chipper Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hi, So I was dumped 2.5 weeks ago (the day after valentines day haha) after being together with my bf for almost 4 years. Im still a little unsure of his reasoning, but basically I think he broke up with because he felt he couldn't be intimate with me anymore and felt as if we were just best friends. That part was extremely painful for me to hear. When we left each other he said feel free to contact me if you need anything. Initially I thought I would wait a week then try to get answers about why things ended etc. But as the days went on, I began to realize that the answers he gave me wouldn't give me closure and I also didn't want to give him the satisfaction of reaching out first. Anyway I decided against making contact. I did not contact him for two weeks and he did not contact me. Although last sunday he texted me congratulating me on a big accomplishment that he has seen in the newspaper and wishing me well. I waited a day to respond and then simply said "thanks, take care" I felt as if I had to respond to show that I wasn't so damaged by him, but I also made it clear that I did not want to engage in conversation. Is that ok? As tough as it is to just completely lose someone from your life that was such a big part of it, I continue to remind myself that if he wanted to stay, he'd still be there. I have really good days where I feel empowered and better off without him, but then I have tough days as well where I cant sleep and I cry at night. I know I do not want to win him back! But I hope one day he regrets his decision, just so he can feel the pain that I am feeling (I know it sounds childish) I do wonder what do I do next? Should I block him on facebook? Do I return his stuff? He has a lot of my stuff as well that I would like back, but I dont want to see him or even ask for it back. Its tough because I do think we can be friends way down the road, like when Im completely over him and preferably happy with another guy. The plus is he is only in my city for 1 more month then he leaves for 8, so hopefully by the time he returns I will be over him or atleast well on my way. Im just not sure what to do now? Link to post Share on other sites
dave_1966 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I was dumped by my girlfriend a week before you. (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/517962-10-years-together-new-house-then) I would check out the following guide, which is excellent. http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/ I am also surrounded by my exes stuff, which I intend to box up myself rather than let her in my house. A friend or man and van can collect it for her. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 .... I do wonder what do I do next? Should I block him on facebook? Yes, completely. Do I return his stuff? He has a lot of my stuff as well that I would like back, but I dont want to see him or even ask for it back. Advise you follow dave_1966's example: Box it up, and ask a mutual freind to take it over to him. Its tough because I do think we can be friends way down the road, like when Im completely over him and preferably happy with another guy. Possibly. But by then, you may not even be in the mood for that level of friendliness. I say, leave it ll behind, as history. Of what possibly practical use could it be to 'just be friends' down the line? The plus is he is only in my city for 1 more month then he leaves for 8, so hopefully by the time he returns I will be over him or atleast well on my way. Im just not sure what to do now? You remember what you were doing before you met him? Living a normal life, going out, socialising, having fun with buddies, working, ya know... day-to-day stuff? Do that. You're free, single and your own agent. Do whatever you want to do. Put nothing on hold. Link to post Share on other sites
sabd Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hey chipper, sorry you're going through this. I'd follow Dave's plan - box his stuff up and get a friend to drop it off at his place and collect your things at the same time. Best to maintain No Contact to give yourself time and space to heal so that means blocking him on Facebook and everywhere else - just remove the temptation to check up on him so you are free to move on as painlessly as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Elsa281 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 (edited) It is a really good sign, in my opinion, that you have days in which you feel good and empowered, and its only been a couple of weeks since the breakup. It is also a good sign that you are letting yourself feel the pain, which means you are not in denial. It will get better with time, as long as you are honest with yourself. Having said that, if one of you still has the other one's belongings, it can hinder your progress. Think about it, do you secretly fantasize about meeting him to take back your stuff, and that he'll see you are happy without him, and will try to get back with you? If you have a secret agenda, it can hurt you. It can also help you reconcile in the future on the other hand (that's how my ex and I got back together after our first breakup, he came to bring me my stuff). Take those possibilities for consideration... Good luck, I hope you'll really be over him by the time you see him again. Edited March 4, 2015 by Elsa281 Link to post Share on other sites
1040 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I think you should not have answered his text. Let him twist in the wind. Keep up the NC. Other advice here looks sound. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chipper Posted March 4, 2015 Author Share Posted March 4, 2015 Hey everyone, Thanks for the help! Dave that breakup guide is great and I hope you are doing ok. I have decided to block and delete him on facebook because I know that I will be tempted to look at photos and recently added friends and it will only make me miserable. I have packed up all his stuff and I am fine dropping it off at his place when I know he is not at home. I am just concerned that if I do not acknowledge that I have done this and ask for my stuff back he will hold onto it so I have to contact him. (He did this last time we took a break, and he even told me "I kept it so you'd have to keep in contact with me" I just want to send a message saying "Ive dropped your stuff off at your place and I was hoping you could do the same for me. thanks" any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 What if instead of making contact, you have a friend do a swap for you? Let the friend arrange the meet, bring his boxes, take your boxes back to you. That way you don't have to worry about leaving things unattended for long periods of time. As to the friend, a nice looking athlete is always a good choice, if you know any of those. Link to post Share on other sites
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