What is going through her mind?

[drcin]

Hi everyone,

New here, really need to share this and possibly get some advice. I will try to keep it short.

 

Met a girl six months ago, we connected instantly. Things started with casual sex and slowly she started to open up to me emotionally. She shared personal stuff with me which is not easy for her and we were really good friends.

 

I started to have feelings for her after 4 months and I told her, she had a bad breakup before and had feelings for someone else so she did not commit. She understood my emotions and I understood her point and kept things as usual.

 

Recently things started to get more intense, I was doing all the romantic things for her and I could feel she was also starting to like me. Although she had feelings for someone else, she knew and she told me things with the other person won't work out ever.

 

About a month ago, I said something when I was drunk and she took it to her heart. she said she needed some time off. I respected it and gave her space. She meets me after two days break and tells me that she likes me and cries a little. She said although she has forgiven me for what I did, things will never be like before. I tried to convince her that let's talk and meet like before and I will try my best to make her feel comfortable again so that things can get back to normal.

 

She doesn't text me for two days, I text her and she is being so cold and heartless. She is suggesting that we just be friends. I said we used to meet everyday and had such a good communication and now she is not even treating me like a good friend. She just said I have to lower my expectations and then conversation turned into an argument.

 

I didn't contact her for two weeks, she then texts me and asks to meet. I met her and it was a really good meeting. She was sharing personal stuff with me like before and even brought talking about 'us' on her own. I tried to keep things light so I didn't ask her too many questions and didn't say anything about us getting back together.

 

But the main points of the conversation were, she said that she has been thinking about me for the past two weeks and things have not been easy fpr her as well. she talked to the other person again and now she knows for sure that there is no scope there. Although, she again said things can't be like before between us.

 

I thought about it, since the other person was out of picture I will give it another try. I ask her to meet me again. I try to convince her to get back together, reminding her of all the good times. she said she still likes me and would be happy if we can stay friends but things can't be like before. We have been intimate so many times before and now just hugging her and kissing on cheeks makes her uncomfortable. I realized that there is no chance of us getting back together but I couldn't stay friends with her either. I tell her we should stop seeing each other. I was heartbroken but I knew I needed to move on and get rid of my feelings for her to stay just friends.

 

In my mind I wanted to take a few months break and then contact her again to be friends. We were still friends on fb and everything, just not contacting each other. I wanted her to be a part of my life and thought being in touch over fb would be the best way.

 

Things are going okay, I didn't even text her or call her for 4 days after we said goodbye. Tonight I was checking her fb and noticed that she has restricted me on fb. I can't see all of her posts and pics. I tried to call her to ask her what the hell happened but the call didn't go through. (she blocked my number as well). But the funny thing is, I hardly called or messaged her on fb. we used to talk on whatsapp 99% of the time and she didn't block me on it. So I send her few msgs on whatsapp, just casual messages to see what's going on. But she didn't even reply. I just can't understand how can I lose all the importance in her life, especially when we ended things on a good note? It just breaks my heart and makes me so sad to think that she will not be a part of my life anymore. I sent some messages which said just this and again she read them but didn't reply.

 

I have no clue what is she thinking. How can she be so heartless and cold? Or is it because she misses me and wants to move on as well?

[badpenny]

What precisely goes through a person's mind is unfathomable, but one thing is clear: Your persistence isn't paying off - it's Pi$$ing her off.

 

She's tried to let you down gently, but you wouldn't accept that, so now she's making her wishes more forceful.

Please take the hint: She doesn't want you in her life.

It's over, and she is cutting contact.

 

You need to accept this, because what IS clearly going through her mind is that she has made you history, and your attentions are not welcome.

[redglass]

In the end, it didn't matter that her first choice rejected her. The sad fact is , she didn't want to be with you, I'm sorry to say. I truly know how much it hurts and how it plays on your mind.

 

Your last meeting may have gone well, but it is pretty clear from her actions that she saw it as a final goodbye. She has blocked you because she wants to move on. She's doing you a favour by not replying, as much as it hurts right now.

 

I realise you thought it was promising that her first choice didn't want to be with her, but unfortunately that didn't make any difference when it came to your relationship. I suspect that, while you saw it as a opportunity to try to get her back, she was still chasing the guy who rejected her. She was/is probably as hopeful for a better outcome with him as you were with her.

 

You can't force her to be in contact with you. Her silence gives you the chance to start moving on. Start by deleting her on Facebook and delete her number. - staring at an empty page and a silent phone isn't going to help. Good luck.

Edited March 5, 2015 by redglass

[Arieswoman]

drcin,

I'm sorry, there is no easy way to tell you this but it's over.

 

I started to have feelings for her after 4 months and I told her, she had a bad breakup before and had feelings for someone else so she did not commit. She understood my emotions and I understood her point and kept things as usual.

 

Recently things started to get more intense, I was doing all the romantic things for her and I could feel she was also starting to like me. Although she had feelings for someone else, she knew and she told me things with the other person won't work out ever.

 

^^^^ read what you wrote.

 

You knew this girls wasn't over the other person because she told you so, but you continued with the relationship. You allowed her to have you as an option.

 

You need to learn from this that ;-

 

1. Never make someone a priority if you are only their option.

2. Don't invest emotionally in someone who won't meet you half-way.

 

You want someone who's really into you and can invest in the relationship in equal ways to you.

 

My advice is to stop moping over this girl was was only half-hearted about you and start looking for that wonderful girl you deserve.

 

I'm sorry it didn't work out. x

[drcin]

Thanks guys,

 

This is incredibly heartbreaking and tough for me. I knew she never felt the same but I thought it was worth a shot.

 

In the end I accepted it and was moving on. She herself wanted ti stay friends and now she blocked me and won't even talk.

 

It is so painful to think that she is gone from my life forever and all that time and memories we share meant nothing to her.

[sabd]

I'm sorry you're going through this drcin but it's really obvious that she doesn't want any kind of relationship with you.

Best to respect her wishes and the fact that there's nothing left.

Going No Contact will give you the head space you need to to get over her and move on.

[badpenny]

Thanks guys,

...

It is so painful to think that she is gone from my life forever and all that time and memories we share meant nothing to her.

 

Actually, you don't know that for sure.

 

However, what I can tell you, from my own experience is that, the more you persist, insist, pester and keep badgering her, any good memories will be wiped out and pale into insignificance, in comparison to the way you are making her feel about you now.

 

To have proposed friendship was foolish, because you can never have a mere 'friendship' with someone who is still head over heels in love with you. It ignites false hope and keeps the painful embers burning.

 

Friendship?

With someone you love?

When it's not given back?

 

Can't be done.

 

I doubt it means nothing to her, but sadly, this is teaching her to NOT leave doors open, and not be so welcoming with her post-relationship friendship.

 

This is showing her 'the error of her ways'.

 

Hopefully, it's also teaching you that the best way ever to garner some kind of possibility of trying again, is to back off completely, fall off their radar and never look too keen or eager.... That's a bad move and puts you in the 'needy/clingy' category.

 

And that's a bad light to be seen in.

[mightycpa]

I said something when I was drunk and she took it to her heart....I have no clue what is she thinking. How can she be so heartless and cold? Or is it because she misses me and wants to move on as well?

You made the drunk speech of truth. Whatever you said, you let the genie out of the bottle and it must have been both convincing and unwelcome. She can't pretend you didn't say it and she doesn't want anything to do with you because of it.

 

That's what she's thinking.

[Chi townD]

Okay, she calls you up after two weeks to talk. You agree. You get together and she tells you that she was thinking about you throughout the two weeks; yet, she also informed you that she was speaking to this other person. Why would she need to speak to this other person if you were on her mind 24/7.

 

\One of two things. She either decided that she's done and needs to move on with her life; therefore, she needs to remove all temptation of you. OR! She went back to this "other person" and has blocked you so you do see something your not supposed to see. Thus, making her look like a hypocrite.

Edited March 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[drcin]

So she replied back, she said she restricted me on fb because she wanted to give me space to move on and me following her life won't help.

 

Also, I met a mutual friend and talked about her since I needed someone to talk to. She took it as invasion of her space. We kinda had an argument about how restricting me on fb was a big deal for me because I wanted to stay in touch and some things from past.

 

I unfriended her and all the mutual friends on fb and told her I won't bother her or her friends again. Her last reply was 'ok'.

 

At this point, I can't help but think whether we will ever be friends again? Maybe she will text me in a few months? or are we done for good?

[Chi townD]

Well, she chose to end things. Her choice was to have you out of her life, therefore give her what she wants.

 

 

Plus, it would be difficult for you to remain friends with her if you have any shred of romantic feelings for her. You run the possibility o filling yourself up with false hope.

 

 

I hate to say it, but perhaps this is for the best.

 

 

Time to heal up and move on with your life.

[quattrob]

So she replied back, she said she restricted me on fb because she wanted to give me space to move on and me following her life won't help.

 

Also, I met a mutual friend and talked about her since I needed someone to talk to. She took it as invasion of her space. We kinda had an argument about how restricting me on fb was a big deal for me because I wanted to stay in touch and some things from past.

 

I unfriended her and all the mutual friends on fb and told her I won't bother her or her friends again. Her last reply was 'ok'.

 

At this point, I can't help but think whether we will ever be friends again? Maybe she will text me in a few months? or are we done for good?

 

 

No idea why you would want to stay friends when you're still so heads over heels for this girl. This will never work. You need to move on and get to the point where you are indifferent about her and then you can be friends with her if you want to keep her in your life. Even though I have no idea why you would, it seems more of a headache than anything to have someone who doesn't appreciate you as a person to be in your life.

 

 

There are so many people out there that would make you feel so much more happy than her trust me. You are holding on to the past, it's good to keep the memories but not live in it.

 

 

Until you can get to the point where you truly can be friends, and can be OK with her seeing other guys that it wouldn't hurt you, you aren't ready to be friends until that happens.

[drcin]

Thanks Guys,

 

I have accepted this and started my path to move on.

 

It's so interesting to look at things we do and how we react when we are in love. I never thought I will fall this much for someone, this was my first time and even though I knew I might get hurt I indulged myself completely in it. Never again.

 

I diminished my self respect by sending those emotional texts, asking her to reply, writing letter. All for what? I have ridiculed myself in her and my own eyes and our mutual friends who are closer to her must be laughing at me. Feeling pity for me and what not. Amazed by how much emotions control our actions. Be strong everyone and don't let your self respect go away ever.