CalmBlueDragon Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Well, without giving you my whole life story and boring you all to death, basically the gist of what's happened is my boyfriend of 2 years left me and our four month old baby girl. i suffer from bipolar disorder. Which doesn't affect me too much because I take medicine for it. But, after giving birth to our baby, my mood swings started to show up again. At first, they were mild, but they gradually got worse. He and I didn't really have any problems other than that. I would accuse him of not caring or loving me (didn't really mean it), and he'd just get upset. After awhile, I noticed that my mood swings were pretty bad and scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist, but I couldn't get in until February. And this was January. 5 weeks ago (and 1 day, to be exact ), I was complaining about bad cramps to him over text. I was in a particularly terrible mood swing. Just... Awful. And all he sent back was a frowny face and I FLIPPED on him. Started screaming (over text, anyway) and cussing. I'm normally a very sweet person. Too sweet really. I've been a doormat because of it a lot of my life. And I rarely ever cuss. And the boyfriend has never seen these violent swings before. I was medicated long before we started dating and they stayed suppressed until now. Well, I dumped him. After calling him every bad name in the book about. Now, no rational person would ever do this. Anyway, the next day I snapped out of that mood swing and came back profusely apologizing. I said sorry so many damn times. I tried to explain to him that it was caused by my mental illness and told him I was getting more meds in a week, but he wouldn't have any of it. He said that it wasn't a mood swing and it was how I actually felt about him. He's the love of my life, and I told him I hated him on that day. He basically left me, because my dumping him doesn't count as I wasn't really meaning it. But he did. He left, I begged and begged and begged for a week straight. Not pathetically, but trying to make things work, for the sake of our family and our baby girl. But he said no. It's been 5 weeks since the breakup and he's come to see his baby 2 times since. Each visit lasting two minutes at the most. I just don't understand what happened. I got medicated more in February, and I'm done with violent swings and I told him so, but he still doesn't want to come back. So I gave up trying, because it's only pushing him away further. It's been 4 weeks since I've begged and 1 week of no contact. I just don't feel like he's going to come back. I tried to explain myself the best I could. I even gave him a bunch of links to understanding their partner's bipolarity. I'm so heartbroken. Not only for me, but for my daughter. It doesn't seem like he cares about either of us. He just kept on ignoring me. I'm so scared of being a single mother for the rest of my life. I'm 19 years old, and the best job here will pay minimum wage most likely. I just want him to come back and be a family. If he really loves me, he'll come back... Right? If it's meant to be, it'll be.... That's just what I keep telling myself. But I need other people's advice. Should I hate him? And yes, he's currently paying child support. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help sorry for the long essay, I just wanted to be as specific as possible Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 If he was to come back to try again, I would imagine it would be months down the road anything sooner than that will be a recipe for disaster. You both have to learn to live without each other and clear your minds. Jumping back in to a relationship, that seems very toxic for the both of you, is not healthy for either of you Link to post Share on other sites
ruhrohcd Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through this. I suffer from pretty severe depression and my partner left me almost 7 months ago. I'm twice your age, but I'm still struggling with accepting that my mental illness doesn't excuse my shortcomings in my ex-partner's eyes. I was never mean, never cussed at her. I always built her up and directed my anger and pain inward. I was constantly exhausted, so doing household chores usually didn't register on my list of top priorities; I thought that because I worked full-time and she didn't work at all (she was a part-time nursing student) she would see my financial support as a fair trade for slouching on chores. I was very wrong. So when she left she blamed my depression, and my not helping out enough around the house. I have no idea if those were the real reasons, contributing reasons, or just lies. The reality is that she left and hasn't looked back. I sincerely hope this works out in your favor. Regardless, you'll have to learn that some people will love you despite your illness while others don't have what it takes. I thought my ex did, but I was wrong. I hope that you're not. I know this probably doesn't leave you feeling very good about your situation. I'm sorry for that, but it's my reality. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Your story really hits home for me. I have bipolar 2, and am currently pregnant and single. My ex doesn't want to have anything to do with me, and I'm guessing not with the baby either. I was also a single mom at age 19, so I know how hard that can be. Great big hugs from me, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, NC (or LC, since you have a baby together) is the only way to go for now. It'll do you both well in the long run too, taking time away from the stressful relationship and focusing on yourselves. It's great that you're on meds and starting to stabilize, this is a stressful situation anyway without having a chemical imbalance messing it up more. And Mi7522 is exactly right, if there is to be a reconciliation, then it'll have to be down the road. This relationship is done, and any future ones will have to take place only when the issues that ended this one have been addressed and resolved. You're already taking steps to do that, which is wonderful. You now need to let your ex do the same on his end. It's hard as hell, but tell yourself that this is the only way it will work. And I wouldn't write his and your daughter's relationship off either yet. It's only been a week of NC, and five weeks since all this happened. I would recommend continuing with the NC and letting things settle a bit. If you looked back, it was probably tough for a lot longer than you realized. I think that it's pretty unlikely that one text or argument could end a relationship like that. You said that your mood swings started to show up after your baby was born. So that's like four months of not knowing what kind of mood you're in or how you're going to react to something. It adds up, and he may have just had enough. The best way you can show him that you're getting more stable and the mood swings are under control is to show him. And that means letting things be. I normally never ever suggest this, but you're going to have to have some contact with him because of the little one, so maybe a very short note would be fine. Just say that you are giving both of you space to work through what happened, that you are doing much better with the mood swings, and if he wants to visit the baby, you will not talk about the relationship at all. Or he can visit with her somewhere else if it's more comfortable for him. Nothing about the two of you, and FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. If you make it clear with your words and actions that the only connection you will seek with him is for the sake of your daughter and he still ignores you, then he's no good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CalmBlueDragon Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thank you all for your replies. They all helped. This is just really tough. And yes, I understand it was pretty toxic. And I definitely wouldn't want to try again right away. I do think we need our time apart, and sort things out with ourselves. And ZiggyZoo, I totally agree with you! I'm glad to know I'm not alone, though I'm very sorry you're in that situation. I wish people were more understanding of our condition. But I did send him a message telling him almost exactly what you suggested a couple weeks ago, when I got medicated. He ignored every single word of it. So 5 days ago, I sent him a farewell message, basically. Told him that I accept the break up and I'm sorry I hurt him. Stuff like that. Wish him well. Ignored that too though. I don't even know if he's worth it if he's going to be ignoring everything I say Link to post Share on other sites
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