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I feel so awful...


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But this time, its not what you think.

 

I know i shouldnt have perhaps, but i came across the last few messages me and my ex, yes her number is deleted and the message thread was buried under a lot of other messages, had months ago.

 

Oh my God do i feel so ashamed and embarrassed at the way i was acting and the way i acted towards her. Its nigh on cringe worthy the rationale i was applying, and i can just say its made me a whole lot humble. Looking back at it now i can see i lost a tonne load of dignity, self worth and honour trying to win her back or keep her around. The typical me, the normal me wouldn't have ever done such a thing, but blinded by emotion i cant believe how bad i spiralled and how low i stooped.

 

Even when she messaged me after a while asking me to delete her number etc. and that shes moved on, and cant see us being friends, i cant believe i still tried, i still tried to hold on! Fortunately i conceded and accepted it, but boy did i make a big A** out of myself, and now, a person who walks the face of this earth will always know how bad i messed up!

 

IF ONLY I HAD GONE NC straightaway, i wouldnt have made myself look like an idiot! To be honest im not entirely fussed about how my ex thinks or sees me now as a person although i would have wanted to leave the relationship looking like a man instead of a damn wuss. What i am fussed about is the dignity i lost, how i presented myself and finally, the fact that i will probably always hide if i was to bump into my ex out of mere shame and embarrassment!

 

P.S. to my emotions, you done did me over!

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If you see your ex again portray yourself as a confident happy dude. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you do, if you go hide in the corner you're portraying to her the same thing you did when you two broke up. Don't give her the satisfaction of you trying to avoid her

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If you see your ex again portray yourself as a confident happy dude. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you do, if you go hide in the corner you're portraying to her the same thing you did when you two broke up. Don't give her the satisfaction of you trying to avoid her

 

So true, i have seen my ex a few times, and iv been the former, back to my usual, happy, confident self, im looking better, feeling better just everything is going well, i more or less forgot about our last convo. But once i saw it today and recapped on my behaviour damn did some raw realisation hit me.

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I don't want to say that I'm happy that I read your story OP, but it was a reminder to me that I need to keep my dignity through all of this. I should be proud of how I handled the breakup. She left me, a few days later I asked if I could call her, she shot me down. She told me "it is over, what's there to speak of?". I told her I wanted to go back to the way things were and she said she "wasn't looking back". I told her how badly I was hurting, she said "sorry" (yeah right :rolleyes:) and I left it there. I haven't chased her since. Every day has been so hard though. I have days where I want to beg, plead, promise to change, and hand over my dignity just because I believe it would bring us back together.

 

Being strong when you bump into your ex is definitely easier said than done. At least for me. Whenever I see her, my hands and legs start to shake and I feel like so weak. I go to the same school as her, so there's always going to be a chance I see her on campus. She doesn't live that close to me, so I won't see her around town. It's so hard to pretend to be strong, when I am still so hurt from all of this.

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That happens, learn from it and don't do it again. If anything if or when you see her again don't avoid her but give her a wave but don't approach her let her do that if she even wants to. Don't make things awkward

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I don't want to say that I'm happy that I read your story OP, but it was a reminder to me that I need to keep my dignity through all of this. I should be proud of how I handled the breakup. She left me, a few days later I asked if I could call her, she shot me down. She told me "it is over, what's there to speak of?". I told her I wanted to go back to the way things were and she said she "wasn't looking back". I told her how badly I was hurting, she said "sorry" (yeah right :rolleyes:) and I left it there. I haven't chased her since. Every day has been so hard though. I have days where I want to beg, plead, promise to change, and hand over my dignity just because I believe it would bring us back together.

 

Being strong when you bump into your ex is definitely easier said than done. At least for me. Whenever I see her, my hands and legs start to shake and I feel like so weak. I go to the same school as her, so there's always going to be a chance I see her on campus. She doesn't live that close to me, so I won't see her around town. It's so hard to pretend to be strong, when I am still so hurt from all of this.

 

Mate honestly im happy for you in terms of how you handled the break up after the initial pain, it was way worth it in the long run. Im glad you can take away from my experience and actions in a positive way, and see how stupid i was in my emotional state!

 

Wow fortunately i dont get that bad, my heart jumps but thats about it lol! My ex on the other hand lives close to me, goes past my house every day to work and god knows what else she does now!

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Mate honestly im happy for you in terms of how you handled the break up after the initial pain, it was way worth it in the long run. Im glad you can take away from my experience and actions in a positive way, and see how stupid i was in my emotional state!

 

Wow fortunately i dont get that bad, my heart jumps but thats about it lol! My ex on the other hand lives close to me, goes past my house every day to work and god knows what else she does now!

 

I guess I should mention that this is the second time that she has broken up with me. The first time she did it, I did some chasing, fished for some pity, also found out she cheated so I sent her a long angry message. Eventually blocked and went NC only to have her come back. (and then leave me again)

 

This time I feel like because I walked away so quickly, she might think that I don't care. Maybe she wants me to fight for her or something like that.. Gah this sucks. Also that's really unfortunate that you see her drive past your house every day on her way to work.

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If you've learned from it you can have a free pass.

 

Everybody has done things they regret.

 

Everybody.

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