fitnessfan365 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Came across a thread in the dating forum recently. A woman was asking the best way to end it with a guy. All the women suggested polite, compliment filled responses. But this is one area where women really mess up. If you tell a guy he's really "nice" or that he'll make some woman really lucky, etc all it does is confuse and frustrate him. He'll be wondering why you don't want him if he's so wonderful. Also, it may cause him to pursue you even harder to change your mind. So instead, just be direct and get right to the point with definite closure. Let's say it's a guy you had a few dates with. Text him this - "After two dates, I don't feel any chemistry with you. So let's stop seeing each other". This puts the nail in the coffin, and doesn't leave a guy scratching his head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Oh, brother. Guys do the same thing. It's human nature to try and soften the blow. My favorite is: "You're the most amazing person I've ever met, but......" Amazing: the kiss of death. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I remember one time when I tried to politely decline someone asking me out. I started out by saying "I'm not available", then "I'm not looking to date", until I finally had to say "I don't like the way you look!". I don't know why he got annoyed afterwards. Men are as complex as women after all. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) I remember one time when I tried to politely decline someone asking me out. I started out by saying "I'm not available", then "I'm not looking to date", until I finally had to say "I don't like the way you look!". I don't know why he got annoyed afterwards. Men are as complex as women after all. I know, right? We should be able to be polite while still making it clear that we're not interested, but sometimes it just doesn't work for some reason. A guy was pursuing me persistently several years back and I tried telling him a few times, "I'm sure you'll make a good boyfriend to the right girl, but I'm not that girl. I don't want to be with you." Seriously, is there any room for misinterpretation there?? But no, he had to push harder and harder and demanded to know why until I finally gave him a list of all the things about him that I didn't like. Then he got hurt (and I had already left out the more hurtful parts!). To be fair, we were both quite young, but geez. People shouldn't blame the other person for being polite but honest - they should listen to what is being said. Edited March 5, 2015 by Elswyth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fitnessfan365 Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Oh, brother. Guys do the same thing. It's human nature to try and soften the blow. My favorite is: "You're the most amazing person I've ever met, but......" Amazing: the kiss of death. Haha.. Well now that you know how it feels, don't use the same compliments and cliches to guys that you don't want to see. I'm very direct and honest with any woman I date. A few months ago, I had two first dates in the same week. The first one was truly a fantastic woman. Attractive, funny, etc.. But we didn't have much in common. Then I had the second first date the next night. I had more in common with her. So I texted the first woman and told her straight out "I had two first dates this week - ours and one last night. Unfortunately she's a better fit." The woman thanked me for my honesty and said how refreshing it was that I didn't blow her off or BS her with platitudes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FancyFace Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Oh, brother. Guys do the same thing. It's human nature to try and soften the blow. My favorite is: "You're the most amazing person I've ever met, but......" Amazing: the kiss of death. This is the realest thing that has ever been written!!! I was told I am an amazing person and then discarded like yesterdays news paper! Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 This is the realest thing that has ever been written!!! I was told I am an amazing person and then discarded like yesterdays news paper! I just got this two days ago, and it felt like total bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Let's not forget the classic "you're going to make some lucky man/woman very happy", which is the rhetorical equivalent of putting on mittens before delivering a punch to the jaw. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Let's not forget the classic "you're going to make some lucky man/woman very happy", which is the rhetorical equivalent of putting on mittens before delivering a punch to the jaw. But what if they are and they are just not for you? I don't want to go stomping on some poor guys feet and knocking him out if he is a great guy just because he is not for me! What if they are lovely but its just that the "chemistry" thing isn't there? Surely its better to be honest and let a person have a bit of dignity? Link to post Share on other sites
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 But what if they are and they are just not for you? I don't want to go stomping on some poor guys feet and knocking him out if he is a great guy just because he is not for me! What if they are lovely but its just that the "chemistry" thing isn't there? Surely its better to be honest and let a person have a bit of dignity? Oh, trust me, I've been in that place many times. But in that position I just say that my feelings aren't where they should be and it isn't fair to either of us to continue. When you say things like "you're going to make someone very happy" it comes off as condescending even if it's true. It's like being patted on the head. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 But what if they are and they are just not for you? I don't want to go stomping on some poor guys feet and knocking him out if he is a great guy just because he is not for me! What if they are lovely but its just that the "chemistry" thing isn't there? Surely its better to be honest and let a person have a bit of dignity? Easy-peasy, Toodles: You are such an amazing person! Unfortunately, I'm only attracted to very ordinary people. You're way too much [wo]man for me. The best we can ever be is friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Sometimes, there is no right answer. I recently went on a first date, I was physically attracted to the guy, but there were several mis-match things that I knew would not work out. He had previously told me that he wished women would "just be up front," so when he asked me if I wanted a second date, I nicely told him that I like him, but didn't think we are a match. I thought that was up front. He said that it was too soon for me to make that decision (one date.) I had reflected on it over night and was sure of my decision. I explained more clearly details of things that would end up bothering both of us (not just me.) He then got defensive, telling me that I wasn't "all that." Another guy I attempted to be too nice with, he just kept being aggressive and harassing me, then that turned into him insulting my career. I should have said after the first date: "you are inappropriate and arrogant, and I don't like you. goodbye." So, I just don't worry about it. I usually go nc, unless the guy asks for specifics, and I don't expect a polite reaction, either. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 How about this brushoff if they pestering you after you've been nice: OK, look, I was trying to be nice, but I'm going to tell you the honest truth. I got the feeling you'd be a clingy and needy [b/G]friend, and I hate that. This conversation tells me that I was exactly right about you. The only way you're ever going to prove me wrong is if you leave me alone from now on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 How about this brushoff if they pestering you after you've been nice: I like it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 My first ex-husband, with whom I'm actually friends years later, told me that the best thing about our break-up was that I was direct and never gave him any false hope that we'd get back together. I remember feeling so terrible for hurting him that my guilt kept me away. But I'm glad the outcome was good for him... Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 How about this brushoff if they pestering you after you've been nice: Except mine would be: "look, I was trying to be nice. I got the impression you were socially inappropriate as well as arrogant on our first date. Your insult of my career after telling me all the women you meet are jobless golddiggers, greatly offended me, and I don't even want to know you, much less go on a second date with you. Fug off." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Completely agree! people think they are being 'polite' and 'nice' by letting someone down easily, but as you said all it does is further confuse the dumpee who is left thinking "well if they think I am so great and amazing how come they dont want to be with me"???? my favourite break up line is "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" which from what I have seen and experienced means "I am ready for a relationship right now... but not with you". Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 Oh, trust me, I've been in that place many times. But in that position I just say that my feelings aren't where they should be and it isn't fair to either of us to continue. When you say things like "you're going to make someone very happy" it comes off as condescending even if it's true. It's like being patted on the head. I kind of think in my head, "Nah. I'm probably not going to. But it would be nice to find someone who just hid the fact that I am kind of a pain in the ass from me for awhile. Better luck to me next time.":) Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I also prefer blunt to "being nice". Treat it like a bandage -- rip it right off! Link to post Share on other sites
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