xinaxxsdertf Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 so for a quick overview, she broke up with me about 2 weeks ago because our arguing was making her hurt and cry too much. we still talked and met up etc and then 8 days ago from now i texted her telling her how i feel about her and I want her back. I said i hope one day she messages me and says she misses me but im going to leave her alone now because I dont want to hurt her further. well she didnt reply so i went into NC. it was a hard hard week for me but on the 6th day of NC she texted me saying 'hope youve been okay' so i replied 'ive been good thanks hope all is well'. she then replied 'been ok, miss you, im proud of you'. I didnt reply to that even though everything in me wanted to say i miss you too. well im now on day 8 of no contact and i didnt end up doing too much today and boy do i miss her right now. ever since she texted me, thats all i can think about is her saying she misses me. i was thinking that maybe i should text her now? maybe just text her and say "was hanging with my niece today, she was asking where you are. it made me think of you". or something along those lines? me and her use to always babysit my 4 year old niece together and she absolutely loved her, she use to always ask where my ex was when she wasnt around. i just think by the calmness and the way she texted me 2 days ago, showed that she tried to reach to me. is this text okay or do you think i should not send anything at all? this was the longest ive ever not talked to her for 2 and a half years. is it a bad idea? i just miss her but obviously i wont come off needy or look like im trying to reconcile with her. just want to show her that i can reach out too and she is still important to me (she always felt like i would choose my friends over her). thanks in advance for any advice/help Link to post Share on other sites
towardthefuture Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hells nah. When I look back at my breakup, I had similar thoughts as you're having. I wish I hadn't broke nc at these early periods. If you contact her now, she's just going to be annoyed because dumpers wrap their hearts in ice and displace all the blame on the relationship's failure onto you until you're gone for a while. Plus you'll set back your healing. Just don't. Especially not with that message, it just screams "I don't accept reality and you're still my focus" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 but i do think it will get a smile out of her if i send her a text. she always thinks that i just move on so easily. so it would show her i do still care for her. i really want to send her a text just to let her know i do think of her sometimes and our 2 and a half years together isnt forgotten just like that. or does this sound absurd and am I having a moment of weakness and letting it get to me? i nearly just sent it but if i can get a few different peoples view on this to help me decide whether to text her or not. all in all, shes a really nice girl and i imagine it was hard for her to text me 2 days ago but she did it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 So she misses you.... so what? You'd be a fool to think that this means she wants you back. You should wait until she says that before you respond. If she doesn't ever say that, then what difference does it make to you whether she misses you or not? In the end, you're still apart, and that is the reality that you need to accept. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sabd Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Don't reply to her texts. No Contact means No Contact. Unless she says "I want you back", just delete and ignore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
marcelo.santos Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 don't break NC - move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 alright thats enough people saying dont break NC so i chose not to text her. coincidence that i was thinking of texting her though, she ended up texting me saying how are you? i havent responded and dont plan on responding. but thats twice that she has texted me now, what do you guys make of this? what do you think are her intentions of asking how i am. i think its a pretty dull text to be honest like what did she expect to get as a response? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sabd Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Who knows? Maybe she's trying to make herself feel better. You shouldn't care. Get on with your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 alright thats enough people saying dont break NC so i chose not to text her. coincidence that i was thinking of texting her though, she ended up texting me saying how are you? i havent responded and dont plan on responding. but thats twice that she has texted me now, what do you guys make of this? what do you think are her intentions of asking how i am. i think its a pretty dull text to be honest like what did she expect to get as a response? No coincidence -- just the WEEKEND. She was probably feeling bored/lonely and second-guessing herself. "How are you doing?" is a far cry from "Let's get back together".... but notice how she could've easily texted those 4 words instead -- but didn't. Keep up with the NC. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know -- and you won't have to guess at what she means! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 I think you hit that nail on the head ruby. Im tired of beating around the bush and trying to figure out what her intentions are. She dumps me then thinks she can just randomly start texting me like a friend? And it took her nearly a week to even see how im doing and feeling? She doesnt truly care how i feel otherwise she wouldve made sure i was okay in the first few days. I think its obvious that this is about her. I dont know if shes doing it to make herself feel better or less guilty or she misses me and cant handle the NC but i wont gain anything out of replying other than hope that has the potential to set me right back where i started. Its only been 9 days NC now and i still miss her but i have come a long way and im proud of myself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sabd Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 i wont gain anything out of replying other than hope that has the potential to set me right back where i started. YES!! You have it exactly right. Remember this ... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 YES!! You have it exactly right. Remember this ... thought i would bump this thread back into action. funny because she ended up texting me again, we met up. kissed, cuddled, she cried and said how much she misses me. And then i dont hear from her again, so i gave her that ego boost she was looking for, she felt better and was able to move on. I saw her in a club, she was happy as f*** and i went up to her, her friend pulled her away from me and she allowed her to do it, didnt even give a s*** about me. All in all, lessons learnt. Go NC, stay NC and dont break it for anything. gave my ex her ego boost and now shes fine. and im stuck back at square 1 struggling again on day 1 of NC. this time i blocked her number, blocked her facebook and i let her know that i was blocking her too. she didnt even really care. why f*** me around, why me? i had all this false hope too. how can somebody be so cruel and not even think about the damage they are doing to someone? i really thought i knew this girl better than anyone, but she has changed so crazily after this break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 on the 6th day of NC she texted me saying blah-blah-blah well im now on day 8 of no contact Are you really on the 8th day of NC? Or the 2nd day of NC and the 8th day since first NC? The clock restarts every time you make contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 16, 2015 Author Share Posted March 16, 2015 Are you really on the 8th day of NC? Or the 2nd day of NC and the 8th day since first NC? The clock restarts every time you make contact. yea im now on day 1 of NC. I think i got up to like day 12 of NC then we started talking again. the difference now is that i was using NC to get her back. But now that i see that has failed, im now using it to heal and move on i miss her so much though. But i blocked her number and fb now and dont intend on unblocking them :'( this is going to be the hardest time of my life i think.. the real struggle is trying to get over someone you thought was the 'one'. I'll just take day by day. i got a big concert coming up in 2 months that im going to with my friends. so thats something to look forward to, so i might just train and save for now and stop going clubbing so atleast i have a good weekend to look forward to, can save lots of money for it and can train hardout for 2 months straight and get the results i want to see 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted March 16, 2015 Share Posted March 16, 2015 yea im now on day 1 of NC. I think i got up to like day 12 of NC then we started talking again. the difference now is that i was using NC to get her back. But now that i see that has failed, im now using it to heal and move on i miss her so much though. But i blocked her number and fb now and dont intend on unblocking them :'( this is going to be the hardest time of my life i think.. the real struggle is trying to get over someone you thought was the 'one'. I'll just take day by day. i got a big concert coming up in 2 months that im going to with my friends. so thats something to look forward to, so i might just train and save for now and stop going clubbing so atleast i have a good weekend to look forward to, can save lots of money for it and can train hardout for 2 months straight and get the results i want to see There you go! Atta pepper! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lorelai Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 this was the longest ive ever not talked to her for 2 and a half years. is it a bad idea? i just miss her but obviously i wont come off needy or look like im trying to reconcile with her. just want to show her that i can reach out too and she is still important to me (she always felt like i would choose my friends over her). thanks in advance for any advice/help Hon, really, it's way too soon to consider trying to be in her life again -- especially if you want to be her friend later on. If you keep picking at the wound it's not going to heal. Because ... you can't "reach out too" right now. You may wish you could, but it's obvious that you can't. And that's totally, perfectly normal. If you feel you absolutely *must* explain your distance, just say something like: "I don't hate you or anything, but the only way we'll ever be able to be friends is if we spend some time apart first. Until I contact you, please don't contact me unless you want to patch things up (and are serious about it). When I'm ready to be friends, I'll reach out. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best of luck. Bye." And then mean it -- don't reach out to her until you are sure you could handle attending her wedding to another guy and not be hurt or jealous but instead happy that she's happy. And with a relationship that lasted 2.5 years, it will likely be over a year before you are able to do that. (That's really the test of whether you can be "just friends" -- if you can handle them being with another person. Because if you do become just their friend, you'll have to be able to handle that.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xinaxxsdertf Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 Hon, really, it's way too soon to consider trying to be in her life again -- especially if you want to be her friend later on. If you keep picking at the wound it's not going to heal. Because ... you can't "reach out too" right now. You may wish you could, but it's obvious that you can't. And that's totally, perfectly normal. If you feel you absolutely *must* explain your distance, just say something like: "I don't hate you or anything, but the only way we'll ever be able to be friends is if we spend some time apart first. Until I contact you, please don't contact me unless you want to patch things up (and are serious about it). When I'm ready to be friends, I'll reach out. Take care of yourself and I wish you the best of luck. Bye." And then mean it -- don't reach out to her until you are sure you could handle attending her wedding to another guy and not be hurt or jealous but instead happy that she's happy. And with a relationship that lasted 2.5 years, it will likely be over a year before you are able to do that. (That's really the test of whether you can be "just friends" -- if you can handle them being with another person. Because if you do become just their friend, you'll have to be able to handle that.) if only you were here to give me that advice a few days ago lol. I already screwed it up after I bumped into her in a club.. oh well today I blocked her and told her it has to be done for me to be able to move on. I still love her but ive now come to grips with reality and any sort of contact ive had with her has just hurt me in the end. so yeah NC is my only option and I definitely wont be friends with her in the future lol. I wanted her as my girl or nothing at all. I guess I had to eat my own words and ended up with nothing. but I don't care, I love her so I cant be friends with her anyway. I would get jealous and mad if I ever saw her with a guy. I cant wait till the day comes where im happy for her instead of upset. but yeah that's a long long road away Link to post Share on other sites
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