LittleShamrock Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Together just shy of 2 years. He was by all appearances a loving and devoted partner. Always treated me incredibly well. Did both little & big things to show me his love. I thought I had finally gotten everything right with this relationship. Turns out he has been using online dating & hookup sites for at least the past year. I did not have a clue, & that freaks me out. He says he never actually followed through and had sex with any of them. He said he found it to be "exciting". I was blindsided. I was using his ipod & saw his inbox was full of mail from dating/hookup sites. Something didn't seem right. There were too many of them for it to just be spam mail. So I read through some of them, even though I know it was an invasion of privacy. It was heartbreaking to read his interactions with other women. I am overwhelmed with sadness & struggling just to make it through each day. I have to fight the urge to call or text him, & that makes me mad at myself. I miss him &"us" terribly. It's been 13 days NC. Per my last contact with him, he just seems angry. Angry at himself for doing it, & I think angry at me for reading his mail. I wish I could shift into being angry. I think it would be easier to handle than all of this grief. Thanks for listening! Link to post Share on other sites
HBK3317 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hang in there girl... That's all I can say... Just be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
ZiggyZoo Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Good job on sticking with the NC! It can be one of the hardest things you'll ever do, but also one of the best for you. And don't worry, anger is coming...I'm there now, and it presents its own challenges to maintain NC. Instead of begging for him to come back, now I'm struggling not to call him up and tell him EXACTLY what I think of him. But I'd rather be angry then sad. But yep, hang in there! This too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
redglass Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Sorry to hear this has happened to you. That is unforgivable and you should never, ever talk to this man again. If you feel tempted to contact him, please, please try to remember what you read. Write it down, even. This guy is not worth it. I don't suppose you saved any of the messages? If you feel like you're about to break NC, talk to one of your very good friends about what happened and allow them to distract you. This definitely helped me when I broke-up with a long-term boyfriend who had been emotionally cheating (if not physically) for months before I found out. Link to post Share on other sites
Ganz7 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) Yep, same thing happened to me about 4 years ago (she left me 5 months ago). I got suspicious when she was online for hours and whenever I walked in always logged out. I installed a key logger and got to find out she had registered with an online dating site and even put photos of herself on them. Clearly, I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted but does that excuse her doing this? Maybe. She was also chatting to other men on her facebook page. I wasn't sure how to take this and saw it as a cry for attention so didn't interrogate her anymore than asking her about it. I even found, later, in the PC that she had taken a photo of herself in underwear, presumably for the dating website. She never did use my PC again after I asked her about it. Around 4 years later (5 months ago) she left me for another guy. Regardless of the reason, you just cannot trust someone who secretly is unfaithful to you. I'm NC for over 4 months (as first three weeks she told me she was staying at a friends when she had actually moved in with her new bf who she had been seeing for months). Stick with NC. It does work but you will have relapses from time to time. I too am at the angry stage but I feel a lot better than I was during Oct-Dec. In a way he betrayed you. Remind yourself of this. My mistake was that i let my standards slip and let her stay with me for another 4 years. In the end she left me. I started going out every night to see friends or do something. I was exhausted after three months but I needed to do that. Posting and talking to people on here also really helped. I'm grateful I found LS. For the first month I was dealing with it on my own and it was tough! There are good people out there that deserve you. If you can see the end of the week and you being there that's good isn't it? Take each week as it comes. Edited March 4, 2015 by Ganz7 Link to post Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 yeah hang in there. a loving boyfriend does not need something like this in his life for excitement. He may not have gone through with it and physiclally cheated on you but this is pretty much emotionally cheating. the fact that he needed to interact with other girls while having the love of his life with him says that he is capable of cheating. You should be the only girl he ever things any of those things with. This is the hard part letting him go because obviously you have all your heart invested in him. if he texts, ignore it. dont let him be one of those guys that walk all over you. if you take him back, he will hurt you in the future. you deserve someone that will treat you like a queen and never ever look at other girls.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LittleShamrock Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thanks so much to all of you for your kind words & support! It helps knowing there are other folks out there who understand what this feels like. Link to post Share on other sites
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