of her just completely cutting off all contact with me like I don't exist anymore? She even went as far to block me on everything as well. Don't understand why she did everything she did and then just cut me out of her life completely.

 

That is how it works man.... you didn't really mean anything to her.

 

You can accept that and move on.... you have to!

 

That is the reality.....

 

 

You can take solace in the fact that IF you treated her really good, and the relationship was good, then when she looks back (after life knocks her to the ground) she will be full of regrets..... and you will be with someone awesome by then....

[Karin2rinkashi]

I was 31 when I became an upright young man. I honestly think all that stuff I did before actually prepared me for marriage in a perverse sort of way. I could say "been there, done that" to just about everything, which really helps when you start looking around later on, and when you start counting up your regrets. I had none in this arena. It also helps you know whether the grass might really be greener. I'm convinced that I know the chances of that. If I hadn't had the experiences I did, I might not look at things so realistically.

 

Sorry, i didn't mean to say that you are late or i am lucky over you....

 

I just meant that i am glad i learned this lesson...

 

Grass is not really green.... it is the same EVERYWHERE.....

 

 

If you find a reliable person who is willing to stick to your side through the good and the bad..... TAKE HIM/HER!

 

 

Force yourself to fall in love with them...... You can love/unlove with time.... but reliability nowadays, that is a rare trait!

 

It is a ****ing jungle out there....

[irishguy]

Be prepared to tell her to f*** off if she comes around when she is back in your area after college is finished for the summer

[Karin2rinkashi]

Be prepared to tell her to f*** off if she comes around when she is back in your area after college is finished for the summer

 

^ what he said.....